The Landlord

Imagine you are looking for a place to rent. What is your First Priority in finding a place to rent? A place that is Safe? A place that is Secure? A place free of ANY Attacks? A place where you are surround by Great Neighbors. How about a Preference to live in a very Diverse Neighborhood where People are not exactly like you, yet respect your Uniqueness as you respect theirs?

You know how very important it is to do your research to find the right place for you, because the very first place you shared with your Parents and your Siblings your Parents burned the place down with you & your Siblings in it, but the kids escaped with 5 degree burns. You decided to get Professional help over the years, but your Siblings believe they can heal on their own without any assistance. You try your best to explain over the years, how due to our very deep wounds we need help, but your Siblings refuse to listen, so you get help on your own. The Professional Help you have received has helped to heal your wounds and you want to share that experience w/your Siblings, so that they to can heal and have a better quality of Life where their wounds do not have a negative impact on their Life, but they deny they have any wounds although they never took the time to get Professional Help and Reality shows that their wounds are still there being a detriment to how they live.

You explain all the benefits to getting Professional Help, you show them, see that same wound that I have in the same area that you have, do you see how it is being healed, and they say they are happy for you, but they deny their wounds. Their wounds are so deep and have gotten infected due to the lack of healing and now their wounds carry a contagious disease. Although you are stronger because your wounds are almost healed, you are still susceptible from catching their diseases. Because you love your Siblings, you try your very best to help them get over their disease, so that they can be strong and their wounds can be free from disease and start healing. There has been a few times where you have caught a common cold from their disease, but you recovered. You know what is like to be Damaged and needing to be healed, so you have empathy and understanding, so much Grace is given when your Deeply Wounded Siblings do or say something to hurt you.

Over the years you also tried to get your Parents help too, so that they will stop burning down homes, but they are Pyromaniacs who enjoy starting fires and burning down homes with People inside. Your Pyromaniac Father said that he had Miraculously Changed due to the Great Counselor's help, he said that the Sister he tied up set on fire & scorched has Forgiven him, so you forgave him too although you had a bad feeling that he was lying and had not changed. He acted as if he was a changed person, kind to others, and others spoke well of him, how he had helped them out with repairs to their own home, so you felt bad for doubting him, I guess I am being crazy and paranoid and there is nothing to fear. Then one day while you are in your home w/your Loving Husband preparing for a 4th of July Celebration Party you get a phone call from your Father's new wife, and she eventually reveals that your Father took his little daughter, tied her up while she was in the bathroom and set the place on fire while she was in it. Your heart broke for the little 4 yr old who suffered 5 degree burns and now has very deep wounds to heal from due to the Pyromaniac Father. He had not changed. He is still a Pryro. And to this day your Mother takes lit candle sticks and goes around burning People for fun, so she too remains to be a Pryo. Your Siblings say she is "not that bad". You know that you are in danger, so you refuse to have any contact with the Pryo Parents.

One last time you ask your Siblings to get Professional Help to get rid of their disease and so their deep wounds can start to heal, but they say they don't need any help when it is painfully evident that they really do. Your contact with them due to their disease jeopardizes your safety and the safety of your Spouse and Child, so as much as it deeply pains you to have no more contact with your Damaged Siblings, you must in order to keep you and your family safe.

Due to the great Professional Help you received, you decide to become a Professional too, and while you are studying to become a doctor you continue to get help to heal your wounds, so that you can become the best doctor you can be. Due to your Childhood and your healing & the skills you have developed as a Professional you want to share them with others. Plus at this time you just recently decided to have no contact w/your Pryro Mom and Damaged Siblings, so you are still healing from that loss.

You look for a place to rent. You have your criteria as mentioned above you want it to be Safe, have great Structure and in a Diverse Neighborhood. The first place you choose to rent appeared Safe, looked like it had great Structure, and was located in a Diverse Neighborhood. So you decide to rent the Space. You create your own Place to Process your Healing Journey and you share it with the Landlord and your Neighbors. Things go very well for a few months. However, it turns out the Landlord was a Pryo and tried to burn the Palace you rented from her down with you in it, so that her and some of her Sick Friends who also helped could see you get burned. You received a second degree burn, it hurt, but you have suffered, endured, and healed from much worse, so you know that this too will heal.

Due to your experience you decide I am not going to rent out that kind of Place again. However, you still have this desire to share what you are going through with the recent no contact with Pryro Mom and Damaged or Diseased Siblings, and there is so much you have learned on your Healing Journey that you would like to share with others, so you look for another Space to rent. Eventually you find another Place that appears Safe, great structure, and in a Diverse Neighborhood that looks like it is filled with very loving & supporting People. You do have fear about committing to renting Space again due to what happened not so long ago, so you watch the Neighborhood for awhile to see how they treat each other. Everything looks really good due to how they are compassionate towards one another, so although you still have some fear you venture forward to rent the Space that is available.

