For anyone who feels a tremendous amount of stress and guilt about wanting to leave a Toxic Relationship or have left a Toxic Relationship and you still are not 100% sure you did the Right Thing and others are giving you grief about your decision to Self-Care & Self-Protect from harm and tell you to just "Turn the Other Cheek, Forgive and Forget, 7x70 etc. and that we must just endure harmful relationships -- There is Proof in the Truth that Christ wants us to Separate from Toxic People and this Great News removed my guilt & confirmed that No Contact (NC) is the necessary, right and blessed decision, and recommened by God Himself, Here It Is. That is New Testiment Proof that God says No Contact (NC), but if you are wondering if there is any Old Testiment Proof I have that too!
Just when you think you might be free of a Narcissist (N), s/he boomerangs back, so be prepared for that, and what you would say should that happen. 
I have not returned the Nsis #1 phone call and really do not know what to say to her. Our entire relationship has been based on what I can do for her, protecting & defending her from the Momster's attacks (when she was a Child & later as an Adult) and trying to help her out as best I could both emotionally and financially throughout the years. I have clearly been the Giver and she has been the Taker. We have never had a Normal Healthy & Loving Sister type of relationship, not the kind of close relationship that people usually want and continue to nurture over time. I would trust a complete stranger off the street more than I would trust her. I have written before that her level of pathology prevents even a Hallmark Relationship. I really don't know what to do, so right now I am doing nothing, and let me say that doing nothing is actually doing something. It prevents us from doing something that we will eventually regret, like reestablishing a Toxic Relationship.
Personally I have been enjoying NC from her and am disappointed that she made contact much sooner than I would have ever thought she would and right now I have no desire to reestablish contact. I don't trust her, not only for my sake, but most importantly for my little DD's sake who doesn't understand why she hasn't heard from her Aunt & Cousins in over a year.
Then there is that Rescuer in me that says, my Non-N Niece & Newphew, and even the Golden Child need to have Normal People in their life to show them that Life can be different outside of the KoN that they are born and raised in. I wish I had had an Aunt or someone who could stand being around the Momster just long enough to temporally take me away from the KoN and show me a better way of life and show me what Authentic Love was all about. 
As I was first preparing to write this post I thought that Nsis #2 the youngest of the two Nsibs was a lower level N compared to the Super-Sized Momster, Demon Dad, and Nsis #1 (mentioned above who once again D&D us), but she has unmasked herself recently by flying across Country to reestablish a relationship with the Demon Dad (a Serial Child Molester who has hurt 4 Children, now that I better understand covert & ambient abuse I have to include myself in as one of his victims), and the Demon Dad recently sent me a letter saying that he has regular contact with both Nsisters and their Children, talks to them on a regular bases and is planning to visit all of them this Summer. Recall Nsis #2 is the one who could not come to the hospital when my DH had a very scary emergency, and betrayed me when my DH begged her repeatedly to come to our house and help me when I was going through a Neverous Breakdown (it was 30 minutes max to the hospital and 45 minutes to our home) yet she said she was heading off to a Conference and had been fasting all week, so she could not change her plans and come be with me and although she is not a therapist, never took a single Psy. or Counseling Class, she denied my perception of reality & told me that I was not having a Neverous Breakdown and I was just stressed out and needed some rest and she would call me later to check up on me.
I in fact did have a Neverous Breakdown, but that was not convenient for her and messed up her plans, so she had to deny my reality to make herself feel good about refusing to help me. My Dear Husband (DH) and I have always changed our plans at the very last minute to support her whenever she asked and other than when my DH was in the hospital we have never asked her to change her plans and do something for us. Our relationship has always been me the Giver and her the Taker and silly us to think that the two times we really needed her, she would return the support & love. For more detail on the Demon Dad's letter, The Crazies get even Crazier, Click Here.
The dilemma is, Do I try to establish and maintain a Hallmark Relationship with the Nsisters for their Children's sake? To give them Hope that life can be different outside of the KoN they were all born into. In order to have a relationship with the Children, who I care about because they are Innocent, I have to have minimal contact w/the Nsisters. Now who does that remind you of? Who in the Bible did not care so much about the Narcissistic Mother (NM), but did want to have a relationship with the Child of the NM? Who in the Bible had to Let Go of a relationship with a Child that he loved, because over time it would not be good for him or his family?
If you said Abraham you would be correct!
It is not my goal to deliver a sermon, just to share with people info. that got rid of the Guilt Trip from others and from myself about Letting Go of Toxic People.
Remember, it is my goal for this blog to not be a preaching place, but a Teaching Place. Therefore, here is your homework assignment. Remember to always pray that God would speak to you through His words each time before you read.
