Friday, April 29, 2011

They can dish it out, but they won't take it.

This Post was inspired by my Friends at WON and all the People who battle their way out of the KoN, heal from the KoN, discover we are a Person of Worth, that our Life has value, and that we deserve better than what any N can dish out.

The first step is to identify and accept the N's actions are toxic, harmful, dangereous, and eventually we realize that they are evil. Was this hurtful event a one time occurance, or is it a repeat pattern or habit? Has it happened more than once? If it has happened more than once, there is a lack of Empathy. If someone Truly cared about us, then would not reoffend, because they highly value us & the Relationship with us and the N would not want to hurt or destroy and lose the Relationship, the N would not want to lose us. Does the N treat others better? Does the N attack his/her Boss or Co-workers, Friends, Neigbors, other Family Members the way s/he attacks me? Why not? The N has complete awareness & control of who s/he attacks. The N's attacks are Victim Specific. For more about that, Click Here. When we are in a Toxic Relationship there are many things to discover. Some have to do with the N, but other things have to do with us. The greatest one for me was the Fear of Finding the Truth vs the Comfort of staying in Denial about the N and our Toxic Relationship. I spent the last 20 years Despirately Dancing with the Disordered. Do you feel like Alice in Wonderland who is looking into the Rabbit Hole, wondering whether or not you should venture in and hesistant, reluctant, or even a bit fearful of what you might find? Do you have internal conflict between staying where you are or venturing forward & wanting to find out more, yet you are worried about what you might find? Still there is this desire to find out more. If this is you I say Jump Alice Jump! Perhaps you are feeling more like Neo from the Movie, The Mattrix, you have just became aware that things don't seem to be what they appear, something is wrong, something is unsettling, something is off, but you are not quite sure what it is and why your relationship is not enjoyable, not working out, there is conflict & choas, mistrust, lack of Security & Peace, yet there are times were things are Good and you are Happy, so there is confusion. Is this a Healthy or Toxic Relationship, Good or Bad Relationship? Which is it? How do I decide? How do I know which choice to make? This is what I referred to as My Mattrix Moment, Click Here. You do not have to make a final decision right now. I would recommend keeping a Journal to record the AHA & WOW Moments, and any Revelationships you have about the N, yourself, and your Relationship. A Huge Giant I Battled along my Journey was Cognitive Dissonance, just a psychology term for Confusion due to two competing ideas, basically is the N Toxic or Not. And if the N is Toxic can the N be helped and Change and be come Healthy?

The two questions to ask, Is the N Healthy or Toxic to me? It does not matter if others think the N is a Good Person, maybe the N is Good to them, that is possible. Is the N Healthy or Toxic to you and/or your Children if you have any? Maybe the N is not harmful to you as much as someone you love, your Children, your Siblings, or your Parent, or your Friend. Then you must ask yourself, is witnessing the N hurt others Toxic to me?

Have you ever wondered, How are these hurtful & evil actions created? It comes from an toxic, twisted, pathological, evil Mind & Heart. What we think & feel we do. Being mean, hurtful, and evil makes Ns feel good. I know this sounds like Science Fiction, and this can't possibly be True. Check out:

Is your N a Mass Murderer or Serial Murderer? Well not in the Physical Sense, but definately in the Spiritual Sense. These Ns are Mass Serial Soul Murderers. What is the Penalty of a Soul Murder? What is the punishment for the N or P who damages or destroys their Victim's Quality of Life? What punishment do they get for destroying the person their Victims were created to be? Our Society has no punishment for these crimes. They get away with a Soul Murder. Even if a N or P serves time, it does not make up for what they have done to their Victims. They can not replace of give back what was stolen or destroyed. They can not heal the damage they caused, but God can. God can heal us through Trained Professionals, Friends, and most importantly through a personal relationship w/Jesus. Complete Healing can take place where only the henious memory of what the Ns or Ps have done remain. And these Memories no longer have the devasting power to haunt us. The pain of the past can become our BackStory. It does not define who we are Today.

Many People wonder if Ns and Ps are really truely Evil? I guess that depends on how you personally define Evil. What or Who are you comparing the N you N-countered to? Are you comparing the N against the worst Evil Being you ever heard of and then the N is "not at all that bad" or are you comparing the N to the Best Person you know and in that comparison the N is Harmful, Dangerous, Horrible & Evil. We can not compare Evil to Evil, because then we can easily come to the Wrong Conclusion, that "the N is not all that bad". We have to remind ourselves that we were created to have the Fulness of Life and even an Abundant Life filled with Joy, Hope, Peace, Passion, Safty, Security, etc and we are not to settle for anything else that would contaminate, damage, or destroy our Quality of Life. It is only when we begin to value Life and value our Life that anyone who seeks out to contaminate, damage or destroy it is a person who can be identified as Evil as an Enemy to our Self. My Quality of Life is directly related to how well I can identity Healthy vs Toxic, Helpful vs. Harmful, Normal vs. Narcissistic and Good vs Evil. Again it is how we establish what is Toxic, Harmul, Dangeous, and Evil, by what Standard we have of Heathly, Helpful, and Good. If you were born and raised in a KoN whether it was as severe as the one I was in or "not that bad" and People hurt you without lifting a finger, but the result in both KoN is that we grew up to be People who did not know our Value and Worth and therefore we settled, because we didn't realize there was Better or that we didn't deserve Better. Part of our Journey then included educating ourselves about Toxic & Counterfeit Love vs Healthy & Authentic Love. How do you know which kind you have in your Relationship? Here is some information to check out;

When we lower our Standard, then we get hurt, and we wonder why we keep getting hurt? The Truth is our Standards are too Low. We settle. We compromise. And we pay the price. We compare the N to greater Evil, perhaps an Evil we grew up with, or one that we heard of and our thought processes go as followed; the N is (Not Nearly) that bad, (Not at All) that bad, the N is Good in comparison (to something worse), and I have something real good with the N (again compared to the Person that is much worse) . Do you see how our own Mind can deceive us and turn something Bad into something Good? We have come to the Wrong Conclusion about the N. Another Reason this Deception occurs is because we Belive the N is a Normal Person, and a Popular Social Cocept or Precept that we are taught is that Normal People are neither Good nor Bad. That we can not classify People into two Cateogories, we can not be Judgemental, and since we are not Perfect we have no right to identify someone as Good or Bad, which deters and even prevent us from discerning or determining whether or not someone is Healthy or Toxic. If we dear show any discernment we are told we are Hypocrits because we are not Perfect and we are being Judgemental. It is just not Politically Correct anymore to have discernment. I can understand how Society can send the Wrong Message to People, but what use to shock me and still deeply concerns me is how the Christians believe this as well when it goes against everything GOD teaches us.

This happened to me just last week. I was talking about how I am in the Process of trying to determine whether or not my Nsis #2 is Damaged or Disordered and whether or not there is Hope to Build a Bridge of Reconcilation. Does she have the desire or materials to build her side. I had spent all of 2 minutes to try explain a 20 year process of discernment and a fellow Chrisitan had said, he had concern that I was making a snap discission like he use to do and judging people and puting them in a box like he use to do. In the process of explaining the difference between what he was doing by making snap decissions and the process of discernment that I was going through for the last 20 years, another Christian berptly interrupted me and she said, that is the same thing, you are judging (implying I am judgemental and not being a Good Christian). Interesting that they would snap to judgment and accuse me of judging when in fact that is EXACTLY what they did to me. Had they took the time to listen they may have realized that my circumstance that has been going on for the past 20 years is not the same as their judgmental situation and "snapping to a conclusion" about someone. Needless to say this created a great divide and I will see if we can build a bridge through understanding & enlightenment or not. If not, I am not sticking around to be further judged by them for having discernment, because that is what GOD teaches us. Christ actually came to bring Separation between the Healthy vs. Toxic People. Are we suppose to have Discernment? Here are some things to check out. I am betting that might surprise you;

In order to have Healthy & Accurate Discernment we must be aware How we are comparing Situations, Relationships, a Person's Behavior & core Personality or Nature, aka Their True Identity. It is a Mind Manipulation that the Advertising World uses to give more value to something than it is actually worth. For example, if they want to sell a product, lets call that item Product (N) and make it stand out in a Good Way from the other choices, then they take the Product (N) and set it with Lesser Quality Products, let's call those Lesser Quality Items Products (D-) and (F) making their Product (N) look real good by comparison, their item takes on a positive value (N+). However, if we take that very same Product (N) and have other Superior Quality Products around it, let's call those Superior Quality Items Products (A) and (B+) making their Product (N-) look real bad by comparison, then the costumer will not select the Product (N-) and see that same Product (N) as Inferior to the rest. The Customer will reject the inferior, Product (N) when s/he can see other superior choices (A) and (B+) available or at least exsist. Same Product (N) it doesn't change only what we compare it to changes the Value of the product in our eyes. Discernment is effected by Association. What is the Quality of our Association. Basically what is the Percentage of Quality People we associate or interact with? Are there more (A) and (B+) or (D-) and (F) People. If you are in the Relationship with a N and your Friends have Ns and D- and F People that the N doesn't seem "As Bad" and seems "Real Good" in comparison. However, if you and N start hanging out with A and B+ People N True Quality & Value is revealed. Of course it all depends upon how you define an A Person. For me it is very basic, Where there is Love there is no abuse and Where there is Abuse there is No Love. A People are Abuse Free People, They can Recipocate Amazing Love, because they have empathy. They are not Perfect People, they make Normal Mistakes, do not cause abuse, and when they make mistakes & error they have Remorse and they don't do that again. They have changed behavior, they are repentant, because their desire is to love not hurt you.