As you move into the New Place you tell the Landlord and those living in the Neighborhood that you are a Gardener and you love to plant things and watch them grow. You ask the Landlord and your Neighbors, Are Gardeners accepted here? These are the things I enjoy planting, so does anyone have a problem with what I choose to plant? I was told that although the Neighborhood was diverse, Some are also Gardeners and plant what you like planting, some are other types of Gardeners and choose to plant other things, and although some hate to Garden your choice to be a Gardener and to plant is respected here. Be prepared that some People will not like what you plant. I understood that and rented the Space out in the Safe Diverse Neighborhood. Things were going great for over a year. Some Neighbors enjoyed watching me Plant and I shared what grew from my Garden with them. Some accepted what I had to offer and some refused, and that was okay to me, because that is their choice not to like what I have to offer. Things had been going great, then about a month ago, I had Fear about being a Gardener, and maybe my Neighbors would complain to the Landlord and ask me to leave, or the Landlord herself would ask me to leave. I thought I was being paranoid, because I had been gardening the same way for over a year and no one had told me to stop gardening and others told me they enjoyed my gardening, and being a different type of Gardener that they haven't met before. Some told me that they once did not want to be Gardeners anymore, but saw my love for Gardening that they are thinking about becoming Gardeners too. Still the Neighborhood was diverse and I knew there were people who did not like Gardeners.

To make things clear, I posted a Public Letter to the Landlord and Neighbors saying I had Fear of being Me, but the Landlord assured me, along with other Neighbors that it is still Safe to Garden, nothing to fear, there is nothing that I planted that was offensive, or harmful to others. Sure some People did not like Gardeners, or what they planted, but that is their choice to not be Gardeners, and they could avoid coming over to my Place, and they could ignore how I & others enjoy Gardening. Recently the Landlord tells me and others in the Neighborhood, although I have been Gardening for over a year, others Gardeners have been gardening longer than that, some less then that, never the less the Landlord is NOW making it Illegal to Garden.

The Landlord sends me Two Private Letters. I have given her permission to make them public, so that People can see for themselves the FALSE ACCUSATIONS & CHARACTER ASSASSINATION from the Landlord. I have nothing to hide. But the Landlord only made her first letter public to the People. In these emails the Landlord claims my Garden that is at my own Home (my Blog), (NOT the place I am renting from her in her Neighborhood) is "in violation". She claims that even though I got some seeds from other Neighbors in HER NEIGHBORHOOD (some Gardeners and some are not) and I planted their seeds with Their Permission in MY Home Garden (Blog), the Landlord says, the seeds that Others gave me belong to her and I am in violation and need to pull all of the plants that grew from the seeds of others out of the my Home Garden (Blog). I pointed out to the Landlord that the seeds my Friends gave me in your Neighborhood are NOT owned by you, but my Friends. This angered the Landlord, because I refuse to remove the plants from the seeds that others have given to me to use in my own Garden in MY own home (Blog).

The Landlord offers a Solution, you can continue to rent Space in "HER" Neighborhood that she created and runs, but from here on out you must STOP being a Gardener, and the Landlord will instruct me on how to build my own Neighborhood (Forum) where People will be allowed to Garden freely without offending anyone by being a Gardner and planting things and sharing with others what grows from our Garden. I tell the Landlord that I would love to create a Safe and Diverse Neighborhood, or even a Neighborhood only for Gardners, so they have a place to plant, but I don't have the skills, time, and right now I don't have the desire to become a LandLord. And most important, I Believe in a Diverse Community Not Segregation. Segregation is NOT a Solution. The Landlord's Solution is about Intolerance, Discrimination & Segregation towards ALL Gardeners (aka Believers).

The Landlord believes that her Solution was kind and helpful, but I don't see it that way due to her False Accusations that I am in violation because others gave me their seeds from their own Garden to plant at my OWN Home Garden (Blog) that I built before I even rented out the Space in the Landlord's Neighborhood. Others gave me their Permission to share their Wisdom on my Blog, yet the Landlord believes that she owns their wisdom and can tell me to remove their quotes from my Blog. The Landlord's true identity is one of a Slave Master. It is Extremely Pathological & Dangerous. The Landlord does Not own what other People say, and their wisdom, their quotes belong to them, not the Landlord or Slave Master, even if others choose to share their wisdom on the Landlord's (Slave Master's) internet property, she does Not own what they say, and can Not control others by saying who they can and can not share their wisdom, insight, advice, and experiences with.

