Life in the KoN is about a Two-Way Projection

It has now been over a year of NC from the KoN (Kingdom of N) at least in regards to the N who controlled the KoN. The aftermath of breaking free from the Enablers took a little longer. The only slight connection I have w/the KoN is a very limited Hallmark relationship w/the lowest level N. The best advice I have ever received, and I have received a lot, while I was Escaping & Healing from the KoN was to be A Friend to Self. Sounds simple, but extremely hard for us who were born into the KoN where Nism was our normal, we lived to serve the Ns and our Self was denied by the Nparents and we did not know how to protect Self. Whether or not you choose NC to be a permanent Life Choice or just a temporary one until you can heal from the KoN it is definitely a necessary one to gain a healthy perspective and get out of the FOG of the KoN. Here is a great thread that can provide some insight to your KoN, it might help explain where all the confusion and FOG comes from. Click Here.

Another great piece of advice I received is accepting that Self-Care is Not being Self-Absorbed like the Ns. In the KoN our True Self is denied & a false Less-Than self is created by the N. Everything is hyper-focused on pleasing the Ns (which we all know is impossible due to their pathology, or evil nature) and denying Self (self-expression, protection, care, worth, esteem, etc). It is about supporting the Grand Illusion that the N is superior and we are inferior, because if we ever realized we were the N's Equal (or in Reality their Superior due to their lack of humanity), then we would Escape the KoN. And our Escape, our Freedom from the KoN is the N's greatest Fear. The fear of being left alone w/out a Victim, and w/out the supporting cast of the Enablers to support the Grand Illusion. However, Ns are on a constant hunt for replaceable Source, both Enablers and Victims to feed or be their NS. When Ns disclose their Fears of Being Alone, Rejected, or Abandoned we believe it is the same as our Fears of Being Alone, Rejected, or Abandoned, but it is Not. Our fear comes from not having someone to love and their fear comes from not having someone to abuse. Their fear is that the Grand Illusion will be obliterated and the entire World will discover the Truth, that they, not us, are a worthless piece of toxic crap. Does that sound a bit harsh? Then my friend your empathy is the N's hook that keeps you connected to their KoN (been there, done that). It is our projected humanity that keeps us from realizing the N's true evil nature & identity.

Escaping & Healing from the KoN begins w/focusing on and discovering your True Self. In the KoN our lives revolve around reacting to the Ns & their toxic behavior, instead of being proactive and focusing on what we need and want regardless of what N thinks about it. Does this feel a bit Selfish and N? If so, that is left over brainwashing, Projected Lies from the N that keep us from Escaping their KoN. Self-Care is Healthy and it is about Survival opposed to being Self-Absorbed and abusing others. There is a direct Cause & Effect in that the further you get away from the KoN the closer you get to Self. NC is not a decision you have to set in stone. The more you discover Self and that you have intrinsic value the more you can empower Self to make decisions on what you want to do in your life and what are clearly toxic to you and you want to avoid. Your decisions are based on Truth and not Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

One Myth I must dispel is that Ns (even NMs) don't believe what they say when they say something mean, devaluing, and objectifying -- they absolutely w/out a doubt believe what they say, because they detest us. They are envy of what we are and they are not, which is loving & caring human beings. Our mere existence is a constant reminder of what they can never achieve, having a loving soul & forming deep loving connections w/others. With Ns whatever they envy, whatever they covet they attack. In the KoN you must realize there are Two Mindsets, the Normal one (ours) and the Pathological one (theirs). The N mind is not normal, yet we normals expect the abnormal to act normal. It is very easy to call ourselves crazy for expecting abnormals to think and behave normally. We must keep in mind that their disguise is EXTREMELY deceptive. They look human, therefore we think they are human because we project our humanity onto them. (There is a Must See Tv show simply called V that demonstrates this point perfectly).

Life in the KoN is about Two-Way Projection. The Ns project their True Identity (horrible beings) onto us, so we feel worthless, when in fact they are the ones who are truly worthless. They use our strongest characteristic against us which is our Empathy. We actually feel sorry for them feeling worthless & Lesser-Than when they act like or play the victim, because we know what it is to actually be the victim and to feel worthless & Lesser-Than. We feel sorry for our abusers, poor pathologicals. Our Empathy is their hook & keeps us connected to the KoN.

