Freedom from Toxic People

Growing in Wisdom (part 2)

2012-01-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

(Read, Growing in Wisdom part 1 to put this event in proper context).

As we were coming back from dance class, I was pulling into the driveway, and began to roll up all the electric windows. Carissa was in her car seat in the backseat, and she decided she was going to go against what her parent was doing, be disobedient and defiant, and roll down her window. I responded by proceeding to roll her window up, and she decided she was going to stop what her parent was doing, be contrary, and place her hand on top of her window to prevent it from being rolled up. I did not know she was doing that, until from the backseat I hear a loud cry for help. I jump out of my seat, and run to her rescue to find her cradling her damaged finger. My only concern was to comfort her, to releave her pain as much as possible, and to check out the damage. I cried out to Jesus, Lord heal my daughter's wound. We rushed into our home, and I placed a bag of frozen vegetables on her hand. While she laid flat out on the couch with the bag of frozen veggies on her hand, deeply crying in agonizing pain, I had to make the emotionally painful choice to take the phone into another room with me, so I could hear the the doctor's receptionist. Unfortunately they were booked, and I had to go to the ER. While we were driving to the ER, Carissa says, "Momma I forgive you." I asked her, What are you forgiving me for? And she said with a slightly disturbed attitude, "for hurting my hand." I asked her, Was that really my fault? I did not do that on purpose. I did not know your hand was on the window. Who was being naughty, disobeying & defying her parent by putting her hand on top of the window, and tried to stop Momma from what she was doing? Carissa said, " Oh, I did, but I got hurt." I could see how this was going to be a teachable moment for Carissa & I. This was a time for Carissa to grow in wisdom. Sometimes it is painful to grow in wisdom. I lovingly explained to my child that her naughty, disobedient, defiant behavior of not listening and obeying is what caused her to get hurt, and now she is suffering in pain, for her bad choice. I explained to her that bad choices not only hurt others, but hurt ourselves too. While we sat in the ER, I got to take the time to explain to my beautiful daughter the difference between being disobedient and being defiant. If Momma or Daddy tell you to roll up the window and you refuse, that is being disobedient, because you are not doing what we asked you to do, you are not obeying. Now when you rolled down your window, and did the complete opposite of what Momma & Daddy are telling you to do you are being defiant & contrary, then when you placed your hand on top of the window to prevent it from going up you were . . . and then I was lost for words, so Carissa finished by saying Dumb and Stupid (words we do not use, but certain classmates have used these words to tease one another). I asked Carissa if she knew the meaning of Dumb and Stupid, and she said no, so I explained to her that it means to be very foolish, to not use good judgement, and to go against what we are taught by our parents and GOD. Carissa said, so being dumb, stupid, and foolish is a sin? I replied to her, yes honey when we are being dumb, stupid, and foolish we are sinning against GOD. It is what we refer to as a Contrary Spirit which causes us to go against GOD. Carissa said pleading with pain & confusion, "But Momma I didn't know that was going to happen!" (referring to her hand getting hurt & damaged in the car window) I told her I know, that is why you must always trust, obey, and know that your loving parent knows best, especially when you don't understand, and don't want to do something your parent's way, and insist on doing it your way which caused you to really get hurt. You could have gotten hurt a lot worse. It could have gotten broken so bad that the doctors could not repair it back to normal. We praise you Jesus that you are right now in the process of healing Carissa's finger, and is not broken. While we waited in the ER room for over an hour Christ was healing Carissa's finger. Carissa was able to fully bend it as if it never got hurt. We told the receptionist that Carissa did not need to be examined by the triage nurse, and the receptionist said since the triage nurse has not seen you, you wont be charged.

Carissa's learning experience got me thinking, Isn't that how we often are with our Holy Parent GOD? GOD is doing something in our life, then we put our hand to it, trying to interfere or prevent what GOD is doing, because we don't understand, and all we know is what we want. Then when we get hurt, by interfering & trying to stop GOD's Way, our foolish sinful pride cries out in pain -- It's Your fault! You did this to me! I don't understand. Why would You hurt me? It is only when we sacrifice our foolish & sinful pride in the Holy Fire of Truth, that we understand that it was our choice, our responsibility, and our fault for being disobedient & defiant thinking we knew better than our Holy Parent, and put our hand in the middle of something that it didn't belong, and we are to blame for getting crushed, not our Holy Parent. Our society tells us it is not right to find fault. However, if we had a faulty window that did not work right, we would have to investigate the cause in order to fix the problem. It is very important to know when it is our fault and when it is not. Praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit Who is our Helper that lovingly & compassionately convicts us when it is in fact our fault. With a humble & repentant heart, we realize it is not GOD that needs to be forgiven, but us. Is there anything that you are still blaming GOD for, when it was your bad choice? Dear Lord I ask that you forgive me for blaming you when it was my fault.

It really is about trusting that our parent knows best even when we don't understand, or don't want to do what we have been told. We need to just remind ourself, my parent knows best. We praise You Lord for those teachable moments in life, no matter how painful they are to learn.Here are some Great Scriptures on the importance of growing in wisdom. The Bible teaches us that even Christ grew in Wisdom. Luke 2:52

Proverbs 2:6, Proverbs 4:5, Psalm 90:12, Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 16:16, Proverbs 19:8, Romans 11:33, Colossians 1:9, Colossians 4:5, 1 Corinthians 3:19, Psalm 104:24, Psalm 136:5James 1:5, Psalm 119:34, Psalm 51:6: 1 James 3:17, 1 Corinthians 1:24, Job 12:12-13, Proverbs 28:26, Proverbs 23:4, Colossians 2:3, Ephesians 3:10Revelation 5:12, Jeremiah 10:12, Proverbs 3:19, Proverbs 21:30,

Growing in Wisdom (part 1)

2012-01-27T12:47:00.000-08:00

1/26/12
Just picked up Carissa from Kindergarten, and Carissa said, "Momma my friend Savannah didn't have a drink for lunch, and I listened to GOD and He told me to give her my drink, so I did, and GOD blessed me, because another friend Emmalynn was having a birthday and brought cupcakes and drinks, so GOD made sure I had a drink too." Carissa just experienced the character of Christ, JEHOVAH-JIREH (meaning The LORD GOD my Provider).

Yesterday we were shopping for shoes, and Payless Shoe Store had the BOGO sale (buy one get one 1/2 off). Carissa found these attractive blue-jean style wedge shoes with bows at the toes, and a little wedge heal, and she wanted them sooo much. She actually pleaded for these shoes. I wasn't sure about them for 3 reasons; one they were more than I wanted to spend, secondly I didn't know if she was mature enough for a shoe with a little heal, and thirdly, because they would be only for church, and dressing up to go somewhere, which means they are not a "practical shoe" that she would wear every day at school running around at recess. GOD pressed it upon my heart, and said, "It's okay, go ahead and buy Carissa those shoes", so I did. GOD knew Yesterday that today Carissa would sacrifice her drink for a friend in need, that her loving sacrifice would bless three people, her friend, her Momma, and her Jesus. GOD is truly Amazing. I am so very blessed to have such an awesome little daughter who cares so much for others. Happy tears are a flowin, because she is knowin her Jesus! If you couldn't tell, I now have total Peace & Joy about those little blue shoes.

It's A Wonderful Life

2011-12-13T12:27:00.000-08:00

The Holidays can be a roller coster of mixed emotions for those of us who are either in or have left The Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). The enemy, not the Narcissist (N), but the enemy, aka the devil, or dark force will stop at nothing to keep us from enjoying our life, and growing closer to Christ. The enemy's ultimate plan is to come between us and GOD, so that we can join him in hell. He sets out to deceive us into believing it is GOD's fault, and not his that the N is evil and harms us. The enemy wants us to blame GOD, to distance ourselves, and ultimately come between us. The enemy is envious of Christ, and the love we have for our Savior, and will do what he can to distract us from celebrating the birth of Christ.

One way the enemy does this is to deceive us into believing we have lost something by leaving the N and his/her KoN. The enemy brings in powerful FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) to either keep us in the KoN, or have us return to the KoN not for our sake, but "for the kids sake". The enemy preys upon our desire & desperation for a family, and out of desperation and deceptive definition or idea of Family many return to the KoN in hope that things have magically changed in regards to the N in charge, and the Army of Enablers. The Illusion of the KoN being a safe place eventually breaks with reality either on the Holiday, or soon after, and we once again come to the painful conclusion that it is best to stay away from the N and his/her KoN.

Over two years ago when I started this blog, Freedom from Toxic People, it was for three reasons. One to process what I was going through, "write it out to get it out". The second reason to connect with others who have N-countered a N and his/her KoN, and learn from them how they processed and more importantly how they have recovered from the harmful effects of the KoN. The third reason, is to share what the Holy Spirit has and continues to reveal to me about the nature of the N and his/her KoN; the best path to take during the Healing Journey; and most importantly Life after the KoN, are all things I desire to "Share It Forward" with others in hopes that others will not spend decades (like I did) trapped in the N's KoN, and the healing process will be shortened & their over-all life enjoyment lengthened by not constantly dealing with the potential long-term after effects of the KoN.

We are to enjoy Life by living forward, instead of being trapped in the pain of the past. The KoN is our BackStory, the best is yet to come, and if you can not see it right now it is because it is just beyond your Horizon Line. Just out of sight. Healing from the KoN is a walk of Faith. You won't make it, if you don't take it. Please heed this warning from someone who has spent over 4 decades dealing with Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths and their KoNs. I have seen others trapped in a Pit of Depression and Despair, because they blame GOD instead of the devil for the N and his/her KoN. I have noticed a distinct difference between those who have GOD as apart of their Healing Process, and those who do not. From my own professional & personal experience, only Christ can reach & heal the deepest of soul wounds created by the N. It is never too late to reach out to Jesus, and what we discover is that He has been waiting for us all along with Loving arms with a Heart of Compassion & Understanding. GOD does not seek a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. If you haven't yet begun, I encourage you to start your Relationship with Jesus today. I promise you that there is no condemnation in Christ. Anytime you return to the KoN, condemnation eventually follows. With Christ there is only Love. When you meet someone from Christ's Family, an Authentic Christ Follower, you will experience an Authentic Love that helps and does not harm.

If we never take that step of Faith, just like in the Holiday Movie, It's A Wonderful Life, we miss out on all that GOD has planned for us. As the main character in the movie played by the very talented Jimmy Stewart discovers that everyone was created for a purpose, and our life decisions can change the quality of life for ourself, others, many others, and for many generations to come. What kind of Legacy are we going to leave our Children? One of reoccurring chaos & toxic drama created by the N and his/her KoN, or the true Peace & Joy that only comes from a N-free Life out side of the KoN?

A Friend of mine who goes by BrashWorld, added her insight to a post that I wrote a little while ago back in Sept. of this year titled, Life in the KoN. I encourage you to check out her own insights about Life in the KoN on her blog post titled, On My Side??? BrashWorld further explains what I shared about the true nature & identity of the Enablers/Covert Ns. BrashWorld, like others who have survived the KoN, is a source of inspiration for me. After reading her post, about my post, I was then inspired to write this post, which originally started off as a posted Comment to her post, but quickly grew in length, and developed into another article.

When we leave the KoN there is no denying the great life change that begin immediately to occurs as a result from perhaps the greatest life decision we will ever make, other than excepting Christ as our Lord & Savior. Leaving the KoN did not just begin two years ago when I decide to have No Contact (NC) with the Momster. Separating from the KoN has been a life process of various transitions. When I started NC a little over two years ago it was the beginning of a new transition and transformational process. Living in the KoN is about the process of discovering the hidden identity of the N, and his/her true nature. Leaving the KoN begins with leaving the toxic N, due to his/her true identity and desire to harm others, but then along our Journey of leaving the N it transitions to the Beauty of Discovering Self. The Self that was denied expression in the KoN, and the more we discover the suppressed aspects of Self (independent thought & desires, self expression, etc.) the more we discover the different aspects of Life, what it really is opposed to what the N deceives us into believing.

Life outside of the KoN is not a perfect life, but It's A Wonderful Life.

Holiday Tip

2011-12-04T03:58:00.000-08:00

Do not let the N's contaminate Christmas. Consider fasting Ns this Holiday by having a temporary No Contact (NC) and discover the blessing of NC. If for some reason you can not fast the N, then ignore his/her triggering comments just like they never said it -- it is very hard I know! By ignoring the N's comments you send a strong message to them that they do not have the power to contaminate or ruin your Holidays or any day. By ignoring Ns we also send a message to the rest of the family, but most importantly we send a message to ourselves to focus on what is important this Holiday and what is not. This message is a reminder to self most of all, because I tend to give the N's stupid comments the power to contaminate by addressing them, but by ignoring them sends a strong message to others, but more importantly to self that these stupid statements are not important enough to even address.

If you can't avoid them, ignore them! -- this applies to the stupid Ns and their stupid covert statements.

Moderate to high level Ns are at their worst not their best during the Holidays, because they think their targets (us) are trapped in their KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), that the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) is too thick, so they can blast through our boundaries, and we will just take it to "keep the peace at any price". In these cases I recommend that the second the N starts on the covert attack if it is publicly, just say that was rude or that was mean. If you have established that you, and your spouse/family will not tolerate rude, disrespectful or mean behavior/comments, then everyone will know that the second covert or overt attack by the N will cause you and your family to leave, so the enablers have two choices to warn the N to knock it off before s/he once again ruins Christmas, or to enable the N & blame the victim for "being too sensitive".

Depending on the level of pathology in the N, the N will adhere to your warning and modify his/her comments, or justify and victim blame by saying "I was only joking, and you are always just too sensitive, can't you take a joke." We can not explain reality to Ns, because they live in their own Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). Keep things very simple and repeat, that was not funny, and leave it at that. If the N continues, leave the room and give the enablers a chance to straighten the N out. If the N continues the attacks, leave the KoN if you are at someone else's house, or tell the N that it is time for the N to leave your home.

Modifying lower level Ns behavior is about us having follow through, and getting up and leaving when the second covert attack comes or telling the N to leave if s/he is at your home, and not letting the other enablers guilt trip us into staying for more attacks.

The comments above is not meant to say to keep ignoring continued attacks by the N, only one stupid statement that is so covert that most don't even detect it (especially the enablers), such as N saying "the stuffing you made last year was really good" implying that this year's in not good or inferior, or "your sibling made a great dinner or I had a great time at your siblings house" (no compliment for you) covert slam. These are the stupid statements that I am suggesting you ignore, unless it is followed by another attack, then ask the N to leave if s/he is at your house, or you leave if you are at their's or another family member's.

Do not get trapped into trying to explain things to enablers, they don't get it, because they don't get attacked and most enablers are covert lower levels Ns that don't care if you get attacked and just encourage us to shut up and put up, because they are happy that as long as you are getting attacked they are not.

Just get up and leave the KoN.

Here is what I wrote last year about There is No N in Christmas, click here.

I hope you have a blessed Christmas.

Glimmers in the Dark by Luci Swindoll

2011-10-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

I love Luci -- Luci Swindoll that is. In a recent Facebook post, Luci said,

"When you were a child holding a mirror in your hand, if you caught a glint of the sun, that mirror reflected a beam that could actually illumine a dark place. That was pretty exciting! You had the power to shine in the darkness. It was better than holding a flashlight because the reflection source was from above you, not from batteries in your hand. It was supernatural phenomena to every child.

Each of God’s children has the power to illumine the darkness. This light shows up in different forms: humor, kindness, peace, hope, grace—all characteristics that can come out of us when the light Source shines through us."

What Luci is talking about is what Andy Andrews (one of my favorite authors!) refers to as The Butterfly Effect. The power of just one person making a difference in others lives. When the little light of one is combined with others I refer to that as The Firefly Effect.

The Firefly Effect

2011-10-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

The Firefly Effect
by
Anissa Stark

all copyrights reserved

Have you heard of The Butterfly Effect?
The Butterfly Effect was scientifically established in 1963 by Edward Lorenz theorized that the single flap of the wings of a butterfly in one part of the world can create a hurricane in another part of the world.

Author Andy Andrew wrote a wonderful book based on this principle titled, The Butterfly Effect. Andy explains that the Butterfly Effect is one of GOD's Laws, like The Law of Gravity.
The Scientific name for the Butterfly Effect is The Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions. It is the power of one living matter or individual to set a change of reaction, so powerful that it changes the world and can save lives.

The Firefly Effect is the Butterfly multiplied to or cubed exponentially, like in algebra when a number is multiplied by the sum of itself. Recall in algebra if we start with a single number, so matter how many times you multiply it by the sum of itself, it remain the same.
For example; 1 to the millionth degree still totals one.

It is only when two or more are multiplied more than one the total changes.
For example; 2 cubed or 2 to the second power, 2 over 2, or 2 + 2 = 4,
2 to the third power, 3 over 2 is (3) 2s added in row 2 + 2 + 2 = 6
"For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
Matthew 18:20

The Firefly Effect is the combined, multiplied effect of The Butterfly Effect.

The little light in the darkness that when combined with other little lights changes lives for generations.

How does the Firefly Effect work?

Read on to find out!

Our Last Step

2011-09-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

My friend Mulderfan is a source of inspiration for me. I don't know if she would consider me a Friend or a source of inspiration, maybe more like irritation (hopefully not), because that is exactly what I thought of others like myself who I met during a certain point in my journey. Mulderfan and I have much in common, both had Nparents, I refer to mine as the Demon Dad and Momster, because on a good day they are merely Narcissists and on a bad and evil day they are Psychopaths. Mulderfan and I both suffered deep soul wounds from our abusive parents. Both of us self-medicated with addictions, although our addictions took different forms, the reason for having them were the same.

If you are in the Recovery Process or know someone who is I recommend you check out her blogs. She has two blogs, Mulderfan and Elevator Broken, Take The 12 Steps.

Read more »

Life in the KoN

2011-09-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

There are two types of People in the Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN), the Damaged and the Disordered, and there are 3 distinct roles, The Primary Abuser, aka the Overt Narcissist (N), the Enabler/s which can be either Damaged and/or Disordered People, such as an enabling spouse of the Primary Abuser, and the Golden Child who the Primary Abuser never attacks or rarely attacks and when the Primary Abuser does attack the Golden Child it is less severe and thus "not as bad" as when the Primary Abuser attacks the Scapegoat or Target. The Scapegoat is the Primary Target of mainly the Primary Abuser, but also the Enablers.

The Primary Abuser, the Overt N is obviously Toxic, Disordered, Pathological, and a Sociopath. It is not hard to identify his/her behavior & nature as harmful to others that is once Children of Narcissists become Adults and know that this is not Normal, because our World has expanded and we have met Normal Loving People and have formed Healthy Relationships, so now we can discern what is Healthy and what is Unhealthy, Toxic, and Harmful.

However the rest of the inhabitants in the KoN are not so easily identified. In fact to this very day I am wondering if my Siblings are Damaged or Disordered or both. Of course my prayer is that they are Damaged, because the Damaged can be Healed. They can Repair what was done to them, so that they don't continue to Repeat in any way what was done to them.

As a Momma of a 4 1/2 yr. old my Dear Husband (DH) & I am teaching our Dear Daughter (DD) Right from Wrong, and Kind People from Mean People. We are teaching her to develop her Gift of Discernment. The ability to Discern derives from the ability to detect or identify the Truth vs Lies. There are Many Lies in this World, and a misconception and Great Deception is that all lies come from Liars, unfortunately this is Not True. Lies are handed down throughout the generations that many believe that they are the Truth, because respectable People utter the lies time and time again.

For example, a common lie or Urban Legend is that "There is Good in Everyone" --This is False and This is a Lie. We must clarify that [being] Good is Not the same as [doing] Good. Just because a PersoN can appear to do Good, that person is not necessarily really authentically being Good. A Narcissist (N) can do Good, but the N's actual being is NOT Good due to his/her Pathology or Evil Nature. A N does Good Things for the Wrong Reasons, or the Right Thing for the Wrong Reason. When a N does a perceived Good Thing it is for his/her own Self-Interest, to create & maintain their False Public Image and/or to gain & maintain control over those they appear to be helping, due to the Toxic Strings that are attached creating an covert Obligation that now the other person owes the N something, and the N will always collect, and not always in an obvious way. Did that sentence seem long, complicated, or drawn out -- well that is what the KoN is like.

It is only after some time has past, and there has been some disconnection between us and the N do we then realize, Oh that's why the N did that once perceived Good Thing, it wasn't because s/he really cared about me only to deceive, manipulate, and control me. Imagine the Overt N as the Puppet Master and we are the Puppet, but What or Who are the Strings? The Toxic Strings are what ties us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser. I always thought the Strings were Situations, such as the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that the Puppet Master/Overt N/Abuser creates to keep us trapped in his/her KoN. Now I have realized that the Toxic Strings that tie us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser is not only Situations, but rather People. Not just any People, but those who are the closet to us and those have been apart of us even since the very day we were born into the KoN. These Toxic Strings are our Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO) complied of Damaged and Disordered People. They are referred to as the Enablers.

In the past Enablers have been classified as fellow victims and helpless to end the Primary Abuser's/Overt N's Reign of Abuse.

Are they really as helpless as they want us to believe? Or . . .

Is their perceived helplessness yet another Grand Illusion in the KoN?

Just like the Primary Abuser, aka Overt & Obvious N,

Are Enablers not who they appear to be?

The Overt N rules at the center of the KoN making or forcing everything and everyone to revolve around him/her, but does this person rule alone, or is there a covert helper?

Do Ns have that much power to create & maintain the KoN all by themselves?

Can one person really control an entire Kingdom or do they have help?

Like with all Dictatorships the KoN must have its Army in order to keep things the way the Wicked Ruler wants them. The N signs everyone his/her duty or role. Some are Scapegoats and the Identified Target, others are the Golden Child, and then there are the Reinforcers. The Army of the KoN. Thing is with a Physical Army you can tell & identify who is in the Army and you can tell when your adversary or enemy is approaching, but in the KoN it is a Spiritual Army we are up against, and it is hard to detect who is Friend and who is Foe. Who you think is your Friend or your Family Member unexpectedly deserts, betrays and abandons you when you must battle the Overt N. When you are on the Battlefield you expect and anticipate direct or indirect attacks from the Overt N, but we are assaulted from the side from those who said they are standing with us against the Overt N's abuse.

The Army of the Enablers blindside us when we are most vulnerable. We trust them to have our back and devastated to find out that they have stabbed us in the back. The Enablers echo out our same Battle cry that the Overt N's abuse is wrong and must come to an end, but when we are holding the Overt N accountable the Covert attack of the Army of Enablers begins with either overt or covert bullying, harassment, guilt tripping tactics in order to recruit us to join their Enabling Army that Specializes in Cheap Premature Forgiveness and supports the Overt N ruling the KoN.

The Enabling Army turns on us, and the focus is no longer the Overt N's Lack of Remorse and Desire to Hurt Others, but our Lack of Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Reconciliation with the Overt N. The Enabling Army say they have our best interest at heart while they are attacking our heart. We know the identity of the Overt N is pathological and evil, so we do not want any contact with the Overt N, but the Enabling Army can not and will not admit the Overt N is evil, because then what does that say about them?

They must admit that they were deceived and used by the Overt N which takes a big blow to their already damaged Self-Esteeem, or they have to admit that they enjoy serving the Evil Overt N and being in his/her Enabling Army.