Another example, you and your Siblings are at the reading of your Parent's Last Will and Testiment. All your life you have dreamt about taking a Cruise to your favorite destination, mine would be Hawaii or Italy, but I am not picky, if someone wants to gift me with a Trip, I will enjoy wherever it may be. So imagine, in the Will your Parent knows just how much you have wanted to go to your very favorite destination, let's say Hawaii, and leaves you with funds to fulfill this dream. How awesome is that right! Then you find out that your Sibling was been left his/her Private Island -- now your Trip to Hawaii fails in comparison. This is the reason People why some Nparents will put in their Will that Recipients are informed of what they are given separately. A trip to Hawaii has great value, but when you know that you could have had something more, and should have had something more, and deserved to have something more, what you have you no longer want.

It is how we attribute Value to something. People are not Products. We each have Intrinsic Value. The thing is the N Value is Harmful, Toxic, and Terrible, thus by their True Nature their Value is Nullified, Worth Nothing. This is the Reason why Ns Project. The N Projects his/her Nullified Value onto us, so that we think we have No Value and are Worthless, so that we appreciate the N when it is really that the N is Lesser-Than. The N's KoN gets its power from a Two-Way Projection. The N Projects his/her inferior qualities onto us, and we project our good & great qualities onto the N. The KoN is about Displaced Value & Worth. Check out how Life in the KoN is about a Two-Way Projection.

When we take the N and compare him/her to Loving, Trustworthy, Safe, Honorable, Kind, Empathetic, Healthy, Good People we see the N's true value, just how Harmful, Bad and Evil the N really is stands out. Again our Discernment is based on how we Compare and Contrast the N to others. The Greater the Contrast is achieve by the Quality of People you compare the N to. When the N is with other inferior quality the N either blends in or seems Good in comparison, and we come to the Wrong Conclusion about the N. It is about achieving the Accurate Perspective of the N. People from the KoN say, I never knew HOW bad the N was until I left. It wasn't until we started comparing the N to the Best of what we have Experienced that we realized that the N is the Worst, or at least one of the Worst we have ever personally experienced. It is only when we compare the N to the Best can we discover they are the Worst. Until then we deceive ourselves into thinking, "the N is not that Bad", and is Good, when the N is Terrible and Horrible enough whether or not the N is the Worst, or one of the Worst, or part of the Worst and hanging out on the Worst Team.

The Momster, the Demon Dad, or the Monster who attacked me when I was a Child, They may not be the Worst Ever in the World, but they are Worst Enough, they are Toxic Enough, and they are Evil Enough for me not to want to have anything to do with them. They are the Worst I ever experienced and I deserve better. I do not have to settle for someone from the Worst Team when I have many to choose from the Best Team. The Best is not Perfect, because that is impossible, the Best is the Best Humans can be.

Who are you selecting your Friends from, your Spouse from or Family Members from -- Are you picking the Best from the Worst or the Best from the Best? Maybe you don't think it can get any Better, or you can not get any better, because you grew up with the Worst, and this is the Best that there is, or the Best you can find, or the Best that is available to you, because you think you don't qualify or that you don't deserve any Better, so you settle for one of the Worst, I have been there and felt that same way. I have felt like the Best Selection, or at least one of the Best from the Best Team in Life is only a Fairy Tale, or for the very Lucky who have won the Lotto of Life, but I was wrong. All it takes is (1) educating Self about the Best Qualities (2) training Self to select from the Best instead of the Worst.

Ns are Deceivers and pretend to be the Best, so as soon as they take off their Letterman jacket, that they stole from the Best Team, and reveal the real team that they are playing for, we got to kick them off our Team and tell them to go hang out w/their own kind. We have got to tell the Ns to go back to the Worst Team, because they don't have what it takes to be on the Best Team, the Healthy and Loving Team. This is a Life-Long Process of selecting the Best from the Best. We have to change us not the N, in that we have to change our Selection Process.

We have to change our Game Plan our Patterns and Stop saying "the N is not that Bad" and Realize that the N is Not any Good, or how about Not Good Enough. Even the "Good" things the N does is Bad because s/he does them with the Wrong Intentions & has a Hidden Agenda to manipulate and control by doing Perceivable Good Things. If we had a Healthy Standard to compare the N to we would discover the N does not have what it takes to be on the Best Team. That is what the N does not want us to do, so the N spends all his/her energy making sure we don't feel Good Enough. If we feel that we are not Good Enough, that we don't measure up, then we feel like we have something to prove to be accepted, to be Good Enough and we don't realize that it is Not us that does not qualify, but the N. That is the agenda of the N's KoN when the Truth is The N is Not Good Enough, and in many cases is not Good at all.

When we read Self-Help Books that ask us Am I Good Enough, or Will I Ever Be Good Enough I understand it is helpful to see it from the N's point of view that No we will never be Good Enough for the N, but that thought process is from a person who is stuck in Reactive Mode, the pattern we get into from being in the KoN. We need to become Proactive and ask, Will the N Ever Be Good Enough and much more important, Is the N Good Enough right now, AS IS, because w/Ns the odds are they are going to get worse not better with time, and they are not going to ever Change and ever be Good Enough, because they have No Desire to be what they are not and they deeply despise anyone who tries to help them become what they do not want to become -- which is a Truly Loving Person. Ns don't value Truly Loving People, because they know that by being a N they can use and abuse Loving People. They love the control, power, and manipulation over others too much to give that up and really be an Authentic Loving Person -- they might be able to put on a believeable Act for awhile, but they can not sustain it. Being Good comes Natural to Naturally Good People. It is not something that has to be forced upon us, we just do it. Sure not always perfect, but we desire to be Helpful where Ns desire to be harmful by using and abusing others. Ns are like Toxic Fruit, no matter how hard you try to get those deadly pesticides off, some harmful residue still remains.

The question is not are Ns Harmful, Dangerous, Toxic or Evil the question is, Are they Harmful, Dangerous, Toxic or Evil enough for You? My Nsisters do not see the Momster as Evil, and they do not think she would actually murder a person. To them their defintion of real Evil is limited to a Parent burring his/her Child in the backyard or killing you and dumping you in the ocean or the dumpster. To them the Momster has to actually try or succeed in killing them. As long as the Momster bakes them a Birthday cake she is not evil -- even if she uses rotten eggs.

This is how their thought processes are or their Denial is in regards to an Evil Momster; Poor Momster had no idea the eggs were rotten, not her fault, she only went to the store, looked for the best eggs she could find. The Truth is she actually selected the Worst when there were Healthy ones available to her to choose from just like there are Healthy ones for us to choose & all 3 of the Momster's kids are able to select Healthy ingrediants for our kids when we were given rotten & rancid ones as a Children. The Momster cracked the Rotten Eggs open, saw that they looked and smelled terrible, but thought this will due. I don't want to make the effort or do any more work to find Fresh Healthy Eggs to use and I don't want to invest anything into getting New Fresh Healthy Eggs. So what if my child gets sick and hurt it will just make her stronger, after all I was given rotten eggs. (This was never proven, it wasn't the Best Quality, but it wasn't Rotten, and even if it was, she still had the choice like her 3 kids not to serve her kids Rotten Ingrediants). The Momster believes that these Rotten Eggs will be good for my Child too, so the Momster bakes the cake w/Rotten Eggs. Gives the Beautiful Birthday Cake to her Child knowing very well that Rotten Eggs are Poinsoness and will hurt her Child. The Child gets sick and dies. Having Ns or Ps for Parents kills the Child within us.