The Landlord says that I am also in violation and hurting others by making contact from my own Home Garden (my Blog) to the Place I rent from the Landlord in her own Neighborhood (Forum). These are the links from my Blog to her Totally Open Publicly Accessed Forum. The Landlord says I am in violation and never admits to knowing about the links from my Blog to her Forum, although there is PUBLIC PROOF that she knew and was FULLY aware and supported that connection DUE TO HER COMMENT she posted on my Home Garden (Blog). To read her own Comments and see that she was fully aware that I was linking to WoN, Click Here. Plus she has been a Follower of my Blog. And I found another Article/Post that I have on my Blog that links back to WoN and proves CZ was Fully Aware, Click Here.

What she should have done was simply said, I have changed my mind and I don't want you to have the links from your Blog to "HER Forum". She has the right to change her mind. But to say I am in violation when she was FULLY Aware and Supportive is a Cruel Lie. In addition, by LAW not the Landlords own rules, but the ACTUAL LAW says I am NOT in violation and I broke no confidentiality which is a Slanderous & False Claim from the Landlord.

The Landlord lacks Accountability & Responsibility in this issue. If she wants to deny Public Access, she has the skills to quickly turn her Totally Open Publicly Accessible Forum into a Gaited Locked Closed Community where only Members w/a password can access the Neighborhood. Although I did Nothing wrong, and am NOT in any violation of the ACTUAL LAW, since the Landlord lacks accountability, honor, integrity, empathy & remorse (based on my experience & other Members), and has changed her Neighborhood to a place of Censorship, Intolerance & Discrimination, I will be deleting all contact from my Blog to her Forum.

All she had to do was Respectfully ask me to not have links on my Blog to "HER FORUM", as she puts it, and NOT do a Character Assassination of False Accusations. She has the right to change her mind about not wanting anymore connection from my Blog to her Totally Open Publicly Accessible Forum, just be ACCOUNTABLE & RESPONSIBLE for changing her mind and STOP Victim Blaming to deflect from the Landlord changing her mind and just say so, and out of respect for the Landlord and for the Friends at her Forum in her Neighborhood I would have no problem doing that. All the Landlord had to do was RESPECTFULLY ask to make some changes, and NOT MAKE FALSE ACCUSATIONS which is a deceptive attempt at CHARACTER DEFAMATION & ASSASSINATION and anyone would have a problem with that.

The Landlord says I make too many links from my Posts in "HER FORUM" to my Blog, and again I am "in violation". Again, like the previous False Accusation, she has NEVER pointed that out to me. Never told me just how many links we can & can not make in a Post, MOST IMPORTANTLY she was Fully Aware, Supported, & Encouraged me to make links in my post on "HER FORUM". All the honest Members on her Forum can confirm that I have Always done that and it was NEVER a problem before. The Landlord says I am in "violation of promoting my Blog" on "HER FORUM". Again, this is Additional Deceptive Attempts at CHARACTER ASSASSINATION. Those who know me and know my Character know that the ACCUSATION of Blog Promotion or Self-Promotion is COMPLETELY FALSE. People who know me know that I COULDN'T CARELESS about Self-Promotion, and all the negative connotations that comes with that Lie. It has ALWAYS been about sharing my Journey with others to maybe in some way help bring insight to their situation and help them heal from the KoN.

Those who know me know that if I am guilty of anything it is NOT having strong enough Self-Care, feelings of being Lesser-Than, not Good Enough, and putting Other's Interest well Above my own. My Professional Colleagues can testify that I took some time off from being a Professional Counselor, because I did not feel I could perform my job at my optimal level. I take Helping others EXTREMELY important, especially in the areas of Healing. My Colleagues have said I have been too hard on myself and no one is at their very best all the time. They recommended that I NOT take the time off or at least not as long as I have done. I have been Blogging my Journey since the end of the Summer of 2009, and it was only until this January 2011 that I saw the Stats button and was interested to find out what that was about and was Totally surprised at how many People visit my Blog each Month. I have Never cared about my own Stats, only processing my Journey and sharing it with others.

The Landlord made a comparison to me that lacked, insight, respect, and empathy by comparing me to the worst thing she could think of which was a Satanic Person. I said that being a Christian is not something I believe in, but who I am (thus I can not remain in a place that Now believes in Censorship). The Landlord is saying being a Christian is offensive to others like a Satanic Person. And if she continues to allow me to not be Censored and be me, then she has to agree to do the same for the Satanic Person because they believe "the Devil is their advocate. The devil is 'who they are' and they found their voice because of the devil." She did that "to prove her point" to show how others could be offended and hurt by another person for "just being who they are", because I explained being a Christian is who I am, and that fact use to be supported & encouraged by the Landlord. The Landlord feels that she made a logical & accurate comparison & by "hurting me to prove her point", the End justifies the Means. It justifies the Landlord being Mean.

