Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It's A Wonderful Life

The Holidays can be a roller coster of mixed emotions for those of us who are either in or have left The Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). The enemy, not the Narcissist (N), but the enemy, aka the devil, or dark force will stop at nothing to keep us from enjoying our life, and growing closer to Christ. The enemy's ultimate plan is to come between us and GOD, so that we can join him in hell. He sets out to deceive us into believing it is GOD's fault, and not his that the N is evil and harms us. The enemy wants us to blame GOD, to distance ourselves, and ultimately come between us. The enemy is envious of Christ, and the love we have for our Savior, and will do what he can to distract us from celebrating the birth of Christ.

One way the enemy does this is to deceive us into believing we have lost something by leaving the N and his/her KoN. The enemy brings in powerful FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) to either keep us in the KoN, or have us return to the KoN not for our sake, but "for the kids sake". The enemy preys upon our desire & desperation for a family, and out of desperation and deceptive definition or idea of Family many return to the KoN in hope that things have magically changed in regards to the N in charge, and the Army of Enablers. The Illusion of the KoN being a safe place eventually breaks with reality either on the Holiday, or soon after, and we once again come to the painful conclusion that it is best to stay away from the N and his/her KoN.

Over two years ago when I started this blog, Freedom from Toxic People, it was for three reasons. One to process what I was going through, "write it out to get it out". The second reason to connect with others who have N-countered a N and his/her KoN, and learn from them how they processed and more importantly how they have recovered from the harmful effects of the KoN. The third reason, is to share what the Holy Spirit has and continues to reveal to me about the nature of the N and his/her KoN; the best path to take during the Healing Journey; and most importantly Life after the KoN, are all things I desire to "Share It Forward" with others in hopes that others will not spend decades (like I did) trapped in the N's KoN, and the healing process will be shortened & their over-all life enjoyment lengthened by not constantly dealing with the potential long-term after effects of the KoN.

We are to enjoy Life by living forward, instead of being trapped in the pain of the past. The KoN is our BackStory, the best is yet to come, and if you can not see it right now it is because it is just beyond your Horizon Line. Just out of sight. Healing from the KoN is a walk of Faith. You won't make it, if you don't take it. Please heed this warning from someone who has spent over 4 decades dealing with Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths and their KoNs. I have seen others trapped in a Pit of Depression and Despair, because they blame GOD instead of the devil for the N and his/her KoN. I have noticed a distinct difference between those who have GOD as apart of their Healing Process, and those who do not. From my own professional & personal experience, only Christ can reach & heal the deepest of soul wounds created by the N. It is never too late to reach out to Jesus, and what we discover is that He has been waiting for us all along with Loving arms with a Heart of Compassion & Understanding. GOD does not seek a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. If you haven't yet begun, I encourage you to start your Relationship with Jesus today. I promise you that there is no condemnation in Christ. Anytime you return to the KoN, condemnation eventually follows. With Christ there is only Love. When you meet someone from Christ's Family, an Authentic Christ Follower, you will experience an Authentic Love that helps and does not harm.

If we never take that step of Faith, just like in the Holiday Movie, It's A Wonderful Life, we miss out on all that GOD has planned for us. As the main character in the movie played by the very talented Jimmy Stewart discovers that everyone was created for a purpose, and our life decisions can change the quality of life for ourself, others, many others, and for many generations to come. What kind of Legacy are we going to leave our Children? One of reoccurring chaos & toxic drama created by the N and his/her KoN, or the true Peace & Joy that only comes from a N-free Life out side of the KoN?

A Friend of mine who goes by BrashWorld, added her insight to a post that I wrote a little while ago back in Sept. of this year titled, Life in the KoN. I encourage you to check out her own insights about Life in the KoN on her blog post titled, On My Side???  BrashWorld further explains what I shared about the true nature & identity of the Enablers/Covert Ns. BrashWorld, like others who have survived the KoN, is a source of inspiration for me. After reading her post, about my post, I was then inspired to write this post, which originally started off as a posted Comment to her post, but quickly grew in length, and developed into another article.

When we leave the KoN there is no denying the great life change that begin immediately to occurs as a result from perhaps the greatest life decision we will ever make, other than excepting Christ as our Lord & Savior. Leaving the KoN did not just begin two years ago when I decide to have No Contact (NC) with the Momster. Separating from the KoN has been a life process of various transitions. When I started NC a little over two years ago it was the beginning of a new transition and transformational process. Living in the KoN is about the process of discovering the hidden identity of the N, and his/her true nature. Leaving the KoN begins with leaving the toxic N, due to his/her true identity and desire to harm others, but then along our Journey of leaving the N it transitions to the Beauty of Discovering Self. The Self that was denied expression in the KoN, and the more we discover the suppressed aspects of Self (independent thought & desires, self expression, etc.) the more we discover the different aspects of Life, what it really is opposed to what the N deceives us into believing.

Life outside of the KoN is not a perfect life, but It's A Wonderful Life.


  1. "Life outside of the KoN is not a perfect life, but It's A Wonderful Life."

    I couldn't have said it better myself! As for me, I've only been NC since Feb. 2011 so I'm still drifting through the first year, holidays, birthdays, etc. with a new perspective and living in 'new' territory - aka MY LIFE w/out the negative influence of the KoN. It's different and sometimes uncomfortable, but sometimes we have to get through the storm to realize the rainbow at the end. <3

    Thanks for your keen insight, wisdom and kind words, Soaring Dove!

  2. I have been in desperation to find others who are walking the same journey as I. Your blog has been a blessing to me as I delve into God's Word to find the Truth of my bondage. I have released a toxic father over to God and sent him packing out of my life. I am prayerfully considering sending my toxic mother packing too. On our last visit she yelled at my daughter for no reason and I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to allow her to damage the next generation, MY CHILDREN! Thank you for your godly words and encouragement to get out of toxic relationships.

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  4. A.E. Sexton, I pray that this blog helps you seek GOD's Divine Direction in regards to the toxic Momster who yelled at your precious daughter for no reason. The Momster sinned against GOD when she was abusive toward your child. GOD gives us freedom from abuse, Luke 17:3 clearly tells us to have no contact with anyone who does us harm, until they have a repentant heart, and ask for forgiveness, and change their abusive behavior. Some Pathological Reprobates can lie and tell us what we want to hear in order to have the opportunity to hurt us once again. Ask the Lord for spiritual discernment if the Momster ever says she is sorry for hurting your daughter and you. It is one thing to for them to say they are sorry, but GOD says we are to humble ourselves and actually ask for forgiveness (say the words, Will you forgive me?) from those we have harmed. If we are truly repentant we will change the harmful behavior.

    You are right about the Momster damaging not only you, your daughter, but generations to come. By keeping harmful people in our lives it does not change the evil person, but it does forever change us and our loved ones by sending a message that our life is not worth being abuse free, that we must keep being someone's personal punching bag, and door mat which goes against GOD's Plan for our life. As long as we feel "Lesser Than" and "Not Good Enough" we can not be effective in GOD's Kingdom here on earth, because we wont feel like we can do anything important, we will be distracted and deterred by the constant reoccurring pain caused by the N's continued attacks. As a result, we will not accept our calling, because we won't ever feel that GOD can use us. A wounded warrior can not battle the enemy, and is easy prey. We must get the enemy out of our homes, and create a safe place our children can grow stronger in Christ. Toxic people are a ball and chain that hold us back from our Destiny. With the Peace of GOD's Promise and Holy Word cut them loose, and set yourself and your family FREE! Out of the pain of the past and into your Divine Purpose. Praying for the very best for you.