An investigation is done and the Professionals conclude that the Child died because the Momster gave her Rotten Eggs. The Momster denies it, says the eggs were perfectly fine, the best quality there is, yet the Professionals show her the facts, and she says well they are good enough the Child was just weak and couldn't handle it. If the Child was stronger she wouldn't have died.

This is how the mind of Ns and Ps work. They Victim Blame and NEVER take responsiblity for anything even when the facts are presented it is NEVER their fault. In the Story above, if I was that dead Child, the Enabling Sisters would agree w/the Momster it was my fault that I was too weak and couldn't handle the Momster's Deadly Birthday Cake. I should be Stronger like them. Even though they know it makes them sick, they will let the Momster make them another Toxic Cake and they will take another and another bit and the Truth is that they even feed some of the crumbs to their own kids thinking that this teeny tiny amount is safe and won't hurt them, they'll live, and they will be stronger because of it.

Now if someone came along and took a nice big slice of that Deadly Birthday Cake and served it to the Momster, Do you think she would take a bite? No way. She will make an excuse or say how dare you give her that, What are you trying to do hurt her? Why would you do such a Horrible thing to her by offering her Deadly Birthday Cake. She can make it, dish it out, but she wont take it. Why not? After all she serves it up to her own kids, Why wont she take it herself? Because she is fully aware and knows it is Bad, Toxic, and Deadly. Ns wont take it, but they will dish it out to us. This proves they are Evil. Normal people will not serve up something deadly knowing that it will hurt others, and a N who thought they were doing something Good and wasn't causing any Harm, then whent the same Rotten thing is done to them they would welcome it, but they don't because they know what they dish out is Bad. Normal People do not willingly dish out Bad stuff, but as CZ says Ns are NOT NORMAL and as Letting Go says because Ns are Evil.

Here is something I wrote about The Climb and No Longer Walking in the N's shoes, Click Here.

Now I want to help others take another step in the climb. The only reason we eat Deadly Birthday Cake is because we have become accustomed to the taste. Sure it is horrible, but we keep on taking another bite. Why? Because sometimes the Deadly Birthday didn't make us deadly sick right away, sometimes we needed another serving at a later date to realize just how bad the N is dishing things out to us. Sometimes we are served and nothing happens, so we keep waiting for a piece of cake that is not going to make us sick. What we have got to do is realizie the N is in the kitchen and sometimes the Deadly Cake is going to make us sick right away and sometimes it is not, sometimes the poison takes time to take affect and hurt us. As long as we are there to keep receiving the Deadly Birthday Cake the N will keep on serving it up to us. We will never get healthy as long as the N is in the kitchen.

When we allow others to serve us, others who really love us, who want to use the Best Ingrediants possible and offer the Best we then discover just how Great Healthy Birthday Cake can be. Can you even Imagine a Healthy Birthday Cake? Healthy Birthday Cake doesn't seem possible right? This Healthy Birthday Cake is actually very nurishing. When you try and share the receipe with the N the N will not use it, because the N enjoys making & dishing out Deadly Birthday Cake. Normal People would serve something better, they would want to do their Very Best to offer the Very Best to the ones they love, but Ns are not Normal they are Evil. They love serving Deadly Birthday Cake, if they didn't they would stop, but they don't, so they won't, stop serving Deadly Cake. We can try, cry, and pray for the N to change, but they wont.

It is not about Changing the N or teaching a N who has no true desire to Change. It is not the N who must Change, but us. We must decide we deserve Healthy Cake. We must have a hunger and desire for it. We have to acquire a taste for Healthy Cake and a disgust & repusion for Toxic Deadly Cake. We need to learn how to sniff out Toxic Deadly Cake and be automatically repulsed that we don't even think for a second that this would be something we would enjoy & not at all be tempted to take a bite. Not even a little taste.

If Mr or Miss Right is not available or present, don't settle for Mr. or Miss Right Now, because they enjoy making & serving up Toxic Cake, Cupcakes, and Cookies that will make you sick.

We must do a complete investigation and make sure there is No N in the Kitchen, that only the Best possible ingrediants are being used, and if the cook reaches out for even one Toxic Thing we don't stick around to see how it all comes out. We leave because we now know what ingredients are Essential for making a Healthy Cake. We don't deceive our Self into thinking that the N is the only one who can bake for us. We don't force our Self to eat Deadly Birthday Cake. We know we are People of Worth who do not deserve to settle for Toxic Cake that is keeping us sick.

Lay that fork down and walk away. Learn to bake for yourself, build your own Kitchen where No Ns are allowed in. When the N comes knocking on your door you don't let him/her in. You don't build the kitchen for him/her. They have to invest their own time and get Professional Help to build their own Kitchen. Then only after the Recommendation of the Professionals, after much training with the Professionals and they can verify that the lower level N knows how and most importantly desires & wants to Bake a Healthy Birthday Cake, and has actually been baking for awhile now and no one is getting sick, the N has tears of True Remorse about serving you Deadly Birthday Cake, then after lots of Prayer and Only if GOD tells you it is safe, only then sit down at the N's kitchen and take a piece of cake. Keep your eyes wide open and make a wish and hope you don't get sick.

Again the question is not, Is the N Evil or Toxic? The question is, Is the N Evil and Toxic Enough for you to be repulsed by him/her?

It is not the Ns standards that we need to worry about, but our own. We have got to stop allowing others to serve us up Toxic Birthday Cake that keeps making us sick. We have got to move, relocate, build that Kitchen with Strong Materials, get the necessary tools we need and learn to bake for ourselves using only the Best Freshest Highest Quality Ingredients because we enjoy and acquired the taste for Healthy Cake, know we deserve the Very Best and will not settle for the Toxic kind. We will not deceive ourselves any longer into thinking a N can create something that s/he has no desire in doing, because they enjoy using Rotten Ingrediants and serving up Toxic Cake that makes us sick. We move and we move some more, we relocate, we don't re-build using Inferior Rotten things we build with Strong Stuff, we bake for ourselves and for those who Authentically Love us and enjoy our baking, and we find Healthy People who bake Healthy Cakes, Cupcakes, and Cookies and enjoying serving it to us, and we hang on our door,
No Ns allowed.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Crucified for Projected Lies

Perhaps you have heard that Jesus Christ was Crucified for our sins -- this is True.

AND did you know that Christ was also Crucified for the Hideous Sins of others that were placed upon Us? Those who abused us, who destroyed the very Image & Identity of Who we really are underneath all their Projected Lies & Sin. All of the Projected Lies, Verbal, Emotional, Psychological, and all types of Physical abuse resulted in a Damaged, and Deeply Wounded Soul.

Our very Identity was barried by the Toxic Person's Projected Lies. Projected Lies that said we are a mistake, a burden, lesser than, not good enough, unimportant, worthless, and unloveable. Lies that we believed about ourselves that killed our Passion and Purpose. These Sins of others killed the Person we should have been, and could have been had they not put their Sins upon us. It is not too late my friend, to be free of the damage of the Projected Lies of other. There is no wound too deep that the Healing Holy Love of GOD can not heal.

Christ loves us sooo very much, and wants to wash us clean of these Filthy Sins of others. Wash them down the drain, and back to hell where they belong. We walk around with the wounds that others caused by their sins. Their sins are not our sins. When we carry the sins of others we are held Captive by the Echos of Abuse that weigh us down, and prevent us from moving forward to discover the wonderful things that GOD has planned for us. Jeremiah 29:11

Every wound we carry holds inside it the Sin of the one who inflicted it upon us. Place that Sin, The Sin of Others at the foot of the Cross. Nail it to the Cross, it does Not belong to You. It is Not our Sin, but the Abuser's. The Sin belongs to the Abusers, it is their's and belongs to Them. Let Jesus release you from it. And by releasing the Sins of others our wounds have the ability to heal, because the deadly infection that prevents healing is now gone.

Christ was Crucified for Healing and Restoration. Our True Self, the one God created us to be is Not Lost forever, and can be Resurrected & Recovered, and Restored through Jesus.

Beloved GOD knows what we have been through, he understands more than any other.