Now our turn, we project our humanity onto them. When they appear to do something kind we think it is w/good intentions because we have good intentions. However, Ns are self-serving and do not have good intentions. Because you are a great Mama you remind the NM everything she is not & was not (same thing applies in regards to the Nspouse, or any other N). Their pathological, wicked mind will not allow them to reciprocate admiration, so instead they must create an Illusion of our inferiority. In reality we are not the one who is Inferior, rather they are. Like wise with our projection onto them, they are not kind, thoughtful, etc we are, their great characteristics are not theirs, they are ours that we project onto them and their terrible characteristics that they project onto us are not ours, but theirs that they project onto us. Make sense? I know it is a little confusing at first.

The KoN gets its power from the Dance of the Projection from both Predator & Prey. It is the Interaction of Projection that keeps the KoN alive.

The best way I found to escape the KoN is to break the Illusions. Some of the Illusions are created by the Ns and others are created by us (our projected humanity onto the Ns). And for me the toughest ones to break were the Illusions that Ns have No Control of their hurtful behavior when in fact They have Absolute Control. They do not really Choose to hurt us (it is only their illness, their pathology) when in fact They Do Choose to Hurt Us. They don't Intend to hurt us when in fact They Do Intend to hurt us. Their attacks are Very Intentional. They don't Realize what they are doing when in factThey Do Fully Realize They Attack And They Know What They Are Doing. And they don't really enjoy causing us pain when in fact They Really Do Enjoy Causing Pain. They Continue to Attack, because They Enjoy the Attack. They enjoy hurting their own child or loved one, and that is why Ns, Especially NMs, are a freak of nature.

One theory is that Ns are Emotional Retards and that is one that I believed for quite awhile. However, now that I have been NC I am considering another theory. The term "retard" implies that Ns have no control and just have to attack us, they can't help themselves, they can't stop themselves, and they don't understand what they are doing, as a Friend of mine says, "No Depth Perception". However, when I test that theory out I find there is No Evidence for that when the facts are that Ns only attack certainindividuals. They choose their Victim, they choose the Place for the attack, they choose When they will attack, and they choose How & they choose to What Extent they will attack. And they choose to continue to attack, because they enjoy attacking, they enjoy abusing those they should love, but don't. We can not teach them to love, because they have no desire to love, because if they did they wouldn't enjoy the attack. They love to attack.

Ever ask yourself Why do they attack? Click Here.

Here is another thread about Ns and NMs, CZ has an AMAZING Gift at explaining things, Click Here.

Clear & Present Danger to Others

DONM members you are in danger. Danu is not who she appears to be. The following information comes from one of the original DONM (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers) Moderators who knows firsthand how evil Danu is to fellow DONM members. I can confirm that Danu's real name is Tracy Culleton. I pray more and more former DONM's members will come forward to share what they know.

There are Three, Yikes! Another one was just discovered, there are Now Four Smoking Guns that prove this NVamp is a Clear and Present Danger to Others.

The Confirmed & Verifiable Evidence (aka Four Smoking Guns) keeps adding up to expose the NVamp in Sheep's Clothing who refers to her own members/customers as "food", to be trapped, hunted, or farmed. See how the evidence keeps adding up, and how this Counterfeit lies to cover-up what she has said and done to hurt others, Click Here.