These are only words right. Why am I hurt by just words? Because the Landlord, someone who I once thought was a Safe Person & who I thought respected & cared about me would Not hurt me "just to prove a point". I thought she had Empathy & was a Wise Person who knew how to communicate well with others. It is painfully clear that none of that is true, because the Landlord is not dumb, she could have made an equal comparison by using a Different Believer or even a Non-Believer who is very different (some would say complete opposite in regards to a Spiritual Perspective). The Landlord knowingly hurt me to prove her point, but she did NOT prove her point at all. Her comparison is illogical, disproportionate, and hurtful not because of who she compared me to, because I know there is No Validity in her statement due to the fact that I am NOT a harmful Person with the intent to hurt, so the comparison in and of its self did not hurt only that the Landlord who I once trusted did that to purposely hurt me to "prove her point".

To my Friends & Neighbors who still rent out space in the Landlord's Neighborhood, please use Critical Thinking & Discernment in this matter regarding the Landlord and I and Not Unquestionable loyalty to the Landlord. Please dare to ask yourself, Whose Behavior has Changed Recently and Whose has remained the same? If the Landlord was any other person, a fellow Neighbor, Would her behavior & treatment towards me be Appropriate or Respectable?

All the Landlord had to do was show compassion, or at the very least respect, have ownership of Changing HER mind about said mentioned things and KINDLY point out how these are the Changes she would like me to do and NOT FALSELY ACCUSE ME OF BEING IN VIOLATION which is an attempt at CHARACTER ASSASSINATION and is a Smear Campaign.

If the Landlord treated You this very same way, How would YOU feel? The Landlord is only a Person. She can be kind, compassionate, supportive, etc., but when she has done something Clearly Wrong it is harmful to her Mental Health to have Zero Accountability and allow a Smear Campaign and Victim Blaming whether be overt or covert to continue at "HER FORUM".

I am not a Perfect Person and only one Member at the Landlord's Forum said I had offended her and no one else has ever told me & in fact other Members said that I am NOT offensive, and I have publicly as well as privately checked with other Members. This Member publicly explained how she was offended. And I publicly took ownership, because I did make a mistake, and the Member had such Great Integrity and Accountability that she Publicly stated she had "Over Reacted" about me offending. I did No Personal Attack, or anything that would be considered abusive. Still I did make a small mistake and I was VERY sorry for hurting her. Those who truly know me know that I have "ENORMOUS Empathy" and deep concern for others, and it pains me greatly if I hurt others even in a small way. My mistake was due to human error, not personally attacking someone w/vicious lies like the Landlord as done.

I am asking that Members do NOT have unquestionable & blind loyalty to the Landlord in this matter, or any other matter that may arise in "HER FORUM", because that is not mentally healthy for her and detrimental at the very least and potentially VERY harmful and dangerous for You as well as others, if left unchecked. She is the Landlord and she does very helpful things, but she Also Harms, and right now has shown No Regret & No Remorse after I both privately & publicly informed her that what she has done is hurtful. I would rather have No Apology than a Counterfeit one. Although the Landlord can help with your healing, she is Not The Lord, only a Landlord and does not deserve your Unquestionable Loyality where she can go on thinking that she has done nothing wrong to me, or anyone else. No human being, no matter how kind in the past deserves Unquestionable Loyality after they have hurt someone. Unfortunately this is not an isolated situation. Just like with the other Landlord, Danu, in time, more People will come forward to share what this Landlord, CZ, as done to hurt others.

A Leader who is currently having a problem with Introspection, Accountability, Responsibility, Morals, Ethics, Honor, Integrity, Sensitivity, Compassion, Empathy, & Remorse is a Serious Issue -- especially in a Support Group where her focus should be on helping not hurting others "to prove her point". It is one thing to treat People with Respect & Empathy when you get along with them & they think exactly the way you do, but a True Test of one's Character and Leadership skills & ability is to have Respect & Empathy for those you disagree with and don't see eye to eye all the time.

Due to HOW I was treated by the Landlord it is understandable that, although I value the Members at WoN and all the support they have given me, the great support they can offer others, and the Landlord's great help she has given me in the past, I can no longer be a Member at WoN, nor in Good Conscience can I continue to recommend it as a Safe Place to be due to the CHARACTER ASSASSINATION & the Landlord's current Lack of Accountability believing she has done nothing wrong to hurt me & others, and has yet to apologize and she has had PLENTY of time to reflect back upon HOW she has treated me & others.

