Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Kingdom of Narcissism

I guess it is poetic justice to post this article on April 1st, aka, April Fool's Day.

This is dedicated to all of us who have suffered & those who are still suffering at the hands of the Counterfeits in the Kingdom of Narcissism also known as the KoN.

This has been my life up to this point, so it is a bit of a read. It is a life-time of experience condensed into one article, or more accurately speaking, one chapter. I am not a writer, just someone who has spent the first part of her life in The KoN. Grab your favorite drink & snack and I hope you will enjoy the read!

I never felt comfortable with calling my biological mom, mom. Nobody is perfect, I get that, and she was never a Mom in any small sense of the word. A Mom is someone who loves and protects their Children and that is something she never did. Just like a Spouse is suppose to love, cherish, and protect and how a Friend is suppose to love you by having your Best Interest at Heart. A Counterfeit is something or someone who looks like and imitates the Real Thing, but is nothing less than a Deceiver and a Fraud, hence I have a New Title for my egg donor, Counterfeit Mom. Same thing for the sperm donor who appeared, disappeared, and reappeared in our lives when ever he needed a Narcissistic Fix and play Super Dad, along with the fact that he preyed on his own children makes him, the Counterfeit Dad. And the spouse that abuses is a Counterfeit Spouse and the friend, co-worker, family member or sibling that betrays is the Counterfeit Friend/Co-worker/Family Member/Sibling.

The Kingdom of Narcissism, aka (The KoN), comes from the fact that Narcissists don't live in the real world, but their own. They have their own reality that everyone living in the KoN must accept or they will be deemed crazy. A land in which the Narcissists (Ns) are all powerful and rule over the Less-Thans (us). A land in which they make the rules and break the rules. A land in which everyone must act just like them & think just like them. A land of no mirrors that will reveal their True Identity. A land of guilt & accountability for everyone else, but them. A Land where the Narcissist's sins are forgivable & accepted and you must be perfect. A Land where Mercy & Grace must be given to the Narcissist, but none is given to you. A land where abuse is how they show love. A land where verbal abuse is accepted and encouraged because is makes you strong to face the world. A land of GasLighting, Triangulation, and Manipulation. A land where ground is made out of egg shells & everyone tip-toes around trying to keep the Great Counterfeit happy, so that his/her True Nature/Identity, the Narcissistic Vampire will not come out and attack. A land that is actually a landfill containing Hidden Bombs and no one knows how or when they will explode, but we know Who shows up when they explode, the Narcissistic Vampire. A land of make believing everything is fine. A land of secrets. A land of lies. A land where Truth is relative and what you make it. A land where relationships are held together through Fear, Guilt & Obligation, aka the FOG. A land of Group Sabotage & Self-Sabotage is encouraged, so that no one can do better than the Narcissist. A land of Dead Dreams. A land where your Self-Esteem & Self-Worth is slaughtered as a Child and when you are an Adult with no Self-Esteem you are kicked in the face for not having any. A land where your Family is your Foe, but you don't know, until you leave. A land where love does not exist.

Now that my Counterfeit Mom has been exposed for the truly toxic unremorseful evil Narcissistic Vampire she really is, I look back at her behavior in recent years as well as the distant past (some of which I shared in this blog) and wonder, How could I have been such a Fool not to see her for who she really is? I guess that is what constant and consistent years of denial will do to a person-it numbs you to the truth. It is a sad heartbreaking situation when abusive evil toxic behavior becomes your "normal standard" in the KoN. Well, here's to being a Fool no more! Once the last scales of denial fall from your eyes the truth will be too painful to ignore and the truth shall make you free!

Yes, it is a Tale as Old as Time, from the Evil Serpent in the Garden pretending to be something he is not in order to deceive the first Woman & Man to the famous classic story of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr Hyde, or in modern terminology, to the real life situations of Great Counterfeits and their hidden secret identities. . . Narcissistic Vampires.