Read Gensis 13: 3-8 and Gen 21: 8-13 BEFORE you listen to me I want you to listen to The Great Spirit, our Helper, Counselor that speaks to us about our own Life and guides us.
Write down what you hear God saying to you about your life and your situation.
What feelings do you have?
When I read this (sentence/s). . . I felt. . . . write down all your emotions, thoughts and insights.
Write down any questions you have.
Did you find any answers?
How are you going to apply this new knowledge to your life?
It's okay if you didn't find any answers this time-remember Life is a Journey.
In our Woman's Bible Study, we talked about how God wants us to let go of Toxic Relationships, to go No Contact (NC) with Toxic People that will cause us harm. There are two types of Relationships God wants us to let go of; The First Type is the Relationship that we really don't want to continue to have with a Toxic Person. This is the relatinship that we really don't want to keep, and would like to give up, if we felt we had a choice. This is the Toxic Relationship we hold on to, even through very minimal or low contact because we feel we are obligated to maintain this Toxic Relationship for one reason or another. This would be the relationship I have with the Momster. I did not want to continue to have a relationship with her, but thought I had no other options.
I never heard of Divorcing a Parent, and then when I did I thought well Good, Kind and Loving Christians don't divorce their parents, not even very Toxic Parents. Others have shared their situations with me about feeling a tremendous amount of guilt divorcing or letting go of a Toxic Spouse, Sibling, Child, Family Relative, or Friend. We Forgive and Forget, or at least keep on enduring, setting and reinforcing boundaries, that the N is just going to blast right through, and spending the rest of our life having a miserable relationship with this Toxic Person.
I so very much wanted to Let Go of this evil person and protect myself and my family from inevitable & imminent harm. Each time I sought counseling I would get the Forgive and Forget recommendation. I never heard of people leaving Toxic Parents in the Bible. One Day out of desperation I cried out, God help me! Must I really continue to suffer being in a Toxic Relationship with the Momster? Is there any Biblical Scriptures that can free me and my family of creation from the never-ending abuse from this evil person who enjoys hurting others? Please God help me, I am your Child and You are my Parent and I know you love me even more than I love my own Child and Your plans for me is to have an Abundant Life, how is this possible when the Momster's intent is to keep hurting me? Lord, help me what am I to do? What would You have me do? The Great & Holy Spirit brought me to Matthew 10:34-39 what I refer to as My Freedom Scripture.
I have been asked if there were any Old Testament Scripture that I have found where God tells us to leave Toxic People? And I am thrilled to share with you
Gensis 13 and Gensis 21: 8-13.
In the New Testament Matthew 10:34-39 Christ tells us to be set against the Toxic Person as in Good is set against Evil. This seems like a relationship that we want to be set free from that we do not want to have anymore, and the Lord says it is okay not to like this person because they are evil and harmful to us, so I want you to separate from them. This is a relationship that is harmful for us, we don't want, and Christ says to us it is okay to Let It Go. I want you to Let It Go, and I am telling you to Let It Go & that you have my blessing to Let It Go, because it is harmful to you. God loves us and does not want others to harm us. God wants us to protect ourselves from harmful Toxic People. God does not want us to be a Target for others to use and abuse. Abuse is NEVER apart of God's plan for us. God does not want us to continue to be a moving target for a N.
No Target = No Abuse = No Hurt & Pain
Now let's look at Abraham's two different situations. The first regarding Lot is a relationship that Abraham most likely would have liked to keep, yet could see how things were not going well between the Feuding Families, and that it would be best for all involved to Separate to stop the fighting before people seriously got hurt or killed by another Family Member.
Genesis 13 Abram and Lot Separate
8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”
Abraham (at that time was referred to as Abram) first sought out God to help him with his Family conflict. God said to separate, but not in anger, part in love. Lot is Abram's Nephew and tradition says that the elder is the one to make the decisions, yet Abram did what was right, obeyed God's instructions of separating from Lot. God's vision is far greater than ours and God saw how the esculating family conflict & fighting between Lots Family and Abram's was going to bring harm to Abram and his Family. Abram is like a Father to Lot and Lot is like a Son to Abram. Abram loved Lot, but knew that it was best to listen to God's advice and separate. He gave Lot first choice, Abram was entitled to first choice & should have received more not less than his Nephew Lot, but Abram chose Righteousness over Tradition, and at first glance it did cost him, because Lot selected what appeared to be the better land. Sometimes it will cost a Lot to separate and it might feel extremely unfair that the Toxic Person is getting away with it and is getting way with more than his/her fair share, just like Lot selecting the prime land and leaving Abram with less.