I did not respond at my best when the Landlord started her CHARACTER ASSASSINATION, I am sorry for that, due to the explained situation those who have Empathy will understand and Forgive.

Up and until the recent attacks from the Landlord, I enjoyed my time at WoN & the Fantastic Women I met there. My hopes & prayers for All my Former Neighbors & Friends to have Complete Healing from the KoN, have the Fulness of Life, Inner Peace, Joy, Passion, Purpose, and be Greatly Blessed.

Love,

Letting Go

The Gift of Discernment

This Post was inspired by my Friends at WON and all the People who battle their way out of the KoN, heal from the KoN, discover we are a Person of Worth, that our Life has value, and that we deserve better than what any N can dish out.

The first step is to identify and accept the N's actions are toxic, harmful, dangereous, and eventually we realize that they are evil. Was this hurtful event a one time occurance, or is it a repeat pattern or habit? Has it happened more than once? If it has happened more than once, there is a lack of Empathy. If someone Truly cared about us, then would not reoffend, because they highly value us & the Relationship with us and the N would not want to hurt or destroy and lose the Relationship, the N would not want to lose us. Does the N treat others better? Does the N attack his/her Boss or Co-workers, Friends, Neigbors, other Family Members the way s/he attacks me? Why not? The N has complete awareness & control of who s/he attacks. The N's attacks are Victim Specific. For more about that, Click Here. When we are in a Toxic Relationship there are many things to discover. Some have to do with the N, but other things have to do with us. The greatest one for me was the Fear of Finding the Truth vs the Comfort of staying in Denial about the N and our Toxic Relationship. I spent the last 20 years Despirately Dancing with the Disordered. Do you feel like Alice in Wonderland who is looking into the Rabbit Hole, wondering whether or not you should venture in and hesistant, reluctant, or even a bit fearful of what you might find? Do you have internal conflict between staying where you are or venturing forward & wanting to find out more, yet you are worried about what you might find? Still there is this desire to find out more. If this is you I say Jump Alice Jump! Perhaps you are feeling more like Neo from the Movie, The Mattrix, you have just became aware that things don't seem to be what they appear, something is wrong, something is unsettling, something is off, but you are not quite sure what it is and why your relationship is not enjoyable, not working out, there is conflict & choas, mistrust, lack of Security & Peace, yet there are times were things are Good and you are Happy, so there is confusion. Is this a Healthy or Toxic Relationship, Good or Bad Relationship? Which is it? How do I decide? How do I know which choice to make? This is what I referred to as My Mattrix Moment, Click Here. You do not have to make a final decision right now. I would recommend keeping a Journal to record the AHA & WOW Moments, and any Revelationships you have about the N, yourself, and your Relationship. A Huge Giant I Battled along my Journey was Cognitive Dissonance, just a psychology term for Confusion due to two competing ideas, basically is the N Toxic or Not. And if the N is Toxic can the N be helped and Change and be come Healthy?

The two questions to ask, Is the N Healthy or Toxic to me? It does not matter if others think the N is a Good Person, maybe the N is Good to them, that is possible. Is the N Healthy or Toxic to you and/or your Children if you have any? Maybe the N is not harmful to you as much as someone you love, your Children, your Siblings, or your Parent, or your Friend. Then you must ask yourself, is witnessing the N hurt others Toxic to me?

Have you ever wondered, How are these hurtful & evil actions created? It comes from an toxic, twisted, pathological, evil Mind & Heart. What we think & feel we do. Being mean, hurtful, and evil makes Ns feel good. I know this sounds like Science Fiction, and this can't possibly be True. Check out:

Why Do They Hurt People?

Why Do They Keep Attacking & Hurting People?

Is your N a Mass Murderer or Serial Murderer? Well not in the Physical Sense, but definately in the Spiritual Sense. These Ns are Mass Serial Soul Murderers. What is the Penalty of a Soul Murder? What is the punishment for the N or P who damages or destroys their Victim's Quality of Life? What punishment do they get for destroying the person their Victims were created to be? Our Society has no punishment for these crimes. They get away with a Soul Murder. Even if a N or P serves time, it does not make up for what they have done to their Victims. They can not replace of give back what was stolen or destroyed. They can not heal the damage they caused, but God can. God can heal us through Trained Professionals, Friends, and most importantly through a personal relationship w/Jesus. Complete Healing can take place where only the henious memory of what the Ns or Ps have done remain. And these Memories no longer have the devasting power to haunt us. The pain of the past can become our BackStory. It does not define who we areToday.

