Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Perfect Mirror, The Defected Mirror, and the Broken Mirror

What is it about the Golden Child, OW (other woman) or OO (other object), (other woman) or OM (other man), other family member, other friend, other co-worker, that the N selects to wear the Golden Crown? Why is s/he perceived better than me? Is s/he more attractive, athletic, intelligent, skilled, gifted, talented, successful, loving, or lovable? Well it is none of these things. The Golden Child wears the Golden Crown because s/he serves a purpose to be the Perfect Mirror for the N. The N lives his/her life through the Golden Child's reflections. The Golden Child is the one who is most N-chanted by the N. The Golden Child's N-chantment to the N really has little or nothing to do with the N's True Self, but rather his/her False Self that is achieved in great part by our own projections of our True Self. Confused?

For an explanation on how we Project our True Self onto the N which the N then uses to N-chant his/her victim, Click Here.

For some great short videos that artistically demonstrate how the N-chantment works, Click Here.

Nparents program us to be victimized by another N, and to be N-chanted to the familiarity of N in that when we meet a N we think how we have something in common, ya like a predator and a prey. Ns N-chant by reflecting back to us what we value, our own personality traits, and characteristics, both verbal and non-verbal expressions, thus creating an Illusion of being our perfect Soulmate, "Ns just like me". However, they can only keep up this deception for so long before the mask begins to slip and we realize that they wear a mask, that they are trying to cover something up, that we suspect that they have something to hide, they are not what they appear to be, things get very awkward & tense, there seems to be a distance or a disconnect (N is trying to protect & restore his/her false image, w/distractions and deflections, and the art of gaslighting that makes us doubt reality and ourself), because the N just hasn't been him/herself lately (which they really are being more of their true self, we just don't know it at the time) and in time we eventually discover exactly what lies behind the mask, if we stick around long enough to find out. For some people realizing a N wears a mask is enough to end the relationship, but for others we want to know exactly what lies behind the mask, so we stick around until the devastating end.

A Sudden Behavior Change or Personality Change, from missing you, to carrying less if you come for a visit. They N-chant, then when they see we are interested all of a sudden they are not. What did we miss read something? What happened? What did I do wrong? Nothing. Your behavior is constant the Ns is the one that changed, why?

This is how the KoN works in a Friendship or Romantic Relationship:
So how did he appear to be so kind at first, NVamps are great deceivers because they mirror back to us not their good traits, but our own. Ns know how to play the social game, they know what Normal People are attracted to and like a myma bird they mimic it, just enough to draw us over, then they observe our own traits, listen to what we value and they mirror that back to us, thus we become N-chanted because we think we have found our "soulmate" someone just like us, when the reality is the Ns are nothing like us and are only trying to pretend to be like us, so that they can hook us. However, they can keep that shrade up for too long and their mask drops to reveal glimpses of their true self, (the noted behavior change). As kids of the KoN we are quick to take responsibility and the Ns use that against us, because it works for them to keep us hooked and now we feel like we got to chase after them, make it right, etc.

Another reason for the N's behavioral change is that you are no longer the Perfect Mirror. Because you dare to call him on his BS and don't suck up to him. He both loves you and hates you at the same time, he loves that your feels are Authentic and not fake like the suck ups, but he hates that they mirror back reality, his true disordered self and not his false ideal perfect self. You know he wears a mask, because you refuse to mirror back his false self, and he knows that you know thank he is not what he appears to be or what he wants other to think he is thus you are now the Broken Mirror. He will continue to keep you hooked w/intermittant reinforcement "good days or moments" so that you think he is a good guy, along he is searching and lining up other Perfect Mirrors, and if you do not refuse to become a Suck Up aka Perfect Mirror, then he will have to eventually discard you to make room for the Perfect Mirror.

But he seem like such a nice guy in the begining, because he was mirroring you to trap you and keep you N-chanted, you are in another KoN.
In the KoN there is a Two-Way Projection,

And there is also a Two Way Deception. The first is what you are realizing the N's deception. The second is our own deception to ourself. Our gut is telling us to run, you have friends that are telling you to run and escape from this KoN. Since you have been devalued, you must decide what you want to do, escape now and avoid
avoid the discard, from the inevitable D&D,then you can avoid or at least lesson the horrible devastation that follows the discard.

Why is it so hard for us to leave, even when we have all the information & evidence that the person is toxic and will only cause more harm? Because we were born into the KoN and in comparison to the Nparent the N frienNd or NBF or NGF is "not that bad", we are use to much worse, so we settle for less instead of knowing our own value and realizing that we deserve more.

Ns love to isolate their victims from other interactions. Having a lack of Friends, or a lack of contact with Friends and/or Family also keeps us trapped in the KoN because we have no inspiration to leave it. Hey a bad friend is better than no friend -- left over toxic programming from the KoN, because a terrible Nparent is better than no parent. This is what helped me, when I found true friends they gave me important feedback to who I was and they validated that I was a person who is worth being treated with love & respect, they helped to dispel the lies in my head (that the Momster placed) that I was Lesser-Than thus I needed to settle putting up with toxic relationships, they taught me what Authentic Love looks like, sounds, like, and behaves and they helped me identify "the users" or "the takers" in the world.