Let's look at how Christ was Tortured & Crucified for our Healing.

First He was Innocent of committing any Crime of any wrong doing.
Have you ever been blamed for something that was not your fault?
Have you been attacked for something you did not do or say?

Jesus has felt your pain.

Have you ever been isolated, rejected, and alienated by the ones you love?

Jesus knows your pain.

Have you been repeatedly tortured verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically to the point that it has deeply wounded you, damaged you, devastated you, and destroyed you, until you feel like you have no life left?

Jesus knows your pain.

These are Verifiable and Undeniable Facts:

Christ had thorns stabbed & violently forced into His Head.

His Head was tortured, so that ours could be Healed, and Set Free from what tortures us.
Has your Mind been tortured from Pain of the Past?
Is your Mind being currently tortured & suffereing from the abuse of Toxic People?

Jesus knows your pain.

His arms were stretched out wide, because His heart is open wide, so that ours too can be open wide, and deeply feel Amazing Holy Healing Love.

Have you ever felt afraid to Love or be Loved?
Have you been deeply wounded by others that you prevent Love from getting to the deepest part of your Heart & Soul, and you are unable to feel Amazing Joy?
Do you block yourself off from others in fear that if you are vulnerable they will use and abuse you like others have done?
Is there a wall or barrier that only allows people to get so close? Close enough to be friendly, but not close enough to find out what is going on in our life?
Have you been burned by others, and are afraid you will be burned again?

Christ's hands were nailed, and His feet were nailed preventing Him to Move, or to do anything.
Have you ever felt like you were stuck, and unable to Move, or get away from those who are causing you harm? Have you felt stuck in your situation and unable to move? Is there something holding you back, but you are unsure what it is, and afraid to look to find out? Do you know that you were called to do more, but you just can't move beyond this point?

Jesus knows your pain.

Has your Life become stagnate?
Have you ever felt like you could not do or say anything right and that the things you do are not Good Enough? That you don't even want to try any more, because things seem to go wrong.
Are you afraid to do something new, because you might fail?
Do you feel helpless to change your situation?
Are you frozen in fear, and feel like you can't move or change your life and you are stuck?

Jesus knows your pain.

Have you ever felt that People don't know who you are? Do you explain over and over and over again and others just don't see what you mean? Do others fail to get it, or recognize what you are trying to say or do for them? Do you feel that others don't understand or appreciate you? Do you feel that others don't respect anything you do or say, no matter how much you sacrifice everything to help them?

Jesus knows your pain.

Have you ever felt that others don't see your Value or Worth? Do you doubt your own Value & Worth? Do you doubt your own Strength? Have you felt alone, dejected, rejected, abandoned & forsaken?

Jesus knows our Pain because He has felt our Pain. He was misunderstood, abused, dejected, rejected, abandoned & forsaken, tortured & crucified, so that we could be Healed, Redeemed, Restored, and Transformed through His Amazing Holy Love.

People have asked me, how is it that I endured and survived all that I did and have the ability to Fully enjoy Life and Freely Love Others and Accept Love from Others?
Where does that Resilience, Courage, Strength, and Love come from?

Rent the Passion of the Christ tonight and you will find out. Watch it and actually see what Jesus went through for each of us. What Amazing Holy Love does for us.

If you ever questioned, like I did, if God loves you, or even how much does God Love You, or for a Wonderful Reminder, give yourself the Blessing of Watching The Passion of the Christ. Even if you have seen it before, or even if you have heard about how this Movie ends, I assure you that knowing the ending is definitely Not a Spoiler. Watch The Passion of the Christ, because you owe it to yourself, it will be a Great Gift to yourself, and you are More than Worth It.

Do not get hung up on who directed the Movie, but enjoy the Movie because it demonstrates just how much
You are Worth.

Christ was Crucified so that we can be Healed, Made Whole, Restored, and even Better than before we suffered all this abuse, and most importantly, so that Captives can be set Free from the Echos of Abuse.

Christ wants to wash away all those horrible Sins of Others that we still carry with us & deep within us. Won't you let Him wash them away? Won't you allow Him to take them away, so that you can once and for all be Totally Free of them? You can be released from the Sins of others. I pray you will allow Jesus to remove the Sins of others that prevent your wounds from healing.

Jesus was deeply wounded so our wounds could heal.

Jesus did not die for Garbage, He gave His very Life for those He Treasures.

You and I are the Reason Jesus paid the Ultimate Price, because He Values us that MUCH.

May this Easter be unlike any other before it. May you receive a Miracle this Easter.
May you have New Life this Resurrection Day.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Journey out of Nothingness

This is more than a Blog Post or Article. It is a Chapter in my Life that I would like to share with you.

God has blessed me with a New Friend, more like a Sister, I always needed, always dreamt about and never had until now. Her name is Amanda and she is an Amazing & Gifted Author. Amanda is that Unique Diamond in the Rough World. I just finished reading her powerful Book, Warrior Women Arise, and It definitely has the WOW Factor. Amanda's Book Inspires, Encourages, and Empowers all Women to better discover their Worth. There is another Unexpected Blessing in store for readers, but I will not spoil it for you and let you discover that yourself.

In Amazing Amanda's Book there is a Chapter called, Facing Your Giants. These Giants are our faceless Enemies that hold us back from discovering our Purpose. Perhaps you have battled some of theses Demons that go by the name of Anxiety, Stress, Confusion, Depression, Rejection, Abandonment, Worthlessness, Fear, Self-Loathing, Despair, and many others who Project so many Lies at us that we get covered in their Deception and lose our own Identity and all sense of Direction. We become Disoriented because we don't know who we are or where we are suppose to be going, only that we need to Battle these Creatures, so that they don't destroy us. We get caught or trapped in the daily Battle of trying to survive their Relentless Attacks.

Have you ever wondered why these Unseen Entities attack us? Other then they are fueled by a Dark energy or source, what is their Primary Goal? They are determined to cause our destruction, but why? Their Primary Goal is to prevent us from Experiencing Amazing & Holy Love. The devil knows from personal experience how awesome God's Love is for us. The devil is envious that we have something available to us that he never experienced. Not even when the devil was a Beautiful Angel in Heaven was he able to experience the Amazing Sanctified Love that is only for us, God's kids. Like w/all Ns the enemy covets the things he envies and can not have, thus he seeks to prevent us from having what has been denied to him. The enemy sends the Unseen Nemesis to battle us and keep us distracted and hopefully wound us so deeply that we don't reach out to God.

During the Battle or after the Battle, we find ourselves in Survivor Mode which is progress from being a Victim, but Is there more than just being a Survivor? Most of us don't even have time to ask ourselves this question because we are so weary from the Battle. In fact we get so very weary from the relentless Battle that we Build an impenetrable "Fortress of Fear" surrounded by various barriers and walls which prevents anything from getting in or out. It shields us from the Pain of Life. Sure we don't feel the full impact of the Pain, but this protection comes at a very high Price, because we also don't feel the full impact or presence of Peace, Joy, Passion, Serenity, or Tranquility. Medicating our Wounds & having a Fortress is to be used for a Season, not a Life-Time. Relying on such things creates a ceiling effect to our Healing Journey. GOD is our Healer and our Fortress and that is how we break the ceiling to our Healing, that is why many refer it to as a Break Through.

Side Note. This is not in any way a slam against medical assistance. When we are deeply wounded we require medical intervention, whether it be a temporary cane or even a crutch, just make sure it does not become a permanent wheelchair, a constant fixture in our Life. I have seen how that can happen and people self-medicate and become addicted to prescription meds that were designed for a temporary use.

Being born and raised in the KoN I had a very limited definition of Love. I thought Love was the absence of Abuse. If Abuse was not present then Love must be, now I know this is Not True. The things we try to rationalize for ourselves in order to protect ourselves from a very painful Reality. The great lengths we go through in order to avoid accepting that someone we Love does not Love us in return. In regards to Toxic, Abusive, and Dysfunctional Relationships, We so desperately want to believe that if there is no Abuse (for awhile or for that day) there is Love. But there is so much more to Love than what we have experienced in our Past. What my personal Relationship with Jesus has taught me is that, Where There is Love There is No Abuse, and Where There is Abuse There is No Love.

