Friday, September 11, 2009

Are they good or bad?

Wasn't that great to hear last week that J.C. says to go N.C (no contact)!
It is both the blessed and right thing to do!
How are you doing so far? Ready for some more real good news?
You know once you make a decision how those doubts from the enemy come to challenge you. Is s/he really that bad that you have to go full no contact?
Matthew 12:33-37;
33: Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Do you hear that soft voice saying, okay now stop going back and forth. It's time to make up your mind once and for all? This is what I heard. Sure nobody is perfect. But we are not talking about human mistakes. With toxic people it is their intent to harm, whether or not they admit to it, that sets them apart from us normal imperfect people. It is their lack of conscious that gives them the ability to hurt us in the first place and most importantly their lack of true remorse and repentance that keeps them re-offending. Their hurtful & harmful behavior is the Proverbial Toxic Bad Fruit.

What about those few times when the toxic person said or did something nice? Therefore, s/he can’t be all bad right, can she? I struggled with this myself until I was reminded about the intent. What was the intent or hidden agenda in giving you a complement or praise, or doing something nice? In hindsight that evil/toxic person wanted something from you didn’t s/he? Maybe not in that very moment, but very soon they would ask you to do something for them. It’s always about what they want, and they don’t mind manipulating you to get it. They don't do nice things, because they truly love us, they do nice things because they want something from us. They do it to create a false identity or an illusion that they are a loving person when all along they have a hidden agenda to control & manipulate us. They also do nice things to promote their false image to others, "see what a nice person I am".

They can be incredible charmers when they want to manipulate you into doing something for them.

34: Brood of vipers How can you, being evil speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. In clinical terms, a Freudian slip. Evil speaking, and doing comes only from an evil heart.

35: . . . an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. After toxic people say something extremely hurtful, what comes out of their mouth? With a surprised, shocked expression they say, OH, I didn’t mean that (big lie). What they really mean is that they didn’t mean for us to hold them accountable. They thought they could get away with it. Or perhaps they didn't want that ugly thing to come out, and for you to hear it. They wanted to keep the truth about how they truly feel about you a secret. They wanted to keep it hidden in their cold stone heart. However, they still feel that way. What usually follows is manipulation, I am sorry, but . . . (which means forget what I just said about being sorry, because here is what I really think) . . . you got me so angry and it just came out. What they are saying is that it is your fault that they hurt you. Deflecting responsibility & transferring ownership in order to Blame the Victim. They truly are wicked vipers. In biblical terms, we hold the power of life and death in our tongues. We can either create blessings or curses with our tongues. We can either help or hurt. We can either be a friend or a foe.

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, we have had our share of disagreements, even a heated argument, and never has he just had a harmful world "just slip out" of his mouth.

36: “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. Isn't is great news that they will be held accountable for the horrible things they said and did? God assures us that they will be punished.
A lie from the pit of hell is that words cannot hurt us. Evil/Ugly/Harmful words do hurt our feelings and our soul in the moment and the damage that it does can last a lifetime if we don’t do something about it. A partial truth is still a complete lie. Toxic people recreate the truth, so that they look like complete innocents and purposely leave out the wrong they did or said (a lie of omission).

37: For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. God knows their wicked hearts. They have an evil way of twisting things around, so that you feel guilty for confronting them on what they did wrong. And now you feel you are the “crazy” one for even thinking that they would do something wrong or harmful. This technique is referred to as “gaslighting” made famous by an old black-and-white movie. The phrase comes from the 1940’s film Gaslight, in which an abusive evil husband deliberately dimes the gaslights in the house, and when his wife confronts him he tells her she’s just imagining it, that the lights never dimmed at all. The intent is to convince you that your version of reality is not right.

Toxic People lie about anything and everything in order for others not to hold them accountable and they can avoid responsiblity, because they claim "I didn't know" "I wasn't aware" or "I couldn't control or help myself" "It just happened", and their favorite Selective Amnesia, "I forgot, can't remember, not sure, didn't happen that way", or the denial of "I did not do that" when you know for certain that s/he did. This is called Gaslighting which makes you doubt your own Reality and Sanity. For more on the Gaslighting EffectClick Here.

Remember, it is my goal for this blog to not be a preaching place, but a teaching place.
Therefore, here is your third homework assignment.

Remember to always ask God to speak to you through His words each time before you read the passage.

Read Matthew 12:43-45
Write down what you here God saying to you about your life and your situation.
What feelings do you have?
When I read this sentence/s I felt . . . . . Write down all your emotions.
Write down any questions you have.
Did you find any answers after reading?
How are you going to apply this new knowledge to your life?
It's okay if you didn't find any answers this time, really it is. Remember life is a journey we all travel at our owns speed.

Save this blog in your favorites & come back every week to find out how the powerful words from our Holy Father keeps me strong and sets me free!

For the next blog post in this series, Click Here

No comments:

Post a Comment