However, God is the Perfect Parent and knows what is coming even when His Children have no idea what is coming our way. You know the story of Lot, he and his family were captured, they had to live in Sodom and Gomorrah, God told Abram that He was going to destroy the city, Abram pleaded to God to spare it if they could find 10 Righteous People (God compromised from 50 to 10), God sent the Angels to the city to find the Righteous, the evil People (murderers & rapists) wanted to harm the Angels, Lot took the Angels in as his Guests, and as Jewish Tradition states swore to protect them at all cost, with his life and the life of his own Daughters and Wife. The Angels blinded the evil people, so that Lot and his family could escape and ordered Lot and his Family not to be caught looking back at the city that was being destroyed. Don't look back at the distruction of the Past and to only look to what is ahead, Lot's wife ignored what God had said, looked back and turned to stone. Great example of what looking back & fixating on a painful past does to us, it literally keeps us stuck in stone not being able to move forward.
The previous example above is the type of Relationship that we can see there is a problem and that things could get worse, and like it or not it the best solution is a separation. We can eventually see that parting ways is essential to keep ourself and others safe and out of harms way.
Now here is the other type of relationship that God wants us to Let It Go, because it too is also harmful to us, yet we do not see how it is harmful, because things are currently good, or we perceive things to be good, and we want to hold on to it.
Genesis 21 Hagar and Ishmael Sent Away
Fast forward a few years (not sure just how many). Recall that Abraham and Sara are in their 80's, way past the child bearing years, yet God told Abraham that Sara would give birth to a Son. The years pasted and Sara and Abraham thought God forgot about His promise to them. Sara convienced Abraham to have sex with her maid servant Hagar and that Hagar has agreed to bare a Child for Sara and Abraham, that Hagar would give her the Son she gives birth to Sara and Abraham and they alone would be the Child's Parents, thus making Hagar the very first recorded Surrogate. Hagar gave birth to Ishmael and years later an Angel visited Abraham and Sara and told Sara that she was going to have a Son next year. Sara laughed and the Angel said, Is anything impossible for God, Sara said No and the Angel said then you shall have a Son and name him Issac (meaning laughter). Sara did give birth to her Son Issac.
8 The child grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. 9 But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, 10 and she said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.”
11 The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. 12 But God said to him, “Do not be so distressed about the boy and your Wife's servant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned. 13 I will make the son of the servant into a nation also, because he is your offspring.”
Abraham gave up on God's promise to him that God would bless him and Sara with a Child and that his decedents would out number the stars. Both Abraham and Sara were Elders and thought God forgot His promise to them, but He did not. (I know how that feels. My DH & I tried for over 12 years to conceive our DD. 144 months of No, but they were really not No -- not ever, they were No -- not now. Now is not the time.). Out of desperation Sara convinces Abraham to sleep with her servant and the servant agrees to be a Surrogate for them. She conceives and gives birth to Ishmael (meaning God hears or God listens). Years later the Angels/Messengers of God tell Abraham that Sara will have a Child and Sara laughs because she is a Elder Woman way past her childbearing years, she has already went through "The Change" says she is "dried up", her monthly cycle has stopped for years. She comes out of the tent to where the Messengers are with her DH and they ask her, Is there anything too impossible for God? Do you want a Child? Do you believe God can give you a Child. She says yes. The Messengers say, Your child shall be called Issac (meaning laughing one or laughter or he who laughs). Hagar, Sara's Servant becomes jealous and envious because now Sara has her Blessing and although Ishmael was born first, he has the rights of a second born because Isaac is the one who God said would be the Sanctified Child born from a Sanctified Relationship of Marriage. Ishmael is the illegitimate child and does not have the same rights as Isaac born from a Sanctified Marriage. Abraham & Hagar's Relationship was for only one purpose and everyone was clear that it was only for Hagar to be a Surrogate for Abraham and Sara and nothing more. The Future Ruling Rights or Leadership go to Isaac not Ishmael. Ishmael's mocking demonstrates a jealousy or envy forming that may not have been obvious to Abraham, but it was to Sara. Although Isaac loved Ishmael and looked up to his big Brother, and most likely would have let Ishmael take the Traditional Rights of the First Born Male to Lead, God's plan is for Isaac to rule not Ishmael. Sara said that Isaac loves his older Brother Ishmael so much that Isaac would hand over his birth right to Ishmael and Sara knew how Hagar envied her being Abraham's Wife and how she would poison her son Ishmael against his own Father, Sara, and his younger Brother Isaac. Sara knew that a war between the two Brothers was going to eventually happen and that it would tear their Family apart and that lives would be lost, especially her beloved Son Isaac. Due to Hagar planting seeds of envy and hatred in her Son Ishmael against his Father & Brother and the rest of their Family and imminint war between the two Brothers and their families was going to occur. Because of their advanced ages Sara knew that she and Abraham most likely would no longer be alive when the war would take place and they would not be alive to do their very best to prevent this imminint war between the two Brothers.
