Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It's A Wonderful Life

The Holidays can be a roller coster of mixed emotions for those of us who are either in or have left The Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). The enemy, not the Narcissist (N), but the enemy, aka the devil, or dark force will stop at nothing to keep us from enjoying our life, and growing closer to Christ. The enemy's ultimate plan is to come between us and GOD, so that we can join him in hell. He sets out to deceive us into believing it is GOD's fault, and not his that the N is evil and harms us. The enemy wants us to blame GOD, to distance ourselves, and ultimately come between us. The enemy is envious of Christ, and the love we have for our Savior, and will do what he can to distract us from celebrating the birth of Christ.

One way the enemy does this is to deceive us into believing we have lost something by leaving the N and his/her KoN. The enemy brings in powerful FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) to either keep us in the KoN, or have us return to the KoN not for our sake, but "for the kids sake". The enemy preys upon our desire & desperation for a family, and out of desperation and deceptive definition or idea of Family many return to the KoN in hope that things have magically changed in regards to the N in charge, and the Army of Enablers. The Illusion of the KoN being a safe place eventually breaks with reality either on the Holiday, or soon after, and we once again come to the painful conclusion that it is best to stay away from the N and his/her KoN.

Over two years ago when I started this blog, Freedom from Toxic People, it was for three reasons. One to process what I was going through, "write it out to get it out". The second reason to connect with others who have N-countered a N and his/her KoN, and learn from them how they processed and more importantly how they have recovered from the harmful effects of the KoN. The third reason, is to share what the Holy Spirit has and continues to reveal to me about the nature of the N and his/her KoN; the best path to take during the Healing Journey; and most importantly Life after the KoN, are all things I desire to "Share It Forward" with others in hopes that others will not spend decades (like I did) trapped in the N's KoN, and the healing process will be shortened & their over-all life enjoyment lengthened by not constantly dealing with the potential long-term after effects of the KoN.

We are to enjoy Life by living forward, instead of being trapped in the pain of the past. The KoN is our BackStory, the best is yet to come, and if you can not see it right now it is because it is just beyond your Horizon Line. Just out of sight. Healing from the KoN is a walk of Faith. You won't make it, if you don't take it. Please heed this warning from someone who has spent over 4 decades dealing with Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths and their KoNs. I have seen others trapped in a Pit of Depression and Despair, because they blame GOD instead of the devil for the N and his/her KoN. I have noticed a distinct difference between those who have GOD as apart of their Healing Process, and those who do not. From my own professional & personal experience, only Christ can reach & heal the deepest of soul wounds created by the N. It is never too late to reach out to Jesus, and what we discover is that He has been waiting for us all along with Loving arms with a Heart of Compassion & Understanding. GOD does not seek a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. If you haven't yet begun, I encourage you to start your Relationship with Jesus today. I promise you that there is no condemnation in Christ. Anytime you return to the KoN, condemnation eventually follows. With Christ there is only Love. When you meet someone from Christ's Family, an Authentic Christ Follower, you will experience an Authentic Love that helps and does not harm.

If we never take that step of Faith, just like in the Holiday Movie, It's A Wonderful Life, we miss out on all that GOD has planned for us. As the main character in the movie played by the very talented Jimmy Stewart discovers that everyone was created for a purpose, and our life decisions can change the quality of life for ourself, others, many others, and for many generations to come. What kind of Legacy are we going to leave our Children? One of reoccurring chaos & toxic drama created by the N and his/her KoN, or the true Peace & Joy that only comes from a N-free Life out side of the KoN?

A Friend of mine who goes by BrashWorld, added her insight to a post that I wrote a little while ago back in Sept. of this year titled, Life in the KoN. I encourage you to check out her own insights about Life in the KoN on her blog post titled, On My Side???  BrashWorld further explains what I shared about the true nature & identity of the Enablers/Covert Ns. BrashWorld, like others who have survived the KoN, is a source of inspiration for me. After reading her post, about my post, I was then inspired to write this post, which originally started off as a posted Comment to her post, but quickly grew in length, and developed into another article.