Those who can admit that they have been deceived by the Overt N lies, and discover the Evil Nature of the Overt N will leave the Enabling Army, but those who refuse to admit that they have been deceived, and that the Overt N's nature is pathological & evil will remain a member of the Enabling Army. It is the Damaged People in the Enabling Army that resign their position and leave to seek Healing & Understanding that eventually a Bridge to Reconciliation can be built once they learn the tools to create a Healthy Relationship.

And then there are those who remain in the Enabling Army, Covert Ns that view us as the Problem rather than the Overt N. Why can't they see how the Overt N has destroyed our Family through deception and division? Why don't they see the Overt N's words and behavior as toxic, hurtful, harmful, and evil? Why do they continue to make Excuses for the Abuses? Because these Enablers are not like us, but like the Overt N, because they are Covert Ns. They will not admit the Overt N is Evil, because they identify with the Overt N, have empathy for the Overt N and love the Overt N and if they admit the Overt N is Evil, then they will have to admit that they have love an Evil Being, and then what would that make them?

Every Damaged Person I have talked to has questioned whether or not s/he is a N like their Abuser. However, Disordered People deny who they really are, because they believe they are perfect just the way they are even when they have victimized others. Those in the Enabling Army who continue to Victim Blame in covert ways, even when the Overt N has been unmasked do so because they are Covert Ns. When they devalue deject, and deny the Nature of the Overt N and say that the N and his/her KoN is "not that bad" it is because to them they are not fellow victims like us, but rather Covert Ns and to them it is really is not that bad because they are like the Overt N, and therefore can stand to remain in the Enabling Army, and march on back to the Overt N and his/her KoN.

The Covert Illusion of the KoN is that the Enablers are fellow victims trapped in the N's KoN with lots of FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) preventing their escape. We project onto the Enablers that they would want to be rescued, but they don't because they are not captives looking to escape harm, but rather covert Ns who know the overt N needs a target and if it will not be us, then it will be them. Covert Ns are not like us, they are like the Overt Ns. Covert Ns do not want to escape the KoN, they don't want to leave Hell, but want us to return to Hell to serve their own self-interest of not being the Overt N's new target.

Covert Ns are the Strings the Puppet Master/Overt N pulls to get us to stay connected to his/her KoN. When we try to rescue those who do not truly want and desire to be Free, then we are making ourselves long-range Targets for the Overt N's attacks. It is the Covert Ns that give away our position to the Overt N, and while the Overt N can not make a direct assault s/he will indirectly attack us through the Covert N positioning in the Enabling Army. The Overt N's Illusion is demolished, so a direct attack can cause no serious harm just a sting from the Ugly Truth that a Person who should love us only wants to hurt us.

It is the Covert N's Illusion that they are merely an Enabler, a helpless bystander, a fellow victim in the N's KoN that creates the devastation. We want to give the Covert N the Benefit of the Doubt that they are just confused & don't understand the role they are playing in the Overt N's KoN, but it is not the Covert N that is confused, but us. We don't want to accept a very painful truth that our loved one who was once also victimized by the Overt N is not only Damaged, but Disordered and that our Love One is not caught in the Middle, but has covertly chosen a side with the Overt N, Primary Abuser which makes them a Secondary Abuser aka The Phantom N. The Horrible Big Picture of the KoN is that the Covert N is not only serving in the Enabling Army, but also rules the KoN at the Overt N's side.

Let's look at Matthew 10:25, It is enough for students to be like their teachers, and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!

I know this is not easy to accept, because I still want to believe that my Sisters are merely Damaged by the Psycho Parents, that they can get healing & understanding and the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be obliterated and they will no longer be Captives in the KoN. I keep thinking if I only point out just one more time how the Psycho Parents enjoy hurting their Children my Sisters will see & accept the Truth about the Evil Nature of the Psycho Parents.

How can I continue to explain the obvious to People who refuse to accept the obvious?

The last time my BIL (DH of Sister #2) gave my DH & I a "Surprise Visit" we explained to him that we are in GOD's will in regards to the Psycho Parents via Luke 17:3

“If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Since the Psycho Parents have not repent, continue to deny, deceive, and divide we must stay in GOD's will by continuing to rebuke the Psycho Parents & have no contact with them.

How long do I unmask the Overt N to reveal his/her true evil nature to those who appear to be deceived? Is it they who are being deceived, or is it they who are deceiving us? If everyone else can see the Psycho Parent's evil nature, then why can't they, or why wont they?

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

My BiL and Sister are blinded by the Psycho Parents deception. Nothing in this World break the Grand Illusion they are under and can restore their sight. It is time for serious spiritual warfare against the super natural forces that keep them blinded from the Truth.

How do I know there is nothing more in this world and of this world I can do for them? How do I know that all my efforts and tools of this world will not work to set them free from the Grand Illusion they are under? How do I know that I should stop trying and trying and trying to reason with them and point out the obvious to them over and over and over again? How do I know it is time to transition from Physical Intercession to Spiritual Intercession? Continued Physical Intercession keeps you and your own family of creation connected to the KoN which brings at the min. unnecessary stress & distraction in your life. When we stop the Physical Intercession and switch to only Spiritual Intercession we become a very powerful force to be reckoned with against the enemy who uses are loved ones as his puppets. How do you know you have done all that you can do and it is time to release, let go, and move on so that you don't stay connected even indirectly to harmful people?

Titus 3 10-11:

10 Warn divisive people once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

GOD has placed it on my heart to pray that the Demon Dad's and Momster's stronghold over my BIL and Sister will be broken through spiritual discernment and to talk to my BIL and Sister one more time and show them the Demon Dad's last message to us to show them his Evil Nature to hurt us and that he is deceiving them with his Counterfeit Remorse, because a Person who has Authentic & True Remorse would not say such hurtful & antagonistic things. If they can not see he is deceiving them, and they refuse to see the Demon Dad's True Evil Nature, then there is nothing more we can do and will continue to pray that the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be broken through Spiritual Discernment.

The Demon Dad's last wicked message included a statement about my BIL and Sister's Minds and Hearts being open to him, unlike ours that remain closed. The Demon Dad's words were meant to hurt, but instead revealed his deception over them, and time will only tell if what the Demon Dad has foretold will remain true. Are my BIL's & Sister's Hearts and Mind open to the Demon Dad? Are their minds warped? Is the reason they refuse to see the Demon Dad's Evil Nature because they are Damaged or Disordered? My BIL and Sister have changed since they have had contact with the Demon Dad. They have repeatedly betrayed my DH and I. Is their betrayal, their sin because they are being transformed or is their evil nature being revealed?

They think they are going to change the Demon Dad, that they have the power to change pure Evil through their Cheap Premature Forgiveness, but they are not changing the Demon Dad to be more like them, but rather the Demon Dad is changing them to be more like him. They are truly being self-condemned.

Please pray that my BIL & Sister's Hearts and Minds will be closed to the Demon Dad and open to us or better yet to God so that they can see the Truth and the Truth will set them Free -- especially when it comes from God and they accept it. That GOD's Word will take root in their lives and set them free from the Psycho Parents KoNs. That healing can happen between my BIL & Sister and my DH and myself. Pray that we can reverse this curse. Thank You for your prayers.

May the Lord bless you were ever you are at on your Life Journey.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,

Click Here.

If this chapter in my Life has made a positive impact or the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you, or any other chapters in the Journey of Letting Go has made a positive difference and you would like to also Share It Forward and Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. No donation is too small, and every bit helps. And the Lord will say to us, Thank You for giving me Hope and we will say to Him, Lord when were you without Hope? And the Lord will say when you restored hope by Giving Dreams Wings what you did for them, you did for Me. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

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Self-Care is like Riding a Bike

2011-09-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

Imagine your entire life you were told by your Narcissistic parent (Nparent) that Bikes are only for selfish & lazy people, for conceited people who only care about themselves, being w/themselves, and don't care about others. They are self-absorbed and don't care about the feelings of others. In other words people who ride bikes are Narcissists (Ns). This is what Children who live in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) are taught, so that we stay trapped & dependent on the Nparent. Self-Care is like riding a bike, because it provides Freedom & Independence and when your surroundings are abusive it provides an much needed Escape.

As you grow up, your world expands, you meet new interesting people, and you discover that these fascinating people enjoy riding bikes. You notice while they are riding their bike that they are Happy and at Peace. They share with you how riding a bike is so very freeing for them, it provides both Health & Happiness. You share with them what you have been taught that riding a bike is for Selfish & Lazy People, and they show you all the Evidence in which this idea is wrong. You are intrigued and your Friend encourages you to join her on a bike ride. Although you are very hesitant you agree to join her. She gives you instructions on how to master riding a bike, warns you that it will be awkward at first, that you might lose your balance a few times, and take a few spills, but not to give up, because the rewards of learning how to ride a bike are worth it.

Your Friend is correct. Learning to ride a bike was a little bit of a challenge to find your Balance, but you did and you enjoyed your New Found Freedom of taking long bike rides w/your Friend. Your Friend encouraged, praised, and supported you as you Mastered your New Skills.

You are so very excited about your New Found Knowledge & Personal Experience that riding a bike is actually good for a person, and you want so desperately to share it with your Nparent so that s/he can experience the joys of riding a bike and join you on new adventures. Your Nparent shouts, Are you crazy? What have I taught you your entire life? Riding a bike is for very selfish & heartless people who do not care about others. Do you really want to be like those people? See how they just ride off and leave others behind? You share with your Nparent your first experience of riding a bike. S/he only hears how you lost your balance, crashed and scraped your knees and elbows. The Joy you had when you found your Balance, took off, and raced up to your Horizon into New Adventures, all the New & Exciting People you met and the Places you have been because you have Learned to Ride a Bike. . . were completely ignored, devalued, and rejected.

Instead of explaining just how wonderful riding a bike is you decide the best way to convince your Nparent is to show her, so you bring out your New Bike, all along your Nparent is giving you very discouraging words, trying to convince you that you can't do it, it's not for you, you wont be any good at it and you are stupid for even trying. You are shaking inside, you wonder if your Nparents statements are true. Who do you think you are to show someone else to ride a bike when you are still very awkward at it? All these thoughts & questions are creating doubt & trying to hold your Mind captive and prevent you from getting back on your Bike, but you remember the Joy you felt when you were riding with your Friend, so you ignore all the negative toxic talk from your Nparent and you precede to show him/her just how to ride a bike. Your mind is spinning, you feel like you are going to throw up, you are shaky, but you get on your bike and ride. You go a few feet, but because you are so unsure of yourself, you lose your balance and fall. Your Nparent laughs & ridicules your efforts, calls over the rest of your family, so they too can laugh at your expense. The Nparent takes this opportunity while you are wounded on the ground to declare victory that s/he was Right and you were obviously Wrong, and makes an example of you to the rest of the family just how crazy you are for even thinking that you can ride a bike, and that riding a bike could actually be good for you. Discouraged you lock up your bike and don't get back on.

Your Friend calls to ask how did it go with showing your family how to ride a bike and you explain to her that riding a bike is not for you, that you are just not strong enough, and secretly you feel, yet never express to your Friend that your Nparent was right only lazy & selfish people ride bikes. Your Friend invites you to leave your family for a short time and join her on Vacation and you join her. While on Vacation you see how other people are enjoying riding their bikes and you remember how good it felt when you were riding a bike. After much encouragement, your Friend says let's take a ride. You tell her about your concerns for falling and she tells you everyone falls when they are first learning, but it is not in the falling, but the Getting Back Up and Going Forward that is Important. You worry that you are not strong enough, but your Friend has Compassion & Love and says, don't worry I will be with you and I will not leave you. The two of you enjoy the entire day riding your bike, the next day you can't wait to go riding with your Friend again and each day you meet New People and discover New Places together. You spend your entire Vacation building your skills, riding at night, riding when the wind is at your back, riding when the wind is right in front when the resistance is the strongest, riding when the wind comes from the side so unexpectedly that it knocks you off balance, but there is No Longer Fear in Falling, because you know how to get back up and you know that this is only part of the Learning Process and it is in & through your challenges that you become stronger. Your Riding Skills become so strong that others encourage you to go on a marathon, you don't think you are ready for such a long duration, but your Friend prepares you and you Master one Marathon after another. You discover that you also enjoy riding up hill when all the pressure is against you preventing you from moving forward, but you Do Not Fear Adversity. True you have to work harder at riding your bike during this very challenging time, and sometimes it takes every ounce of Strength you have and then Some to reach the top, but the Reward in getting to the Apex, the completly New Viewpoint is Spectacular and Life Changing.

When you visit your family, they notice something is very different about you. You are not the same person that they once knew. You know how they feel about bike riding, so you do not want to share with them what has happened to you, but you are not a person who hides the Truth, so you tell them, if you really want to know what has brought me so much Joy, I will show you. As you go to pull out the bike, you are once again attacked w/verbal and emotional abuse. You are accused of being a heartless person for betraying your family. You tell your family look I have spent all my resources in acquiring a bike for each one of you, so that you too can share in the Joy of this New Life of Riding a Bike. You explain to them all the Possibilities & Blessings that await them if they would only give it a try. You are ridiculed and you are shunned and told that if you want to be apart of the family you must give up bike riding forever. You consider riding your bike in secret when your family is not around, but that is not who you are because you vowed to yourself that you are going to live an Authentic Life and be True to Self. You can not sacrifice yourself for someone else's happiness, so that they can feel good about themselves and you will feel bad about yourself. You can not return to a life of Lesser Than where people do not value you. You have received & experienced Authentic & Healthy Love from your Best Friend and when the choice is return to a life without bike riding, to sadness, hopelessness, and pain or to leave that all behind and ride into your New Life of Authentic Love and leave what you have known your entire life behind, then It's Time to Ride. There is no guilt in leaving those toxic people behind you, because you have equipped them w/the resources they need to change their life. It is their choice to remain in darkness, it is time for you to leave, it is time for you to take off, It is Time to Ride.

You get on your bike, and you feel the warmth of the Sun, the companionship and love of your Best Friend and you notice the more you go forward, the more distance you place between you and the past. When you first left it all behind you could hear the very loud voices of your Family of Origin, clouding your mind and discouraging you, preventing you from reaching what is waiting, but you know that their lies hold no validity, and you focus on What Is instead of what was. As you travel you notice their voices become WEAKER, Weaker and weaker until one day you realize that the Echos of the Past no longer haunt your Mind. You never knew that learning how to ride a bike would set you Free, you never realized how Captive you were until you found your Freedom.

People have asked me, Will you ever go back? And I have thought about it. I have thought what is waiting me if I return opposed to what is waiting for me that I have not yet Discovered. There is so much more to Discover moving Forward, that I am choosing to venture on further into my New Life of Riding a Bike.

Escaping the KoN was a Journey of Self-Discovery which began with Self-Care. Like Riding a Bike, it was very awkward at first and I had to over come the lies I was programmed to once believe that held my Mind and my Life captive. My Moving Forward has to do with what I call the Mind Mouth Move Method -- which is MMMM Good! wink. What the Mind thinks, the Mouth will say and Self will Move in that Direction. It is very important to recognize what Direction we are moving in or towards. Are we moving in the Direction of Captivity or Abundance. Captivity meaning the Death of Self and Abundance meaning simply the Life we are created to have. Jesus tells us that He came so that we may have an Abundant Life, some Bible versions say, have a Full Life. Shalom refers to achieving the Peace of God, nothing missing or wanting.

Whether your Destiny involves a Full or Abundant Life is up to You. I have found that the difference between the two is a matter of Perception. From my NFOO's point-of-view, in the Serpent's Pit they would say that my Life is lacking, but where I live in the LOL (Land of Love building the Legacy of Love) my cup is very Full and very often it is Overflowing. At times, when I was dealing with the past, spending too much time focusing on what I didn't have (a loving FOO) instead of what I do have (Loving Family & Friends), my cup seemed lacking. What I realized is that Abundance does not depend on quantity, but rather Quality. I would rather have one Awesome Friend who can reciprocate Authentic Love, than 10 or 100 Counterfeits who can only provide the Illusion of Love.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10 (New King James Version)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10 (New International Version, ©2010)

http://www.biblegateway.com

What I have learned through the Journey of Letting Go is that Family is defined by Love not Biology. And Jesus Christ is our Savior not just for Salvation, but for Transformation. Jesus was wounded, so our wounds could completely heal through His Amazing Love. There is no wound too deep that Christ can't heal -- I am proof of that! Only the scars of the Pain of the Past remain as a Testimony of what Amazing Love can do by Changing Wounds into Wings.

Please [LIKE] the Giving Dreams Wings Page so we can better promote our Programs. One of the Programs we are building is Bikes of Hope. Bikes are a Blessing, because they are a therapeutic tool that not only bring physical balance, but cognitive & psychological balance too. As a Child who lived in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) where Abuse surrounded me on all sides, my bike was my friend & my hero that provided a Great Escape if only for a short temporary time. When I learned how to ride, I received the Gift of Accomplishment through Achievement. This Accomplishment led to Independence and Adventures out of the KoN where I discovered Life is Different and Abuse is not Normal. My Bike was my Resource of Hope. My Life can be Different and will be Different when I Escape the KoN.

If the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you and you feel inspired to Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

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Once Upon a KoN. . .

2011-08-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

When someone disrespects, offends, betrays, hurts, harms, or abuses us,

Do we Request or Require them to STOP and subsequently CHANGE their hurtful behavior?

Words are very powerful. Request implies we are asking permission to receive something.

I have been working on explaining to my 4.5 yr. old the difference between Can I have something? and May I have something? Can refers to one's ability, and are you physically able to do something where as May is asking for permission along with the word Will, as in Will you (a request for doing or stop doing something). By using the word Will we are asking the persoN who hurt us, do you have the desire or need to do what I ask or request -- it is still not a requirement for a changed behavior.

So back to confronting Toxic People, are you Requesting or Requiring them to stop their hurtful behavior?

Can you stop abusing me? -- is a question of great debate. I don't believe that high level Narcissists (Ns) can stop hurting others because they enjoy & have a need to hurt others because when we feel bad about ourselves they feel good about themselves.

Statements such as You need to stop? -- are still not effective, because you are making a statement which they don't agree with because they see no need to stop hurting others. Same thing with statements such as Will you stop . . . -- are they truly willing to stop? Our willingness has to do with our deep desire or need rather than a simple want. Ns say they want to change, but they don't really have a deep desire, drive, or need to change, thus there is no motivation for them to change. People are Replaceable to Ns. They lack empathy, so knowing that their actions hurt us makes no difference. Empathy is the driving force for a need to change and since Ns lack Empathy they lack the necessary component to change. They need to hurt others to feel good. If they were really willing, able, or capable of stoping they would, but they don't because the will or actual need to change is not there no matter how many empty lies they offer.

Toxic Relationships are nicknamed the KoN for a reason. It is the Kingdom of Narcissism where the Toxic PersoN rules at the center making everything and everyone revolve around him/her. They see themselves in an elevated Superior status like a King.

In Ancient Times, if a person went to talk to the King w/out first getting his permission, then s/he could be killed. It still happens today in other countries around the world where the society is ruled by a Dictatorship.

With Toxic People, aka Narcissists (Ns), they do not see People that they should Value and Respect, but mere Objects that they own & poses, to be Controlled, Manipulated, Used and Abused. With Normal People, or perhaps I should change that to Empathetic People, a simple Request goes along way, because Normal People Value & Respect others, but Ns do not. Normal People view others as Equals, but Ns do not. Ns want to maintain their perceived Superiority at all costs. In Toxic Relationships where the N controls everything, there is No Equality. In the mind of a N we are not on his/her Self-Elevated level, so to make a Request for Change is like having a Peasant request something from a KiNg or QueeN. The N is God in his/her mind and in his/her KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), so it is natural for him/her to turn down a Request for Change. It maintains their sense of Superior Power to do so, and the Victim/Object feels obligated to explain why s/he is Requesting Change from the KiNg or QueeN.

The N demands that his/her Object/Victim/Subject/Peasant states his/her case. In other words it is up to the Victim/Peasant to not only Prove, but to Convince the Abuser/Ruler there is a Need to Change. No matter how strong the case is for the KiNg or QueeN to change, no matter how Great the Insurmountable Evidence is, or how well it is presented, the KiNg or QueeN is Not compelled to change, because s/he does not feel obligated to change, because his/her Object/Victim/Subject/Peasant is Lesser-Than, and thus not worthy of Requesting Change from the KiNg or QueeN. To Request Change from the MeaN KiNg or QueeN only results in a D&D from their KoN, or at least alienation from the cruel KiNg or QueeN, and all their Loyal Subjects in the KoN.

Now in the same KoN with the same MeaN KiNg or QueeN instead of Requesting Change we Require Change. Again the MeaN KiNg or QueeN's reaction will be the same as before, Who are you a mere Object/Victim/Subject/Peasent to Require anything from the KiNg or QueeN? It is not how the KiNg or QueeN perceives or views us, but rather how we preceive & view ourselves that makes the difference in how this all turns out.

Do we see ourselves as a Peasant ruled by an almighty powerful KiNg or QueeN, or a Lady or Lord who has more Social Status & Value than a Peasant, yet still inferior to the KiNg or QueeN and must adhere to their Ruling & Dictatorship. As powerful as the Lady and Lord are compared to the Peasents, they still must first seek the MeaN KiNg or QueeN's approval and permission to do Anything in the KoN. Only another equally powerful King or Queen can Request Change from the MeaN KiNg or QueeN, but the KoN belongs to the MeaN KiNg or QueeN, so a simple Request will not work.

A Kind King or Queen must Require Change from the MeaN KiNg or QueeN. If the MeaN KiNg or QueeN values the Kind King or Queen the MeaN KiNg or QueeN will Change his/her behavior, but not their True Self. The MeaN KiNg or QueeN's abusive behavior maybe managed, but their core wicked Self or Nature does not change. They change their Personality and fool others with their deceptive behavior, but their True Character always comes out, or is unmasked in time. The MeaN KiNg or QueeN does not change out of Kindness & Respect, but out of Fear of Losing the Power s/he feels when they are with the Kind King or Queen. The MeaN KiNg or QueeN does not value individuals only the Association, the combined status to support a Public Image or Reputation that the individuals can provide to the MeaN KiNg or QueeN. As soon as the MeaN KiNg or QueeN finds a replacement for the Kind King or Queen and they become of no use to the MeaN KiNg or QueeN, the Kind King or Queen will be Required or Ordered to Shut Up and Put Up with the MeaN KiNg or QueeN's Abuse & Toxic Rulings. The Kind King or Queen have Two Choices; forget who they are, who they were created to be, give up their Personal Power, and be ruled by the MeaN KiNg or QueeN, or leave the KoN, and establish their own LOL (Land of Love) where Equality, Respect, and Love Reigns.

What is the Moral to this Story?

You can not Request Change from a N, you must Require It. Staying in the KoN does not change the N it changes You. The N who rules the KoN will rob you of your True Identity & your Personal Power, and you will forget who you really are in this World. Never forget who you are and where you come from. You are a Child of the Most High God. You may have come from a MeaN KiNg or QueeN, but you are not of the MeaN KiNg or QueeN. You may have been born in the KoN, raised by a N, but you do not have to be a N. You may have married the MeaN KiNg or QueeN, but you do not have to stay with the MeaN KiNg or QueeN. You are more powerful than the MeaN KiNg or QueeN could ever Dream or Scheme to be. You were created by the King of Kings which means you have Inherited Royality, Authority, and Power. You are not a helpless Peasant, but a Kind and Nobel King or Queen. Know your Intrinsic Value, Reclaim your True Identity. You are no longer held captive by the MeaN KiNg or QueeN, Escape and find your Freedom from the KoN.