Sara pleaded with Abraham to speak to God on what to do and God told Abraham to listen to his Wife and his Wife said that Hagar and Ishmael must be sent away to prevent war & bloodshed. God promised Abraham that He would take care of Hagar & Ishmael and years earlier when Hagar was pregnant with Ishmael God promised Hagar that He would also make a great Nation from her Son. Abraham deeply loved his son Ishmael and did not want to let go of his son, he also respected and cared for Hagar for being the Mother of his Child, and did not want any harm to fall upon her. God said to let go of these relationships Forever, so much so that after Ishmael and Hagar left the Family never to have contact with Abraham or his Family members ever again, Abraham said he only had one Son Isaac. Both Hagar and his son Ishmael were considered dead to Abraham, or more accurately like they never existed and Abraham never knew them. Hagar & Ishmael had to continue their lives completely separate from Abraham, as if they are not related and are as Complete Strangers with no connection to one another, living completely separate lives far away from one another, never to see each other ever again. God did take care of Hagar and Ishmael and kept His promise by making an entire New Nation through Ishmael's decendants.
The message is even when there are relationships that we don't want to give up, that we want to hold onto, that we think are perfectly okay to maintain, God will ask us to give them up, because He knows what is best. He knows these relationships will eventually cause us great harm and are not in our best interest to keep. Even when we do not see just how these relationships can be so harmful to us, God knows the future and He knows what will happen with these People He wants us to Let Go.
For me these are the toughest relationships to give up, the ones we want so desperately to keep and try to make right, but God knows they are doomed to fail even when we do not. I can see how Hagar can poison Ishmael against Abraham and his Brother Issac just as I can see it happening that Nsis #1 did poison her Children's' minds against us each time she D&Ds us. I have seen her tell her Children how terrible the Momster is (which is true) then go and continue to use the Momster and say that she is a good person when she needs something from the Momster sending confusing and mixed messages to her Children along with it is okay to Trash Talk Someone, then treat them nice in order to use them. When we refuse to do everything Nsis#1 wants she will further poison her Children against us by saying that we do not love them or care about them and how she & her NH can not stand us. Letting Go of the Children is very hard for me, because they are innocent.
I am extremely conflicted. God told Abraham not to worry about his own Child Ishmael and that He would look after him and bless him. And God watched over me in the KoN and healed me from the damages of the KoN and I need to trust in God to do the same with these Children. Please keep me in prayer that God would give me discernment regarding the severing of the relationships with the Children (I am not quite sure about that -- God did tell Abraham to listen to his Spouse and do what she says, so I will talk it over with my DH, ask him to Seek God and let me know what God says to him). I understand & have accepted that the relationship with the Nsis#1 can never be what I would want or hope it could be due to her pathological limitations. I will no longer be deceived by expecting more than what is possible from her, which is barely a Hallmark Relationship.
Since I started working on this post I received the Letter from the Demon Dad and that confirmed to me that it is time for Letting Go of both Nsisters, which also means not having a relationship with their Children, my Nieces & Nephews. It is an extremly difficult, sad, and painful thing to do, but I know without doubt that it is the right thing to do and what is best for my little family of creation due to all of the Ns & Ps in the KoN that will attack us for not being like them.
Now if anyone tries to Guilt Trip you into leaving the KoN, you can give them both Old & New Testiment Scripture that proves God tells us to leave Toxic People and God says NC! I pray that this information will Bless you, if it has, please Share it Forward w/those who also struggle w/leaving the KoN.
For those who are interested I will be tackling probably the greatest Guilt Trip of them all in regards to Letting Go of Toxic People, Forgive them Father for they know not what they do. And Forgive others like Christ has forgiven us. You might be interested in what I have to say about others Messing Up the Message.
Peace does not always come from doing what is right, but rather in the knowing what is right. It is not always easy doing what is right and what is best.
May God give you Wisdom, Discernment, Confirmation, and Peace about the Relationship/s that you are unsure of and have reached the time for Letting Go, and may you in the right time allow God to comfort you through this transition by bringing Authentically Loving People in your Life to feel the void left by the ones you are Letting Go.