Let me add one more very Dangerous Person to this list. She was/is a moderator of Danu's/Tracy's KoN and she admitted to me that she knows that Danu & Light target certain individuals and their Code of Conduct is very deceiving in that people should not be attacked for what they believe. She told me she knows Danu has attacked other DONM members before I became a member and she resigned her position as Moderator (I now question whether or not that was the truth). Along with Light this person promotes Danu as a "Healer" when they both know she is an abuser of her own members. This present/former moderator went by the name of Grace (real name Diane Gorman). Her agenda is to make money off of the DONM members by selling her book & workbook to them, called The Seven Lessons. She deceives people by saying it is "transformational", and the only thing I can see it doing is transforming her into an Enabler, or more accurately a covert N by using people for her own financial gain. She has admitted to me that what Danu & Light do to other members behind closed doors is wrong and she says she has talked to Danu about it, but Grace has not left the DONM forum as far as I know. I do not break the anonymity of a person, unless they are a serious Danger to Others and I truly believe Grace/Diane is a Danger to Others. She Victim Blamed me in a very insidious way that only a true N can pull off by the victim actually thinking the N is trying to "help" her see how she contributed to her victimization. In other words what I could have done different to prevent being attacked & abused. The responsibility is solely on the Abuser not to Abuse. Diane needs to ask & require Danu/Tracy to do things differently and not attack others. Tracy, like all Cult Leaders is very charismatic and has the gift to tell you just what you need to hear, so that she appears to be an educated, insightful, understanding & trustworthy person. She told me it was both her professional & personal opinion that I am a talented & gifted writer, and that she was surprised I never thought of writing and thought that I was not very good at it. She had the ability to tap into a passion I never knew I had and only recently realized by communicating w/other DONM members, starting my own Blog and joining A Safe, Healthy, Encouraging, Very Enjoyable & Inspirational On-line Support Group, WebofNarcissism.com. At the DONM forum, I enjoyed my interactions w/many great women and that is why I continued to stay even though it became very clear that Danu/Tracy had placed a neon target on my back and it was only a matter of time before I was Unjustly Banned. During the attacks from Danu/Tracy I thought Grace/Diane was a sympathetic & understanding friend, but I was greatly deceived by her. There are no reasons nor excuses that can justify Danu/Tracy's attacks. While Danu & Light were attacking me Grace/Diane sent me her Seven Steps via pdf, and volunteered to personally mentor me through the Seven Steps, so she could "help" me "not be so fearful". Turns out I had a lot to be fearful of such as when Ns & Ps get away w/Murder by not leaving any fingerprints behind. I never had any fear for myself, only what these Evil Charlatans could do to very vulnerable people who are desperate for a Friend, Leader, and Healer.

Message from Kate:

I found your blog today purely by accident, but I'm so glad that I did.

I was one of the original moderators on Danu's DONM forum, and have my own story to tell, as do many other women who have been hurt by this wolf in sheep's clothing.

The site is basically run by Danu (real name, Tracy Culleton) and Light (Michelle) who are both severely disturbed women. Tracy has no training in psychology, is not an expert on narcissism, and created the site as a money making venture pushing her EFT.

I first met her on Karyl McBride's forum for DONMs, which Danu was using as feeding grounds for new EFT customers. There were many red flags about Tracy from the very beginning, and she was actually publically accused by another member of being a narcissist. The group there did not have a moderator so it was a bit like the Wild West, enter at your own risk.

Tracy was love-bombing the members that she felt would be helpful to her business aspirations, starting and maintaining off site friendships with these women, many of whom thought they were her new Best Friend, not realizing the others were receiving the same treatment. I was one of the major voices on that site, and was sought after by Tracy as well. We emailed back and forth daily for almost a year. I am sorry to say that I ignored the red flags; I was just beginning the difficult healing process of separating from my family of origin and Tracy stepped into the gap in my life left by those losses.

The result of the other member confronting Tracy/Danu on her issues is that it effectively split the group. Tracy started her own site/forum and a handful of us went with her. There were four original moderators, including Tracy/Danu.

I won't go into my story of how I became aware that I was participating in a giant scam, what ended up happening is that I decided to quit, but Tracy needed the last word and so I was fired and banned from the forum. There are many articles in the self help part of the forum that I either wrote, or copy/pasted from other sites. Within a week after I left, my name disappeared from those articles and they were attributed to others.

I was a bit at loose ends after this experience, angry, confused, and blaming myself. I reconnected with some of the other women I'd met on Dr. McBride's site, and lo and behold...many of them had also had bad/terrible experiences with Tracy.

(breaking post into two...tried to post and it was too long)

There is currently a group of women on FB who have an under the radar type of group...all of them victimized in one way or another by Tracy. Your story is a familiar one. I believe there is a revolving door or women being banned from that forum for bogus and/or arbitrary reasons.

It is very interesting to me that Tracy's hatred of Christians has become so pronounced. Since she's from Ireland, her only experience with organized religion is with the Roman Catholic church, but she uses a very broad brush to color all people of faith.

In my very first phone conversation with her she jumped all over my beliefs. I had identified myself on the blog as a Christian, not in an obnoxious or pushy way, it just came up in my posts when I shared. Tracy attempted to tear into my beliefs on the phone, which I politely sidestepped. That conversation was full of red flags, looking at it in hindsight.

