Monday, September 21, 2009

They Get Worse Not Better With Time

So is that selfish, ego-centric, self-centered, self-absorbed, mean, abusive, toxic reprobate person who lacks empathy & remorse, Good or Bad? The fact that you are taking time to read this blog pretty much says it all, doesn't it? Even though Season after Season the Toxic Reprobate Person yields toxic fruit, harmful behavior, aka abuse, we keep thinking this Season will be Different. Unfortunately it is not. We have invested so much time that surely now the Person will change yield healthy instead of harmful fruit, aka behavior.
Last week my awesome husband and I took our beautiful daughter to the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Restaurant. Remember that movie Forrest Gump? Do you recall when Forrest was a child, and these mean kids were calling Forrest names, and tormenting him. Forrest told his Mama and she said, "Stupid is as Stupid does." What was she telling him? She was telling him that Forrest wasn't the stupid one, but the kids that were being cruel to him were the stupid ones. In regards to toxic, abusive, reprobate people I would add; Toxic is as Toxic does or Evil is as Evil does.

Matthew 12:43-45;
45: . . . the last state of the man is worse than the first. This is why toxic people get worse not better over time. An abusive parent will stop the physical abuse as the child becomes an adult not because the abuser is better, but because the child is physically stronger and can turn the tables on the abuser and actually physically hurt the abuser. What the abuser can‘t do physically to you s/he will do verbally and emotionally. Psychological wounds cut deep to the soul without leave a visible mark and are harder to heal. A toxic person does not get better with time; they just get older, and have less energy to create evil chaos and drama as frequently or often as they did in the past. They are also not physically around you, because you most likely created coping skills that placed distance between you (i.e., separate towns, counties, states, countries, planets--if only we could).

What the toxic reprobate person does not do to you physically s/he will do to you verbally. S/he will cut you deeply with his/her venomous tongue. Their attacks are of the most wicked kind, because they know where your vulnerabilities are located and they go in for the kill. Where loving and caring people avoid things that will hurt you toxic abusive evil people purposely do and say things to hurt you just to feed off your pain. And you thought evil vampires only existed in the horror movies. There is actually a name for this and it is called Narcissistic Supply (NS).

Narcissistic, toxic, abusive people prefer to get their NS from you through adoration, admiration, approval, and basically worshiping at the Temple of the Toxic. What about those very nice things they do? Glad you asked. They do it not because they love you, but because they can keep you in a state of gratitude and indebted to them so that you feel obliged or beholden to grant them something that you do not want to do, but you do grudgingly because you feel that you owe them. Do you find yourself doing things because you "should" or because you really want to. You invite them because a good child "should" invite her parent. Of course your sister "should" be your Maid of Horror, oops I mean Maid of Honor regardless of the fact that you can not stand one another. How about that friend who is always asking you for a favor, but never asks you if you need anything. Of course a good friend "should" watch a person's disobedient children every Friday night, because she doesn't trust her children with anyone else-right? Truth is no one else will watch them!

When the gratitude trick or the guilt trip is no longer effective, then the toxic narcissistic vampire will do something to cause you stress, anxiety, or pain. Anything that will hurt you they wont hold back. If they can't get their NS filled through your praise they will get it through your pain.

45. So shall it be with this wicked generation. This explains why there are reports that narcissism and other personality disorders are on the rise. It has become popular not to have a conscious and only look out for yourself regardless of how it hurts someone else.

Remember, it is my goal for this blog to not be a preaching place, but a teaching place.
Therefore, here is your fourth homework assignment.

Remember to always ask God to speak to you through His words each time before you read the passage.

Read Matthew 7:16-20
Write down what you here God saying to you about your life and yoursituation.
What feelings do you have?
When I read this sentence/s I felt . . . . . Write down all your emotions.
Write down any questions you have.
Did you find any answers after reading?
How are you going to apply this new knowledge to your life?
It's okay if you didn't find any answers this time, really it is. Remember life is a journey we all travel at our owns speed.

Save this blog in your favorites & come back every week to find out how the powerful words from our Holy Father keeps me strong and sets me free!

For the next blog post in this series, Click Here.


  1. Hello I am wondering if you are still active. I would love to talk to you more and tell you a bit of my story. I hope that you can get back with me.

    1. Hello Leighton. Unfortunately I am not able to reply to blog posts on a regular basis, but I respond to comments as soon as I can.

      I keep the blog posts here, because many have contacted me to let me know that they provide help along their healing journey. It is essential that we each find a trustworthy person that can help us process the pain, and give us support as we leave harmful relationships. I also believe that when we Share Our Story it helps others.

  2. Dear Soaring Dove, so glad your blog is on the net. There can never be enough Christ-centered resources on (or off) line. Thank you so much for posting - and helping people get beyond the mean-spirited people in (and Lord willing) soon to be out of their lives.