Many People wonder if Ns and Ps are really truely Evil? I guess that depends on how you personally define Evil. What or Who are you comparing the N you N-countered to? Are you comparing the N against the worst Evil Being you ever heard of and then the N is "not at all that bad" or are you comparing the N to the Best Person you know and in that comparison the N is Harmful, Dangerous, Horrible & Evil. We can not compare Evil to Evil, because then we can easily come to the Wrong Conclusion, that "the N is not all that bad". We have to remind ourselves that we were created to have the Fulness of Life and even an Abundant Life filled with Joy, Hope, Peace, Passion, Safty, Security, etc and we are not to settle for anything else that would contaminate, damage, or destroy our Quality of Life. It is only when we begin to value Life and value our Life that anyone who seeks out to contaminate, damage or destroy it is a person who can be identified as Evil as an Enemy to our Self. My Quality of Life is directly related to how well I can identity Healthy vs Toxic, Helpful vs. Harmful, Normal vs. Narcissistic and Good vs Evil. Again it is how we establish what is Toxic, Harmul, Dangeous, and Evil, by what Standard we have of Heathly, Helpful, and Good. If you were born and raised in a KoN whether it was as severe as the one I was in or "not that bad" and People hurt you without lifting a finger, but the result in both KoN is that we grew up to be People who did not know our Value and Worth and therefore we settled, because we didn't realize there was Better or that we didn't deserve Better. Part of our Journey then included educating ourselves about Toxic & Counterfeit Love vs Healthy & Authentic Love. How do you know which kind you have in your Relationship? Here is some information to check out;

Counterfeit Love vs. Authentic Love

Exposing the Narcissist (humorous & helpful videos)

Poisonous People & Zombie Relationships

The Relationship Red Flags & Deal Breakers

How to a Narcissistic Vampire

When we lower our Standard, then we get hurt, and we wonder why we keepgetting hurt? The Truth is our Standards are too Low. We settle. We compromise. And we pay the price. We compare the N to greater Evil, perhaps an Evil we grew up with, or one that we heard of and our thought processes go as followed; the N is (Not Nearly) that bad, (Not at All) that bad, the N is Good in comparison (to something worse), and I have something real good with the N (again compared to the Person that is much worse) . Do you see how our own Mind can deceive us andturn something Bad into something Good? We have come to the Wrong Conclusion about the N. Another Reason this Deception occurs is because we Belive the N is a Normal Person, and a Popular Social Cocept or Precept that we are taught is that Normal People are neither Good nor Bad. That we can not classify People into two Cateogories, we can not be Judgemental, and since we are not Perfect we have no right to identify someone as Good or Bad, which deters and even prevent us from discerning or determining whether or not someone is Healthy or Toxic. If we dear show any discernment we are told we are Hypocrits because we are not Perfect and we are being Judgemental. It is just not Politically Correct anymore to have discernment. I can understand how Society can send the Wrong Message to People, but what use to shock me and still deeply concerns me is how the Christians believe this as well when it goes against everything GOD teaches us.

This happened to me just last week. I was talking about how I am in the Process of trying to determine whether or not my Nsis #2 is Damaged or Disordered and whether or not there is Hope to Build a Bridge of Reconcilation. Does she have the desire or materials to build her side. I had spent all of 2 minutes to try explain a 20 year process of discernment and a fellow Chrisitan had said, he had concern that I was making a snap discission like he use to do and judging people and puting them in a box like he use to do. In the process of explaining the difference between what he was doing by making snap decissions and the process of discernment that I was going through for the last 20 years, another Christian berptly interrupted me and she said, that is the same thing, you are judging (implying I am judgemental and not being a Good Christian). Interesting that they would snap to judgment and accuse me of judging when in fact that is EXACTLY what they did to me. Had they took the time to listen they may have realized that my circumstance that has been going on for the past 20 years is not the same as their judgmental situation and "snapping to a conclusion" about someone. Needless to say this created a great divide and I will see if we can build a bridge through understanding & enlightenment or not. If not, I am not sticking around to be further judged by them for having discernment, because that is what GOD teaches us. Christ actually came to bring Separation between the Healthy vs. Toxic People. Are we suppose to have Discernment? Here are some things to check out. I am betting that might surprise you;

Christ Brings Division -- WOW!

Are They Good or Bad?