There are so many other women who have walked in your shoes. Women who are angry and wish they could expose this fraud for who she is.

A lot of bad things happened on TCs watch. A forum member committed suicide. It was hushed up, because Tracy/Michelle didn't want the members to get upset. This woman was someone that TC had "befriended" on Dr. McBride's site. This woman had had a horrendous childhood and had already been hospitalized for a previous suicide attempt. TC believed that she could cure her with EFT.

Another friend of mine was bullied into doing EFT with TC, the subject being the woman's molestatation by her father. It is stated on professional EFT sites that it is best to leave the deeply traumatized to the care of a therapist, and to use great caution in opening up really deep wounds. TC strong armed my friend into agreeing to the EFT and then proceeded to stomp on her soul with hobnail boots. The friend ended up in severe emotional distress and told TC that she did not want to continue. She was strong-armed into another session, and then hounded to write up "testimonials" for the DONM forum website and for TCs EFT website. Despite the women's expressed worry about her abusive family finding it on the internet, TC posted the "testimonial" with the woman's full name and location.

The last time I checked, TC(known to you as Danu Morrigan, wasn't that a red flag that she wouldn't even disclose her real name?) has at least 13 websites, all coming from a different angle, but with the same motivation. Making money. On her business marketing site she refers to potential customers as *food*, to be trapped, hunted, or farmed.

I am not a mental health expert, but I would peg TC and Michelle as textbook Ns.

TCs EFT credentials aren't that great either. The last I checked she had the equivalent of several weekend seminars of instruction.

I thought about posting this anonymously, but I can't make that work, so let the chips fall where they may. I would be glad to talk with you via email. Let me know if that is something you would be interested in. There is a growing community of women who have all had similar experiences and I'm sure they would be more than welcoming to you if you'd like to process this with others who have been there.

What is the penalty for a Soul Murder?

Today I post the following info on the Oprah Message Board and I wanted to share it w/my friends. I pray Oprah gets my message.

Last Friday's Oprah show was Classic Oprah and demonstrates why she is the unbeatable Talk Show Host. I want to say thank you Oprah for continuing to have World Changing Programs. Most of all I want to say Thank You to the Amazing 200 Brave Souls that shared their painful past with others and I pray by doing so they have removed the deadly shame (that Oprah Show member reginapug talked about in her post) and hopefully each one of these Brave 201 Men (including Tyler) and one brave woman, Oprah, and anyone else that reads this post will realize that the shame belongs to our abusers. Reginapug thak you for sharing just how deadly shame can be. I often thought that death would be better than an abusive life. And even when the evil acts against me ended the psychological & emotional pain lasted long after the abuse was over. It was too much to handle at times and Suicide feels like it will be a welcome relief when you can't hold the pain any longer. When Death is better than Life. For anyone who feels Suicide is the answer I promise you it is not. Life does get better just beyond our Horizon Line. Do not let evil steal the Joy & Peace of Authentic Love that will come into your Life. I have found it and so will you. It is worth enduring the very painful present, because the suffering & pain will eventually will pass. You are worth holding on to.

Oprah I agree with you 100% that Sexual Abuse [and may I add other types of abuse] plants the seed of inferiority & worthlessness and then that inferiority & worthlessness shapes the way you start to think about yourself and the way you act and act out. It forever changes the child we use to be and the adult we could have been. Abuse that wounds so very deeply can heal, but even in the best cases, it does leave an ugly scar. The mere memory of our Nightmare is that Hideous Scar. With fantastic intervention the suffering & pain can end. We can heal from the pain of the past so that it does not rob us of Today or contaminate our Tomorrow. The wound is healed, yet the Scar remains.

There is a strong & crucial connection between the show Oprah did with the Molesters/Monsters and their victims. When one of the Monsters talked about his victim he said, "I killed who she could have been. I killed a person" Tyler said the child died and he was correct. The life of that child, free-from abuse, innocent, filled w/Joy, Hope, & Peace died that day. 1 of the 200 Brave Men said and others agreed, "I feel like I was murdered."

So where do we go from here? Oprah and Tyler may I suggest that you combine your resources to change the Law of our Land, so that there is NO Statute of Limitation for the heinous crime of Child Abuse. Child Abuse should have NO Statue of Limitation, like Murder, because like Tyler said, the Monster murdered that innocent child w/in him that day. There should be NO Statue of Limitation for a Slaughtered Soul.