Toxic, Abusive, Narcissistic, Family or Friends are nothing more than Great Counterfeits. To outsiders who are unexperienced with manipulative narcissistic behavior these Counterfeits look like the Real Thing. The Main Reason is that Narcissists spend the majority of their time with Self-Promoting their False Image of a loving, caring, and supporting person. That is until someone courageously holds a mirror up to them, and like all Vampires, the Loving Reflection is missing. The Narcissistic Person quickly goes on defense by claiming the mirror must be broken. Only the very wise & experienced can detect this excuse for the lie that it really is while others, despite what they see with their own eyes, will agree that the mirror must be broken.

This is analogous to the famous children's story, The Emperor's New Clothes where two great Deceivers/Counterfeits convince the Emperor and all the people in his kingdom that "only the wisest of people will be able to see the Emperor's new outfit" which like all lies is nothing but thin air. The Emperor parades down the Main Street naked as the day he was born all while people are denying what they are witnessing with their own eyes and instead declaring how beautiful The Emperor's clothes are even though he is not wearing anything at all. The fear of being singled out, ridiculed, alienated, alstrasized, and rejected by others is so great that people will conform to a lie no matter how ridiculous it is. It took a child to boldly speak the Truth, The Emperor has no clothes on! to expose the popular accepted Lie. Everyone could obviously see that the Emperor had no clothes on, so Why didn't they speak up? Was it just the power of Crowd Conformity that kept them quite, or is there something more?

Not only did people not speak up for the Truth and remain quite, but they actually lied about how great the Emperor's new clothes looked on him. What was that all about? Was it just a lack of integrity on their part, or was it a selfish act of self-promoting? Were these people positioning themselves to be the Golden Child. The old saying goes, Evil exist because good men do nothing. If evil exists because we do nothing, what happens when people actually do something to support a lie, like with the Emperor's new clothes where people were piling lie on top of lie w/compliment after compliment about clothes that didn't even exist. Piling lie on top of lie buries & covers the Truth up completely that the crowd/family actually starts believing their popularly accepted lies. It takes a set of new fresh eyes that has no ties to the crowd/family or the Emperor/Great Counterfeit to uncover the Hidden Truth and expose the statements/perceptions/attitudes/behaviors/feelings for what they are, False and nothing more than made up Lies.

When the loving image/behavior of the Great Counterfeit is missing there are only two basic reasons. The first is that, as stated before, the mirror must be broken. There must be something wrong with your eyes (the Broken Mirror) that you can not see an image that is not really there (i.e., Naked Emperor w/invisible clothes that don't really exist)--not true! You must have just imagined, dreamt up, or hallucinated the entire Harmful Event--not true! You are just not "recalling things correctly"--not true, you did! You are just "too sensitive"--not true! To Narcissistic Vampires who have no heart/emotions, due to their lack of Empathy, you actually having a caring heart/emotions make you appear to them as "too sensitive". It is not your defect, but theirs for being numb, calleoused & cold hearted. The assumption is there must be something wrong with you, because others are willing to accept a lie despite what they see with their own eyes. In other words, let's ignore all the timese the NVampire is abusive and just focus on the good things s/he has done for you & others. The mean abusive toxic behavior doesn't truly reflect who the Great Counterfeit really is because (insert accepted excuse/lie here, "had a bad day" "didn't really mean it" "stressed out" "lost control" "didn't know what s/he was doing/saying" "not themselves" etc.).

The Alternative Reason, the Truth, is to realize that the kind, caring, positive image of the Great Counterfeit is just a Deceptive Illusion and False, Evil is as Evil does, and accept there is an evil Narcissistic Vampire in our family, which for the majority is way too frightening for others to face. The second evil trick the Narcissistic Vampire does is to Divide and Conquer. Their Primary Target is the person who held up the mirror. These Evil Vampires turn into the Great Counterfeits turning on their charm and meeting the needs & desires (emotional &/or financial) in the family population to create an Illusion that is in direct contrast to the one in the mirror -- thus the mirror, or better yet the person holding up the mirror is broken.