As I am beginning to Write a New Chapter in my Life Story I have learned a very important Life Lesson. True Change can not be Requested or Required, but must come from True Desire to not hurt us. As long as they enjoy hurting us rather than loving us, True Change will not occur. When there is True Empathy and Remorse a Request or Requirement doesn't even have to be stated, because Authentic Love elicits Necessary Change, because a Person who Truely Loves us observes how his/her words or behavior has hurt us, and doesn't desire to do that again, thus the same hurtful behavior does not reoccur, because hurting us hurts those who love us, and you don't repeatedly hurt (use & abuse) those you Truly Love.

The End. . . of the KoN. . . and the Beginning of a New Life.

May GOD bless you on your Journey.

Don't Get Played on the Teeter-Totter Relationship

2011-08-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

An analogy of being in an unstable, unhealthy relationship with a N is like riding a Teeter-Totter.

Think back to your Childhood, riding a Teeter-Totter takes two, and the Teeter-Totter Experience whether or not it is going to be enjoyable or not depends on who you are riding with. An Enjoyable Teeter-Totter Experience is based on Reciprocated Empathy. It is a fluid, osculating process from Independence, Interdependence, and Intradependence. It is a fine interaction of keeping your partners needs in balance with your own. And since no two people are exactly alike achieving, and especially maintaining Psychological Equilibrium is a whole lot easier said then done.

A Relationship with a N is much like a Teeter-Totter, when you see others in a continued momentum of highs and lows, there is a lot of excitement, drama, and activity, and they are appearing to have fun, so you are tempted to get on the Teeter-Totter. At first it is intoxicating, but eventually if you stay on too long, you can lose your equilibrium, get off balance, get sick, and even take a fall. The Teeter-Totter Relationship is very deceptive. What once feels intoxicating just turns out to be plain toxic. Just like Desperately Dancing with the Disordered.

I have heard People say that constant, stable, reliable, and predictable relationships are boring. Much like getting on a Tetter-Totter and creating Perfect Equilibrium between the two partners. Neither Person is up or down, but can look at each other eye to eye.

I can assure you that in Healthy, Loving Relationships, you don't always see eye to eye. There are differences. The difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships is that in Heathy Loving Relationships when disagreements occur it doesn't become a battle to get our way at the expense of someone we love. We keep in mind that the other Person is our Partner and not our Advisory or Nemesis. Disagreement doesn't turn us into Instant Enemies. We see each others as Equals who respectfully express his/her own opinions, ideas, and choices. It is keeping in mind that we are on the same Team and have the same Goal which is to have a Loving Relationship, and to show the other Person they are Loved. When both People have the exact same Goal to Love One Another, and operate out of what is best for us rather than what is best for me, then a Stable Loving Relationship can be achieved and maintained. It is when One Person's Ego or Pathology gets in the way and they start thinking what can I get out of this Relationship instead of what can I contribute and give to the other Person.

Toxic Relationships consists of Emotionally Bankrupted People who believe, think, and feel that the other Person owes them, and they are constantly out to collect. Like a Cruel Debt Collector, the Emotionally Bankrupt Person who lacks Empathy will do what ever to get what s/he feels is owed to him/her. They are constantly looking for how they can have the advantage, and take the advantage. In Toxic Relationships things are not given away freely, they are taken and stolen through deception, manipulation, and force. Toxic Relationships are filled with users and abusers. When we find ourselves in Toxic Relationships we have 3 choices; (1) Leave the Relationship, go No Contact (NC) (2) Remain in the Relationship and Remain the Victim (3) Become like them (overt & covert Ns), if you can't beat them join them, and find another victim to use and abuse. Toxic Relationships are about Victimization, you are either a Victim, or an Abuser (either the Primary Abuser, the obvious Overt N, or the Secondary Abuser which is the Covert N who does nothing to stop the Primary Abuser, so if someone does nothing to stop the abuse, then s/he is supporting it by his/her lack of action.).

Ns (Overt Ns) and Enablers (Covert Ns) actually enjoy the Teeter-Totter Relationship of I'm on Top, Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top, -- Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top -- Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top, etc. The only type of People who can sustain this for a prolonged period of time are Damaged and Disordered People. As a former Damaged Person, due to two Psycho Parents, once I knew there was another way to live, and I didn't have to live like this any more, I got Help to Heal, so that I could Repair, instead of Repeat, and then I Replaced the Teeter-Totter Relationships with Healthy Relationships based on Equality & Reciprocation of Authentic Love. To watch others in a Teeter-Totter Relationship makes me sick, and I don't want any part of it. It is not tempting at all to me. It is not even Familiar, because Healthy Authentic Love is my New Normal. I can not stand to be around Ns. I don't want to be in the Poisonous Playground, aka the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), and I don't want to be on their Toxic Teeter-Totter. I know the Red Flags, and I leave in the opposite direction as soon as I detect & identify a N near by.

Have you ever watched and closely observed Children on a Teeter-Totter? I think this would be a great way to test potential, or even a level of Narcissism in a Child. Scientist say that a Child's Personality is formed very early, before a Person reaches Adulthood (around 18 or 21). What I have observed is that one's Nature is what we are all born with, it is constant in quality, and only gets stronger in Time. Those with a Good Nature get Better, and those with a Bad Nature get Worse.

I use to be an opponent of the Bad Seed Theory, that there was Goodness in Everyone, we just had to dig deep enough, love the other Person long enough and strong enough, and the Goodness locked up inside of them will just be released, grow and bloom. I want People to notice the Good in me, and I looked for the Good in Others. When I messed up it wasn't because I was a Bad Person, just made a Bad Choice, or a Bad Mistake. If there is Good in me even though I mess up, then there has gotta be Good in Others too. This is usually the case, because the majority of People are Good Natured People. This is a combination of Transference & Projection. Most Psychological Theories are based on Assumptions & Projection, no one wants to believe that someone is actually born Bad, lacking Empathy & Remorse and Enjoys Hurting Others.

I did not want to believe that People are Born Mean, lacking Empathy & Remorse. I wanted to believe that ALL People are basically Good, that all we had to do is teach and counsel others to be Good (Kind, Thoughtful, Empathetic, Compassionate, etc), to show them how to Love by Loving them in spite of them hurting us. Eventually the Good in them will take over the Unhealthy, the Damaged, the Pathological, the Disorder, and they would eventually be Safe, Healthy Loving People. Maybe they would just be limited. and not as Loving as others, but at least a little bit of the Qualities it takes to have a limited Relationship, referred to as a Hallmark Relationship.

After over 20 years, I have discovered that the Evidence does not support the Theory that in Every Person there is Good. There are Toxic People who being Mean, Hurtful, Harmful, and Bad towards others makes them feel Good. Therefore they don't change no matter how much Unconditional Love we give them. In fact giving Toxic People Unconditional Love and Cheap Forgiveness makes them worse not better, because in their minds we have just shown them what they can get away with, so they keep pushing it, and NC is the only way to get them to stop hurting others, because Ns lack a conscience, think they are superior to others, and see no need to change. In their twisted mind, it is not their abuse towards us that is the problem, but rather we won't accept the abuse towards us, and hold them accountable & responsible. They will not change for the better only the worse. The only way to change a Toxic Relationship is to get out of the Toxic Relationship. NC = No Target

There is a Theory that the N's Pathology is due to Pathological Parenting, some sort of abuse in Childhood. This may explain their Pathology, the Ns Psychological Problem, but it does not explain their Spiritual Problem. It does not explain their Evil Nature. If it was only a matter of Bad, Unhealthy Parenting, then the N, like the Children of Nparents, who the Nparent abused & damaged can be Re-Parented, and their Psychological Wounds can Heal & be Repaired . Therapy, Counseling, and Re-Parenting does not work on the N not because of their psychological problems, but because of the Spiritual Problem which is their Evil Nature. Those who have been Damaged by Nparents can Heal and Repair, so we don't Repeat, and we can Replace what was unhealthy, toxic, evil and wrong with healthy, loving, good, and right ways of doing things, because our Nature is one of Love not Evil. A N's Nature is Evil, and that is why Ns can't change and wont change. I had a strong desire to change, and to heal the hurt the Nparents caused, and I didn't want to hurt others, but Ns enjoy hurting others, so they wont change. Ns are the Bad Seed. Ns would be Toxic no matter how they were Nurtured because their Nature is Evil.

The only Theory that has stood the test of time is Free Will and Choice. We have the Choice to Repeat or Repair, then Replace. There are Ns who have had Loving Parents, and still turned out to be Ns. There are Many People like myself who had Nparents (I had two), plus a Psycho Predator Uncle, plus a Predator Teacher. IF the Theory is true that Toxic Nurture makes a N, then I should be a N at least at some level, but I have off the chart Empathy for others, because my Nature is Good, and most importantly because I have experienced Amazing Authentic Love from Jesus, and those who Truly have a Personal Relationship with Jesus. It is my choice to be like Christ, and not like the Psycho Parents.

So can Ns with a Bad Nature choose to have Good Behavior? Seems impossible due to their Bad Nature, Right? However when we consider that the N's abuse is Victim Specific, meaning they only abuse certain People, then we discover that their cruelty is conscious and controlled which in my book makes them Evil beings. For more details on Conscious or Unconscious attacks, Click Here. Since the Ns abuse is conscious & controlled and the attacks are Victim Specific, does that mean that the Ns just need to simply choose not to abuse? Is it a really a matter of choice, and therefore all that we need to do is Re-Parent the N to make Good Choices?

The Pathology of the N must be evaluated by case by case bases. Low level Ns can adapt a Managed Behavior technique (i.e., don't attack others), and although their behavior has changed their Nature is constant meaning that they will always have the desire to hurt others, so they usually find very covert & subtle, ambient ways of achieving their need to do harm. A N's behavior is not managed because all of a sudden they have the ability to have Empathy. No, it changes because the threat of NC. They manage their behavior not because they have compassion & concern for others, but because they don't want lose something. Do you see the difference?

Please don't get me wrong. A Toxic & Abusive Environment does have a dramatic effect on a Person, and is very detrimental to one's character develop and hinders a Person from who s/he was created to be without enduring Abuse. I believe there is a combination effect of Nurture & Nature, because Toxic Parents create a Toxic Environment. Each case of a Damaged or Disordered Person is Person Specific meaning that we must investigate the Environment of the Person's Childhood, AND the Genetics in the Family Tree. Only future science will be able to factor out which cause took the Primary role in each specific case. The bottom line is that we all have a choice to be Helpful or Harmful to others.

As much as I do not want to believe in the Bad Seed Theory, and I don't want to believe that a Baby is born Bad, the Evidence proves that Ns are born Ns -- at least the higher level Ns. Nism is a very strong & persistent genetic component or trait. I have observed in every Family there is a N (of one degree or another) somewhere in the Family Tree, regardless of the Nature of the Nurture that was given. Perhaps the N is not directly in the immediate Family (Parents, Children, and Siblings), but the N can be located in the extended Family Members, a Grand Parent, Aunt or Uncle, or Cousin.

In my DH's Family there are 4 kids. To this day we all know who the Golden Child is and although she has and in covert ways still is on the very top of the Toxic Totem Pole of Favoritism she has the least of Empathy out of the four kids. This may support the Nurture Theory, except her sister who was also a Golden Child (a VERY close second to the #1 Golden Child), has such a Beautiful Loving Spirit and full of Empathy for others. In the Theory the #2 Golden Child and the Scapegoat on the very bottom of the Toxic Totem Pole of Favoritism should be jealous & envious Ns, but they are the complete opposite of that. They are highly Empathetic People, always giving of themselves and helping others, not because they feel like they have to earn someone's love, but because they just enjoy helping others.

It is their choice to be a Compassionate Loving People, but I also believe it is part of their Compassionate Spirit, and Nature which has grown through their Personal Relationship with Christ. My Loving Sister-in-Love has always been a kind Person, because it was in her Nature, but these past two years since she has become a Christian, and most importantly has a Personal Close Relationship with Christ she has become even MORE Compassionate. Due to her up bringing my SIL, like the Golden Child, should be a Self-Absorbed Diva or have N-tendencies, but she is just the opposite. She is involved with Community Activities and Outreach Programs, and is a joy to be around.

There is a Theory that All Children are Narcissistic in Nature. While they are use to the World revolving around them since birth, some Children make the transition that the Entire World does not revolve around them, while others still believe and demand that the World revolves around them. Let's look at how Children react to the Tetter-Totter Experience. Some Children enjoy the smooth transitional movement of the Teeter-Totter as they go peacefully up and down on the Teeter-Totter experiencing the different physical change, movement, and perspective, and taking in their surroundings. Then there are some Children that turn the Teeter-Totter Experience into a Fierce Competition. They have their eyes fixated on the other Person, and can't wait to be on top in order to see their Friend on the bottom. The flip side of this, especially in regards to Younger ChildreN who do not like to be vulnerable & out of control enjoy staying grounded on the bottom, and trapping their Friends suspended at the top, unable to get their feet back on the ground.

Highly Compassionate, Empathetic and Loving kids (those above Average, Normal kids) would (1) Never trap a Friend because they know the fear it would cause in their Friend and they care for their Friend, so they would never trap their Friend. And (2) Normal kids, the Average kid, would think I wouldn't want that done to me, so I wont do it to my Friend. Normal kids will see their Friend getting worried, and let them down. A Direct Correlation can be observed from the amount, or how many times a Friend has to plea or ask to be released from their Suspended Trap. How many times does the other Child have to ask? Does the other Child have to break down in tears?

Then the Parents notice the terrified Child, and the Parent of the trapped Child comes to the rescue.

While you are in the actual process of rescuing your Child take a quick glance at the other Child. Did you see the wicked smirk or smile? Watch it turn to worry when the Child notices that you and his/her Parent have noticed that other Child, your Child, is terrified & upset. It is our Projected Empathy as well as a little Denial that makes us misinterpret the Offending Child's worry. The Offending Child is not worried for the terrorized Child, because if the Offender truly had Empathy and Concern s/he would not be terrorizing the other Child in the first place. No the Offending Child is worried for him/herself, worried what kind of trouble s/he will be in for being mean & hurtful to the other Child.

Watch what the Offending Child does next. Does s/he begin to cry? Again look out for your own Projected Empathy! The Offending Child is not crying out of concern or compassion for the other Child that s/he terrorized, but rather for him/herself because they are worried about getting in trouble. They Offender is not Sorry for what s/he has done, only Sorry for getting caught hurting someone else. Keep watching! The Offending Child will have no Authentic Remorse, Concern, or Compassion for the terrorized Child, and will only be crying in order to avoid accountability.

Watch how it plays out. The Offender takes the focus off of the Victim who s/he terrorized by out-crying the Victim. The attention is off the Victim, and is now on the Offender due to his/her Deceptive Act. The Offending Child's Parent is impressed by how bad her Child feels, and the other deceived Parent of the Victim is also impressed by all the Counterfeit Remorse, and tells her Child who was victimized by the Offending Child, look how bad s/he feels, and instead of People comforting the Victim they are now comforting the Offender.

Watch carefully does the Offending Child ever go to the Child s/he has victimized to comfort her/him? Nope. Why Not? Again watch out for your own Projected Empathy. It is not because the other Child feels Bad, Guilty, Embarrassed, or Ashamed, it is because the Offending Child lacks Empathy and Remorse, and has no desire to Comfort someone s/he has hurt.

Watch the Parent of the Offender try to encourage her Offending Child to have compassion and comfort the hurt Child. Is there resistance? Does the Offender instead turn on the tears to avoid having to do something s/he does not want to do? The Offender does not want to have Compassion for the Person s/he just terrorized, and wants all the attention him/herself, and is a young little N soaking up NS.
In other words, everyone else just got Played!

How do you handle Toxic Re-Runs?

2011-07-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Today I just finished reading a FANTASTIC post by a very talented fellow blogger Mulderfan who posted an article by Paulo Coelho. Click Here to read her Great Post.

"Stop being who you were and change into who you are." ~ Paulo Coelho

"Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away." ~ Paulo Coelho

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. ~ Paulo Coelho

These 3 Statements resonate so deeply with me. They are such a Powerful Healing Annointment for the deep Soul Wounds, especially inflicted by Nparents.

Paulo's statements has that WOW Factor because it inspires, encourages, and empowers us. It reminds me to fully enjoy Today, the Person I am Today and the People I am with Today instead of revisiting the Toxic Re-Runs of a Painful Past. Toxic Re-Runs is a Great Analogy.

What do we do when a Bad Re-Run comes on TV? We turn it off, or switch the channel. I know applying that strategy to Memories of the N and his/her KoN is much More difficult, but it is POSSIBLE. Notice the amount of difficulty is smaller than the POSSIBILITY. Often the Best Things in Life are difficult, but the end result is MORE than worth the struggle to achieve it.

May I share what has worked with me and what has not? I have two very Damaged Sisters who out of their Desperation are Delusional about the Psycho Parents changing when the Psyo Parents continued hurtful behavior proves otherwise. I thought I could have at least a Hallmark Relationship with the Damaged Sister. Although we currently have very little in common except a biological connection and a Painful Past, I do have have Empathy being a fellow Damaged Child and I understand the struggle inward and outward in achieving and maintaining Healthy Relationships. I have wanted to help them by sharing what has worked for me to heal & repair what was done to us. I thought we could have at least a low level Hallmark Relationship even though I had NC w/the Psycho Parents.

This does not work. Because the Sisters are the ones who then switch on the Toxic Re-Runs no matter how much I say I don't want to hear about the Psycho Parents, that we will have to agree to disagree about needing to have a relationship with Toxic Psycho Parents, and what Forgiveness is and what it is not (like not having to have a relationship with Toxic People). If they want to be involved with all that Toxic Mess that is their choice, just like it is my choice not to. I wont try to change their mind, and I they don't need to try and change mine, because we both know where each other stands on the topic of Psycho Parents. If they want to be connected to all that Poisonous Stuff that is their choice, but for me & my Family it is too Toxic, and we are not interested. They say they will respect our choice not to get involved with the Psycho Parents directly or indirectly through them. They say we don't have to Re-Run our disagreement over the Nature of our Psycho Parents, or revisit the Toxic Re-Runs, but they will change the channel, and switch the Healthy Program back to the Toxic Re-Run, and try to convince, us or themselves that the Toxic Re-Run is "not that bad".

I have spent years playing Change the Channel Wars w/my Siblings. They wont accept that I am not interested in replaying the same dysfunctional patterns & conversations.They try to manipulate me into accepting what they are interested in (having a relationship w/Psychos Evil Beings) is a Good Thing if you are a Good Christian. What I have painfully learned is that in order to "Stop being who you were, and change into who you are" means cutting ALL Toxic Ties. Trying to have even a Hallmark Relationship w/my Siblings who have a direct relationship with Evil Beings and Toxic Re-Runs means that I will indirectly have a Relationship w/these Evil Beings and be caught up in the Toxic Re-Runs, and that will prevent me from moving forward and fully enjoy who I am Today. Cutting Ties and getting rid of Poisonous Mementos & Reminders would fall under the Turning the Toxic Re-Runs Off.

So what about Switching the Channel? It is important to Repair what was done, so that we don't Repeat what was done as Cheshire recommends, but we also must Replace the Old with the New, the Unhealthy & Toxic with the Healthy & Productive. For me this is about finding my Passion and Purpose, not only as a Wife, Mom, and Friend, but to have a Dream that is bigger than me, something to look forward to and strive for. Supporting my DH's, DD's and now my Passion keeps me very busy, and when the Re-Runs try to pop up, I multitask by continuing to do what I am Passionate about and without out changing my focus Turn Off the Toxic Re-Run, because I simply don't have the time for it, not interested in it, because I know it is No Good, and I already no how those Toxic Re-Runs End.

Paulo states, "Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off". The only thing MORE Dangerous is not Fully accepting Authentic LOVE Relationships that are existing & current Today in our Life. Being caught between the Past & the Present is like trying to watch two programs at the same time. We can do it, but are we fully enjoying it? Are we fully taking things in, or are we missing something very important? Our Loved Ones deserve our FULL undivided attention, because they are MORE important than any thing else, or any Toxic Person. We can not multitask the Past with the Present because the Past contaminates the Present.

Turning the Toxic Re-Runs Off & Switching the Channel is a Process. Life is about Progression not Perfection. This is a very important step or realization in our Healing Journey. If we have a Healthy Standard & Goal, then we have something to work towards to stay focus on, so we don't get distracted w/the temptations of the Toxic Re-Runs.

Turning Off the Toxic Re-Runs is not easy, is very difficult and painful, but it is very necessary as Paulo says in order to "Stop being who you were, and change into who you are." It is essential that we challenge ourselves to not be Pulled into the Past of Toxic Relationships, and stay in the Present Healthy Loving Relationships. As the saying goes, Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a Gift that is why it is called the Present. The Present is a Gift our Love Ones give us to replace the Toxic Trash from the Past. I often wonder what message does that send those who give us a Present when we are holding onto the Toxic Trash from the Past?

What if Situations were reversed? What if our Loved One had a Painful Past and they were the one holding on to Toxic Trash? What if we were the ones giving our Love One a Beautiful Present, and even though they enjoy it they still hold onto the Toxic Trash from the Past. How would that make us feel? Personally I would have mixed emotions consisting of being confused, hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and angry. If I am giving you a Wonderful Present, Why would you waste your time holding onto Toxic Trash? Do you not value the Fantastic Present? Do you not clearly see how much better the Present I give you is compared to the Toxic Trash from the Painful Past that others gave you? It would make me doubt the quality of the Present I am giving, Maybe the Present isn't as Good as I think it is? Maybe I am not offering a Good Enough Present in order to replace the Toxic Trash of the Past? Maybe I'm Not Good Enough for my Love One? And now the Toxic Past has contaminated the Present, and if we are not careful it will Damage and Destroy our Present.

When we lived in the N's KoN we felt Not Good Enough, and now that Toxic Legacy has continued and hurt our Loved Ones and our Loved Ones being hurt then hurts us.

The Ns have damaged, or destroyed our Past, Are we going to allow them to contaminate or ruin our Present too? Are we going to do our best to protect our precious gift? Will the Ns steal our Present and Future too? When will the Ns damage stop?

We have got to fight for our happiness. We can not just stop with cutting the physical ties, we have to cut the soul ties too, and this of course is so much harder to do, I know. Souvenirs from a Toxic Romantic Relationship, or Toxic Friendship no reason to keep, not for sentimental reasons and not for monetary reasons. I have thrown away or given away many things. It does not matter how these items go, just make sure they go far away from you. Don't give them to a Friend or Family Member as a Re-Gift and then be reminded every time you see that item. Send it far way or destroy it. Destroying an item from a Toxic Relationship is very cathartic and healing. Whether or not the items were from Toxic Relationships or Healthy Relationships we should get rid of them, because they tie to the Past instead of the Present and just clutters up our home. Think of it is Psychologically and Spiritually de-cluttering our lives.

Giving away items from Healthy Relationships might seem a bit harsh, like we no longer care about that person, but that is not the true. We don't have to hold on to all the items to hold on to the memories. My In-Laws have hoarding issues and they have passed that down to my DH. What I have recommended is to take a picture of the item that holds Good Memories and put in a scrapbook, because it is not the item itself that holds the Memory. It is our Heart and Mind that holds the Memory and a picture of a Treasured Memento. Giving away the item does not mean giving away the Memory.