There are three types of People in the World, Givers (victims of N) Takers (Nvamps) and Reciprocators (healthy & healed people who know their value). I have spent the majority of my life in the Givers Group, giving and giving until I was emotionally bankrupted, never requiring the other person to reciprocate and settling for the crumbs. The Takers prey upon the Givers, they stock them, N-chant them, use and abuse them, and they replace the Broken Mirror and D&D them. Takers are not attracted to Reciprocators, because to a N Reciprocators are obviously Broken Mirrors and Ns are threatened that the Ns cloth themselves in lies and reflect back to the N the hiddeious stipped down naked truth about the N's true identity. Ns will immediately detest a Reciprocator, because they have no value to a N because Reciprocators will refuse to be a Perfect Mirror be used and abused by the N.

Has the N ever immediately taken a disliking to one of your friends or family members without ever meeting him or her, and tries his/her best to sabotage that relationship and contaminate your view of your friend or family member, so that you start to think less of that person? Ns isolate their victims (Givers) from their friends and family who are Reciprocators, because if the Giver/Victim keeps hanging around the Reciprocator the Giver/Victim might just escape the Ns KoN before the D&D, and worst yet, the Giver might become brainwashed by the Reciprocators and be "just like them". My brain definitely required a lot of washing out the toxic programming of the Momster. I could go on about how the toxic brainwashing from the N works, opposed to the cleansing of the brain from the Reciprocators. But maybe I should save that for another time. There is a lot to take in and a lot to learn, and a lot to heal from.

My most important question is, would you consider going to an awesome counselor who specializes in N-relationships, and most importantly deprogramming the horrible lies that we have learned from the KoN we were born into? This is one of the things that helped me to heal from the past so that it no longer contaminated my present and stole my future.

WoN, it is truly the best support group I have participated in and not only will you learn tons about N what they do, how to identify them, heal from them, but also what Authentic Friendship is about and how it is reciprocated, there are great Reciprocators there. Such an angel!

This is how the KoN works in a NFOO and why the Sudden Behavioral/Personality Change from the N:
Problem is that the Golden Child eventually grows up and if s/he is not a N will not tolerate being treated like a Golden Child and when s/he discovers the Truth about the N will not reflect back his False Image/Identity. Wow this explains why Ns at MLC discard their family and start another family. They need a new Golden Child because the other one grew up and became a Broken Mirror like the rest of the Family. This further explains why the OW (Other Woman) is really an OO (Other Object) and just a source for the N to create another Golden Child. The OO has no intrinsic value of her own. She is only a vessel to bare the N a new Golden Child to replace the old. And in time History repeats itself, the second Golden Child grows up becomes another Broken Mirror and the N must discard his second 'Family' aka KoN to create another. Sounds like Science Fiction, look at those who are in the Public Eye, Famous People with all their exs, in fact it has become so popular that people in the Plastic City refer to their first wife as "The Starter Wife" and this concept has grown so much in popularity & relate-ability that there was a program on tv called "The Starter Wife".

It is so sad & yet not surprising that many of these Children that get discarded by the N don't value the concept of Marriage or Family -- why should they when they see people getting discarded one after another, that is what Family represents to them, something that is not stable, people have no value and are interchangeable and replaceable. No wonder the younger generation wants to avoid Marriage, yet many find themselves dating the type of Ns that discarded them when they where Children, and because they could not get their Nparents Illusive Love they chase after another Ns love that they think is Elusive and thus exciting when it is really Illusive non-existing and thus devastating.

Therefore, when you are D&D by a N please see that it is NOT you a person that s/he is discarding, you were NEVER seen as a person, we all are only an object that has become a Broken Mirror and thus needs to be replaced w/a New One. Please realize that the boomerang N who wants to come back and start "fresh" start "over" the relationship that s/he has to offer is doomed to fail and be toxic and abusive because since you know the N is flawed (we all know it is actually much more than mere flaws & imperfections) and he knows you know he is flawed you will always be at best a Defected Mirror and you can bet on it that even though he is lying to you saying he is so much in love with you he is in constant search for the Perfect Mirror, and when he finds one, you will be discarded again that you can count on.

Now that you have this information you have wisdom the first time the N N-chanted you were deceived, now that you know how they view us as replaceable objects if you go back to a charming & cunning N you are deceiving yourself and you will be allowing him to fool you. You are Nobody's Fool and you deserve more than to be treated as a N's Object. If he didn't value you the first time, he will not value you the second, and he will actually think less of you for going back to him/her. I know it doesn't make sense, this logic doesn't seem normal not to appreciate a person that gives the N another and another and another chance, but Ns are NOT NORMAL, thus we deceive ourselves when we expect them to think and act normal.