The family population one by one start to second guess what they saw with their own eyes because surely The Great Counterfeit who has been there for them can not be this mean, thoughtless, heartless, evil person that has been reflected back to them. They suffer from a form of Cognitive Dissonance when their mind is forced to consider two conflicting pieces of information. (1) The Counterfeit is kind to them doing nice things for them, or at least not abusing them, so they think the Counterfeit must be a good person (2) the Counterfeit is abusing a loved one (us), so the Counterfeit must be a bad person. Which is it? Is the Counterfeit Good or Bad? It is the Enablers own internal Nism that keeps them connected to the Counterfeit. They think to themselves, if the Counterfeit is good to me, then s/he must be a good person (or at least partly good) and not toxic, pathological, or as bad as we say the Counterfeit is. Those who are not attacked think, since my perception is correct (the Counterfeit is a Good Person), yours must be wrong, thus you are the broken mirror, you are the problem and not the Counterfeit. There must be something wrong w/you that you don't see the Counterfeit the way I do. They will deny the Truth and replace it for excuses/lies and even have Selective Amnesia and rewrite history, so that they can not recall the abuse, or at least not to the extent that we do.
The Enablers are questioning and denying reality, which is a form of Gaslighting which makes you feel like you are confused & crazy for accurately remembering the situation moment by painful moment . Counterfeits are also very manipulative and use favoritism to confuse people, they are known to treat family members very different, thus creating very different perceptions of the Counterfeit's true identity. Once again the Enabler's own Nism kicks in and they blame the victim for the abuse s/he is enduring, that some how we are responsible or to blame on some level for the Differential Treatment from the Counterfeit. Enablers are usually not conscious of their Victim Blaming attitude (or they don't want to be) and will immediately deny it if you ever confront them with the possibility of it. The Counterfeits also play into the Enablers Nism by completing them at the same time devaluing us, "you are the kindest of all my children, most loving, you are the easiest to talk to, I wish your Sibs could accept me like you do, You are not judgmental (implying that we are), you are so forgiving (implying that we are not), you are such a Loving, Kind, and Good Person (implying that we are not) followed by a direct slam of the Target (us), thus bringing the Enabler to the Counterfeit's side, creating a separation between us and the Enabler and completing the Divide and Conquer".

The goal of the Counterfeit is for the Enablers to identify w/the Counterfeit against us. It is such a joke that the Momster actually thinks she is giving us a compliment when she says, "Don't tell the others, but out of my 3 children you are the one that is most like me." YIKES! The last time she told me this, I said I felt the Momster was more like the Med. level Nsis and that was before I had realized that Sis was a N -- looking back I guess I saw their connection to Nism and it explains why I always felt like A Stranger in a Strange Land. Never felt at home in my own home. More like an unwanted guest in someone else's home. Counterfeits do not like it when family members are getting along and there is peace for too long, because then we start to compare notes, the Counterfeit's cover is blown and their lies are exposed, so they constantly try to create chaos and conflict between & among family members. Get the puppets fighting among themselves, so they don't realize who is pulling our strings. When we hold the Counterfeit accountable for his/her abusive behavior people in the KoN have two ways of handling abuse, they either deny it by saying it didn't happen or justify it by Victim Blaming to one degree or another. Deniability resolves them of accountability. I use to think that the Momster just had a different reality than mine, but she has the same reality, she is just a liar, so that she has no responsibility for her actions. Counterfeits will tell you any lie you are willing to believe that will exonerate them of responsibility. The Momster knows that what she did and said was wrong and hurtful, but she just doesn't care and last year she finally admitted her true feelings or lack there of for me and any other Person in her KoN. This even shocked the Nsibs who are enabling her and tried giving her numerous chances to recount & regret what she said, but instead she said, "this is how I feel. I truly feel this way. I really do." I thought that this would wake them up to reality and it would if they were Normal, but they are not. They are also Ns and part of them identifies w/her instead of being repulsed by her. I did not understand that until I realized that they are Not Normal and are Ns, and now it makes sense that they will most likely never be repulsed by her because they identify with her. They get disappointed, but not appauled, repulsed, or disgusted. They will always enable her Nism because on some level it makes sense to them, the Nism is normal & acceptable and their pathology is what they have in common and keeps them connected to one another and is what kept me from relating to them & truly connecting w/them. It is really coming together for me right now at this very moment as I am typing this sentence.