When we look over our Mementos, especially for those of us who have things from our Childhood of living in the KoN, it is hard to distinguish which is Trash vs. Treasure. If something triggers Miserable Memories that would fall under the Trash Category. What if it is something we made as a Child? I have a box of Childhood items that I am not sure what to do with. I will have to keep in mind the advise I give others to take pictures of the items I wish to keep and put them in a Scrapbook. Items that are Safe and don't trigger painful memories.

Maintaining a Toxic-Free Zone calls for Preventive Measures by Turning Off the Toxic Re-Runs, Changing the Channel, Cutting Off ALL Toxic Ties, and de-KoNing our Home by removing ALL Toxic Trash from the Past, so it doesn't contaminate, damage or destroy our Present that is a True Treasure.

Take a look around, Is there any Toxic Trash from ANYONE from any KoN you have been in? By anyone I mean ANYONE, including the Army of Enablers, what Sister Renee from Luke 17:3 Ministries refer to as The Silent Majority, which are a group of either Damaged or Disordered individuals who are the Toxic Ties, or Strings that the Covert N, Primary Abuser, or Puppet Master pulls in order to keep us as one of his/her Puppets indirectly manipulating & contaminating our lives even when we have NC with the Puppet Master and they are miles, states, or countries away. These Spiritual Ties are hard to cut. Nparents & other dead Ns who are literally rottening in their graves are known to have the power to haunt those they have victimized, because of the Toxic Ties they leave behind. ALL Toxic Ties must be cut. This is a Painful Process, but a Necessary One.

Just a couple of months ago my youngest Sister #2 left a message saying, "Well I guess Letting Go is cutting us off like she did the rest of her Family". This was painful to hear, because my youngest Sister was sort of like a Daughter to me, because I was more like the Loving Mom she never had, taking care of her, and trying my best to protect her from the attacks of the Momster. Due to both of my Sisters continued betrayals, lack of empathy and remorse and contact with the Psycho Parents it is clear that it is not Healthy for me to try and even have a Hallmark Relationship with them. When my Sister #2 made that comment I immediately felt like the Bad Person, that I was doing something Wrong when in Reality it is she who is doing many things Wrong by her Covert Bullying, Harassment, and Guilt Tripping that I am not being a Good Christian, that I am not doing all that GOD asks of me by Forgiving the Psycho Parents who (1) Continue cause Deception & Division (2) Continue to hurt others (3) Lack Empathy & Remorse and (4) Have Not Changed/Repent

As Luke 17:3 teaches us, if someone has hurt us we are to have nothing to do with them, until they have remorse & their behavior shows they have changed. And Forgiveness does not mean a continued or reconciled relationship. My Sister #2 own Desperation has made her Delusional, and she clearly lives in the Land of Denial, and wants others to move there as well, and when I refuse she says that she is in GOD's Will, which means that I am not. She is surrounded by FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt), and she can not see the Psycho Parents for who they really are and desperately wants to believe their Illusion of who they pretend to be at least as far as the Demon Dad goes, the Momster is clearly a mean & toxic person who has destroyed EVERY Relationship she has ever had with anyone who cared about her (excluding the two Damaged, Desperate & Delusional Sisters).

I honestly don't know if my Sisters are Damaged or Disordered or both. It is 6 of one and half a dozen of another which results in the same Toxic Mess, and makes them Unhealthy to be around. Whether or not they are Damaged, Disordered or a combination of both, who they currently are is not Healthy for me or my Family. They don't understand that when you have a Relationship with Evil Beings, you don't change the Wicked Ones, they change you. The very nature of Relationships is identifying and relating to one another, finding things in common, thus sustaining a desire to maintain the relationship. For years I have told my Sisters there I have NOTHING in common with the Momster other than a biological connection and that alone does not a Healthy Relationship make. There is no Reason to have a Relationship with the Momster. She repulses me and I can not stand to be around her. If she was not related to me I would have no contact with her. Two years ago this August I discovered that Family is defined by Love not Biology that along with my Freedom Scriptures, Blessing & Recommendations or Directives from GOD I was able to let the Momster go & release my connection to her.

Whether my Sisters are Changing for the Worst, or their True Nature is being revealed to me I don't know, and I have had to Let that Go too. I don't need to know which one it is because it is not my job to Save them from themselves -- they have a Savior and it is not me! I will continue to pray for them. I will continue to pray for the Truth to be revealed, that Evil Spiritual Strongholds will be broken, and that they will be set free from the Psycho Parents KoNs. I am praying for wisdom and discernment and the right time to show my BIL and my Sister #2 the Demon Dad's last message to us thanks to BIL betraying us by giving the Demon Dad my DH's cell phone number. If proving to them that the Demon Dad is about Deception and Division and hurting others via the message he left us, then my BIL's betrayal can be Forgiven. However if they refuse to accept the Truth about the the Demon Dad, then there is nothing left to say to them, but Good Bye. We can not and will not have a Relationship with People who have a Relationship with Evil Beings. It is not Safe, Healthy, and is against what GOD wants for us.

It is so hard Letting Go -- wink! ;) I do not want to have NC with my Sisters. I would prefer to have a Healthy Loving Relationship, or at least a Hallmark Relationship with them, but that is not possible when they have relationships with Evil Beings who they see as "Normal People with Problems". The Psycho Parents Problem is being Evil. It is not a Personality Conflict. It is about Evil Beings enjoying hurting others. In regards to my Damaged Sisters, and all others who march in the Enabling Army of the KoN, People will not see what they don't want to see no matter what you do or say or show them how it is breaking your heart and destroying your relationship with them. Bottom line is that they care more about the Ns, the Evil Beings than us.

What just occurred to me is that it is easier for Enablers to have a Relationship with Ns then it is with us because we expect others to have Empathy & Remorse, to be accountable and responsible and to them, from their Pathological Perspective we are in fact expecting too much. In Healthy Love reciprocated Relationships that we have with others we are not expecting too much because they expect the same from us. It is only in Toxic Relationships with Toxic People that we are accused of expecting too much from others. We want Toxic People to be Healthy Empathetic Love Reciprocating People, to be something Toxic People don't want to be, or are incapable of being. Enablers (some are covert Ns) and Ns reciprocate Cheap Forgiveness towards one another and to others and expect us to do the same. By Cheap Forgiveness in that they may Request Change, but they don't Require Change. This use to confuse me. My would you Request Change from an Abuser, but not Require Change?

By not Requiring Change from the Abusers, by allowing the Abusers to be Worse than the Enablers, the Enablers (some are covert Ns) can rationalize their Cheap Forgiveness as being "the Better Person" and as we know Ns must ALWAYS feel like they are Better than others. My Sisters giving the Psycho Parents Cheap Forgiveness, thus making them "the Better Person" feeds into their own Narcissism, because they perceive themselves on a higher level. Thus they are not in search of a Healthy Loving Relationship based on equality where everyone is on the same level as one another, because the Enablers get NS (a pay off) for being "the Better Person".

Any one else having a AHA or WOW Moment? I am gaining a deeper understanding of the mind of the Enabler (covert N). Those who know me, know that I am a very Forgiving Person, I give Mercy and Grace, because I have have been given Mercy and Grace. Mercy & Grace was never meant to turn us into doormats and moving targets for Ns. We are not to become a Ns Personal Punching Bag, physically and/or psychologically. That is why we were given Luke 17:3 and other great Scriptures that tell us to rebuke unrepentant abusers/offenders/sinners. When the Overt N and/or his/her Enablers (covert Ns) say "come on just be the Better Person" by giving Cheap Forgiveness by not requiring change they are really telling us, "come on just be a Better Target for the Overt N" that way the Enabler doesn't have to be the Target. Ever turn the tables on the Enablers, after the Overt N has hurt the Enabler have you ever echoed back the same rederick, "come on just be the Better Person" -- they don't like it do they? Why? Because it invalidates them and allows the N to be unaccountable by giving the N Cheap Forgiveness without requiring change which means the N got away w/hurting the Enabler. Notice how the Enabler has an easier time telling you to "be the Better Person" and expects us to just get over it. The Enabler has no problem with the N getting way with hurting us, but when the N does the exact same thing to the Enabler then there the N is a Bad Person. So how do Enablers get over the N not being accountable and continuing to be an Person who lacks remorse, a Bad Person, how do they get over this faster than us? Because they enjoy being "the Better Person" they enjoy seeing themselves as "the Better Person" and if they can't get authentic love from the N then they can get a sense of Superiority of being "the Better Person" and the N will continue to get away with hurting others as long as others keep fooling themselves that they are being the Better Person. We are not being a Better Person only a Better Target.

Ns (Overt Ns) and Enablers (Covert Ns) actually enjoy the Teeter-Totter Relationship of I'm on Top, Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top, -- Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top -- Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top, etc. I will talk about Toxic Tetter-Totters in the next Chapter in the Journey of Letting Go. I know in this Topic on How do you handle Toxic Re-Runs one thing led to another. I guess both People & Items can cause or trigger Toxic Re-Runs and in regards to both we need to process and discern what is healthy to keep and what is toxic and we should let go.

On the topic of items, Mementos of the Past, What is Trash and what is Treasure?

Can I ask you all for some feedback? A couple of years ago before I went NC with the Momster she gave me a box of my Childhood things, old Report Cards she had saved, pictures I had made as a Child. My Childhood was a Dark Nightmare the majority of the time. Whether the majority is 51% or 95% is much debate between my Sisters and myself. To quote the Momster, "It's not like I beat you every day". I understand how my Sisters and my Perception is very different. They only got beat half as much as I did, because I did my best to intercept the Monsters attacks, thus receiving the beatings myself so my percentage of beatings would be higher than theirs, so I guess from their Damaged Perspective, and their lack of Empathy their Childhood was "not that bad". However due to my Empathy, when they got abused it hurt me, so from my perspective our Childhood was closer to the 95% Horrible.

Well enough about the NFOO. When I was looking through the box of my Childhood, I came across this picture I had made when I was a Child of a Daddy Elephant and a baby Elephant with the writing, I am nuts about you.

It is beyond sad to see a Little Girl wanting the love from her Father. Trying desperately to create a love reciprocating relationship. The Demon Dad for those that do not know is a Serial Child Molester, and it is only recently that I have had resurfacing memories that I was also one of his Victims.

I don't know what to do with things from my Childhood. While they are about me and my talents they do keep me connected to these Evil Beings, yet mainly, for the most part in a technical way. Because I can see these items not being about the Ns, but rather about what I created as a Child. My DD saw this picture on a shelf in my bedroom and asked me, Momma did you draw this? -- How in the world would she know to ask that? Maybe because she is a only Child and she knows she didn't draw it, great deduction for a 4.5 yr. old. I told her yes I did draw it when I was little and she said, OH Momma that is soooo Beautiful. This Little Angel has a way of Super Naturally healing the Little Girl within me who drew that picture and reminding me that the picture is not about the Ns, but me, or me as a little girl who drew an Adorable Picture. As a Little Child not much older than my Daughter now I created something Beautiful out of Love and my Little Daughter got to see how her Mommy made something when she was little. She enjoyed seeing what I created when I was Little. We had a tough, yet informative conversation about how I loved my Daddy, but he was a Mean Person, and we don't have to be around Mean People, and we don't have to love Mean People if we don't want to. We don't have to hate them or want to hurt them just not be around them or let them in our Life, because they will just keeping hurting us because that is what Mean People like to do, they like to hurt others. Therefore, we don't have to be around Mean People who want to hurt us.

Don't know what to do with the items I created, Trash or Treasure?

The Toxic Train

2011-07-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

The Best Choices we make in Life are often the hardest.

We must be brave & courageous to ask ourselves,

Have we really left the KoN behind?

Are we heading in the Right Direction or Did we just get on board a less Toxic Train?

We have got to take a very close look at our ticket,

Does it say "Not as Bad as", Not that Bad or Not Nearly As Bad?

The Trains we travel on can be very Deceptive. For example when we think less Toxic Trains are better than what we had before or at least Good Enough we are looking at the World from a very limited perspective. Less Toxic is still No Good. It is still harmful. Less harm is still not any Good. If is hurtful in any way, it is still harmful. Some Toxic Trains go straight to the Land of Abuse, some take a detour and go through a less obvious route, but it eventually leads to Destination Dysfunction or Abuse.

Have you been lied to all your Life, like I have been, that there are no other Trains to take, there are no other ones available, and all Trains lead to Dysfunction? All Families and Relationships are Dysfunctional.

That is Evil Propaganda my Friend that deceives us to purchasing tickets on Toxic Trains that lead us through one kind of Hell after another. Some People eventually refuse to travel by Train, because they can no longer trust others and lead an isolated Life. We were not created to go through Life's Journey alone. There is another Choice available. There are Trains that take us to a Great Destination. Just because we did not find them in the past does not mean they do not exist.

When we are considering taking a New Train we must check out & fully inspect each compartment. Some compartments are filled with Counterfeits, as in Counterfeit Christians. Because we got into a Bad Compartment made up of Counterfeits who hurt us, Does that mean the entire Train is Bad? No. The Conductor is still Great and the Destination is still Awesome. There are other Compartments that are worth checking out. Don't jump off the Train just because there is one, or two, or even three Bad Compartments.

A Train can not select who gets on Board it. Some will be Authentic & Loving and some will be carrying Old Baggage, and some will be Counterfeits. The Counterfeits will deceive us and say they are the Conductor, or that they speak for the Conductor, or a Substitute for the Conductor, because the Conductor can't be reached or that we don't have what it takes, don't have the proper credentials to speak directly with the Conductor -- these are all lies. We do have access to speak directly to the Conductor any time & any where we want or need to do so. The Conductor is available to us 24/7 and all we have to do is say Conductor I want or need to speak to you. The Conductor doesn't care where we have been, or the mistakes we have made only that we now want to have a relationship with Him. Developing a personal close relationship directly with the Conductor will help us select Great Compartments to enjoy along our Journey.

When we don't have a personal close relationship with the Conductor, when we have only heard about him and don't have a relationship with him we can end up in Bad Compartments. The Conductor is not to blame for the Counterfeits in his Compartments. We have a choice to make. We can take responsibility for choosing the Bad Compartment, for being deceived by the Counterfeits and those who have Toxic & Damaged Baggage, and for not noticing or being aware of the Red Flags outside of the Bad Compartments. Maybe we didn't know what the Red Flags meant, so it is up to us to find out. I recommend going straight to the Conductor and having a conversation via prayer, and reading the Conductor's Manual, because there is tons of Great Info in there about Counterfeits, Toxic, and Evil Beings known as Reprobates and Unrepentant Sinners that Lack a Conscience & enjoy hurting others.

The Creator of the Train and the Person who appointed the Conductor wants our Journey to be Wonderful. The Creator has Great Plans for our Life and Abuse was Never apart of it. Where There is Love There is No Abuse and Where there is Abuse There is No Love. Jeremiah 29:11

I do not have all the answers, but what I know for sure is that GOD loves each one of us. I do not understand all of GOD's ways. There is Free Will and the N in our Life chose to abuse us, and each time the N abused us it did break GOD's heart because GOD is a Loving & Holy Parent that wants only the very Best for us. As much as I would like to protect my Child, there will be others who will choose to hurt her. All I can do is teach her that she does not have to have contact with those who will not or can not reciprocate Love and enjoy hurting her. It is up to my Child to learn what I have taught her about Authentic Loving People, and when she has been deceived by a Counterfeit, either a Damaged or Disordered Person, or Evil Being then she is to leave that Person, leave that Compartment and not blame her Parent. By having a close loving relationship with her Parent my Child develops Discernment. It is a Blessing to her Life when she has Applied Knowledge and detects the Red Flags, and can avoid the Bad Compartments filled with Counterfeit & Toxic People. The more she uses her Gift the Stronger it will get, and the closer & stronger our Relationship becomes the more she can learn directly from me instead of being deceived by others. She will be able to avoid the Toxic Trains that have the Destination Dysfunction & Abuse.

The Toxic Train

Growing up, Toxic Trains were the only ones I thought existed in this World. When you are born and raised in the KoN the only trains that come by are Toxic Trains filled with Counterfeits, Damaged or Disordered People and Evil Beings. However, while I was on the Toxic Train surrounded by darkness I noticed there were a few Authentic Loving People who had such a Beautiful Light shining from within them. They Loved me unconditionally and they shared their wonderful heart with me. The spoke words of Praise and Encouragement which was absent in the Toxic Train. They spoke about had GOD had a Great Plan for my Life and how GOD loved me. These Loving People are warm, comforting, compassionate, inspiring, encouraging, and empowering unlike anyone else I knew on this Toxic Train. I had to learn more about where they came from and where they planned on going. They shared their Life with me and how I longed to be apart of that Life, but before I could find out any more the Psycho Parents made them leave the Toxic Train. The Psycho Parents trash talked these People of Light and I found out that they belonged to a Compartment called Authentic & Loving Christians. Throughout my Life's Journey GOD would bring more Amazing Christians into my Life and it was due to them that led me to become one of them and it was through my Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ that transformed me into the Person I am today. Life is about Progression not Perfection. Life is about Loving Others and being Loved by Others. Life is about changing the Train you are on until you know you are headed in the Right Direction.

When the Counterfeit Conductor (covert N) calls out, "all on board" we must refuse to get on Board with everyone else. We must be brave & courageous to go against the crowd and fight through all the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that they create in order for us to stay with them & just get on board. We got to face rejection & abandonment when they get on board and head off to Destination Dysfunction. We have got to give them our old baggage and tell them to take it with them, yes I know you gave it to me, but it doesn't suit me anymore. Prepare ourselves for the retaliations & attacks. The covert attack, aka Guilt Trip, that has the intent to change our mind and hold on to the old baggage they gave us for sentimental reasons, after all you better hold on to it because you never know when you might need it. After all, how can you travel through life without baggage. Everybody has baggage! They have an insidious way of making you feel bad for wanting to get rid of your old baggage & that you are doing something terribly wrong by choosing to travel without baggage. If the covert attacks do not work then the direct attacks begin making us feel lesser than and out of fear & insecurity we can be tempted to hold on to the old baggage.

We can not get hooked into the fight with having to explain ourselves, or encouraging others to give up their old baggage. Look out for that last minute, and last second FOG rolling in that the old baggage "was the best we could do for you". Just say to those who are all on board the N-train that it is their choice to keep the old baggage, and they can have ours too, because we don't need it any more. We plan to Travel light from here on out, baggage free. As long as we remain on the N-train and refuse to carry old baggage we will not fit in with others who carry lots of baggage. We will look so strange to them and be ostracized and alienated for being different and not enjoy carrying baggage. We will be attacked and made to feel Lesser Than for having baggage Lesser Than Them. When we look outside of our own window on the N-Train we will see others who get on board the Love Train with very little if any baggage and how Free their Lives are without baggage. We can even see how far they can go when they are not held down confined and constrained by the weight of all the old baggage. We have a choice to make stay on board the N-train or leave. Leaving is never easy, but always necessary if we want to enjoy our Journey & even more importantly change our Destination.

We encourage our Love Ones to get off the N-train with us, but no matter how much they complain about all the old baggage piling up, filling up, exploding on them and hurting them, they just won't change they way they travel & leave the N-train. Some are afraid to leave what they have always known behind. They are afraid of change, no matter how great it looks outside their own window. Some think the N-train accommodations in the Toxic Compartments are "not that bad" compared to other Toxic Trains, and some actually enjoy their Toxic Environment because they are also Disordered Counterfeits like the Counterfeit Conductor. Those who have been extremely Damaged won't leave when you leave and some wont ever leave and they will teach their own Children to take the N-train. We must realize that we can not help those who do not want to be helped. We can not save those who do not to be saved. Each person must decide to leave the N-train on their own time. And now it is our time to leave.

As the passengers of the N-train get comfortable in each of their Toxic Compartments it will seem like they are turning their backs on you and they are because they are facing in an opposite direction and heading towards Destination Dysfunction & Disaster. You will feel like you are being left behind and from their perspective, from their point of view from where they are sitting heading towards a different Destination in their mind you are being left behind.

HOWEVER escaping the KoN is about seeing Reality from a Different Perspective and Point of View. It is not about being Left Behind, but rather Letting Go. It is about knowing where the N-trains leads and not wanting to go there anymore. It is about making one of the Greatest Choices in your Life and leaving the Past Behind. At the Station it is not only about knowing where you don't want to go, but discovering where you do want to go. It is about interacting with others, sharing your Life with others and listen about the Experiences of others where they have come from and where they are going in Life. It is about observing others heading off in the Right Direction. It is about Trusting others because they are Authentic Loving People, because they have Honor, Integrity, Empathy, Compassion, they Love GOD and it shows. It is not about finding a Religion, but having an Awesome Personal Relationship with Jesus and having Amazing Relationships with others who also have an Awesome Personal Relationship with Jesus.

They follow the Son and they shine so brightly that they can help us out of the darkness. As we get on board we notice their Train is headed in a completely opposite direction. In each compartment we notice Chaos is Absent and Peace is Present. It is unusual, not familiar to what we have been accustomed to and at first it is uncomfortable & strange, because we don't recognize it as Normal. It is a New Normal. A Healthy & Loving Normal and it takes a little bit to get use to, but once we settle in we realize it is Wonderful. Some times we can get a little nervous because nothing Toxic has happened for awhile and we can't see anything Toxic coming, so we get a little afraid that something unexpectedly horrible is going to happen that we are not prepared to handle. But we are lovingly reminded that we are no longer on board the Toxic Train. We are on the Authentic Love Train. Destination Land of Love (LoL). We can get use to the Love Train. We can get so fully on Board that it becomes our New Normal, and when a Toxic Train passes along the side of us heading in the opposite direction there is no temptation what so ever to join them, because no matter how much fun they look like they are having or that they appear to be having we know looks are deceiving on the N train. We know their closets are filled with skeletons, that stuff that is dished out and served to others is Very Toxic, contaminates and damages who we are & our Quality of Life. We know they are all headed for Destination Dysfunction & Disaster. Do we really want to go there -- again? No Way! They can keep their Grand Illusion on the N-Train and their Journey will be filled with pain, hurt sorrow, and regret while they are headed to Destination Dysfunction & Abuse. The Illusion is Over. There is no longing to be apart of the N-Train. We have complete Peace, because they can go their way and we will go our's.

On our Life Journey we must realize what Train we are on board and where is its Destination. While we are on the Train we can decide how we want to build our own Compartment. What tools are we going to utilize and where are we going to get the materials from? Once our Compartment is Complete we can decide who we are going to have joining Compartments with and for how long. We can visit other Compartments and make improvements and upgrades on our own. Our Children and Loved Ones will be Blessed by the upgrades we have made and when they are ready to build their own Compartments they are going to utilize the same material and replicate for the most part what we have done. They may choose to do some things differently and realize that what we created was Best no matter what many others told them how ours was Old Fashion and "everyone else is doing things differently these days". Our Children's will be tempted to listen to the lies of others, to do what is Popular instead of what is the Best for them and unfortunately they will contaminate their compartments. We can help them clean up some of their messes and other messes they will have to clean up all on their own. It is in the Consequence of the Clean Up that we learn the valuable Lesson to prevent Contamination from Toxic Counterfeit People. Life is about Learning to Discern Right from Wrong, Healthy from Unhealthy, Good from Bad, and Holy from Evil. It will be our Children's Choice to improve upon what we have done, so that their Children will be Blessed even more along their own Journey. Life is a Journey. We each have the choice on how & with whom we are going to Travel.