When we leave the KoN there is no denying the great life change that begin immediately to occurs as a result from perhaps the greatest life decision we will ever make, other than excepting Christ as our Lord & Savior. Leaving the KoN did not just begin two years ago when I decide to have No Contact (NC) with the Momster. Separating from the KoN has been a life process of various transitions. When I started NC a little over two years ago it was the beginning of a new transition and transformational process. Living in the KoN is about the process of discovering the hidden identity of the N, and his/her true nature. Leaving the KoN begins with leaving the toxic N, due to his/her true identity and desire to harm others, but then along our Journey of leaving the N it transitions to the Beauty of Discovering Self. The Self that was denied expression in the KoN, and the more we discover the suppressed aspects of Self (independent thought & desires, self expression, etc.) the more we discover the different aspects of Life, what it really is opposed to what the N deceives us into believing.

Life outside of the KoN is not a perfect life, but It's A Wonderful Life.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Holiday Tip

Do not let the N's contaminate Christmas. Consider fasting Ns this Holiday by having a temporary No Contact (NC) and discover the blessing of NC. If for some reason you can not fast the N, then ignore his/her triggering comments just like they never said it -- it is very hard I know! By ignoring the N's comments you send a strong message to them that they do not have the power to contaminate or ruin your Holidays or any day. By ignoring Ns we also send a message to the rest of the family, but most importantly we send a message to ourselves to focus on what is important this Holiday and what is not. This message is a reminder to self most of all, because I tend to give the N's stupid comments the power to contaminate by addressing them, but by ignoring them sends a strong message to others, but more importantly to self that these stupid statements are not important enough to even address.

If you can't avoid them, ignore them! -- this applies to the stupid Ns and their stupid covert statements.

Moderate to high level Ns are at their worst not their best during the Holidays, because they think their targets (us) are trapped in their KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), that the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) is too thick, so they can blast through our boundaries, and we will just take it to "keep the peace at any price". In these cases I recommend that the second the N starts on the covert attack if it is publicly, just say that was rude or that was mean. If you have established that you, and your spouse/family will not tolerate rude, disrespectful or mean behavior/comments, then everyone will know that the second covert or overt attack by the N will cause you and your family to leave, so the enablers have two choices to warn the N to knock it off before s/he once again ruins Christmas, or to enable the N & blame the victim for "being too sensitive". 

Depending on the level of pathology in the N, the N will adhere to your warning and modify his/her comments, or justify and victim blame by saying "I was only joking, and you are always just too sensitive, can't you take a joke." We can not explain reality to Ns, because they live in their own Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). Keep things very simple and repeat, that was not funny, and leave it at that. If the N continues, leave the room and give the enablers a chance to straighten the N out. If the N continues the attacks, leave the KoN if you are at someone else's house, or tell the N that it is time for the N to leave your home. 

Modifying lower level Ns behavior is about us having follow through, and getting up and leaving when the second covert attack comes or telling the N to leave if s/he is at your home, and not letting the other enablers guilt trip us into staying for more attacks.

The comments above is not meant to say to keep ignoring continued attacks by the N, only one stupid statement that is so covert that most don't even detect it (especially the enablers), such as N saying "the stuffing you made last year was really good" implying that this year's in not good or inferior, or "your sibling made a great dinner or I had a great time at your siblings house" (no compliment for you) covert slam. These are the stupid statements that I am suggesting you ignore, unless it is followed by another attack, then ask the N to leave if s/he is at your house, or you leave if you are at their's or another family member's. 

Do not get trapped into trying to explain things to enablers, they don't get it, because they don't get attacked and most enablers are covert lower levels Ns that don't care if you get attacked and just encourage us to shut up and put up, because they are happy that as long as you are getting attacked they are not. 

Just get up and leave the KoN.

Here is what I wrote last year about There is No N in Christmas, click here.

I hope you have a blessed Christmas.