Peace & Pain or Peace & Suffering work the same way. Peace is not just the absence of Pain or Suffering, it is so much MORE than that. Where There is Peace There is No Pain or Suffering, and Where There is Pain & Suffering There is No Peace. Without a doubt, when we leave the Abuser there is a noticeable change within and around us. Compared to the very Toxic Environment we were in with the Abuser, the place we are in without the Abuser is very Peaceful. As good as this is, and it is Very Good, as great as this feels, and it feels pretty Great, there is even MORE available to us. There is an even Higher Level to Love & Peace.

I know you feel it in your Spirit as I did in mine. A longing for MORE. But out of Fear we won't even Consider the Possibility, and we deny the Probability of experiencing such an Amazing Level of Love and Peace. We think to ourselves, that Kind or Level of Love & Peace does not exist. It is just not Natural and those that have claimed to experience it, well they are just delusional. We are afraid to risk it, because we know how very painful it becomes when we believed that the N loved us and it turned out that s/he did not. We remember how our own delusion about the N loving us deceived us. The N's deception was cruel, but our own Self-Deception or Delusion about the N loving us was even worse. That Deception devastated us, so much so that we do not want to risk experiencing that again. I do not want to risk being deceived or delusional again. I can not afford to go through something like that again, so I will be content where I am at and tell myself this is as Good as It gets, so that I can quiet or deny the longing and not feel like I am missing out on something Amazing. -- been there & done that!

Happiness is Situational. It is determined by our circumstances and is often dependent upon others to achieve. Can we achieve Happiness on our own? Most definitely. Happiness is a Natural Experience and we can achieve it within our own Strength. However, Joy, Peace, Tranquility, Serenity, Hope, and Faith are not a Natural or Common state of existence. The Natural World is in direct opposition to these. We can not automatically achieve these things within our own Natural State or Strength. These are Spiritual in Nature, thus making them SuperNatural. Just the term alone, SuperNatural use to freak me out.

Our Culture and Society gives SuperNatural a negative and scary connotation, that there is something inherently evil about it -- but that is only part of what SuperNatural is. There are two different kinds of SuperNatural, an evil one that is glorified on TV and in the Movies and a Holy one. The Holy SuperNatural is pure and the complete absence of any evil. In trying to define what Holy is I found that trying to find just one word is inaccurate & incomplete. Holiness is Completeness, thus Holy Love is Complete Love. The Jews have the best description of Holy which is Shalom. Shalom means, nothing missing, longing, needing or wanting, thus a Holy Love is Completeness, nothing missing, longing, needing, or wanting. There is nothing like Holy Love, and those who have experienced it know that the only thing you long for is More of it, and to stay in it. Holy Love is not only something that you can be around, but most importantly something that you must be in to fully experience it. There is literally nothing on Earth quite like it, and that is why the enemy does everything in its power to prevent us from experiencing it. The enemy sends in our greatest Fear to deter and for some to prevent them from ever experiencing such an Amazing Sanctified & Holy Love.

How Amazing is this Love? So Amazing that the devil, and one third of the Angels in Heaven envied it. The devil and all his demons know just how Powerful this Amazing Holy Love is and the greatest attack they have against it is to get us to Believe it doesn't exist. Pure Evil exists, many of us have experienced being attacked by it in the form of Ns and Sociopaths. Therefore if there is Pure Evil, then the Law of Physics tells us that for every action there is a Opposite Reaction. But so that I do not confuse anyone the order is God then Devil then Jesus. God existed first, the devil at first was a Beautiful Angel in Heaven (the Angel of Light and Worship), the devil became envious of God, then God kicked him and 1/3 of His posse (his Enablers) out of Heaven, the devil knew that he made the worst decision of his existence, but his Wicked Pride or Pathology prevents him from admitting he was wrong (sound like anyoNe you know), so since the devil can not return to Heaven he sets out to deceive People into joining him in Hell. Heaven is Holy we can not get there on our own merit, thus we need a Savior. We need Jesus. When you experience Amazing Love from Jesus, you won't even give hell a second thought. God's love is so Amazing that God made a way and took the form of Man to show us the way to the source of Amazing Sanctified & Holy Love. John 3:16 For God so Loved the Word. . .

There is no fear in Holy Amazing Love. Perfect Love casts out all Fear, because fear has to do with punishment, or torture from the enemy. Unjustified, unwarranted, unhealthy, and unholy fear that is caused by the enemy contaminates Holy Love. John 4:18 Fear prevents us from discovering Holy Love. Does that mean we have to be fearless, without any hesitation, trepidation, or doubt to seek this Amazing Holy Love? Absolutely Not. It is the Gift of Amazing Grace that knows & understands our fears, comforts us, has compassion and draws us near in our Time of Fear. In any relationship it takes two. We must be willing to go forth, and not turn back in fear. Fear and doubt does not prevent God from loving us, but it does interfere with feeling God's Love for, around and in us.

Fear is one of the enemy's favorite weapons. This is the Unseen Nemesis that I battle the most. It prevents us not only from the Fullness of Life, but also our Destiny which is the Abundance of Life. The Abundance comes from having a SuperNatural and Spiritual Existence that contains
Peace, Joy, Passion, Serenity, Tranquility, Completeness, and Holiness.

When we leave the KoN we get a good portion, or piece of Peace & Joy, and it is very satisfying. We often ask ourselves, Why did I wait so long? Look at all we were missing out on by staying in the KoN. Surviving, Escaping, and Healing from the KoN brings more and more Peace & Joy each step we make -- and there is much MORE available. Even though you might not be aware of it, your Spirit longs for it.

Complete Peace & Joy comes from the reward of Facing, Conquering, and Obliterating these Demonic Giants, aka the Unseen Nemesis.

Our existence in this World means that there is a constant Battle being raged against us by the Unseen Nemesis. There is a warfare taking place in the SuperNatural on our behalf. The Greatest Deception of all is that this war does not exist, that GOD does not exist, the devil doesn't exist, and it is only a figment of our imagination. Turning our back on this very real war places us in a deadly position. We have got to face our Nemesis, not turn our back on it. You can not experience the SuperNatual World w/your Natural senses. It does take that 6th sense. Most people have the ability to achieve a 6th sense. It is a Unique Gift from God, some deny it, some don't know where to find it, don't realize that they have it, and when they discover they got it, don't know how to use it. I am only just learning how to use it myself. For most of my life I either doubted, or denied that it even existed -- but it does! Life is so Amazing when we discover such Extraordinary things!

We can not see the SuperNatural with our Natural senses, but we most certainly can feel its attacks, witness and experience the destruction it leaves behind. We might not be aware of just who we are fighting, but we do know when we are in a Battle. Our Body, Soul, and Spirit know when we are under attack. Do you know the name of your Nemesis? Or perhaps I should say, What is the name of the Nemesis you battle? After all no one wants to own a Nemesis.

Does it go by the name of Not Good Enough, Lesser Than, Anxiety, Stress, Confusion, Depression, Rejection, Abandonment, Inferiority, Worthlessness, Fear, Self-Loathing, Despair, or something else?

When the war rages against us All our Physical Energy, All the Strength we have in us is spent on just Surviving the Day. We focus on getting through one Battle at a time. It seems like an Impossible Achievement to get beyond this point of constant Struggle, because these Demonic Giants have a firm grip on us. We can not shake them loose and run, because where ever we go they will follow us to continue this Battle. We must face these Evil Giants head on by identifying each one of them, and by doing so they loose their grip on us, and we get a firm grip on them.

We are no longer their Prey, but become their Predator.
Talk about a time for Change and Switching it up!

After we get a tight grasp on them, Now what? What do we do Now? There are many weapons of this World that we can use to damage these wicked Creatures. Some of these weapons require Physical, Cognitive, and Psychological Strength to yield them successfully against our Enemy, but as powerful as they are they do not completely obliterate these Unseen Creatures. These tools can definitely cut these Giants down a few sizes to "make them more manageable", but to eradicate them completely from our Lives requires attacking the root, or source of their power.

Part of who I am is Artistic and Creative, but there is also a very Practical side of me. I know the Artistic and Practical, or Scientific World are seen as complete opposites, in direct contrast of one other, but it is only when I have equally valued both of these Great Gifts that I am able to achieve an Equilibrium or Balance in my Soul. It is only recently that I am feeling completely Free to explore the Artistic side of myself, which has revealed a Passion for Writing which I never knew I had in me. I also have an Analytical and Scientific Mind, and don't take things at face value. I need to fully Research and Investigate, and of course given my Backstory of Childhood Abuse I don't easily trust People, Concepts or Processes.