GOD Bless Your Journey,

Love,

Letting Go

Repeat or Repair then Replace

2011-07-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

This article or chapter was inspired by my New Friend who goes by the screen name, Cheshire (to go to her blog, click here) and I was also inspired by all of those People that I have met along my Healing Journey that have had Less Than Loving to Toxic, Mean, Abusive, Harmful, and Evil Parents and have the deep desire to Repair what was done to us, so that we don't Repeat what was done to us to our Children & Loved Ones. We all have the choice to Repair & Heal our wounds, so that we don't Repeat (in any way) hurtful & harmful behavior towards others. We can Replace the Unhealthy, Hurtful, Harmful, Toxic, Bad Way of doing things with Healthy Helpful, Compassionate, Empathetic, Loving Good Ways or Choices.

Repeat or Repair? This is the choice of every Person born and raised in the KoN, and especially those who have become Parents. To Repeat to some degree what was done to us, or to Repair what what was done to us. Unfortunately for various reasons many Children of Narcissists (CoNs) choose to Repeat to some degree what we experienced as a Child. Some Repeat because it is what they know, they don't want to admit their Childhood was horrendous, anything less than Normal, and they justify repeating the past, because if it was "Good Enough for us, then it will be "Good Enough" for our Children. Other CoNs determine to do better than their Abusive Parents and when they Repeat to some degree the Legacy of Abuse they justify it by comparing their behavior to their Nparent and say, my parenting or behavior towards others is "not that bad" or "not as bad" or "not nearly as bad" as the Nparents. Is "not that bad" or "not as bad" or "not nearly as bad" Good Enough for our Loved Ones and Children?

They deserve Better than that. We all do. We all deserve to have the Past NOT Repeat Itself and contaminate, damage, or destroy our relationships with others. When we compare our behavior to the Nparents, NSpouse, NSibling, NFriend, etc we are in the Mode of Repeat at least Repeating to some degree. It is an Unhealthy and Dysfunctional way to live. How is comparing ourselves to someone who is lower than ourselves (the N) going to better our Lives and the Lives of the ones we Love? It is left over baggage or programming from the KoN.

The Ns believe they are Superior thus justifying their abusive behavior towards others and therefore have no desire to change, because they feel there is no need to change and better themselves because they already feel like they are better. Confusing & Circular Reasoning for sure, but that it how the Ns and their KoN works. Deceive, Disorient, and Divide. Ns don't change because of their Pathology, and those that the Ns have Damaged, Repeat instead of Repair due to their Pride. It is an Unhealthy Pride, an Unhealthy Learned Behavior and Thought Process that still justifies by saying "at least I don't (fill in the blank) like the N. I have caught myself in the Past saying this very thing. Doing the Least is not Doing our Best. When Ns, particularly Nparents are held accountable for the abuse they inflicted upon their Children they often reply, "It is The Best I Could Do". Lie! The Abuse we endured was NOT the Best they could do. How do I know this? Because their attacks are Victim Specific. For more details, click here. Simply put, they didn't attack Everyone, only those they knew they could get away with abusing. They gave their best to others and their worst to us. Ns are Pathological Liars and will tell us any lie we are willing to Believe, like they gave us their very best when the truth is they gave us their very worst and saved their best for others (Friends, Supervisors, etc.). It is our Projected Empathy that gets us trapped and believing this lie of theirs. Ns use our very Empathy against us. The N's KoN is about a Two-Way Projection, click here. Ns are truly diabolical. Like a shark they can smell desperation miles away -- states away in the case of my Sisters.

Where does our desperation come from? Wanting to believe that the N loves us. It is very painful to admit the Person we love does not love us, especially if that other Person in your Parent, and especially if that other Person is your Mother. As with the Casey Anthony Trial, Society can not accept that a Mother does not love her own Child and enjoys hurting her Child and would actually think that Life is Beautiful after the Momster murdered her Little Daughter. Evil continues because the World is afraid to admit it exists. Children don't want to admit their Parents are Evil. I have two Sisters that in spite of what they have experienced themselves, witnessed, and know about the Psycho Parents they still refuse to admit our BioParents are Evil and they put the lives of their own Children in Danger. It is their Desperation that causes their Delusion that Psycho Parents have changed and are safe to be around not only for them, but for their own Children. This is why Unhealthy Pride is a Deadly Sin. There are two kinds of Prides, a Healthy one & an Unhealthy one. The tricky thing with Pride is that it is very deceptive and for most People it is hard to distinguish the Healthy from the Unhealthy. I have made that mistake many times. From what I have observed there is a fine line between Unhealthy Pride and Pathology. The difference is between Confidence and Conceited. Many People will mistakenly identify the N's Conceited, Self-Centered, Self-Absorbed, Narcissism as Confidence when it is really Pathology and not Pride they are detecting. Another distinction between Healthy Pride vs. Unhealthy Pride is the difference between Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness. Healthy Pride is Assertive, Confident, and Empathetic opposed to Unhealthy Pride that is Aggressive, Conceited, and Apathetic & Lacking Empathy.

One of the Great Gifts GOD gives us is Discernment. Deuteronomy 32:28 describes the state of the World, "They are a nation without sense, there is no discernment in them." The N's KoN is fueled by our lack of Discernment. It is essential to know what Authentic Love is so that we can discern it from the Counterfeit kind the Ns offer to us. It is only after began my own Personal Relationship with Christ Jesus that I was able to begin to discern the difference. The closer I got to the Lord the more I was able to discern Authentic Love from the Counterfeit. Worldly Knowledge will only explain the KoN so far because it is based on limited understanding of what the fuels the N's KoN and makes it so diabolically powerful. It is not our Cognitive Discernment, but our Spiritual Discernment that will prevent us from getting into another N's KoN.

It is that Holy Discernment that tells those that have been Damaged by the N to not only Repair & Heal, but to Replace all that we were taught in the KoN. Without Holy Discernment we allow our Pride to deceive us into believing since we are not being "as bad" we are "doing our best" and it is "good enough" when it is not. My Sisters yell & scream at their Children, or talk harshly to them. They justify it by saying, "We are just loud People and that's how we talk." I am not perfect. I have gotten frustrated and lost my temper and yelled, talked in less than loving tone, and have reflected upon how I said something and concluded that was harsh. Difference is that I set my Pride aside and allowed the Holy Spirit to convict me, I had remorse, I was humble and apologized and repented. I did not justify and deflect responsibility and blame others not even a defiant argumentative Child. Sure attitude was terrible, but mine did not have to match hers or be worse to get her attention. When we justify less than loving behavior by comparing our behavior to the N's we are in a Mode or State of Repeat rather than Repair. It connects the Painful Past to the Present and contaminates our Future and the Future of our Children, because it becomes their Normal and they too will Repeat until they Repair and Replace. So how do we stop the Legacy of Abuse? How do we get off the Toxic Train that has a Destination of Dysfunction?

When the conductor (covert N) call out, "all on board" we must refuse to get on Board with everyone else. We must be brave & courageous to go against the crowd and fight through all the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that they create in order for us to stay with them & just get on board. We got to face rejection & abandonment when they get on board and head off to Destination Dysfunction. We have got to give them our old baggage and tell them to take it with them, yes I know you gave it to me, but it doesn't suit me anymore. Prepare ourselves for the retaliations & attacks. The covert attack aka Guilt Trip that has the intent to change our mind and hold on to the baggage they gave us for sentimental reasons, after all you better hold on to it because you never know when you might need it. If the covert attacks do not work then the direct attacks begin making us feel lesser than and out of fear & insecurity we can be tempted to hold on to the old baggage. We can not get hooked into the fight with having to explain ourselves. Look out for that last minute, and last second FOG rolling in that the old baggage "was the best we could do for you". Just say to those who are all on board the N-train that it is their choice to keep the old baggage and they can have ours too, because we don't need it any more. We plan to Travel light from here on out, baggage free. As the passengers of the N-train get comfortable in each of their compartments it will seem like they are turning their backs on you and they are because they are heading towards Destination Dysfunction & Disaster. You will feel like you are being left behind and from their perspective, from their point of view from where they are sitting heading towards a different Destination in their mind you are being left behind.

However escaping the KoN is about seeing Reality from a Different Perspective and Point of View. It is not about being Left Behind but Letting Go. It is about knowing where the N-trains leads and not wanting to go their anymore. It is about making one of the greatest choices in your Life and leaving the Past Behind. At the Station it is not only about knowing where you don't want to go, but discovering where you do want to go. It is about interacting with others, sharing your Life with others and listen about the Experiences of others where they have come from and where they are going in Life. It is about observing others heading off in the Right Direction. It is about Trusting others because they are Authentic Loving People, because they have Honor, Integrity, Empathy, Compassion, they Love GOD and it shows. They follow the Son and they shine so brightly that they can help us out of the darkness. As we get on board we notice their Train is headed in a completely opposite direction. In each compartment we notice Chaos is absent and Peace is Present. It is unusual, not familiar to what we have been accustomed to and at first it is uncomfortable & strange, because we don't recognize it as Normal. It is a New Normal. A Healthy & Loving Normal and it take a little bit to get use to, but once we settle in we realize it is wonderful. Some times we can get a little nervous because nothing Toxic has happened for awhile and we can't see anything Toxic coming so we get a little afraid that something unexpectedly horrible is going to happen that we are not prepared to handle. But we are lovingly reminded that we are no longer on board the Toxic Train. We on the Authentic Love Train. Destination Land of Love (LoL). We can get use to the Love Train. We can get so fully on Board that it becomes our New Normal, and when a Toxic Train passes along the side of us heading in the opposite direction their is no temptation what so ever to join them, because no matter how much fun they look like they are having we know looks are deceiving on the N train and we know they are all headed for Destination Dysfunction & Disaster. We have complete Peace, because they can go their way and we will go our's.

It is when we have left the N and his/her KoN behind us that we take our eyes off of Ns and place them on Loving & Healthy People who have Empathy, Compassion, Respect for others and when they mess up they have Responsibility & Accountability for what they have done, are Remorseful, do not enjoy hurting others and therefore, change/repentant because their desire is to Love One Another. We learn by their Loving, Compassionate, Empathetic, Healthy Examples. Loving & Healthy People do not continue to hurt others. Loving & Healthy People facilitate Loving & Healthy Relationships that are enjoyable & peaceful and not filled w/constant or even intermittent chaos, stress, pain, & hurt caused by a N.

When you are born and raised in the KoN Loving & Peaceful Relationships don't seem possible, just a Dream, but they are not, they are a Reality. To fully Recover from the KoN to Repair so that we don't Repeat we must become Goal Oriented People, Visionaries, and Imagine a Life completely different than the one we knew in the KoN. We must also become investigative researchers and dissect the KoN piece by toxic piece. What was done to you that was Toxic, Hurtful & Harmful, Repair it. Then you have to Replace the Unhealthy with Healthy stuff. Books, Articles, Counselors, and Therapist can significantly help to facilitate Cognitive Change to clean out the bad brainwashing from the Ns, but Changing the Mind Set will only take you so far. Our Souls were deeply wounded by the N and it is when our Souls are Completely Healed & Repaired that we will not Repeat even in the smallest degree of what was done to us by the N. Who can completely Heal and Repair the Damaged Soul? I have had some great Counselors & Therapist, but their skills were limited to the human ability thus creating a Ceiling Effect to my Healing. It is when I opened up my Heart & Soul to my Creator, My Holy Parent, The Great Counselor that the deepest of my Soul Wounds were Healed and Repaired.

In the KoN a Child learns to survive by creating a Protective Fortress around her heart. There is a Side Effect to having this Fortress around your heart because it does not allow you to be as Empathetic as GOD created you to be. If we leave the KoN w/the Fortress around our Heart it will prevent us from connecting deeply with others. It will get in the way. No matter how close someone wants to get to us as long as we have a Fortress we will have a barrier between us and close contacted will be limited, especially a very close soul contact. Along my Healing Journey the Lord spoke to me about installing a Draw Bridge to allow certain Trustworthy People inside. How can I know just who to Trust? We have a Helper, the Holy Spirit. We have the Gift of Discernment. Having a Draw Bridge helped me for many years, until the Lord said it is time to take down the Fortress. Are you kidding me! If I have no Fortress, then I have No Wall of Defense & I will get deeply hurt again. What I discovered it is not about Trusting Others not to hurt me as much it is Trusting GOD to protect me to help me make wise choices in regards to relationships and when I come across a Counterfeit, a Deceiver, a N, then I can Trust my Holy Parent to heal the wounds the N has caused. I no longer fear getting hurt because I know Jesus has healed me and will continue to heal me. Being Vulnerable is not easy, but it is necessary so that our Loved ones can make deep Soul Connections with us and through these deep Soul Connections we are not only Healed, Repaired, Restored, but Transformed. It is Impossible to Repeat because we have been Transformed and even though we have come from Ns we are not of them, we are of GOD, and we can not stand to hurt others in any way. I can not hurt the ones I love because I am Soul connected to the ones I love. I have severed the Toxic Ties from the Ns, so my Past does not contaminate my Present or damage or destroy my Future.

It is not Good Enough to just Repair the damage that was done to us. We have to do more than heal from our wounds in order to avoid Repeat causing any type or size of wounds to others. It is not Good Enough or Productive Enough to know what not to do in regards to treating others, or more importantly raising Children we need to know what the Healthy, Productive, Loving Thing is to do. It is NOT easy being a Parent. I thought due to my degree in Psychology, Professional & Personal background experiences interacting w/Children would prepare me for being a Parent and I have heard many People say, "Just wait until you have your own Children. It's different when the Child is your own." To say they were Right is a Huge Understatement. I have heard one person say, "that when you become a Parent your heart lives on the outside". Talk about Living your Life w/out a Fortress. The Deep Soul Connection you have with your Child is like no other. It is not something that can be acquired. It is either there or it is not there as with Nparents -- it's just not in there because they are Soulless Creatures. This Deep Soul Connection is Amazing. Nothing in Life has the ability to give you Greater Joy or Pain then your Child. When your Relationship with your Child is going Great it is Fantastic, but when it is not it can make ya lose your Mind.

Authentic Love is a very powerful thing. I foolishly thought all I had to do is Love my Child and my Love for her motivate her, encourage her, inspire her to make the right choices because she would know that my desire is to always have her best interest at heart. No matter how much we teach our Children Right from Wrong, so matter if they understand what the Right Choice is, they still have the temptation to make the Wrong Choice and we must give them that Freedom to make the Wrong Choices and Learn from the Consequences of those Wrong Choices.

When our Children make the Wrong Choices we must realize it was their choice, it is what People call the Sin Nature. We can prepare our Children that they will be tempted to make the Wrong Choice, and warn them about the Consequences of making the Wrong Choice would be, but even when we prepare them, they still will make the Wrong Choice. What we can do is pray that they learn that their Wrong Choice was a Mistake and wont do it again. Just like with us, our Children are going to repeat their Mistakes until they learn from them. Life is one Learning Experience after another.

What I have learned these past 4 years of being a Parent (and I am sure that there is much more for me to learn) is that it is not only what I am teaching my Little Daughter, but what she is teaching me and what we are learning together. At times I don't know who the Student is and who the Teacher is and I think that is a Very Good Thing, because I don't want my Daughter to think I am Perfect "a know it all" and that she is expected to be Perfect. Life is about Progression not Perfection! That applies to us all, young and old, Child & Parent. The Reality of it is that my Daughter & I are both Students in GOD's Classroom of Life.

I have learned that I don't have to have all the answers and that is okay because GOD has them. If I mess up, I can admit it, be remorseful, repentant, and ask my Child for Forgiveness. It is not hard for her to do it (most of the times) because she has seen Mommy & Daddy make mistakes & ask for Forgiveness from her and one another. I know not just in my Mind, but deep in my Soul that my Daughter's mistakes are her own to make and learn by. I don't have to take them Personal and think I failed in some way to teach her Right from Wrong, or that the rest of her Life will be ruined because she made this certain mistake or even repeated a mistake.

Repeated mistakes are the worse, because as a Parent we know our Child is Smart and has a great ability to learn, but it is only when our Child gains Wisdom does she decide not to repeat the mistake and avoid it in the future. When I feel myself getting disappointed or frustrated I have to remind myself she is in the Process of Gaining Her Wisdom & Hopefully next time she will make the Right Choice. The Parent's job is to teach and the Child's job is to learn. It is her choice if she wants to Learn or Not. It is her choice if she wants & desires to have Applied Knowledge, because Knowledge w/out Application is just Information. It is in the Application of Knowledge that Wisdom is Achieved.

So how do we inspire, encourage, and empower our Children to apply their Knowledge and make the Right Choices? It is a lot easier said than done as any Parent can testify.

Let's talk about a common Situation, so common, this Situation is that it goes back, way back, and has roots in the Garden of where the First Man and Woman lived in Paradise. You all know the Story. Man and Woman live in a Perfect Paradise created by a Loving & Holy Parent GOD. Since Adam & Eve are the first People GOD is their Loving & Holy Parent. Their Holy Parent created a Beautiful Place for them to grow up. Safe, Secure, Peaceful & Joyful. They had Everything, wanted and needed Nothing. Then along came the Serpent and lied to them. Created doubt in their minds, Did GOD say. . . and that Doubt led to disobedience & sin and Man & Woman have been sinning ever since. We call it The Great Fall.

So what happens when our own Child take a Great Fall, it could be anything, like lying. I remember when my Daughter started lying. And how hard that was. I thought if I handle this lying thing the "Right Way" then she will never lie to me again. She will know Right from Wrong and therefore she will choose Right -- Right?

I shared this with two Older Women in my Church and one of them shared an experience that she had w/her Daughter was in College and she had lied to her parents, and the consequence was since she betrayed their trust she lost her privileges of having a car in college for the rest of the year. She had to hand over the keys and car to her parents. She begged and pleaded that her Parents would change their minds, but they had to stay firm or she would not respect their authority. So even growing up in a Loving Supporting Nurturing Family will not prevent our Children from choosing to lie. It is something each individual must be delivered from by being convicted that lying hurts relationships and is harmful. Lying is a Common thing in this World, some would say a Normal thing, but it is not a Good & Healthy Thing. It is not Neutral nor harmless, because it does in fact hurt others both the person being lied to and the person telling the lie given the Person has a Conscience and is not a N who actually enjoys lying.

No matter if your Child is 28, 18, or 8 she will always be your Child and you want to do Right by her by helping her make the Right Choices in Life, because you Love her and you want what is Best for her, and for her to be Blessed. So how do we teach our Children Right from Wrong? Not because we want them to "Follow the Rules", but so that their Life can be everything GOD Planned it to be. Jeremiah 29:11

Okay She lied to me? Now what? I have the choice to Repeat or Repair what was done to me by my Parents. If you had Loving Parents then there really isn't anything to Repair only Enhance and make Better. Life is about Progression not Perfection. None of us our Perfect therefore it is impossible for us to be Perfect, but we each have a Loving Holy Parent who can guide us that we can achieve Progression not only in our own Lives, but in the Generations that come after for many years long after our Life here on Earth is over . For the choices we make now will effect many Generations. The Holy Handbook tells us that the sins of the Father (including Mother) are passed down to 3 to 4 Generations. The Sin in Generations 3 & 4 may not be "As Bad" as it was with Generations 1 & 2, but "Not As Bad" is not Good. We can do better. With GOD we will do better. That is Progression.

Back to the topic of lying, betrayal of trust and other hurtful & harmful choices. Okay Lord she lied to me. My Beautiful Child lied to me -- what do I do? If we start here we are on the Road to Repair and Progression. However, if we react to Sin or any Situation w/out first seeking our Loving Holy Parent's guidance then we are on the Road to Regression, the Road to Repeat, and the Road to Regret, which leads to Remorse and Repentance, so it is not our Child that has to Repentant before GOD, but us as well. When something is challenging in Life, like our Child lying, or any other Bad Choice, or any Choice we have to make for ourselves, and we tell ourselves, or better yet tell our Holy Parent, that's okay GOD, I got this, I know what to do, I don't need your assistance, don't need your help, really I'm in control, I know what to do -- this is a very Good Time for Doubt! This is a Good Time to check in with our Holy Parent, and just run it by our Holy Parent who is also our Best Friend and Loves our Child even more than us. And in regards to the choices we make, GOD loves us even more than we love or care for ourselves. Therefore, check in with GOD first before making any choices. We are to have Respect & Reverence for GOD, but not fear that prevents us from approaching praying and communicating w/our Holy Parent. Just like you were talking w/your Best Friend or a Loving Parent, share talk to GOD

Lord this is what I was thinking. . . . so what do you think?

The Holy Handbook tells us that the ways of the Lord is not our ways. We can not lean onto our own understanding, if we do, we are bound to mess things up and make them worse. This is what happens when we lean onto our own understanding. We reach for what we know. We rely on past experiences and we pull for our own Bag of Tricks. . .

Here are some things we pull from:

School Bag: This is the Academic Approach. The Scholar Mom or Dad. I am going to do better than my Parents. I am not going to Repeat their mistakes. I have done my homework & research, so my knowledge is updated. I have listened to the Best Minds of this World. Let's see here (pull out book) according to this book, or this article from this very knowledgeable person Lying is Normal, Shows your Child has independent Thought, etc, etc, and is "A Good Thing". (turn to child, okay Honey according to this Lying is a Good Thing, so go on with what you are doing, because you are Normal and you are doing just fine as you are, nothing to worry about). Fast forward a few years, Where do you think this will lead? . . . .

What kind of Future does your Child have when Lying becomes Normal & Natural and s/he thinks it is actually a Good Thing? When we accept lying from our Children, down play, or under estimate the severity, and think No Harm Done, then do you think lying will naturally decrease or increase over time?

This year I asked GOD how do I teach my Child what sin is like even what the World refers to as "little sins", and the Lord led me to the Garden, my Garden and as my little Daughter and I were enjoying our plants & flowers in our Garden this past Spring we talked about snails and how they damage and destroy the plants and flowers. We talked about getting rid of the snails in our Garden before they continue to destroy things. These Snails are analogous to Sin. A Friend of mine and I refer to them as Little Sinners. There are various methods to get rid of these Little Sinners that destroy our Garden. Even to this day, if I step on a snail and hear that crush I cringe due to my high level of Empathy or all GOD's creatures, even those Little Sinners. My Daughter said that I could only step on the Big Snails, but not the tiny baby snails. I had to explain to her that baby snails still make holes in the plants and flowers and damage them and they grow up to become Large Snails that create even Larger Damage and Destroy our Plants & Flowers. So if these tiny snails cause smaller holes and damage, then the Big Snails is that a Good & Healthy thing for the Plants & Flowers? No. What they do is not a Good Thing and is Harmful, so should we allow them to continue on their way to cause even greater damage and hurt things?