An entire new level or layer of understanding in regards to the Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO). It is my Nsib's lower level of pathology that not only clouds, but completely destroys their judgement and perception of reality and what is normal & acceptable behavior and what is not. Nism is acceptable behavior to them, even though they can state that it is wrong, it is still acceptable because they can relate to it. Enablers never hold the Counterfeits/Abusers truly accountable, because they don't require the Abuser to change. They say they want the Counterfeits to change, but they never require them to change and instead make excuses for why the Counterfeit is not changing, thus enabling the abusive behavior to continue. And the Abusers/Counterfeits hold the Enablers in such high regard, because the Enablers don't require them to change and "they just accept me for who I am". The Counterfeit feeds into the Enablers own Nism by stating how much better they are than us because of their "accepting others as they are & don't judge them & require them to change"-- this was huge for the Momster & she made this statement any time I held her accountable for her hurtful behavior. She deflected her own responsibility for her hurtful behavior by saying that I am unforgiving, judgmental, not a good person & not a good Christian. She manipulates all involved and puts the focus on the Victim who identifies the abuse, instead of the Abuser who causes the abuse. Enablers accept (continue to have a relationship with) the Abuser/N because they accept Nism. Or is it the other way around? The Enablers accept the Nism, because they accept the Abuser/N (they identify w/the Super-Sized N because they are a lower level N). Birds of a N-feather, flock together.

The GasLighting Conformity among the Counterfeit and his/her Enablers and their Target (us) is so powerful that it can make you second guess yourself which creates an internal dilemma, you must either stand alone in the Truth and suffer the impending consequences of being the Counterfeit's Primary Target along with the alienation & substandard deferential treatment from the family (i.e., becoming the proverbial black sheep of the family), or join the denying, enabling cowards in the crowd/family. Yes, it is true, I have very little sympathy for Adult Enablers (see article, Enablers are Secondary Abusers). When you reach your own Proverbial Last Straw (see article w/the same name), a truth that is too painful to ignore, you will have the strength to resist the wave of Conformity & Denial. This is when you will take your first baby steps in leaving the KoN. Thus, the retaliation of isolation & alienation of the one holding the mirror, you, the primary Target, Enemy #1, begins. This is referred as the infamous Smear Campaign.

During the Smear Campaign, those who have left the Kingdom of Narcissism (KON) are accused of being self-righteous, judgmental, and having unrealistic expectations of others. My Nsibs stated that I have too high standards for the Momster. Well that is their viewpoint that keeps them enmeshed in the KON. Is it that my viewpoint was too high or their was too low? A message I had to say to myself over and over again was, It is not my job to explain the obvious. Other people who know just a little bit about the Momster's history totally get why I need and want to leave the KON. Those that remain in it just don't get it and never will, unless they experience a Truth Too Painful To Ignore -- unless the knife from the N is sharp enough and goes deep enough to wake them up from their Delusion.

Misery loves and needs company. Enablers need you to keep the Lie alive, by you leaving you causes them to look at their own life and they don't like what they see, so instead of doing the hard work and fixing it they blame you. According to the people living in the KoN you are a Broken Mirror that needs to be fixed not them. For more about just how one becomes a Broken Mirror in Family Units as well as Romantic Relationships, Marriage, etc, Click Here.

The primary/direct abuse from the Counterfeit, aka, Narcissistic Vampire is horrible enough by itself, but now your own family members will turn against you for just speaking the Truth. It makes no sense that you would be attacked for warning family & friends about danger, but then again nothing in the KoN ever makes sense where your family is your foe. Many of us are & have been tempted to put down the mirror, so as not to be alstrasized from the family. Yes, the Great Counterfeit/Narcissistic Vampire has won the first battle, but like all true evil people they are destined to lose the final war.