In College I was trained and became skilled utilizing & conducting Empirical & Quantitative Research & the Scientific Method. I assure you Science is a Religion all onto itself. And with any Religion there are Limitations. The Greatest Limitation is trying to Test & Measure Intangible Objects, or Beings such as these Unseen Giants. As Scientists we can Measure their Destruction (their Effects), because these Horrible Creatures leave behind very Visible, Physical, and Measurable Devastation, but Science has yet to find the Cause or Source that powers The Unseen Nemesis. Sure in some cases there are Chemical Causes, but even in these cases a chemical imbalance is not the sole cause. Chemical Imbalances are certainly Not the case for every Situation, and in every Battle. And of course there are Situational Causes when we are in Toxic Relationships or have just ended a Toxic Relationship, but if the Source of these Unseen Giants where strictly Caused by a certain Toxic Situation, then once the Toxic Person is gone, and the Toxic Relationship/Situation no longer exists then the Unseen Giants should fail to exist as well -- but these Unseen Giants become even Stronger because we do not see a Reason for their Existence.

How is that we can be attacked and tortured by something that doesn't even Exist, is Unseen, and there is no Cause insight?

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil despotism's and authorities of the unseen world. Ephesians 6:12 They wage a Spiritual War against us that seeks to kill, steal, and destroy our Life in any way possible. They are very Deceptive and the most brilliant Minds of this World have fallen Victim to them, because the Experts claim if I can't see it, hear it or touch it, or measure it w/any of my 5 senses, then it does not exist. Let's take an objective look at that type of reasoning and examine where it is flawed. First, it is a bit Egocentric, Egosyntonic, or Narcissistic in that if "I" can not measure or detect it then it doesn't exist. Secondly along the Narcissistic reasoning, if the Scientist is limited by his/her own 5 senses then s/he does not value another Person who has an added sense, ability, or tool that s/he does not have. Acknowledging & Valuing someone else's additional Ability in is direct conflict to the Scientist's own Ego and Ideal Self-Image.

Recall, in the article, Ns are Worse than Spoiled Rotten Children, the N covets what s/he can not have, and thus is determined to devalue, damage and destroy another Person's Unique Gift. The N's pathology will not allow him/her to value something that someone else has and s/he does not. If they acknowledge the Gift that the other person has and s/he does not the N feels limited, inferior and lacking in ability, so the N denies the other Person's Gift and Ability, thus eliminating his/her feeling of Inadequacy & Inferiority, and in turn maintains his/her False Sense of Superiority by saying the other Person with the Unique Gift is crazy, or delusional for believing she has something that the N denies exists.

Let's remember that our Scientific Leaders & Experts once denied the World of Microbiology where there are Unseen Diseases/Nemesis that attack, damage and destroy our Body.

The Unseen Giant Creatures which I mentioned earlier do in fact create Physical, Psychological & thus Measurable Devastation, which proves these Unseen Demonic Creatures do exist & are a deadly threat to our Lives. I have spent my entire Life observing how these Unseen Enemies damage and destroy Lives (both indirectly through the N or Sociopath and directly by themselves when a N or Sociopath is no where to be found). They are completely Merciless and will attack defenseless Children and Babies, the Elderly, and those whose Physical, Psychological, and Cognitive Capacities are very limited. These Unseen Heinous Creatures do not care who they destroy. All they long to do is damage, devastate, or destroy a Life and it does not matter whose it is.

It is very hard to understand something you are not, thus it is very hard to understand evil unless you have had repeat exposures to it via Ns & Sociopaths. I have studied it, and know how it operates. I have spent my entire Life being its Victim or Survivor, now it is time for me to be its Conquer. When we go to Battle these Giants we must go fully equipped to not only Survive the Battle, but to Obliterate our Enemy and win this war. Within each of us there is a Mighty Warrior. To win this War we can Not solely rely on the weapons that are given to us in this World we must arm ourselves with weapons given to us by GOD. We must go to a Storefront that specializes in Weapons designed to destroy the Unseen Nemesis.

We are not destined to be Survivors, we were created to be Conquers.
We are Mighty Warriors of Worth.

This Article, or Chapter in my Life is inspired by All the Warriors of Worth who share the same Battlefield in the KoN and the Path to Healing. Your wounds and your scars are Beautiful to me, because they Inspire Me. Your Friendship & Companionship has taught me to Value & Appreciate my own wounds & scars. Warriors of Worth you Inspire, Encourage, and Empower me to Discover my Purpose & my Destiny which has only recently just begun to appear on my Horizon. Never underestimate the importance of Your own Intrinsic Value to others. Your Life, no matter how horrible it has been has Meaning to Others. You are of Great Value & Worth and Very Much Needed. Even if you have never contacted me or left a Comment or Message, I feel the Energy of Your Presence, of Your Unique Spirit and the evidence comes via how many views from Readers. Your Support has not gone unnoticed by me. I do not take your Support for granted. I am very Grateful for your Support and I Appreciate & Value it. I am truly Blessed to walk this Healing Path with each of you & I thank you for your Support & Companionship along the way.

It is because of each one of you that I feel in regards to my Life that GOD is transforming Nothing into Something.

Those Horrible Giants mentioned before, Not Good Enough, Lesser Than, Anniexty, Stress, Confusion, Depression, Rejection, Abandonment, Worthlessness, Fear, Self-Loathing and Despair, I have battled them too as well as many others. The Largest of the Demons that I have had to battle is a Terrifing Faceless and Nameless one. It's identity eluded me for many years, yet it had the ability to deeply wound me like no other Creature before it. This Demon is called "The Nothingness".

"The Nothingness" is what the Ns create both around us and within us. And The Nothingness follows us and remains with us as long as we stay connected physically, psychologically, or even spiritually to the KoN. The Nothingness is not constrained by the Boundaries of the KoN. Even when we have no more contact w/the Ns and their KoN The Nothingness follows us, tracking us, every step we make away from the KoN. It lurks in the Shadows waiting until we are vulnerable, alone & defenseless to make its attack. Then it goes in for the kill. And it does not stop until we are its Prized Kill and can drag our Lifeless body back to the KoN as a Throphy & Threat to others reminding them what happens to a person if s/he wants to Escape the KoN.

In the last article, Ns are Worse than Spoiled Rotten Children, I talked about how Ns covet what we have and they do not. Their own jealously and envy fuels them to damage and destroy our Unique Gifts. Mulderfan's comment really resonated and inspired me.

My "loving parents" also happen to be the Ns in my life. They never gave me any gifts and if I happened to find or develop some for myself they took them away and convinced me I didn't deserve them. When I tried to defend my gifts they told me I was crazy and punished me with emotional abandonment. Good news is, I didn't have to worry about losing their love because I never truly had it in the 1st place! ~ Mulderfan

I completely understand & know how Mulderfan feels. Perhaps others have also felt the same way about the Ns they have N-countered in their lives. Maybe the N others N-countered were a Spouse, Sibling, Family Member, Friend, or even your own Child and we all have had to experience the very Painful Process of accepting the Reality that their love was never something we ever truly had in the first place. It is the Loss of Nothing.

How do we Grieve an Illusion? How do we get over a loss of something we never had from the N? How do we Grieve Nothing? How do we Grieve the Void? How do we Grieve the Void of Nothing?

To say that this has been very Challenging for me seems like a HUGE understatement. It is analogous to going on the Battlefield to fight an Enemy that is Cloaked in Invisibility. It keeps hitting us out of nowhere. Its attacks are relentless & merciless. When it knocks us down and wounds us, that is not enough, it goes in for the kill. It is not satisfied until we are rendered immobile and unable to move, and It gains Gratification from our Devastation & Distruction. Its nature is pure Evil.

Because we can not see it, and it is not tangible, we struggle to get a grasp on it. We can not go into an Offensive Position, because we have no idea (where) The Nothingness is located. We don't know how to attack it, because we can not see it, yet it sees us and knows when we are vulnerable and goes in for the attack. Our strategy is to Defend by constantly being in a state of Reaction. We can't avoid it. Not sure where it is to destroy it. When we ask others about how to defeat The Nothingness some are clueless because they haven't had to battle it, and with those that have had past experience there is not much they can do, because they haven't seen it either, so not much is known how to fight it.
Where is the source of its power? How do we prevent The Nothingness from hurting us?