They Get Worse Not Better With Time

By Their Fruits You Will Know Them

In order to have Healthy & Accurate Discernment we must be aware How we are comparing Situations, Relationships, a Person's Behavior & core Personality or Nature, aka Their True Identity. It is a Mind Manipulation that the Advertising World uses to give more value to something than it is actually worth. For example, if they want to sell a product, lets call that item Product (N) and make it stand out in a Good Way from the other choices, then they take the Product (N) and set it withLesser Quality Products, let's call those Lesser Quality Items Products (D-) and (F) making their Product (N) look real good by comparison, their item takes on a positive value (N+). However, if we take that very same Product (N) and have other Superior Quality Products around it, let's call those Superior Quality Items Products (A) and (B+) making their Product (N-) look real bad by comparison, then the costumer will not select the Product (N-) and see thatsame Product (N) as Inferior to the rest. The Customer will reject the inferior, Product (N) when s/he can see other superior choices (A) and (B+) available or at least exsist. Same Product (N) it doesn't change only what wecompare it to changes the Value of the product in our eyes. Discernment is effected by Association. What is the Quality of our Association. Basically what is the Percentage of Quality People we associate or interact with? Are there more (A) and (B+) or (D-) and (F) People. If you are in the Relationship with a N and your Friends have Ns and D- and F People that the N doesn't seem "As Bad" and seems "Real Good" in comparison. However, if you and N start hanging out with A and B+ People N True Quality & Value is revealed. Of course it all depends upon how you define an A Person. For me it is very basic, Where there is Love there is no abuse and Where there is Abuse there is No Love. A People are Abuse Free People, They can Recipocate Amazing Love, because they have empathy. They are not Perfect People, they make Normal Mistakes, do not cause abuse, and when they make mistakes & error they have Remorse and they don't do that again. They have changed behavior, they are repentant, because their desire is to love not hurt you.

Another example, you and your Siblings are at the reading of your Parent's Last Will and Testiment. All your life you have dreamt about taking a Cruise to your favorite destination, mine would be Hawaii or Italy, but I am not picky, if someone wants to gift me with a Trip, I will enjoy wherever it may be. So imagine, in the Will your Parent knows just how much you have wanted to go to your very favorite destination, let's say Hawaii, and leaves you with funds to fulfill this dream. How awesome is that right! Then you find out that your Sibling was been left his/her Private Island -- now your Trip to Hawaii fails in comparison. This is the reason People why some Nparents will put in their Will that Recipients are informed of what they are given separately. A trip to Hawaii has great value, but when you know that you could have had something more, and should have had something more, and deserved to have something more, what you have you no longer want.

It is how we attribute Value to something. People are not Products. We each have Intrinsic Value. The thing is the N Value is Harmful, Toxic, and Terrible, thus by their True Nature their Value is Nullified, Worth Nothing. This is the Reason why Ns Project. The N Projects his/her Nullified Value onto us, so that we think we have No Value and are Worthless, so that we appreciate the N when it is really that the N is Lesser-Than. The N's KoN gets its power from a Two-Way Projection. The N Projects his/her inferior qualities onto us, and we project our good & great qualities onto the N. The KoN is about Displaced Value & Worth. Check out how Life in the KoN is about a Two-Way Projection.

When we take the N and compare him/her to Loving, Trustworthy, Safe, Honorable, Kind, Empathetic, Healthy, Good People we see the N's true value, just how Harmful, Bad and Evil the N really is stands out. Again our Discernment is based on how we Compare and Contrast the N to others. The Greater the Contrast is achieve by the Quality of People you compare the N to. When the N is with other inferior quality the N either blends in or seems Good in comparison, and we come to the Wrong Conclusion about the N. It is about achieving the Accurate Perspective of the N. People from the KoN say, I never knew HOW bad the N was until I left. It wasn't until we started comparing the N to the Best of what we have Experienced that we realized that the N is the Worst, or at least one of the Worst we have ever personally experienced. It is only when we compare the N to the Best can we discover they are the Worst. Until then we deceive ourselves into thinking, "the N is not that Bad", and is Good, when the N is Terrible and Horrible enough whether or not the N is the Worst, or one of the Worst, or part of the Worst and hanging out on the Worst Team.

The Momster, the Demon Dad, or the Monster who attacked me when I was a Child, They may not be the Worst Ever in the World, but they are Worst Enough, they are Toxic Enough, and they are Evil Enough for me not to want to have anything to do with them. They are the Worst I ever experienced and I deserve better. I do not have to settle for someone from the Worst Team when I havemany to choose from the Best Team. The Best is not Perfect, because that is impossible, the Best is the Best Humans can be.