Every time we give a N another Chance, aka When you give a N a Chance. . . . s/he is going to want another and another and another, etc., etc. Every time we give a N a Chance s/he is not grateful and does not think how very wonderful of you (even though s/he may tell us those lies). Instead the N thinks, Wow look what I got away with and if I can get him/her to forgive me once I can do it again when I find a better Mirror. When Boomerang Ns recycle through people (objects to them) it is because the Perfect Mirror becomes the Broken Mirror, the N D&Ds the Broken Mirror. Because the N has not yet found a Perfect Mirror boomerangs back to the Broken Mirror re-Nchants the Broken Mirror upgrading our status to a Defected Mirror, until the N finds a completely new Perfect Mirror and once the Defected Mirror finds out about the Perfect Mirror s/he once again becomes the Broken Mirror.

Do you see why Ns enjoy recycling through their victims? Their victims can be several different woman or men or their own children, and they might throw a few friends in the mix, anyone who is willing to be the Perfect Mirror for the N.

It is very interesting that the pursuit of the Perfect Mirror has been described as The Object of my Desire or Affection and somehow it has become a romantic notion to be someone's object. I wonder if a N came up with that statement to help N-chant his/her victims/objects.

If you have been Fooled by a N for a second time, and have been D&D by the same N more than once, please do not feel embarrassed or ashamed, because you did nothing wrong by being a kind person and giving the N another chance. The N is the Fool for not valuing you. Please share your story of being deceived by a N more than once, so that hopefully those who are considering going back or staying with a N will be spared the devastation of a multiple D&D.

Those who stay w/a N please carefully weigh ALL the evidence, don't let your own Ego deceive you into thinking, but I am different. I can be what the others can not be for N, I can be that Perfect Mirror. You will destroy your Self in the process and wake up one day feeling like your very Soul is missing. The NVamp wants to take the very thing you have that is valuable to him because it is something he can never obtain for him/herself which is a Soul. As long as you remain devastated he holds your Soul as soon as you know your own value you regain your Soul, and that is very attractive to a NVamp, so he will boomerang back to steal your Soul that you now have reclaimed. Please protect your Soul and do not let him/her steal it again.

I pray with all my Soul that someone will read this and not let the N back into her/his Life to steal her/his Soul again. If you are that person who has decided not to let the N back into your life, Would you please let me know by leaving a comment? Thank You.

(This post was inspired by Updating the How to Expose a Narcissistic/Psychopathic Vampire

Another Great post explaining why Ns love to toy with us, Click Here.

If the Ns can not get our Adoration then they will cause our Devastation. If we are not their Perfect Mirror, reflecting back their False Self, their Grand Illusion, then the very moment we see the Ns as less than perfect we become the Defected Mirror, and the second someone else comes into their Life to reflect back the False Self of the N, the Grand Illusion and becomes the mask the N wears, then we go from the Defected Mirror to the Broken Mirror and since we have been through the Process of Devaluing by the N the only thing left is the discard. The discard does not have to be a physical one. It can be psychological hence they enjoy turning the Perfect Mirror into a Squeaky Toy.

Just like a dog w/a Squeaky Toy if the toy no longer makes a sound, does the dog go away? Some do, but most eventually boomerang back to sink their canine fangs even deeper into the Toy to see if it can get the toy to Squeak. They bite down harder and harder, because they know that the toy use to squeak and if they bite hard enough they can get the toy to squeak for them again. When the toy does not make even the tiniest of sounds what does the dog do? Some go away looking for another squeaky object, and some will try to shred the toy to pieces. Ever see an Animal try to bury something they are no longer interested in?

In regards to Ns the choices are to be The Perfect Mirror, the Squeaky Toy, or No Contact.


  1. There is no way in the world I would EVER consider having anything to do with the N.

  2. Thank you PWC. I am putting all the pieces together and it is wonderful that they are helping others too. I never know because I started the Blog to Write It Out to Get It Out, so that the unseen can be seen to me. I don't know if that makes sense to you.

    Please write on this topic, Your voice in unique and it needs to heard and I would love to read what you write, so write! Every tale is interesting and every voice needs to be heard both for your sake and for ours because it is healing to the both of us in that it brings validation to the both of us when we share our life experience with others.

    Disparaged is a great word to describe what happens to us in the KoN. D&D I was taught stands for Devalue and Discard.

  3. PWC has left a new comment on your post "The Perfect Mirror":

    Great post - it has a lot of things I've been thinking of blogging about, so now I don't have to! :)

    It's a very strange dynamic that occurs with an N and one that's hard to convey to those on the outside. One thing you wrote which I really appreciate:

    "If you have been Fooled by a N for a second time, and been D&D by the same N more than once, please do not feel embarrassed or ashamed, because you did nothing wrong by being a kind person and giving the N another chance. The N is the Fool for not valuing you."

    THANK YOU. My tale isn't very interesting so, suffice to say I extended trust again and then ended up regretting it. (What is D&D again? Disparaged and discarded?)

  4. PWC please forgive me! I meant to delete the e-mail notification of your comment and not your post. I posted your post, then hit the wrong delete button, so I recopied your post. Again so sorry. I thought for sure I hit the right button.

  5. (Quite alright, although I did wonder at first what was going on.) Thanks for the encouragement and again for this post.

  6. Thank you PWC for understanding & let me know when you get your post done, looking forward to reading it!