I am not sure I have all the answers to these questions. I am a fellow Warrior of Worth still on the Battlefield. From experience all I know is that fighting it (the Absence of Authentic Love from Nparents, and Nsiblings & any other N, the Realization that they don't Love us, the deep Void that Reality creates & strengthens The Nothingness) makes it larger, Stronger, and more Powerful. We must Grieve the Loss of Nothing. In time, the Pain from suffering from "Nothing" becomes quite Something -- doesn't it. And that is okay. It is okay to Grieve and Morn "The Nothing". The deeper the relationship, the deeper the pain, and the deeper the weeping must be in the Healing Process. The process of deep weeping is called Travail. Women who Travail are respected and highly revered in other cultures. Deep Soul Wounds require Deep Weeping.

In Amanda's book Warrior Women Arise, there is a great Chapter called The Weeping Warrior, in that powerful chapter Amanda redefines the Traditional or Media Concept of a Mighty Warrior Women.

A Weeping Warrior Women being a symbol of strength is very new to me. I was taught by the Momster that only Weak Women Weep. There was only a hand full of times that I ever shared my thoughts and feelings with the Momster. There was no compassion, only condemnation from the Momster, "Stop Now. Just get over it. That's nothing to cry or get upset about. You need to be stronger than that. You should know better than that. I taught you better than that. I didn't raise you to be so weak. Why do you have such low self-esteem & a poor image of yourself? You should be better than that. Strong Women don't weep or cry, especially over such trivial things that are not important. Just get over it." At the age of 16 I remember recalling that I hadn't cried over anything or anyone for over 3 years. I learned not to express my emotions & especially my tears, to supress and deny them expression. It is not safe to be vulnerable when there is a Momster in the House.

That was then and this is Now. What I have learned is to fully internalize, accept, appreciate, and highly value the Truth that Mighty Warrior Women Weep. This Revelation has set me Free and inspires, encourages, and empowers me. I no longer feel ashamed, or weak for weeping. I no longer have the urge to suppress, or deny the need to cry, or the flow of tears. If I had a chance to talk with Oprah I would say, Fear Not the Expression of the "Ugly Cry", because the Ugly Cry is very Beautiful & Powerful in the eyes of God. Amanda writes,"Tears have a cleansing function, not only removing impurities by their actual presence, but also serving to purify our souls. The American poet John Vance Cheney wrote in his poem about tears: 'The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.' I love this image, as it symbolizes the hope that can come after a time of weeping and how the faithfulness and beauty of God can arise out of great suffering. A God who is acquainted with suffering Himself could never despise this expression. God stores our tears as an outward symbol of their value to Him, and through that act, He affirms that the substance they represent is worthy of capturing." -- this is just a taste of what is in store for you in this powerful book.

I want to share with you a Revelation I had as I was reading this Chapter. I had taken a short break and was watching something on TV with my DD, and it was sad, she began to weep and she turned to me and said, "Momma I don't see you cry. Are you sad?" I told her I was sad and expressed my emotions with hers. My DD opened my eyes to show me that it was okay for me, her Momma, to cry in front of her and with her. I resist doing so because I don't want her to get scared, but it is necessary to show her that it is more than okay to cry & weep. She is only 4 yrs. old, so I don't think she is ready for witnessing the full blown deep weeping of Travailing. However crying & weeping is a very good thing for our Children to witness and experience their Parents doing, especially in the privacy and saftey of our own home where Ns and Sociopaths are not around to attack us when we are vulnerable. The Bible tells us that Jesus wept. John 11:35 For some interesting Wikipedia, Free Encyclopidia info. on the shortest, yet one of the most powerful verses in the Bible, Click Here. What the World may deem as weakness, God turns it into Strength.

It is a Great Loss not to have the Love of a N, especially a NParent, I can think of no Greater Loss except the Loss of a Child, the death of our own Child is the Greatest Loss of all. In a way, not having the Love of your Parent kills the Child within. We never out grow the need for the Love of our Parent, so What do we do when it is impossible to have Authentic Love from a Nparent?

When I fully realized, completely internalized, and was litterally transformed by the Truth, that Before I was the Nparent's Child I was God's Child, and in that very Moment the Child within who was destroyed by The Nothingness Arose from the Ashes. God entrusted the Biological Parents to take care of me, but when they failed me, they also failed God. When they hurt me, they also hurt the One who created me. Just like if someone attacks my Daughter, it will be an attack against me. My Daughter is my Love, and People will be sorry if they even try to attack the one I Love. Someone can not attack my Beloved Child without experiencing her Parent's Wrath.

Just a little side Note. The consequence for a Reprobate, an unremorseful, unrepentant N who has hurt one of God's Kids is Eternal Hell. I know It doesn't feel fair right now (lack of Lighting Bolts or even very Painful Warts for the N), and I assure you that is just what the N is going to say at the end of his/her days when they transition from this Life into the Eternal Life of Hell -- That isn't fair! The N put us through temporary hell, but s/he will have Neverending Hell. They thought they were the All Powerful Devil, well they are in for a shock of their wicked Life when they come face to face with the Source of all Evil. It is a Great Exchange Rate if you ask me, our temporary hell for their Eternal Hell. We experienced their hell for part of our Lifetime, but they will have Hell for an Enternal Life time. They, without a doubt, will reap what they sow. They will reap a Neverending Harvest of Hell. They might not believe in Hell or think they deserve to be there, but that will not prevent them from going & staying there. There is no Son-Proof for them, because they lack True Remorse & Repentance.

Back to Nparents and the result of having to have No Contact, and being left without any Parents. Our Biological Parents are our Care Takers, but God is our Creator and thus is our Parent. Therefore, we do have a Parent's Love because we have God's Love -- and that is definitely NOT Nothing. In fact it is quite AMAZING & POWERFUL. We are Not orphans that must live the rest of our lives without feeling the Love of a Parent, because we have God's Love. We are God's Child. And God will fill the Void, "The Nothingness" with Authentic & Amazing Love from Himself, and from other Loving People that He brings into our Lives. God doesn't bring these Loving People to our doorstep adorned with a Big Red Bow on top. God gives us the chance to choose from an entire World of People. Learning All of the Relationship Red Flags is a Smart thing to do, applying the Knowledge is a Wise thing to do. We are not all alone in this process. Jesus sends us a Helper, I call it the Great Holy Spirit. God created in each one of us an ability to interact with the Great Holy Spirit. This Ability, This Gift is called the Gut Instinct or Institution. It is the Knowing without Knowing. It is beyound Reasoning, and it takes strengthening our 6th Sense. A key concept I can share with you is, If a Person's Empathy is limited, then so is my Relationship with them. Empathy is a Qualification for any Relationship. The Stronger the Empathy the Stronger the Relationship. I am filling the void with Fantastic Friends who have Empathy, Compassion and Love for me, my DD, and my DH, as well as the others in our Family of Creation & Choice.

God transforms The Nothingness both around us and within us.

I am still in the Transformation Process. "The Nothingness" is no longer this HUGE unseen Enemy that I am powerless to defeat, but a pesky fly that comes around occasionally to irritate & bug me. Sometimes it can leave a sting. Sometimes it is a yappy dog that comes to attack me as I step forward, especially if I am stepping into New Territory. These Unseen Creatures rarely attack on their own. They like to hunt in packs. If one can't take you down, they all come in for the kill. However, the closer I draw to Jesus the smaller they get. And when I am with Christ they flee. Being a Christian is a Fascinating Duality. We are between two Worlds, the Physical and the Spiritual. The Physical gets our focus off of Christ even for just a short moment. When this happens these demon dogs sniff out any unhealed wounds or weakness, or just come around to see if we know we have been Healed and know how Strong we are Now. These Unseen Creatures are not nearly as HUGE as they use to be. They have shrunk in size and are nipping at my heals, but that is okay, because that is only a teeny tiny wound, and it heals Much Faster than before when the The Nothingness attacked with razor sharp claws & enormous venomous fangs.