If our Children learn that we don't take lying serious, we down play, or underestimate the damage then like the Little Snails aka Little Sinners, they keeping naturally growing Larger, multiple, and the damage they cause spreads. One lie leads to another and another. Maybe not right away. but eventually, or perhaps the continual lying goes on, but we don't find out right away so we mistakenly conclude that our Child did not lie right away when in fact s/he has and it is only now that they were caught in a lie. Not only does one lie lead to another but it also grows in size over time. When our Children are not caught telling a lie they think, oh I got away with it and they continue to tell more lies. Who else will our Children lie to? Their Friends, Teachers, Employers, Government, and GOD. The thing with Lying it is Not a Good Thing. Like All Sin it is Very Toxic and one sin leads to another Sin and another SIN. And the more we SIN the farther we are from GOD and the farther we are from GOD the closer we are to Hell. Hence we ALL need a Savior to save us from ourselves. Especially in an upside & backwards World, where Good is Bad and Bad is Good. And it is harder than ever to discern Right from Wrong.

Okay so what else do we have in our School Bag, there are books and articles about Discipline. One says one thing and one says another? In regards to Lying or any other Bad Choice, Restriction is best. Well how do I know this to be True? Sounds Good. Actually is sounds Real Good, Fair and Familiar. Where have I heard that before? Any time we are reading from one book we need to weigh it against the sound advice from the Holy Handbook, GOD's Book. This Author knows what They are talking about. This Author knows what S/HE is talking about. (we were created in the image of GOD, hence GOD has both characteristics/attributes of Man & Woman, Father & Mother, and Parent GOD transcends gender as we know it).

Well how long should Restriction Last? And what does it included? When we look in the Holy Handbook, Adam & Eve were restricted from Paradise. They lost ALL their privileges. Just a few months ago a Neighbor's twin boys took their truck onto a dirt road, drove way to fast, and rolled the truck. The one brother had to bust out the window to rescue his unconscious twin brother.

Praise GOD the boys were okay and only walked away with scraps. The insurance replaced the totaled truck, and the parents bought a new truck. The new truck is newer, has less, miles and is an upgrade from what the Parent drives. So what was the consequence of the Twins Bad Choice to drive dangerously and put their own lives as well as the life of their Friend who was a passenger in danger? Nothing. My darling husband and I pointed out that the boys should be driving the older truck and one of the Parents should be driving the upgrade. So what did the boys learn? Mind you they are only 17 or 18, so what they learn is that they can make Bad Choices, even put their lives and and lives of others in danger and not only will there be no consequence, they could even get an upgrade out of it! Hopefully what my dear husband & I said to our Neighbor sinks in and takes root and she at least gives her boys the older truck. Now if they were our boys, their consequence would be Total Restriction and they definitely wouldn't get a better car or truck to drive then the one their parents drive.

How long should Restriction Last? Surely a Life-Time is too long. GOD sent Jesus to be our Bridge to Reconciliation. Jesus is our Savior from ourself. The first step in having a Savior is obeying the Holy Spirit that leads us to the realization that we ALL need a Savior. So in regards to Sin, any Sin, like Lying, we need to come to the Realization it was wrong, not just in Words but in Deeds. Actions speak louder than Words. One action that is necessary for Salvation is Regret, followed by Remorse, followed by Repentance a Total Change of Behavior. How do we know that a Person is truly Repentant? Again the Holy Handbook says, by the Fruit we will know them. Click Here. Repentance is not about Religion, it is about Relationship. We turn away from Sin and towards Jesus. It is the Love of Jesus that draws us to Repentance to Change, not Religion and not Rules. When we Love Jesus more than we love our Sin we are changed. We are Transformed. I use to cuss. I didn't drop the F-bomb a lot and use it like an adjective in every sentence to express myself. I wasn't "that bad", but what I was doing was not good. My Relationship w/Jesus has transformed me and I no longer cuss or swear. Did this happen over night? No. It was a Progression. Will it ever happen again? Will I forever stop cussing and never say a swear world -- that would be closer to Perfection, and as I would like to think that is possible, to never cuss or swear ever again I do know humans are Not Perfect. If or when I slip, I will have regret, remorse, and repentance and restoration through Jesus Christ . Jesus gave us a Helper called the Holy Spirit, so on the topic of Restriction, and How long should it last? Pray that the Holy Spirit will lead your Child to Regret, Remorse, Repentance, and then the Restoration of his/her Privileges, not because their Behavior is Right, but because their Heart is Right, not because of the Rules, but because of the Relationship, the Trust is Restored. How do we restore Trust once it has been broken? I will get to that a little later in the Repair Section.

Before I go on I want to talk about the other options we as Parents have available to us that fall under the Repeat Approach. The next Bag we can pull from is the Recycled Bag.

Recycled Bag:

(pull out old dusty cob web covered book from a brown recycled paper bag). This is the Recycled Approach, aka The Old School Method. Let's see what we have here. Some of the stuff in here is Time Tested and True because it lines up with what is found in the Holy Handbook. I want to be very clear that just because something is Old, doesn't make it Bad. If you had Loving Righteous Parents, Righteousness due to their Relationship w/Jesus not Religion w/People (Religious, memorizing Scriptures & High Church Attendance, etc), then what you have to pull from is of Healthy & Loving Substance and you should continue to do what is Helpful, Loving, Right & Good. But then there is stuff that can be found in the Recycled Bag that is not so Good and very Harmful and is found in the Tattered Bag.

Tattered Bag:

Pulling things from this Tattered Bag you will find distorted and very ugly stuff. Using the things from here turn us into the Ugly Mom or Dad. It sounds something like this, I brought you into this world and I will take you out of it. The threat of murdering our Child is NEVER a Good Thing, even if we think or say, "well I was only joking". This is just the beginning. It is a small sample of what is to come, there is more. Lets see here, here is a book, 101 Ways to Damage your Child, "spank them until they are sweet". Place that book, Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp, in the Trash. I don't know what Ted's Trip is but what he advocates is Damaging a Child's Heart and Soul, so it goes in the Trash w/the rest of the Garbage. For more details, click here. Let's see what else we have in this Tattered Bag, (pull out a bar of soap and tooth brush). Did your parents use these? When I was a child I used the S-word, sh*t -- I wonder where I got that from? Where did I hear that & other things like that? My Parents used this word as well as many other cuss & cursing words, not to mention all the verbal abuse, so Hypocrites were the least of what they were to their Children. This brings me to the next container available that we can pull from which is the Witches Pot.

Witches Pot:

What type of People or Beings create things with this container? Witches and Warlocks. Monsters & Demons. These are Evil Beings, they don't just do evil things -- they are evil things!

For those who don't know My BackStory is one of Abuse due to both Parents (along w/other People who I N-countered) I endured every type of Abuse. So here I was playing with a little "friend" of mine in her backyard thinking we were all big stuff by using "potty words" and calling each other names like pooh pooh face, pee pee head, and the S-word was stated. My "friend" went running to her Mom telling her what I called her. Now she also called me the same names, so lesson learned although "friends" will also do Bad Things they will put the blame on you. You are not safe when you are sinning with "friends". She tells her Mom and her Mom tells the Momster. The Momster's public image of being a "Good Mom" was threaten due to my imperfect behavior, so we got home she washed my mouth out with soap. That in and of itself was terrible, but it gets worse, there was lots of verbal & emotional abuse along with some physical abuse, and I had to stand there with soap in my mouth until my Dad got home which was most likily over an hour, seemed like forever. I remember looking at the clock counting down the time, and he when the time passed for him to come home I thought I was going to pass out. I was chocking on the soap pieces, gaging and throwing up, and then the Momster placed more soap pieces in my mouth by scrapping the bar of soap against my teeth so the pieces and shavings would remain in my mouth. The Momster made an example of me by showing my younger Sister who was two years my junior, this is what will happen to you "if you say bad things, cuss or lie". I remember the horrified expression on my little Sister's face, and she got upset, but fought back the tears, because she knew that having any Empathy for me, her suffering Sister, would be seen as a betrayal to the Momster, and she then would be the next target of abuse. As saliva and soap mixed up in my mouth bubbles started to form, and so to break the tension and take the focus off of my little Sister so she wouldn't be the next target of abuse, to keep her safe from harm, I blew out a bubble and my little sister began to laugh, and the Momster laughed, so I blew out some more bubbles. I learned that if I could get the Momster distracted by laughter or anything else the escalated abuse would stop. The Momster was literally having a laugh at my expense. I at least prevented my little sister from being abused and from the physical abuse I was getting to escalate into a full out beating. Now you would think that the Momster would be in a good mood, because she is now enjoying herself and feels good inside and maybe she might remove the soap from my mouth, but she didn't. Total lack of empathy. She made me stay with soap in my mouth until the Dad got home. He did not approve of these "Old School Methods" which was really Abuse Methods. Anytime he was around he would not allow the Momster to abuse us. Sounds great right? Well when the Momster was not around his choice of abuse was sexual, and that is why he is the Demon Dad. The Demon Dad is a Serial Child Molester. In the mind of a Child, the type of abuse the Demon Dad did to all of his Daughters was "not as bad" as what the Momster did to us because his abuse did not physically hurt to the extent that the Momster's, but it still created extreme damage none the less. It forever destroyed the Child we were and the Women we were meant to be and the relationships we were suppose to have w/our husbands that were not contaminated by haunting memories of past incest.

The Momster would beat us with anything she could fine. Often she would have us bring the item to her that she would beat us with and when we didn't want to or hesitated to bring her her chosen weapon, or refused to do it we got a horrible beating. An old lady once told the Momster that her parents made her go to the tree outside and break off their own branch, and if it broke on the first wack she had to go back out, and break off another stick to bring it back to her Parent to use against her. The Momster loved this idea and adopted it as her own a few times, but resorted back to beating us with her own closed or open hand because the Momster's evil desire to physically feel her hand strike her little Children. She liked the evil sensation from the pain she caused us because being evil makes her feel good. She desired the physical contact of causing pain to her Children. The Momster is an evil NVamp that feeds off of the pain of others. This is pure evil.

I have swatted my child's bottom in the past, nothing that would even resemble what the Momster did to me, and while my Daughter was over the swat in 10 minutes I was completely recked for 10 days. I know that swatting a Child on their bottom is a Normal & Recommend Method to use, but I don't use it anymore. The message it sends is that, because you did something wrong, being defiant, I am going to cause you physical discomfort or pain. That never set well in my Spirit and I have wrestled with this for a while now and heard both sides, and I don't have Peace with it so I can not do it nor recommend it.

While the Momster was abusing us or right before she would start beating us she would say, "Why did you make me do this?" Now fast forward a few years, Is it any wonder that one of my Sisters dated physically abusive boyfriends, and then eventually married an abusive person? The Good News is that over 20 years of marriage to her abusive spouse, after several attempts of leaving him and going back, he has told her that he does not want to be a Husband or Father anymore and just wants to live the single life. My Sister made a step she has never done before which is she filed for divorce and is moving back to the State where the Momster and Demon Dad reside. Please Pray for my Sister that she has not gone from the frying pan into the fire by moving her children (including 2 young girls) into the Demon Dad's lair. Pray for a hedge of protection over the Children and Discernment for my Sister and even though she has hurt me in the past, please pray that she gets the help she needs to heal from the pain from the past and that she will have tools to build a Healthy Relationship with me. To have a Loving Healthy Relationship with my Sisters is always my Hope but I know it is not possible as long as the Psycho Parents are in their lives causing deception and divisions among us Sisters. Thank You for your Prayers.

Throughout my Horrific Childhood the Momster went from being a self-proclaimed Christian, Atheist, Agnostic, back to Atheist for most of my Childhood and Adult years, about a decade ago she is once again a self-proclaimed Christian "because there must be GOD because He gave [her] such great Grandkids". Grandkids are a N's or Sociopaths favorite source of NSupply. It is all about her desire and need for adoration, for others to literally look up and adore her, because it is the closest thing to worshiping the ground she walks on -- who does that should like to you? My Sisters and I of course in the mind of the Momster were "bad kids" or "not warm & loving like the Grandkids" because we did not adore her. How can you expect a child to adore something or someone they fear? GOD does not want us to fear our Holy Parent. Fear is a reaction to danger, something Unhealthy and Harmful and Abusive. One of my many understandings & sayings is that, Where there is Love there is no Abuse where there is Abuse there is no Love. Therefore Love can not grow from Fear. Much gets lost in translating the Bible. The word for Fear in the Bible is from a Hebrew and Greek word meaning Reverence & High Respect, NOT Fear. We are to Reverence GOD Not Fear our Holy Parent like we would an Abusive Parent.

While she was abusing me, the Momster would also inflict Spiritual Abuse, twisting Scriptures, saying I had to honor and obey her just because she was my Mother. We do not have to honor our Toxic Abusive Parents, click here, to find out how to get rid of the FOG (Fear, Obligation Guilt) from years of brainwashing from Toxic Parents that keep us trapped in their KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism). We do have options. We do have choices that are Righteous, Biblically Based, and Blessed by a Loving & Holy Parent GOD. The Momster did her best to say that she was speaking for GOD, that abuse towards us is GOD approved. The Momster did her very best to blame GOD for all the evil in the World, yet she could not recognize evil in her. She raised us to believe that we had an apathetic GOD, and worst that GOD did not exist, and was only for the weak. It is convenient for an Evil Being to say there is no GOD, and abuse their little children, because the Evil Beings believe that no one sees them abuse us and they will get away with their abuse, and can deny their abuse that it will be their word against ours, and since they don't abuse others and can even be real nice to others, People believe the Evil Beings over the innocent Children.

The Demon Dad continues to deceive others through Scripture and uses my Sister's faith against them and guilt them into Forgiving him when he has confessed to nothing, therefore there is nothing he can be Forgiven for because is not own up to the crimes he has done. He can deny & hide his crimes in darkness, but GOD's Holy Light will expose them on the Demon Dad's Judgement Day and the Demon Dad, his Wife and the Momster can keep each other company in Hell. That is not my word, but GOD's on People who lack remorse, lack a conscience, enjoy hurting others, lie to cover up their crimes, don't regret what they have done, and don't repentant or change and continue to hurt others. Research the Holy Handbook about Unrepentant Sinners, if GOD will have NO Contact with them -- do you really think a Holy Parent would want us to have contact with Beings who enjoy hurting others because they lack Empathy & Remorse and a Conscience?

It is 3 Great Miracles that all 3 Sisters are Christians. It is GOD's Amazing Grace.

How did this happen when the odds were so very against us?

In the Nightmare of our Childhood, GOD brought Amazing Christians into our Life. They brought such a Beautiful Light of Hope that Life could be VERY different not only for the People we have in our Lives, but especially our own Life. The very first person I met who was so bright and cheerful who when you look in her eyes you see the Love of Jesus looking back at you, and her name was Patricia Orange we called her Pat and I know Jesus calls her Friend and our Holy Parent calls her Beloved Daughter. She was my very first inspiration and some day I will have to write a Chapter about My First Inspiration, Pat Orange.

So fast forward out of the Horrific Nightmares of my Childhood, I graduate from High School knowing the calling the Lord has given me to help others, went to College to earn a degree in Psychology, and along the way I know I have to heal from the Pain of the Past, so the Lord led me to some great counselors and therapists, and more Amazing Christians as well as Different Believers and Non-Believers that had & have a Loving Heart. To this day I continue to have a diverse group of Friends. The most Amazing Love did come from Amazing Christians who are truly Friends of Christ, and they not only know about Him they have the Spirit of GOD in them. There are Counterfeit Christians who are Christians in name only who give Truly Amazing Christians a bad name, I have met my share of these Counterfeits, because every church has them. The Counterfeits are the N in Sheep's Clothing. There are Ns in every Religion, and there are N's who are Agnostics & Atheists, I have met my share of those too. I have met Loving People from various backgrounds. It was due to the Amazing Christians, the Amazing Love towards me that led me to Christ, and after learning about Christ I wanted to seek my own personal Relationship (not Religion) with Him.

It was due to Amazing Christians that led me to a Personal Relationship with Jesus where the Impossible became Possible and I am set Free from the Pain of the Past, and I am Completely Healed from the Past. I am not defined by what happened to me. The only time I think about the Horrible Past is when I am writing about it. The Memories are there, but they don't have the power to ruin my month, week, day, or even the afternoon. I have not only been Repaired & Restored, but Transformed. Again Life is about Progression not Perfection. I am not Perfect, but I have Perfect Peace & Blessed Assurrance that I will not Repeat the Abuse, because I have Replaced it with Christ's Amazing Love. I have tons of Empathy for others, especially my Daughter and I love her too much to Repeat what was done to me. Have I made mistakes? Yes, every Loving Normal and Honest Parent will admit to making mistakes and not always getting it right, but when I get it wrong, even just a tiny bit, I have Empathy & Remorse, I am convicted and I repent instead of repeat.

How does Amazing Love of Jesus Christ transform you and your parenting?

That brings me to the Heart of Jesus. (image a heart shaped bag)

Heart of Jesus:

When I pull from this Loving & Holy Container blessings pour out in Abundance. In regards to the topic of Lying I pulled from the School Bag, the Recycled Bag, and my heart aches when I admit that I have pulled from the Tattered Bag. I didn't go as deep as I could have gone, but it wasn't Good, Compassionate & Loving. When we reach into the Heart of Jesus, because His Heart is Completely Open to each one of us regardless of our past, we discover our Heart opens with His and that Open Heart is not only Open to Jesus, but Open to our Children & Loved Ones. There is nothing to fear in Loving Others and Completely Opening our hearts to others (we need to have discernment about who is a N and who is Normal). When we completely open up our hearts others do the same and we connect on a Spiritual Level that this World can never measure. When my heart was hurt when my Daughter lied, instead of reaching in those other bags I reached into the Heart of GOD and I said GOD; How do I show her lying is Toxic Harmful, Hurtful & Wrong? And the Spirit of GOD spoke to my Spirit and said show her Letting Go by Completely Opening your heart to her and Letting Go. So I poured out my Heart to my Daughter and told her how hurt I was from her lying to me, how lying hurts & damages our trust & relationship, and that is pains me that I can not trust her. We also talked about how she feels when her Friends lie to her, or if Mommy or Daddy would lie to her how would her heart feel? Could she trust us if we lied to her? Would she feel respected, honored or loved if we lied to her? I was not afraid to be vulnerable with my Daughter & cry and show my Daughter my pain & hurt. We had an Open and Honest conversation how lying is not loving each other. Is Lying a Loving thing to do or a hurtful thing? So when we lie to someone what is the message we send? What is the message someone sends you when they lie to you and you feel betrayed and the trust is damaged or destroyed? When we lie to someone we tell them that we do not love them. When you lie to someone you hurt them by betraying their trust. Lying is not Loving. And the Painful & Undeniable Truth is when we are lying we are not loving. So if you lie to me you send the message or tell me you don't respect, honor or love me. My loving Daughter who also has high levels of Empathy related to how I felt hurt by her lies and said she does Love me and will not Love me and we discussed how she can tell me ANYTHING that Nothing she has done will stop me from Loving Her, so there is Nothing she needs to hide from Mommy or Daddy because even if she does something very wrong we will Always Love her. We continue to nurture the Love, Security, and the Trust in our Relationship and my Daughter has stopped lying and admits to the Truth even if she has made a wrong choice. We talk about the wrong choice, some times that wrong choice requires a Natural Learning Consequence and sometimes it requires a loss of privileges and she needs to be on Restriction for a period of time. I know there will be times where the temptation to lie to avoid the Restriction will present itself, because it already has happened, but I give her Mercy and Grace because she is little, and I am honest with her about her temptation to lie to avoid Restriction, but I ask her which is a Better Choice to Lie and hurt Mommy & Daddy and not have Trust or to tell the Truth? The duration of the Restriction is based on her choice to tell us the Truth. If she chooses to lie the Restriction is much Longer at least twice as long as it would have been if she choose to tell the Truth. At the age of 4 1/2 she is a wise beyond her years and knows it is better to tell the Truth even when she has made the Wrong Choice.

* Interesting side note, when I was writing about how the Enemy (Satan) lies and deceives us, like it did with Eve, and we are left confused not knowing Right from Wrong there was a fly bugging me and trying to distract me. What is another name for Satan? Beelzebub

Lord of the Flies, or more accurately Lord of the Lies. Satan will always try to prevent the Truth from getting out and will even send a tiny pesky fly to try and distract us & prevent GOD's message. Notice in the word Beelzebub there is a bee and following, listening, believing, trusting, and having contact the Lord of Lies (Ns) will leave a painful sting.

May this chapter in my Life bless you as it has me by bringing you Hope, Support, Confirmation, Encouragement, Inspiration, Empowerment and Transformation that we are not destined to Repeat, we can Repair, and Replace. All on Board the Love Train, Destination LOL!

Love,

Letting Go

Ruined

2011-06-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Today as I prepared Lunch for my Darling Daughter (DD), as soon as I finished putting her sandwich together, cut up her apples and carrots I placed her meal in front of her and I went to get her something to drink. I reached for a cup out of the cupboard & poured the orange juice she requested into the cup. She folded her hands and thanked GOD for her Family & Friends, her pets, her Teachers, her toys, her baby dollies, her clothes (especially her new bathing suit for swimming lessons), her swimming lessons that she will be starting soon, her flower garden, the butterflies and ladybugs in her flower garden, the bright yellow daisy flowers she picked from her garden and placed in a small vase on the table, her yummy food and delicious orange juice (nothing like the thankful prayers of Little Children :), and She had just finished her prayers thanking GOD and I immediately got up to get myself something to drink when all of a sudden . . .

She yelled out, Momma there is Orange Juice all over the place!

I turn around and find an Orange Juice Mess all over the Table, Daughter's Cloths, Chair, and Floor. My DD is 4 1/2 so it is not unusual that I am helping her clean up some sort of mess she created. In fact, just this morning she spilt her cereal bowel all over herself, the table, chair, and floor, so here we go again. Another Meal Another Mess. I must confess I was disappointed & a bit upset at having to help her clean up the second mess of the day.

While I was lecturing her on how to pay closer attention to what she is doing, so that she doesn't cause another mess, that she needs to slow down, and notice things around her, etc. something very interesting unfolded. I was cleaning up the mess off my DD's clothes, then her lap, and then the table. There was a puddle around the cup full of orange juice, so I wiped that up too and noticed there was still some orange juice in the cup, and all around the cup, so I picked up the cup and wiped off the orange juice. I went to clean up the rest of the mess from the bottom of DD's chair, on the floor, and when I got up off the floor I turned back to notice that there was a small puddle of orange juice around the cup. It was one of those Gaslighting or Twilight Zone Moments, where you question yourself, Am I losing my mind? I know I just wiped down the cup and the spilt orange juice surrounding the cup, or was it that I just meant to clean it up after I cleaned up the chair, and floor? No, I did clean that up first, then I cleaned up the chair and floor, so why is the mess still there? As I am wiping up the spilt orange juice from the table once more and wiping off orange juice from the cup I noticed that the cup has a huge crack in it and orange juice is seeping out every where.

Talk about needing to pay closer attention to things! Take foot and insert in mouth. I immediately felt bad for lecturing my DD for needing to be a Big Girl and watch what she is doing, that she needs to slow down, and be careful. What I accused her of doing I was in fact guilty of doing. The Life of a Mother is about doing things as quick and as fast as you can, because there is never enough time in the day to get all the things done on our To Do List.

I immediately felt Remorse for blaming my DD for causing the mess when in fact after careful & close examination it was the cup that caused the mess, and not my DD's lack of skills. The truth is I assumed the cup was okay, because it looked okay. I didn't take the time to examine it.

Who does that? Who has the time to examine each and every thing in Life?