Who are you selecting your Friends from, your Spouse from or Family Members from -- Are you picking the Best from the Worst or the Best from the Best? Maybe you don't think it can get any Better, or you can not get any better, because you grew up with the Worst, and this is the Best that there is, or the Best you can find, or the Best that is available to you, because you think you don't qualify or that you don't deserve any Better, so you settle for one of the Worst, I have been there and felt that same way. I have felt like the Best Selection, or at least one of the Best from the Best Team in Life is only a Fairy Tale, or for the very Lucky who have won the Lotto of Life, but I was wrong. All it takes is (1) educating Self about the Best Qualities (2) training Self to select from the Best instead of the Worst.

Ns are Deceivers and pretend to be the Best, so as soon as they take off their Letterman jacket, that they stole from the Best Team, and reveal the real team that they are playing for, we got to kick them off our Team and tell them to go hang out w/their own kind. We have got to tell the Ns to go back to the Worst Team, because they don't have what it takes to be on the Best Team, the Healthy and Loving Team. This is a Life-Long Process of selecting the Best from the Best. We have to change us not the N, in that we have to change our Selection Process.

We have to change our Game Plan our Patterns and Stop saying "the N is not thatBad" and Realize that the N is Not any Good, or how about Not Good Enough. Even the "Good" things the N does is Bad because s/he does them with the Wrong Intentions & has a Hidden Agenda to manipulate and control by doing PerceivableGood Things. If we had a Healthy Standard to compare the N to we would discover the N does not have what it takes to be on the Best Team. That is what the N does not want us to do, so the N spends all his/her energy making sure we don't feel Good Enough. If we feel that we are not Good Enough, that we don't measure up, then we feel like we have something to prove to be accepted, to be Good Enough and we don't realize that it is Not us that does not qualify, but the N. That is the agenda of the N's KoN when the Truth is The N is Not Good Enough, and in many cases is not Good at all.

When we read Self-Help Books that ask us Am I Good Enough, or Will I Ever Be Good Enough I understand it is helpful to see it from the N's point of view that No we will never be Good Enough for the N, but that thought process is from a person who is stuck in Reactive Mode, the pattern we get into from being in the KoN. We need to become Proactive and ask, Will the N Ever Be Good Enough and much more important, Is the N Good Enough right now, AS IS, because w/Ns the odds are they are going to get worse not better with time, and they are not going to ever Change and ever be Good Enough, because they have No Desire to be what they are not and they deeply despise anyone who tries to help them become what they do not want to become -- which is a Truly Loving Person. Ns don't value Truly Loving People, because they know that by being a N they can use and abuse Loving People. They love the control, power, and manipulation over others too much to give that up and really be an Authentic Loving Person -- they might be able to put on a believeable Act for awhile, but they can not sustain it. Being Good comes Natural to Naturally Good People. It is not something that has to be forced upon us, we just do it. Sure not always perfect, but we desire to be Helpful where Ns desire to be harmful by using and abusing others. Ns are like Toxic Fruit, no matter how hard you try to get those deadly pesticides off, some harmful residue still remains.

The question is not are Ns Harmful, Dangerous, Toxic or Evil the question is, Are they Harmful, Dangerous, Toxic or Evil enough for You? My Nsisters do not see the Momster as Evil, and they do not think she would actually murder a person. To them their defintion of real Evil is limited to a Parent burring his/her Child in the backyard or killing you and dumping you in the ocean or the dumpster. To them the Momster has to actually try or succeed in killing them. As long as the Momster bakes them a Birthday cake she is not evil -- even if she uses rotten eggs. For a interesting illustration go to, They can dish it out, but wont take it.

My Journey of Self Discovery led me to understand that Discernment is a Gift. I am a Discerning Person and because I know who I am which is a Woman of Worth who has intrinsic value and power to cast down any all projected lies that tell me I am Lesser-Than or I am Judgmental because I dare to protect myself from the use and abuse of Ns. Having Discernment is a Great Gift from GOD do not let Ns tell you otherwise. Ns are Worse than Spoiled Rotten Children and they want us to devalue & discard our Gift of Discernment. Do not let them do that to you.

When trying to discover the Momster's True Nature or any N's True Nature I had to research two questions.

(1) Is the N Toxic Enough for me? And (2) Is the N Healthy/Good Enough for me?

The answer as you know if you have read my Blog is No and that is why the Momster is no longer in my Life. This August will be Two Years of NC and I have not regret my decision once. Do I want a Mom? Yes. Do I want that Toxic one? No.

Only you can decide the True Nature of the N in your Life and whether or not the N is Too Toxic and you need to have No Contact or Less Toxic and Low Contact, Highly Toxic and you need to have a Hallmark Relationship.

I wish you Peace and Happiness on your Journey and in Life. May the Fulness & Abundance of Life be yours.

Love,

Letting Go