Eventually our deep wounds heal, the suffering and the pain ends and only the ugly scars of "The Nothingness" remain. I have noticed that some of the scars must be fading, because others are completely unware that they are there. The Scars from our Soul Wounds are a reminder of what we have been through in order to bring New Life. It is like the C-section scar I have on my belly. The pain is all gone and most of the time I forget that the scar is there, until someone asks, or I look for it. I pray my scars never go away. That is definitely not a Natural thing to say! Especially in a World that has a warped sense of what Beauty is and is not. This Word thinks scars are ugly, a sign of Damaged Goods, but Jesus says they are Beautiful to Him and now that I am learning to see them through His Loving eyes I can see their Beauty. The scars will be a Great Testimony to the Healing Power of God's Amazing Love. Jesus was wounded so that our wounds could heal. Christ suffered, so that our suffering will have an End. Jesus gave His Life, so that we can have a New One after we Rise Up from the Ashes of the KoN. Beauty for Ashes is what God gives the Kids from the KoN. We are Kids from the KoN, but we are not Kids of the KoN. We are not like the Ns who used & abused us. Our Childhood was destroyed in the KoN, but New Life can Rise Up from the Ashes of our Painful Past. It is an Amazing Gift from God if we are open to receive and accept it. Our Family of Orgin (FOO) is not found on Earth, but in Heaven. God's Amazing and Transforming Love gives us the Power to Create a New and Better Life for ourselves. The Power & Freedom to have a Family of Creation and Choice (FOC). Family is defined by Love not Biology. Those who have the ability to recipocate Authentic Love can join our Family -- for me that is the only requirement and nothing else. I do not put limits on Authentic Love, I treasure it where ever and whom ever I find it in.

Those of us who were or are The Walking Wounded, who have deep wounds and scars, we are God's Child and therefore we are (((All))) Precious in His Sight -- wounds and all -- we are Very Beautiful to God.

It is my Prayer that we All feel our Heavenly Parent's Loving Spirit around us and drawing us closer. Through God's Love we are Healed.

Every chapter in Amanda's Book is powerful. She even has Unique Chapters specifically written for the Single, Married, and Widowed Warriors. One of these Chapters will be a Blessing to you and the other two will bless those you know. One of my Favorite Chapters is The Reluctant Warrior part of me is reluctant to be the Mighty Warrior Woman. I do not see myself as someone who is Mighty. Surely there is someone much more qualified than I that God would give this Vision & Mission to and could do a much better job than I. Surely there is a person much more suited than I. How am I to accomplish the things that God has shown me? I do not come from Great Wealth or a Great Christian Lineage, or from an Ivy League College, or Bible College or Siminary, not a Seasoned and/or Professional Writer, and can not write a single thing without the use of Spellcheck. I did not major in Business, or English, and the thought of Public Speaking terrifies me -- anything but that! In College for our Prerequisites we had to take Speach Class which was in the Huge Lecture Hall that seated at least 100 People, or we had to take something else. Hey what ever that something else was, sign me up! Anything to avoid Public Speaking. The biggest event I ever put on was my Daughter's birthday parties. Well I did do a Charity Event in College, but I had some help. I am stepping into New & Unfamiliar Territory and I am most definitely Reluctant. However, I am excited to see what is going to happen next!

Right now I want to share with Others some very powerful tools that have empowered me in the Battle against the Unseen Nemesis. If the tools you are using aren't fully doing the job, then it is time to try something new. Not a replacement, but a supplement.

Amanda has authorized me to sell her book Warrior Women Arise (see details below). I HIGLY recommend it. It will equipt you in this battle against the Unseen Nemesis. You can purchase it here. This is a Fund Raising Event in order to support us in building a Women of Worth (WOW) Organization. We have several goals we are working on at this time. Our First Goal is to create and maintain the Website. Our Second Goal is to create an In-Person and On-Line WOW Celebration. Our Target Time in this Fall.

Next Month, in May we will begin our First Event which will be an On-Line BookClub which Amanda is looking forward to participating in with us. This is going to be tons of fun, and will bless you in ways you can't even imagine right now, so don't miss out. I promise you that it will be so Worth it. Membership or Friendship to the WOW BookClub is Free. Right now you can join on FaceBook under Womenof Worth. Hope to see ya there!


(To Join Click Here)

I know for some there is hesitation and intripidation due to past experiences, and you might think that this is "just not your cup of tea", but I assure you that this is a different Flavor & this cup of tea will not burn you. I can not control what others pour out, I can lovingly, but firmly tell them they need to change their service, or I can kick them out if they are not respectful. The WOW Connection is not about a Religion, but a Relationship, A Spiritual Sisterhood supporting one another.

Are you intrigued by the Book, but feel that because you are not a Christian this book is not for you? Maybe your faith is the size of a tiny mustard seed (I know how that feels), and you don't think you are ready just yet. Whether your faith is the size of a Mustard Seed or a Mountain this Book will Bless you. You are God's Daughter thus, this book was written for You.

This is a Special Message that the enemy tried two times to prevent. When it happened not once, but twice I had to believe my eyes, and the message my Spirit was sending, and that the second attack was confirmation that I was in warfare w/the Enemy. I know talk of SuperNatural Attacks freak some folks out -- I use to be one of them. I will write about that in an up coming Post.

If you were abused by a person who called him/herself a Christian, and said that they knew Jesus -- I assure you that this was the Greatest Deception and lie that they ever told. At best they might have heard about Jesus, I doubt that they ever personally met Jesus in the SuperNatural, because when you truly meet Jesus you are Transformed by His Holy Love, When you follow Jesus you turn away from evil, and the closer you walk with Jesus, then evil is no where to be found, so when Jesus is in you and you are in Jesus you can do no evil. And Abuse is the Manifestation of Evil. So the Counterfeit Christian lied about being an Authentic or True Christian. There is a book called the Christian Atheist that is on my reading list that talks about those who say they Believe in God but live as if they don't. Just because a PersoN calls him/herself something doesn't automatically make it so, look at the fruit of the Behavior they are producing to reveal their True Nature.

I was once wrong about Jesus. It is perfectly okay to change your mind. In fact, there is nothing I can recommend more, because it Transforms your Life, like nothing else. Jesus does not want a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. For a little while, just for a moment, quite your Mind and your restless Soul and Listen to your Spirit. Your Spirit, like mine, longs to reconnect with the one who sacrafied His all to Love us and be with us again.

All paths lead to Heaven, but not all paths can take you into Heaven, only Jesus can do that. Jesus is the Truth, the Light, and the Way. Do you feel lost? Is your way not fully working for ya? Be completely honest with yourself, do you have the Fulness or Abundance of Life? Do you feel not quite fulfilled and complete in your faith or the lack there of, and do you long for something more -- even just a little more? Is there something missing? Jesus is that missing piece that I never knew, never fully realized I needed, and now can not live without. Do not let any one person represent Jesus for you, not me or anyone else. At our very best we can be Christ like, but there is no substitute for the Real thing.

We all know what it is liked to be deceived, and to love a Counterfeit, and settle for something less than Authentic Love. We do not have to settle when it comes to experiencing & enjoying Amazing Love.

Does the Pain of the Past still haunt you? Are you covered in the Ashes of the Devastation the N has caused? Are you ready to Rise Up from these Ashes? Well Jesus wants to give you Beauty for Ashes. Christ wants to Exchange your Wounds for Wings. You were created to Soar. God will give you the Spirit to Soar. Just say, Great & Holy Spirit I open my heart & mind to you, teach me about your Love, show me your Love.

Perhaps you have healed from the Past, yet still long for something More?

Where ever you are on your Journey the Great Spirit wants to take you to the next Level and wants to bring you even closer, but God needs your help. Don't be afraid. Fear Not. Just say, Great & Holy Spirit I open my heart & mind to you, teach me about your Love, show me your Love.

Maybe you got Lost on your Journey, came back, left again, or have you gone back and forth so many times that you have lost count and are afraid to come back, and fear that you won't be accepted, that you ran out of chances and that God will reject you or be very angry at you. This is Not true. Our Holy Parent has Endless Love for us, it is Unconditional. You do not have to sacrafice anything for God's Love, because God sacraficed everything for Yours. Jesus Christ is God's Holy Sacrafice. Salvation is very easy, there is only one condition, Jesus. Jesus does not want to make you His Slave like the N did, but Jesus wants & longs for You to be His Friend. Salvation is about letting Jesus love you & having a Personal Relationship with Him.

Great & Holy Spirit I open my heart & mind to you, teach me about your Love, show me your Love.

The only regret I have about the KoN is that I didn't leave it sooner, the only regret I have about my Relationship w/Jesus is that I was not open to it sooner. Our Life with the N, we never know how Great it gets until we leave it, and our Life with Jesus we never know how Awesome it gets until we receive it.

Sending Hope & Love to you.

Here is the Warrior Women Arise Trailer & Book

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