For preventable reasons, when we are cleaning up Life's Messes we need to assess who is responsible for creating the Mess in the first place. What are the Causes and Effects of the Messes in Life? Especially when the Effects are very traumatic we want to discover the Cause.

This reminds me of the popular phrase from Dr. Phil, "there are no Victims, only Volunteers". When we examine the N's or P's KoN are we Victims or Volunteers? The Ns & Ps are Extremely Damaged like the cup that could not hold the orange juice. Although they appear to be stable, and reliable, we pour into them, and when we least expect it they cause a HUGE Mess all around them, damaging and ruining things completely. Like the orange juice, the HUGE Mess Ns & Ps cause become a Very sticky and Toxic Situation if not completely cleaned up right away. Sometimes the Clean Up from the Ns & Ps Toxic Dump takes awhile to restore that which is Damaged to the Original Condition. I often wonder, Is it really possible to completely restore someone to the Original Condition as if the attack from the N or P never happened?The Restoration, Recovery, and Healing Process takes a very long time and some cases the Damage is so severe that People who were victimized by Ns and Ps are never ever the same as before they were attacked. The Ugly Memories of Heinous Events still stay in our Minds. Some Memories are so horrible that they are suppressed and surface when you least expect it. These Horrible Surfaced Memories can cause you to go into a tailspin causing you to lose your balance, and mess up your Life. I have spent half of my Life cleaning up the messes the Psycho Parents caused not only me but others. These Ns & Ps rob us of so much precious time.

In my DD's situation w/the Broken Cup I was the 3rd Party that wondered Who caused all this mess? The Ns & Ps, like the Broken Cup, remain silent and let others take the blame for them. I could have blamed my Daughter for failing to notice the Cup was Broken & Ruined, and she could have blamed me for giving her a Broken & Ruined Cup, or we could place the blame where it belongs, on the Broken & Ruined Cup -- which we did.

After I asked my DD to Forgive me for blaming her for causing the mess that the Broken Cup caused and she forgave me, she asked, "Mommy what are you going to do with the Broken Cup?"

That is the question we all must ask ourselves about the Ns and Ps we N-counter in Life.

My Daughter said, "Mommy can you fix it?"

Another great question from this brilliant 4 1/2 yr. old. Can I fix it? Do I have the ability to fix what is Broken? The answer as we all know from Escaping the KoN is that some things can not be fixed. Some things are just Broken & Ruined Beyond Repair. No matter how badly I would want to fix what is broken & ruined I just can not. It is impossible. There are no tools that can fix this Broken Ruined Cup. I could try, but depending or relying on something Broken only creates Another Mess, and most likely a Larger Mess to clean up in the Near Future. This Broken Cup at first glance appeared Normal, so I trusted it. It deceived me -- as much as a Broken Cup can deceive a Person. This was not the first time I utilized this cup. The cup performed very well before and served our needs, but Today we discovered it is Broken.

Does it really matter how it got Broken? Was it always an Inferior Product that was doomed to fail in time? Or, Did something in the Environment cause it to be Ruined Beyond Repair? Does it matter what caused the Cup to be Broken? It could have been created that way, or it could have been something harsh in the Environment, or perhaps a combination of both.

We could spend our time blaming the Manufacturer for giving us, or sending us an Inferior Product that appeared to be Normal. We could blame the entire mess that the Broken Cup caused on the Manufacturer. We could say it is the Manufacturer's Fault and therefore we can not trust the Manufacturer, or any of the cups that come directly for the Manufacturer's Factory. Does one Bad & Broken Cup accurately represent the skills of the Manufacturer, or is the majority of what the Manufacturer creates Reliable, Dependable, Sturdy, and Trustworthy Products? Aside from this Deceptive Bad & Broken Cup, the rest of the cups we have are just what they appear to be and do what they are created to do. In fact the Manufacturer has created some very exquisite products. Therefore, one Bad Cup does not a flawed Manufacturer make. We can not discriminate against the Manufacturer for this one Bad Cup when the Majority is of Normal to High Quality.

Okay, so if it is not the Manufacturer's fault for the Deceptive, Ruined & Bad Cup, then we could spend our time investigating what in the Environment caused the Cup's Damage, thus making it an Inferior Product that will cause Great Messes every where that others are left to clean up. Maybe someone did a rush job and didn't handle it with Great Care, and caused a crack, and over time the crack got larger and larger. Perhaps the Cup had a slight undetectable crack or dent in it from the very beginning and was placed in a High Pressure Environment, aka dishwasher, and the dent became a crack, and the crack grew and when it came out of the Harsh Environment it appeared Normal like the rest in the Group, but it was completely useless because we could never depend or rely upon it. Unfortunately no one noticed, until we poured into it and relied upon it, then unexpectedly it created a Huge Mess all over the place. We didn't know it was unable to hold the things we placed in it. It looked Normal and we thought it was Safe, but it tried to damage & destroy the very things we value. The Bad Cup is jealous and envious and detests the Beauty in Others because it is a constant reminder of what the Bad Cup does not have within it. By damaging & destroying the Beauty in Others the Bad Cup feels Good about itself.

We could spend time blaming the Environment, blaming others that the Cup was not handled carefully & taken well care of. It is not the Bad Cup's fault that it can not be Normal & Useful. We can spend the rest of our time trying to fix the Bad Cup when it can not be fixed, and it thinks it is just as Good if Not Superior to the rest, so it resents People trying to make it Better by fixing what the Bad Cup doesn't accept nor admit as Broken. We could spend time trying to get the Bad Cup to be something it just is not. We can keep on giving the Bad Cup "one more chance" to be Normal and not cause a Big Mess. Sometimes the Bad Cup might do okay, maybe it wont be "that bad" in comparison to the Huge Mess other Bad Cups create. Sometimes the Bad Cup might even keep it together to give us a tiny bit of what we need or want for awhile -- and then it falls apart, and it becomes obvious that the Bad Cup is still very Damaged and has caused a Huge Mess for us to once again clean up. What we fail to recognize is that while we are cleaning up the mess the Bad Cup caused we ourselves are getting blamed for causing the Bad Cup to Cause the Mess. Bad Cups never take responsibility and constantly blame others for the damage they cause. They believe it is our fault, that we made them create or cause a Huge Toxic Mess. From their self-raised viewpoint on the Top Shelf in the Cupboard, it is our fault for pouring into the Bad Cup, therefore, we are the one responsible for the mess, and that is why we are the ones cleaning the messes up. Ns & Ps think that because we are cleaning up the mess we are responsible for causing the mess, if we weren't, we wouldn't be cleaning up the mess.

So back to Dr. Phil's statement, "there are no Victims, only Volunteers" and Gavin de Beck's quote from his book, The Gift of Fear, "The first time a woman is hit, she is a victim and the second time, she is a volunteer" while I don't fully agree w/these statements I do believe they have validity. Let me explain, due to the N's & P's Grand Illusion & Deception no one is responsible for finding her/himself in a KoN, because Ns & Ps are Counterfeits and are not who they appear or promote themselves to be. It takes more than a One Time Learning Trial (aka Attack/Abuse from the N or P) to break their Grand Illusion. If Ns & Ps were always horrible, it would not be hard to identify them as Evil Beings, but they are not. They do "Good Things" of course for the Wrong Reasons, but it is the intermittent Absent of Abuse that creates the Illusion of Love. The Absence of Abuse is NOT the presence of Love, ONLY the Absence of Abuse. However, it is only until we leave the KoN, when the FOG (Fear Obligation & Guilt) is no longer around to obstruct our vision from discovering the True Identity of the N or P can we then see the Toxic Abusive Relationship for what it is & the Toxic Abusive Person for who s/he is . We are not responsible for finding ourselves in a KoN, in a Toxic & Abusive Relationship. We did not cause the abuse. Ns and Ps are ALWAYS responsible for the Abuse they cause to others. Everyone who finds themselves in a N's or P's KoN is a Victim and we must ask ourselves, How long are we going to Volunteer to clean up the Huge Toxic Mess the N's & P's cause? It is not the presence of Good Things that makes a Good, Healthy Relationship, but rather the Absence of Harmful, Toxic, Abusive, Bad Things.

The Thing with Abusive People, Narcissists, Sociopaths, or Psychopaths, aka Bad Cups, is that they not only cause a Huge Mess, but the very thing that caused them to be Damaged & Bad contaminates what we pour into them & transforms something Healthy into something Very Toxic. And when we take in what comes from them it can destroy us.

It is in the realization that the Broken Cup not only does Bad Things, but is actually a Bad Thing that we can then come to the conclusion and accept that the Bad Cup is completely worthless & has no purpose. Toxic Things have no purpose in Life only the intent to destroy what is Good.

This brings me to my DD's final question,

Mommy What are you going to do with the Bad Cup?

What do we do with all the Bad Cups in this World? We can either put the Bad Cup in the Trash and it joins the other Garbage, reeks havoc on our Environment, and continues to be harmful to others, or we can Recycle it. We believe in Recycling. This Bad Cup is placed with other Recyclable Trash and will be sent to the Recycle Factory where it can be sorted out and placed with like items to be placed into the Fire to be completely destroyed. Who knows if what comes out on the other end will be of Better Quality. In theory the Blazing Fire is suppose to purify all Bad Things. However, there is also another theory that says, Garbage in, Garbage out. What is Toxic can never become Healthy. We can not burry Toxic Things, because where ever they go they contaminate their surroundings, and become a Danger to Others. Toxic Things can not be fixed, they must be obliterated, annihilated, and cease to exist to prevent causing harm to others.

Our Society sentences Murderers to Death, but what about those Serial Soul Murderers known as Narcissists and Sociopaths? Serial Soul Murderers get away with their crimes at least until their Final Judgment Day where they will be placed in an Eternal Furnace & due to their Toxic Evil Nature they will not be Recycled.

To Everything There is a Season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

2011-06-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

There are Everyday Miracles, we need only open our Eyes, Mind, Heart, Soul, and Spirit to Experience God's Amazing Love. Due to a Horrible Change at a Place I once Loved, I had to leave an On-Line Support Group in which I was Very Dedicated to for over a year. I will Always Treasure the Time I spent there sharing my Healing Journey with others as they shared theirs with me. There is a Time for Healing and a Time for Moving On.

GOD'S Time is Perfect. At Church for the past few weeks our Pastor has been speaking on Ecclesiastes. Today was on Ecclesiastes 3 which the Famous 1960's Band the Byrds turned into a Song called Turn, Turn, Turn.

"Turn! Turn! Turn! (to Everything There Is a Season)", often abbreviated to "Turn! Turn! Turn!", is a song adapted entirely from the Book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible (with the exception of the last line) and put to music by Pete Seeger in 1959. Seeger waited until 1962 to record his own version of it, releasing the song on his The Bitter and the Sweet album on Columbia Records.^[1] 45% of the royalties for the song are donated to the Israeli Committee Against House Demolitions, because, in Seeger's own words, "[in addition to the music] I did write six words."^[2] The song became an international hit in late 1965, when it was covered by The Byrds, reaching #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and #26 on the UK Singles Chart. Thus, the song easily holds the record as the #1 song with the oldest lyrics.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turn!_Turn!_Turn!

Today at Church our Pastor spoke on Ecclesiastes 3 that there is a Season for Everything. To Everything there is a Season. During our Pastor's Sermon he explained how there was a Season and a Time for Everything, Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

http://www.biblegateway.com

The following pertains to Normal Imperfect Marriages, where both Spouses are Normal.

Our Pastor explained during one of the comparisons that there was a Time for Speaking Up and a Time for Remaining Quite. It is not always easy to know which we are to do. Thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit that we have a Helper through prayer we gain the Gift of Discernment to determine when we should Speak Up and when we should Remain Quite.

Warning, both Men and Women strap on your Spiritual Safety Belts, because this is not easy to hear for either of us.

Our Pastor gave an example of Marital Issues where the Husband knows he has messed up, but his Wife keeps going on and on and on "complaining, nagging, and lecturing" -- been there & done that! It is so true, no Man wants his Wife to act like his Mom. I totally get that. Pastor was speaking from the Husband's Perspective and he made a very Good Point that our complaining, nagging, and lecturing does not make for a Happy Healthy Marriage.

Our Pastor spoke from the Husband's point of view and admitted after a few times of the Wife nagging the Husbands just tune us out and our Voice falls on death ears, so we are literally wasting our time. If we stop to set our Egos aside we will allow the Holy Spirit to convict us on our Communication Skills. Keep reading Ladies! Since Pastor's Wife did not speak from the Wife's Perspective, I would like us to now Turn! Turn! Turn! and look at this very same Marital Situation from the Wife's viewpoint. When only one perspective is presented we are left with only half the story, and an incomplete understanding of the entire situation.

I have a background in Social Psychology Experimental Research with the focus on Interpersonal Relationships, so when I look at a given Social Situation I ask myself, What is the Cause and Effect? In this Martial Situation the Effect we are talking about is the Negative Effect a complaining, nagging, lecturing Wife has on her Husband, their Marital Relationship, and the Family Dynamic, because let's face it a Child watching Mommy nagging Daddy is not good for the Child to witness. We definitely know that this has a Negative Effect on Everyone involved, including the Wife who is complaining, nagging, and lecturing.

What is the Cause of the Negative Effect?

A Husband does not want his Wife to act like a Mother. . . and a Wife does not want her Husband to act like a Child. Simply put, It is the Husband's irresponsible Childish behavior that causes the Wife's nagging Motherly behavior. It is the Husband's Bad Listening Skills that CAUSES the Wife's Bad Communication Skills. Again speaking as a Wife, we don't start off frustrated & nagging, that is the End Result from Multiple Requests for a Changed Behavior (i.e., Could you please put your dirty socks in the dirty laundry?). It is only after Repeated Requests have been ignored that it sends a Strong Message to the Wife and tells her that I don't care enough about you or respect you enough to fulfill this Simple Request. Therefore out of frustration and resentment from our Husband hurting our Heart we resort to complaining, nagging, and lecturing.

The Husband feels the Wife's angry words, but behind the angry words is the Heart of the Wife that her Beloved Husband has hurt. We think that since my Kind Repeated Requests were ignored, and had Zero Effect, then our Kindness was viewed as Weakness, so now if we speak with Frustration & Anger that will be a Language our Husband will Respect & Respond to. And let's be honest, Husbands do respond to the Wife's Frustration & Anger by doing the Behavior Change. . . at least for that Moment and for a short time that follows. You would think this would make the Frustrated Wife Happy, but it doesn't. It actually often has the exact Opposite Effect and makes the Wife ever MORE Unhappy & Frustrated. Men are completely confused. After all our Husbands are Finally doing what we wanted. We got what we wanted, so that should make us Happy. But it doesn't. Why Not? Because it Reinforces us and proves to us that a Wife's Gentle & Kind Words will be ignored by the person she loves the Most in this World, and her Husband will Only listen when she gets Angry, which breaks the Heart of a Wife.

Husbands love your Wife like Christ loves the Church. Our Poor Communication Skills is the Effect of your Poor Listening Skills, which Caused the Situation. If you would Respect, Value, and Treasure our Kind & Gentle Words, then you would NEVER hear our angry words that is shielding our Heart that you have hurt.

In Conclusion, If you don't want your Wife to act like a Mother, then don't act like a Child. I pray that both Wives & Husbands will allow the Gentle Spirit to convict and heal our Hearts & Minds, so that Husband & Wife can be Loved & Respected by one another. Let's ask each other, Can we do a Do-Over? Can we stop the Negative Behavioral Pattern & Dysfunctional Dance?

Today is literally a New Day, the beginning of a New Week as I post this at 7 minutes past Midnight. Today is a New Beginning to Happy & Healthy Communication with our Spouse, our Best Friend, and our Soulmate. Let's ask each other for Forgiveness. Let's have Empathy, Understanding, and Compassion for our Spouse's Perspective. Let's feel the Hurt & Pain we caused our Spouse, both Wife to Husband and Husband to Wife. Let's have such Deep Remorse that we are moved to Repentance. Let's pray that God not only Restores what has been Damaged, but actual Transforms our Marriage to Better than Before.

Let's vow to one another that From this Day Forward:

Wives say to your Husbands: From this Day Forward I choose to Forget the Past, because I Forgave you, I know you Love & Respect me and my Heart is Healed. From this Day Forward I know you will Treasure my Gentle & Kind Words, so that I don't have to be hurt and speak in Anger & Frustration anymore.

Husbands say to your Wives: From this Day Forward I choose to Forget the Past, because I Forgave you, I know you Love & Respect me and my Heart is Healed. From this Day Forward, I promise that I will Treasure & Protect your Gentle & Kind Heart. I will guard it and not hurt it, so that you no longer have to speak in Anger & Frustration anymore. When you lovingly remind me that I am not listening, I will stop and listen to you, because nothing in the World is more important than my Wife who is my Life.

* Please feel free to modify your own Vows & Promises to one another to make them Personal. Then call up Grandma and Grandpa, drop the kids off at their house, go to the Restaurant you had your First Date or your Favorite Restaurant, and spend the Evening Enjoying one another. May Each of you as Individuals and a Married Couple be Greatly Blessed. And may you enjoy the Experience of SuperNatural Sex with one another.

The Web of Narcissism (WoN) has Changed & is Unsafe for Healing

2011-06-02T20:58:00.001-07:00

First and Foremost I want to thank ALL who used their Voice in support of me Not being all the things that CZ is FALSELY accusing me of right now. Thank You for having Courage, Honor, and Integrity. Thank You for Trusting what you have Yourself Experienced with me, instead of the Lies you are hearing about me. Thank you for saying my Voice mattered to You, and that it greatly helped You (at the very best) and didn't offend you (at the least), and was needed to be heard at WoN. It takes Enormous Bravery to let Your Voice be heard when it is Not Popular, because there is the Overt, Covert, and Ambient Negative Ramifications that come from such a Brave Choice. I Highly Respect & Admire those who are concerned with doing the Right Thing, especially when it is Unpopular with the Leader of the Pack. Your Risk and Sacrifice has Not gone unnoticed. I noticed it, and was Deeply touched by it, not only by fellow Believers, but Non-Believers as well. You are & have risked much to keep me in a Positive Light. I DEEPLY appreciate what you have done and risked on my behalf and may GOD Greatly Bless you for that Gift you have given me. Believers, Different Believers, and Non-Believers have risked so very much for me, and I am so very thankful towards you. When the Voice you dare to disagree with goes against someone who has the perceived power to control your healing, and the access to your very needed Support Group, because let's face it, there are only few places that are filled with People who understand & know what we have experienced in the KoN, because they also have been there themselves -- to risk that in Any way is something I HIGHLY Admire, Respect, and Treasure.

Big Hugs of Gratitude & Love to each of You!

Due to recent Policy Changes which create the Atmosphere of any given Public or Communal Environment I can Not in Good Conscience recommend going to the Web of Narcissism (WoN) On-Line Support Group Forum. I want to make it Abundantly Clear that it has absolutely Nothing to do with the Amazing Members & Friends I met there, and is the result of CZ's (WoN's Creator) Sudden Change, thus her Forum has Changed, and Not for the better, but for the Worse.

Due to CZ's New Rule of Banning All Religious Expression, or reference to God, the Spiritual Voice at WoN has now become Silenced. I had fear that this would happen some day. I was Publicly assured by CZ on MORE than one occasion, AND verifiable in a Thread I created at WoN called Fear of being Me. I thought this Fear came from my Experience with the Narcissist in Sheep's Clothing from the Buyer Beware Unsafe Forum, but due to recent events I now see it had to do with much MORE than just that. I thought it had to due with the Momster's KoN, but due to recent events, in addition to the insight of others who know CZ, I Now see & understand it had to do with much MORE than just that as well. I beat myself up for Fearing to be Me at WoN. I thought at the time I made that Post that I was being a Paranoid Fool, and that there was no grounds for having this Fear. This Fear or Worry seemed so illogical & irrational, because at the time (and for over a year) I was encouraged by CZ to be Me and Speak in My Unique Voice which Everyone and Anyone who reads what I write knows that is a Spiritual Voice. I have Always spoken in my Spiritual/Christian Voice, and it has Always been present for over a year now. My Voice has Not Changed, but CZs has. Her Voice use to be about Inclusion not Exclusion, about Acceptance & Tolerance not Intolerance & Discrimination. I use to Highly Admire & Value her Voice and the Heart and Mind that it represented, but because Her Voice has changed demonstrating that her Heart & Mind has also changed I am shocked, hurt, confused, disappointed, angry, repulsed and disgusted by what is Now coming out of a Voice that was once Honorable & Righteous, because it was filled with Understanding & Love, or maybe I was deceived partly due to my own Projection and ignored some Red Flags. I didn't want to see the Red Flags, because I have been through this before, or at least something too close to this, and did not want it to happen again. CZ's covert attack was "not as bad" as what happened with me and Danu -- yet, but staying at a place that is "not as bad" is not good for me or anyone else. I am not going to stick around to wait for things to get worse. I know what it is to settle for "not as bad" and that isn't any good. I am not going to be in a place where My Voice is Silenced.

CZ and I have discussed the importance of allowing each Person to speak in his/her Unique Voice in order to facilitate & nurture the Healing Process. Since the Spiritual or Religious Voice has been Silenced due to Censorship, Healing at WoN will be hindered at the very least. Where healing is hindered I believe it is actually being prevented which creates a Ceiling Effect, because what one thinks is possible can not be achieved. It is so very Essential for People in Healing to speak from their Own Unique Voice.

Due to the insight that has been gained from a Former WoN Members, I do believe that a Conscious Fully Aware, Deliberate, Smear Campaign was created in order to Victim Blame and deflect CZ's Obvious Change. CZ and I greatly differ on Unconscious Ego Defenses. I do not support that Theory due to Lack of Evidence which I explain in Conscious or Unconscious Attacks/Abuse I do believe that when we hurt someone we are not in that very second or instant Always Fully Aware or Conscious of hurting someone, or is that my own Projection and Ego Defense talking? Seriously I can consider that in a specific given instant which is not prolonged over time (hours, days, weeks, months, years) the attack can be unconscious. How CZ has chosen to treat me as she says was "thought out", because she gave it "careful consideration". Her two recent emails to me were thought out & deliberate. Lies have been said by CZ and are most likely continuing to go on at one degree or another against me in order to justify her changed or finally revealed attitude towards me. She is doing her very best or should I say worst to Victim Blame in order to deflect from HER Obvious Change.

Many WoN Members share my feelings of being shocked, confused, hurt, disappointed, and angry to one degree or another. Some have let their Voice, Feelings, and Thoughts be heard and some have remained silent due to negative Repercussions & Consequences even in a covert and ambient way as in their Posts being ignored to being treated with less compassion, encouragement & validation. Everyone wants to be treated as Equals, and we all know that willNot happen, or a Great Possibility of that Not happening if you Support, Agree or Validate Letting Go (which was my Member Name at WoN). There is a Direct Correlation between the Level or Amount of Public Support one is willing to give to the Underdog or Scapegoat as to not have harsh, negative or indifferent replies to their Public Posts. No one wants to have what they say, no matter how valid, to be held against them not even in an Ambient (undetectable tomost) Way. It did happen to me at WoN. When I first arrived at WoN, CZ was compassionate, supporting, validating, etc, but that level did significantly decrease at a Ambient Level. I approached CZ and asked, Did I do something wrong? Wondering why is she ignoring my Posts? Am I just being too sensitive or too needy? And she said, because she concentrates on those who need her, the Newbies, the younger kids (which is understandable), and said she realized that she does need to remember to not ignore or neglect the "older kids". I told her that the older kids still need her. She has Not completely ignored all my Posts (and as we know Posts represent Self on a Forum), but there was an Ambient Lack of Equality that she gives to others who closer share her views. There was Favoritism which was Ambient (undetectable tomost). Sometimes she really did seem to validate what I was saying, but you might begin to notice that she does respond more compassionately to those closer to her way of thinking. Some say this in Natural, thus Acceptable. I disagree. I Accept, Respect, and Love everyone equally regardless if they share my same beliefs, and I give them equal if not more of my time, because different perspectives are interesting.