Heinous crimes
Crimes that are considered exceptionally heinous by society have no statute of limitations. As a rule, murder (especially capital murder or first degree murder) has no statute of limitations. Child Abuse is a heinous crime.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statute_of_limitations

There is no Statue of Limitation to our pain, so there should be none for their crime. By placing a Statue of Limitation to crimes of Child Abuse allows the Monsters to get away with a Soul Murder. The Abuser's crime is not only against the victim they attack, but it is also a crime against Humanity. The Monster attacks the victim and forever murders the child s/he was and also murders the Friend, Student, Employee, Boss, Co-worker, Spouse, Parent s/he could have been. The crime of Child Abuse should be seen as a Serial Murder. What the Monster kills, steals, and destroys from Humanity is priceless. These Monsters give a life-sentence of pain and at least should receive a life-sentence of punishment for their heinous crime.

The Shame & Fear keeps victims silent and when we finally ready to face what happened, relive the Nightmare by retelling & retelling the painful details we discover that Legally speaking our time has run out. There is no way to get restitution or retribution for the life that we should have had & could have had if we were not attacked. The abusers can never give back what they destroyed. They can never replace what they stole. However, Humanity can make a statement that a person's life & their soul is valuable & Murder is unacceptable, so if a Demon destroys a life, then it must forfeit its own life by either spending a Life Sentence in Prison or in the Graveyard.

Ns on TV (part 1)

Sunday Night's show of Brother's & Sisters episode, Rhapsody of the Flesh, took on the topic of N. This show demonstrated that a Ns level of pathology can be very deceptive, until a person has all the info. Ns can be very Charismatic & N-chanting. Even the Momster had the ability to N-chant, until her mask started to slip.One of the characters named Luc had his Mom give him a "Surprise Visit", yet Luc was not thrilled in the least. As the story line develops we find out just why; his Mom by the writers point of view is "a Classic N". His NM definitely had boundary issues, Narcissistic and Histrionic Traits.
Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, usually beginning in early adulthood. These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious.
They may be inappropriately sexually provocative, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and be easily influenced by others. Associated features may include egocentrism, self-indulgence, continuous longing for appreciation, feelings that are easily hurt, and persistent manipulative behavior to achieve their own needs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

The writers portrayed this NM as a person who is "the Life of the Party" and did a great job in showing how others can be easily taken in & N-chanted by Ns. Luc's NM is very attractive, exotic, energetic, extremely friendly, engaging, and fascinated by each person's life. She makes each person she interacts w/feel important & special. The Men are sexually attracted to her and the Women long to be like her. She has the ability to elicit strong emotions in people & that is very intriguing & invigorating. Luc's NM expresses to all those who will give her an audience her pain of being rejected by her only Son. The viewer is left feeling empathy for a kind & friendly Person who deeply longs to have a relationship w/her Son & he doesn't want anything to do with her. As w/all Ns there is more to the story. Luc's fiance Sara longs to get to know Luc's Mom, her future MIL, but he insists that his NM is not apart of his life and he wants to keep it that way. Sara is very confused & pleads w/him to disclose the reason for his anger toward his Mother and the truth finally comes out.

Luc's NM abandoned him & his father not once, but at least twice. She not only left her Marriage, but she left her Son for another Man. She did not have contact w/Luc or his Father, until her relationship w/the other Man failed, then she came back to her Husband & Child. Luc did not want to Trust her or Forgive her, but his Dad loved his Wife and desperately wanted to work things out. To give their Family another chance at Happiness. Then just when Luc started trusting his NM, she leaves her Family once again for another Man and once again NC from her, until that relationship failed as well. Luc said that his Father spent his entire life trying to make her happy. As Luc tells his story we see the NM's True Identity being revealed. How she is so self-absorbed that she has no empathy for her child and betrays & abandons him not once, but twice. Luc shows how you never out grow the need for a Mother's love and how that rejection lasts a life time. The only issue I had with this episode was that it had a typical Hollywood ending when Sara tells Luc, "You didn't have the Mom you wanted, so now you have to decide do you want the Mom you have? That is the Life Changing question those of us w/NMs must ask ourselves. The problem I had was that Luc & his Mother had one very heated dramatic interaction, w/yelling & dishes & cups being thrown to the floor and against the wall. Then the Kitchen door swings open, (cue the adorable angelic harp playing Cherubims, send in the beautiful fluttering butterflies, and drop the spectacular Rainbow) for a Happily Ever After Hollywood Ending. Those of us who grew up in the KoN know that it is a place of Making Believing Everything is Okay when it is definitely is not.