So what is a Remaining WoN Member to do? What are you to do when you are left with all of this confusion due to two very conflicting Perceptions of Reality? What I recommend to my Family, Friends, and Clients is to Take the Scientific Approach. Try to distance yourself and let go of all preconceived ideas about the two different Realities or People. Reserve Judgement. Do Not be compelled to make an immediate decision. Tell Self you are in a Process of Data Collecting. Our Natural tendency is to Collect Data with a biased opinion in order to support the conclusion we want, the Reality we want, and we need to keep reminding Self to Reserve Judgement. Reserve Judgement. and Reserve Judgement. Our Natural Tendency to search, collect, or accept Data or Information that supports the Reality that we favor is calledConfirmation Bias, and trained Researchers & Professionals such as Scientists, Counselors & Therapists make this very easy mistake, and that is one reason the N can N-chant even very experienced Professionals, their bias is that the N is not a N, because they know if the N were a N (a Mid to High Level N) their treatment/counseling/therapy will not be effective, thus making their goal unachievable, and that is hard for even a Trained Professional's Ego to take, because we are all Human and we want to achieve our goals of helping our Client.

First Question to ask in regards to what is happening between CZ and myself as well as in any relationship, Whose Behavior has Changed? Who is not who s/he Used to be? It is important to think about Cause and Effect. If our Behavior has changed, Is it in reaction to the N? My Posts regarding CZ's behavior change towards me and ALL Believers at WoN was greatly effective, but what caused that to happen?

As I mentioned before, it is CZ's New Rule of Censorship and Silencing the Voice of ALL Believers. I do not support Censoring or Silencing Any One's Voice, and CZ is doing her very best to justify something that is Very Wrong. She says that just being a Christian or simply encouraging People by saying God loves you and has great plans for you and His plans does not include abuse is offensive, hurtful, divisive, etc. I know what it is like to be too easily offended by a statement of Love -- been there.

Due to all the abuse I suffered as a Child I once thought There is No God, if there is a God she or he does not care about me to allow this abuse to happen to me. As I have said I have suffered & endured ALL types & kinds of Abuse this World inflicts upon a Person. Having been there I can say in Good Conscience and without any bias that Someone telling us that God loves them is Not a mean and cruel thing due to the intent in the words. The intent is to Love us, not hurt us.

The Problem of being too easily offended by someone sharing Love with us is not their Problem or Issue, but ours that we need to work through as someone who has been hurt, abused, and is left damaged. It has been said to me that what if I don't believe in your God or even hate your God, Now do you see what you said as being hurtful? No. Because the intent was not to hurt, but to help. I can not control if someone is hurt or offended by an Expression of Love. What if someone said to me, Budda Loves you Letting Go, I would reply, Thank You & Jesus Loves you. I can except anyone's Expression of Love, because I know it was not intended to harm me. CZ knew that an Equal Comparison of a Different Believer expressing her Love or ideas would not hurt me, so she thinks of the Worst comparison she can to "prove her point" that what someone can say can hurt you. Therefore she compares my Nature, Passion, and "who" I am to a Person who believes the devil being in him is "who" he is. Some Members want to deny that CZ was not comparing me only by beliefs, but if you can look w/an unbiased eye you will see that what I told CZ that being a Christian is not what I believe in but "who" I am, so she was in fact comparing Me by making in her statement the Demon Possessed Person is "who" he is and because of that should be allowed to express "who" he is at WoN -- "What is a forum Manager to do?" I believe was the question. And I replied my 4yr old has Discernment and can identify Good from Evil, an adult should be able to do the same. Comparing "who" I am as a Christian to "who" the Devil Possessed Person is like comparing a Slave Master's viewpoints, desires, who he is to the Slave, or the Rapist or Murder to the Victim. The devil, the source of evil, is our enemy, so that was not an equal comparison in order to get her point across, it did LACK Empathy & Compassion as well as Wisdom. Some Members say that CZ's hurtful comparison is justifiable "to prove her point" which she can not, because as I mentioned above only an Equal Comparison is Logical. CZ's is trying to say, don't hold me accountable and responsible for what I said, because I was trying to prove a point by offending or hurting you, the Ends justify the Means -- however her comparison Lacks Validity & is totally illogical. I pray it does not take a background in Research to accept my point is valid and to notice that she is Justifying Purposely hurting someone to "try and prove her point" -- HUGE RED FLAG!

CZ claims that her offering to help me start my own Forum where I can be more comfortable or free to express who I am, etc and not offend others was to be taken as a kind solution. She wants people to believe that it was a form of compassion when it was about Segregation. How can I support such a claim? Keep reading.

* It was recently brought to my attention that I forgot to add this Very Important Part when I originally wrote this Article. After CZ offered her Solution to help me create another Forum for All Believers and declined her offer, I recommended that CZ created a place at WoN to that All Believers could talk about Narcissism from a Spiritual Perspective. Create a Sub-Forum on her Forum like she has with the Writing A Wrong sub-Forum. This way WoN Members have a place to freely talk about their experience in their Unique Voice. Those who want to hear or participate in a Spiritual Perspective on Nism could participate and those who don't want to can avoid the Spiritual Perspective Forum. CZ said she was Not going to do that. If she really cared about ALL of the WoN Members she would do her very best to provide a Place on her Forum where they could CONTINUE to speak in their own Unique Voice. This Clearly Proves CZ intends to Silence the Voice of ALL Believers.

As I told CZ I have neither the desire, skills, or time in order to create and maintain a Safe Forum. In order to save face she wants me and others to believe that she is offering me The Golden Apple, being a fairy God-Mother and making my Dream come true. However, her offer is not a Golden Apple, but rather a Shiny Carrot in order to get me to leave WoN without saying a word and holding her accountable and responsible forHow she is Completely Changing the Environment & Atmosphere at WoN due to herCensorship, Silencing All Believers, Creating a One-Way Tolerance for others and an Intolerance against Believers, thus also creating Discrimination and Religious Persecution. Not to mention the covert attempt at Character Defamation or Character Assassination throughFalse Accusations (aka Lies) that I violated confidentiality. Her attacks are aimed at me being both a Christian and a Professional Counselor in which I HIGHLY value and protect a Person's confidentiality. I know what it is like to be personally violated, so for CZ to Falsely Accuse me of doing something I did Not do (CZ is Fully aware that what she is saying are Lies) is very deceptive, insidious, pathological & cruel.

As a WoN Member it is up to you to ask yourself w/out any Bias is there Now Censorship at WoN? And if this fact is true, then all that follows is also painfully true no matter how much we don't want to believe it is so. Some People believe since they are not being Censored, then no one else is. If you Self-Censor for what ever reason that is Your Choice that was not forced upon you.

Golden Apple or Shiny Carrot? How do I know for sure and beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a Shiny Carrot in order to get me to leave w/out holding CZ accountable & responsible? Because it was Not made all by itself. It did Not stand alone as a Loving, Kind, Thoughtful, Considerate, Empathetic Gesture. It came with False Accusations (Lies), saying that I had violated my fellow WoN Members & Friends trust, safety, security, confidentiality, etc which is hurtful because it is False and Slanderous. CZ said I am doing something horrible by Cross-Posting which she has ALWAYS SUPPORTED and has been FULLY AWARE OF since I joined WoN. She FULLY Supported, Validated it and Encouraged me linking my Blog back to WoN. She is at the time of writing this Post a Follower of my Blog.

I want you to scan through my Blog and notice that ever since I joined WoN I have linked back to it. I even created a post like ad that CZ used on WoN about Discovering a Love one is a N, (on WoN I think it is at the top of the Forum). For Proof that CZ was FULLY AWARE, to read her actual Comment that she herself posted, Click Here. And I found another Article/Post that I have on my Blog that links back to WoN and proves CZ was Fully Aware, Click Here. CZ has ALWAYS known that I link back to WoN and it has NEVER been a problem until last week. Look at her posted Comment and noticethe date the URL address that was before I knew how to embedd on my Blog. Links have Alwaysbeen there. And CZ is FULLY aware of that fact. To try and imply or create the illusion other wise is Deceptive & Pathological.

There is Extreme Deception on her part by trying to make me and others believe I did something Horribly Wrong. I know this is going to hurt or offend some and that is NOT my intent, as we all know accepting a Painful Truth is very hard to do, we naturally want to avoid the pain, thus avoiding and denying the Truth, yet the Verifiable Facts speak for themselves. And given these Facts, whether or not accepting them is painful, the Facts prove her False Accusations (Lies) are a form of either overt, covert, or ambient Gaslighting, let your Conscience & Critical Thinking decide, and not unquestioning devotion. False Accusations (Lies) are a form of Gaslighting and is Another HUGE Red Flag.

CZ continues to lie and accuse me of things I am not doing, such as Triangulation, if I dare to explain things. Again use your Critical Thinking. This is again Slanderous, and is her continued attempt at a Character Defamation, so that she can deflect HER Obvious Change, her lies, her false accusations, and deceptive behavior. Another HUGE Red Flag.

It is a Lie that I have asked others to leave. I have publically said to NOT leave on My acount, do what You need to do that brings You Peace. Having Peace is a helpful tool for Discernment & Confirmation about making the Right Choice for each of us. Regarless if you decide to stay at WoN, the Facts I presented remain Valid. I understand some may have to deny these Facts in order to ease their Conscience and be comfortable at staying at WoN. I am Not telling you to leave WoN (that is a conclusion for You to make) only to know the Facts. Your decision to stay or go has to do with Your Conscience and is between You and God to decide not me, or anyone else. I only stated that in Good Conscience to have Peace within Myself I can not stay at WoN no matter how MUCH I am missing you all and will continue to miss you all and I am in a DeepGrieving Process, due to losing my WoN fellow Members & Friends.

I have recently read CZ's Post on What is Cross-Posting? This seems like a Smear Campaign to me as well as others who have been contacting me saying how confused, shocked, hurt, and disappointed they are at CZ's Sudden Behavioral Change. I HIGHLY value the Wisdom from other Members on WoN (their shared Wisdom are Gems to me that I Treasure) and when A Member who I have formed a Friendship with has said something that pertains to a Topic I have written about I ALWAYS ask them permission FIRST before I quote their statement on my Blog using their WoN Screen Name as to Maintain Confidentiality & Protect their Identity even when I know their Real Name. I am a Professional Counselor and I know the Importance of Not violating Anyone's Confidentiality.

Susy, aka Wonder Woman has a quote of mine in her tag line, and she put it on a Silver Bracelet. That is honorable, a complement, and I take NO offense in that what-so-ever. Look out Wonder Woman someone is after your Silver Bracelets -- and it aint me! I completely trust WW and she has quoted me on her tag line, and on her website as I have quoted her, and we both have given each other credit.

Past Members who are no longer at WoN are quoted on my Blog, because I FIRST asked permission.

CZ has Publically said on her forum that ALL statements (including Members own statements and my own statements) belong to her because WoN belongs to her. Other WoN Members have disclosed to me that CZ has tried to steal their statements and claim them as her own. CZ has been told by previous WoN Members to stop Plagiarizing. CZ has said that although I gotpermission from the Members themselves to quote what they had said on my Blog according to CZ I am in violation of breaking Her rule. I know this is shocking and I can't believe she would say that in order to justify her false accusations (lies). Another HUGE Red Flag. This is why I told Susy, aka Wonder Woman look out someone is after your silver bracelets and it aint me! CZ believes she owns Everyone's words that are shared on "HER FORUM". CZ you did Notcreate Other People's words, thus you have No Legal, Moral, nor Ethical right to them. You can not own something someone else created.

My quotes and My concepts that I expressed and shared on WoN do Not in ANY way belong to anyone, except Me. And you don't own other WoN Members words either. This is ExtremeGrandious Thinking. STOP trying to claim what rightfully belongs to me, AND what rightfully belongs to others, as your own. I thought you were Smarter & Healthier than that.

This is a Huge Red Flag.

I am completely honored when someone uses My Concepts, Terminology, Slogans, Mottos, Statements, etc. and quotes me. The Kingdom of Narcissism (the KoN) and ALL the others Icame up with belong to ME not CZ. You and everyone else are welcome to continue to use them as they always have been, because the KoN perfectly describes what we all have been though w/these Ns we have each N-countered, but CZ do NOT say or imply in any way that they belong to you.

ANY time I quote from a Friend I ask permission, Liberty and all the rest can testify to that and I pray they will due to their Good Conscience.

Anyone who has decided Due to Recent Events to change their mind about being quoted on my Blog just let me know and I will remove it as soon as I find it, unless you have the link, then you can post it in the Comment Section (there is a Safety Protection on posting the Comments and Comments do NOT get immediately posted) and I will remove your quote. I completely understand if you feel like you now need to change your mind. I have sent emails out to Members who I have their personal email stating the same thing and Not One Person has changed her mind.

I would also appreciate confirmation from those Members who have given me permission to quote them.

Not that I need to explain my actions because MY Voice has ALWAYS been the same, I have notchanged who I am, I have always been who I presented myself to be, and I have not changed, nor revealed anything different, but CZ has and that is WHY she created a Smear Campiagn with one lie after another.

The Facts are what they are, and like I said my Posts & my History at WoN stand on their own.

WoN is a Totally Open Publicly Accessed Forum/Group. A Private Support Group means that there is No Public access what so ever, only open to registered Members, this applies to Cyberspace as well as in person. Anyone can surf on over to WoN and read ALL of the Posts 24/7. I did that for weeks maybe a couple of months before I joined in order to Post. SINCE WoN is Totally Open for Public viewing I did Not violate confidentuality by placing a link on my Blog back to WoN because anyone can view that Thread/Post at any time. PLUS as you see in the link listed above CZ has ALWAYS been AWARE of the links. AND I have posted at WoN how I link back to WoN from my Blog, so for her to TRY to create the Appearance that she was totally unaware of this fact is so VERY Deceptive & Cruel.

Furthermore I have Always linked from WoN to my Blog when I posted at WoN, and it has Neverbeen a problem until NOW.

The other Slandeous Claim is that I multi-linked excessivly. Never been told that before. The Thread I wrote on How to bring the KoN to The End is the ONLY Post were I had more than "a normal amount of links" back to my Blog because it was a SUMMARY of the KoN, thus REQUIRING more links than Normal -- I guess common sense is no longer common even with Forum Creators. I have NEVER been told not to link back until last week, nor have I been told how many links I can have in one post. If it was only one I would have kept it to one. If it were 2 then I would have kept it to 2.

Use your Discernment, as long as you have known me I have ALWAYS spoken w/my Spiritual Christian Voice I am not the one who has SUDDENLY changed.

Remember the Thread, Fear of Being Me. Re-read it (if it is still at WoN) and see how I was ASSURED it was okay to speak in my Voice and be me. I have ALWAYS spoke in my Christian Voice because that is Who I am and I was assured, supported, and encouraged by CZ to notstop. I know it is unpopular to be a Christian on a "Secular Forum" that is suppose to have Recipocated Tolerance.

CZ you are creating the impression that I stole Member's quotes, posted them on my blog w/out getting permission from them. This is slanderous, offensive, and divisive.

My writing speaks for itself. I am accused of not having communication w/Members, and just copy/pasting one reply for another. Look at the Members Post that say I have been Very Helpful to them -- How could I do that if I was not relating with them? I am offened by the False Implications & False Accusations that are being made.

CZ says there is to be no mention of Faith on "HER FORUM", yet, What does She do the Firstchance she gets -- Slams Catholics. What I refer to as Toxic Teasing. Another HUGE Red Flag

How about a Thread on Recipocated Tolerance or Practice What You Preach?

Before you type something ask yourself is this going to offend and hurt someone? I am not a Catholic, the church I attend is Non-Denomination. The covert, snarky attack or slam against Catholics -- Is that HEALING to a Catholic? Was that Compassionate? Shouldn't Healing, Empathy, and Compassion be the focus of a Support Group?

I have Never made light or put down anyone's Religion or lack there of and there are Members on WoN who are Not Christians who have posted that NOTHING I have said constitutes as being offensive. CZ justifies her actions by saying she makes fun of New Age Beliefs -- okay so when did being an Equal Offender become a positive trait for a Person to have, not to mention a Forum Creator or Leader of a Support Group that is suppose to be focused on Healing? What CZ has said about other's Faith is very offensive. I have never put down another Person's Faith, Healing Tools, or anything else.

Another recommendation. Someone start a Thread on What defines being Offensive? Just because you don't like, agree or object to a statement does NOT make it offensive. HOWEVER, doing Toxic Teasing as CZ has done is in Fact VERY offensive and a Forum Creator and Leader should be able to tell the difference between what qualifies as being offensive and what does not. Telling someone that God Loves them, has great plans for them and abuse is not apart of it, is Not offensive as CZ claims, HOWEVER, slamming someone's Faith, and Healing Tools is VERY Offensive which is CZ admits to doing on "HER FORUM".

The Verifiable & Undeniable Facts, not opinions, speak for themselves. Base your decision on FACT Not Opinon. Use critical, unbiased and objective thinking and not unquestionable loyality to CZ, me or anyone other human being. When we do so we turn a Person into a God, and that is a VERY Dangerous thing.

CZ made a hurtful comparison with me to a person possesed by the devil "in order to prove her point" and has no idea why I am offended and she was offended that I would compare her to Danu, aka The N is Sheep's Clothing, YET both of them have Censored & Discriminated againstALL Believers which is at least covert Religious Presecution. Both have used False Accusations (Lies) against me in order to Defame & Assassinate my Character & Reputation. CZ does haveseveral things in common with Danu.

What I have learned from Both CZ and Danu is BEFORE you join a Forum:

(1) When someone says "Secular" they are being Deceptive, because that term impliesTolerance & Equality, but what they really mean is that we accept everyone EXCEPT Believers.

Secular = Censorship & Discrimination for ALL Believers of various Faiths.

HUGE Red Flag

(2) Look for Trained Professionals (those who have Earned their Degrees at an Authentic College) who are experienced and trained to actually run a Support Group. Unprofessional Forum Leaders lack the Ethics & Accountability to resolve any differences in a Respectful & Healthy Manner. Simply put Untrained Professionals lack the tact to Respectfully ask someone to leave their Forum, because protecting their Public Image is more imprortant than doing the Moral & Ethical thing.

HUGE Red Flag

(3) Ask the Forum Creator how many of your Advisors/Leaders have left and for what reasons? Not that they would tell you the Truth, and since there is no way to Fact Check we would have to just take their word. Both CZ and Danu have had their Long-Term Advisors Leave.

HUGE Red Flag

When CZ's Former Long-Term Advisor Eyes-Up left abruptly w/out saying Good Bye that left Forum Members shocked, confused, and hurt. It was NOT like Eye-Up to take off without informing others, especially due to the important role of Advisor she had at WoN & the great impact she had on other's lives. That was not like her at all, yet CZ implied that Eyes-Up did not care about others, because she left w/out saying Good-Bye. I Now have a much better understanding how that happened and I know Eyes-Up is NOT responsible, and she did the right thing given how CZ twists the Truth to protect her own False Public Image. Whether or not CZ is a N each person must decide, but at the very least she is a Counterfeit and NOT who she appears to be to others, and that is based on the combined experiences of others. I now understand why Former WoN Member would just vanish w/out saying a word.

Who in the Word would want to stick around for a overt or covert Smear Campaign? Who wants to get into a Battle of She said vs She said, w/CZ having the Home Court Advantage, because she created the court and others need access to her court to receive validation, confirmation, and healing from her and/or more importantly other Members.

I must say in spirt of what CZ did to me w/her False Accusations, False Allegations & Smear Campaign, Members had the chance to Publicly say how they Disagree with how CZ is portraying me to the rest of the Forum Members and they got to thank me for helping them, so that was definitely worth going through CZ's Smear Campaign & battling all the lies she is saying.

I have presented the Facts for People to make their own assessment about whether or not they want to join WoN, to stay at WoN, or Leave WoN.

For my Personal & Professional Assessment & Recommendation.

I have consulted with my Friends & Collgues who have the Highest degrees possible. They know due to my Personal & Professional History that I am very accurate in presenting the Facts as best as any human can because they know I am accountable to God and I take that EXTREMELY Important. They are not basing their Assessment on my opinions, althougth they trust them, they are basing it SOLEY on Verifiable Facts from what CZ has done to me as well as others. As to making a Formal Dx. without actually talking with CZ we are all in agreement that saying CZ has a Personality Disorder Could be inaccurate. Whether or not she is Damaged or Disordered like Danu, the N is Sheep's Clothing, time will only tell or reveal. At the very least she is a Counterfeit and not who she appears to be. It is unanimous that in CZ's Current Mental & Emotional State; Lack of Insight, Accountability, Integrity, Morals, Ethics, Empathy & Remorse; her Smear Campaign, Deceptive Lies, and Pathological Thinking which has led to an Abuse of Power, Character Defamation, Censorship, Intolerance, Discrimination, Religious Persecution we must conclude at this time CZ is Not fit to run the WoN Forum or Any Support Group. CZ needs some time off from being a Forum Leader and needs to find a great Counselor or Therapist to deal with the areas that still Need healing. Maybe in time, after the assistance of a Trained Professional, and perhaps when the time is right, AFTER CZ's own healing has been Complete, a Trained Professional can advise CZ to take Counseling Classes, build the Professional Skills that are Required and Essential for being a Forum Creator, Leader and/or Advisor. A Trained Professional Must be on the Advisory Board, an active Supervisor, so that the Forum Creator/Leaders/Advisors can be Accountable to the Members they serve and be reminded that the Goal is First & Foremost To Do No Harm -- CZ is Clearly in Violation of this Rule or Oath that we Professionals take Very Seriously & is at the very Corner Stone of what we believe and how we conduct ourselves. Without Strong Personal Integrity & Accountability Damaged & Disordered People such as CZ & Danu become a Serious Danger to Others.

As I have explained in a Post at WoN, when Eyes-Up (a former very active WoN Advisor) left w/out saying Good Bye, that staying in a Peer-based Support Group for an extended amount of time reaches an Optimal Level for either Peers or Leaders (that moment in time varies for each individual) and the extended amount of time over the Optimal Level (which is different for each person) becomes a detriment to Self. Think of it as Too Much of a Good Thing. This is a Reason for Compassion Fatigue. It is also the reason Counselors and Therapists have the Second Highest Burnout, Depression, and at the worst case suicide based on Professions, because their Clients move on they do not. Professionals go through one crisis after another w/their Clients. They are stuck dealing with the same painful, depressing, and devastating issues. I can write a separate Article on this alone. I want to conclude by saying CZ's Assessment to be a Healthy, Safe, & Productive Forum Creator/Leader was not meant to harm her, but to help her gain insight to the harm she is causing others. I know I am not the first to point out these things, so I pray that CZ is not a N and will be able to see how she is hurting others.