There are two main reason I despise the Ending of this episode, Rhapsody of the Flesh. (1) It is not realistic at all. (2) It is typical & lacks creativity. (3) It demonstrates & perpetuates Cheap Forgiveness (Forgiveness w/out the requirement of Remorse & Repentance). Luc's NM was not held accountable or responsible for what she did to Luc or Luc's Father. She did not show Authentic Remorse for what she had done to Luc. Sure she said the 3 magic words, "I am sorry" and the tears did flow, but her pain was not for the pain she caused her Son & her Son's Father, but rather pain of being rejected by her Son. Now that is a Classic N! They are not truly sorry for what they have done, only for the consequence they now have to face due to their hurtful choices towards others.

I would have enjoyed seeing Luc get in touch w/his anger towards his NM and let it out. For example he could have said, "How does it feel to be rejected?" And express how he felt as a child when his own Mother rejected him, D&D him not once, but twice and was never there for him even in his adult years. It would have been great if the writers resisted Fixing a Relationship in Less-Than 5 minutes and took the time to develop this story line into follow-up episodes showing how it takes hard work to heal a toxic dysfunctional relationship. The writers could have taken this opportunity to show that the Abuse of Abandonment is just as devastating as if Luc's NM would have beaten him w/her fists. The writers could have explored the how The Effects of Abandonment leaves the child feeling Lesser-Than and unworthy of love, etc. I would have loved it if Luc's NM would have stopped focusing just on her pain and got in touch w/her child's and felt his pain & had empathy for him and how she deeply hurt him. Now that would have been an Amazing Episode!

Poisonous People & Zombie Relationships

Just the other day a friend of mine just opened my eyes & convicted me in regards to my med2high level Nsis. I have had NC w/the med2high level Nsis since she D&D us. She does not have my e-mail and she doesn't have e-mail so I can't block her, but what I can do is delete her phone number out of my house phone & cell phone. It is very interesting the terminology blocking and deleting. Blocking has flexibility, what is done can be undone, there is the potential for things to change. In regards to my Nsis there is nothing to block because she is not seeking a relationship, not until she needs to use us once again, and even then it is not a relationship, but a source that she is after. We are only her Source for Resources and nothing more. However, Deleting, that is permanent. Now deleting a relationship, that would imply that we had something to get rid of, but the only thing that I can delete is an Illusion.

All this time I have been basically reactive to her D&D, but by deleting her phone number is the last connection to each other. I guess it is placing that final nail to the coffin of our dead relationship, or Zombie Relationship (something that appears to be alive, but really isn't. Something that is continuing to decay past its expiration date). Definitely putting an end to our Zombie Relationship has been way over due. This past Oct. was my last attempt at a Hallmark Relationship w/her, but it has become painfully clear that she is not capable of even a Hallmark Relationship. Our Sisterhood was just an Illusion. The actual relationship died years ago (if we ever really had one other than the older Sis coming to the rescue of the younger Sis). Now it is time for me to bury the Great Illusion of What Could Have Been, because she is a N there is no What Could Have Been, only the Painful Reality of having a toxic relationship w/a N.

Each time the Nsis left my home, she would hug & kiss us all good-bye, thank us for helping her out, and say that she would give us a call once she was settled in her new place. Then the D&D and we would not hear from her for 5 years until she & her children was once again homeless. This time, mainly for her children's sake we took her & the girls in, but not any more. She D&D us for the last time. I was not shocked because she did it to us before. This time it hurt like hell for the scales of my eyes to fall off and realize that there is no one to blame (not her Nh & not our Nparents), but the Nsis for the D&D, and to realize that she too is a N. I am done w/focusing on what I don't have in regards to the NFOO and I am going to focus on the great treasures in my life. There are great loving people in this world that we can connect with, we have got to stop wasting our time trying to connect to those incapable of reciprocating love.

A very good friend of mine CZ recently gave another friend of mine (who is also ending her relationship w/her Nsis) some very good advice that I wanted to share.

Quote

So don't hide from feeling 'blue'. Let yourself work this out and feel it all the way to your toes for it is VERY sad that siblings are NOT one another's best promoter, best support and champion. It's a loss and merits respect for the loss that it is.~CZ

Just wanted to second what CZ said. Even the death of a Zombie Relationship is painful. Not grieving What Was, but rather the loss of What Can Never Be. We should have a least one Sib that can love & support us, but unfortunately due to their pathology it is not possible. There is no potential of What Could Be if only I stick it out, only the painful reality of What Is & What Is is a very toxic thing. No More, What Ifs, If onlys, Could Have Beens, or Should Have Beens. Time to bury these decayed bones. I remember watching a Sci Fi movie, can't remember which one, but to get rid of the Ghost for good the person had to find the decaying old bones and bury them or was it they had to set them on fire? Either way they had to be put in their rightful place, and the Haunting ended. I guess it is time for us to free ourselves from the Haunting of a Nsis & get out the Little Black Dress and allow ourselves the freedom to grieve What Can Never Be. RIP the Grand Illusion of Sisterhood w/a Nsis! In The End, they did not reject us, but we are releasing them & in turn freeing ourselves of a toxic relationship.

A friend of mine recently asked a very good question.

Why would a sane person choose to eat rancid meat when they have a feast before them?
I think it is because we don't believe the meat is rancid, but instead we think our Nsibs are like bitter or sour fruit, that if given enough time and TLC they will grow into something sweet, palatable, or at least digestible. We fail to realize that we keep getting sick after contact with them, because they are toxic and hazardous to our health, some are even deadly. They kill our joy, peace of mind, physical well-being, etc. One might think that after constant exposure to these Poisonous People we would build up some kind of resistance or immunity. I haven't found any yet. In fact just the opposite has happened. I am disgusted & repulsed by Ns at all levels. I guess I have developed a Conditioned Response (Aversion) thanks to the Ns that were in my life and I can not stomach Ns from any walk of life.

My friend is also getting pressure from her enabling Sib to reconcile w/her Nsis. My lower level Nsis believes she is a better person/Christian because she gives Cheap Forgiveness to unchanged Ns. By not holding people accountable for their hurtful behavior gives them permission to continue harming others. They are not motivated to change, because we will just forgive them whether they ask for it or not. Yuck!

Reconcile w/a N? Let me tell you why that is impossible,
(1) the relationship must be valuable to both parties involved and Ns don't value people they only know how to use them.
(2) Respecting each others boundaries. This is impossible for Ns because boundaries only tempt Ns to blast right through them. They get a rush from getting people to compromise themselves.
(3) The defintion states To reestablish a close relationship between, since there was never a healthy authentic connection from the beginning (Ns are incapable of truly bonding w/people), there is nothing to base a "reconnection" on. The only thing that can be reestablished is a toxic relationship and that is not at all tempting to me. Ns are only motivated by justifying not rectifying relationships. We can not rebuild when the foundation is broken. Any relationship involving a N will crumble in time, because it is not designed to go the distance. It lacks true substance. It is hallow and weak and it will fail.
*Anyone else please feel free to add to the list Why Reconcile w/a N is impossible.

Well I did it! I deleted the med2high level Nsis's & her Nh's phone numbers from our house phone and cell phones. I know this might sound stupid to some people reading it, but it was a big thing for me. Symbolically it means I no longer wish to have any connection with her or to her. Now for the pics of her children, I guess I will pack them up & put them away. I have nothing against my Nieces and Nephew and it is not their fault that both their parents are Ns. I know what it is like to have Ns for parents and the rest of the family not wanting to have anything to do w/the Ns so the children feel rejected too. I did my very best to make sure History did not repeat itself for the kids sake. If the day comes when they are adults and they can see past their parents projected lies about us being terrible people and they ask where were we, I can say that their parents choose to D&D us several times & prevented contact w/you kids. I will explain to them that their perceptions of their parents are different than ours because they treated us horrible & as loving parents we had to protect our child from being continually hurt by them. God only knows if we will ever see our Nieces and Nephew again, but as for the connection to the med2high Nsis, just like w/the Demon Dad & the Momster, It is Finished. She is out of my life, out of my heart, and eventually out of my mind. My goal here on out is to fully focus on the blessings I have in my life, to fully appreciate & enjoy what I have.

Thanks for listening.