The Great Counterfeits begin their Smear Campaign, or better yet has their least favorite Golden Child do it for them, by trashing you in the eyes of other family members & friends. They strategically select their least favorite Golden Child because if the truth ever came out that the Great Counterfeit was behind it all s/he could use the least favorite as the scape goat/sacrificial lamb and deny the allegations completely by placing full blame on the least favorite Golden Child. If the Great Counterfeit is in jeopardy of exposing his/her true identity, Narcissistic Vampire, s/he will risk losing the relationship of the least Golden Child to cover up the Great Counterfeit's hidden agenda which is ultimately to protect his/her true identity, the Narcissistic Vampire. Remember people have no real value to Narcissistic Vampires other than to be used to support their evil agendas. People are replaceable. To the Great Counterfeits/Narcissistic Vampires loosing one of their enabling supporters is just a causality of war. The Great Counterfeits/Narcissistic Vampires think so highly of themselves that they can manipulate, persuade, and convince the least favorite Golden Child, the person that they just used to do the Counterfeit's dirty work, that "it was just one big misunderstanding."

There is a reason for The Great Counterfeits/Narcissistic Vampires extreme confidence in their devious persuasive ability--it works! And each time it works The Great Counterfeits/Narcissistic Vampires get that more confident, because their false Illusions get that much stronger. The Illusion becomes so strong over the years that people can not see through it. It becomes almost unbreakable. The sad truth is that some people can not or will not see through this seemingly unpenetrable illusion that they never leave the KoN. The only thing I can think of that is worse than looking back realizing how many years you wasted in the KoN is being the last remaining Enabler. After the Great Counterfeit/Narcissistic Vampire has died and gone to Hell, the remaining enabling spouse is left in the KoN all alone wondering where everyone went? Why am I all alone? Don't fall for that trick! Let them reap what they sowed. The thing that is worse than spending so many wasted years in the KoN is dying in the KoN. The truth will eventually come out and even though our enabling family & friends refused to accept the truth about the Great Counterfeit/Narcissistic Vampire while they were here on Earth they will have to deal with it for eternity. Being a Fool for Eternity trumps being a Fool for a few years, or even a few decades here on Earth!

For those of us who refuse to deny the Truth of what we have seen & experienced with are own eyes, How do we fight this Great Counterfeit who has convinced everyone that s/he is not an evil Narcissistic Vampire? The best way to fight them and reveal their true identity to others is to call their bluff. The Great Counterfeits are counting/depending/relying on our Fear of Alienation from the family. As long as we continue as "things as normal" and "be the better person" and stay in the KoN we provide the Great Counterfeit a personal target. As long as we are present the Great Counterfeit can claim, "see I'm not the mean, toxic, abusive, bad person who she says I am because. . . "
(I am still married to her, we have contact with one another, she sent me this great Mother's/Father's Day Card, I attended her birthday, wedding, or any other important family event where the Great Counterfeit can suck their narcissistic supply from all of this supports the Counterfeits Illusion of being a Good Person). In other words, If the Counterfeits/Narcissistic Vampire are so bad, then why are we still in contact with them? Why do we interact with them? Why do we have a relationship w/someone that is suppose to be so terrible? If they are so horrible, why are they still involved in our lives? Counterfeits have a great ability to call us out on our humanity and use it against us at the same time. We become a walking contradiction & dare I say a hypocrite in the eyes of others, not to mention creating internal conflict for ourselves by implementing self-doubt. We must own up to our own past enabling behavior in regards to the Counterfeit. There is no shame in admitting that we were once N-chanted by the Counterfeit's elaborate Illusion like the rest of the family. We were deceived before, but now that we know the Counterfeit's true identity we must accept reality. By accepting Reality and the Truth about the Counterfeit, we then must make some very hard decisions about not having any more contact with the Counterfeit. It doesn't mean that you have to end contact w/the Enablers. Depending upon whether or not the Enablers are Normal People or lover level Ns you leaving the KoN can have a Life Changing Effect on them. The Counterfeit must be "that Bad" if you are leaving the KoN and ending your relationship with the Counterfeit until s/he has received Professional Help, is completely accountable for the pain s/he has caused you and has Truly Changed. If the Counterfeit is a high level N, then True Change is not possible, and lower level Ns can only manage their Narcisstisic Tendencies. Once that mask of the Counterfeit has been removed so has the deception, where the only thing left now is Truth or Denial. Enablers choose Denial and that is why they can continue to live in the Counterfeit's KoN.

When Counterfeits use us as their personal target practice in front of others it turns other family members & friends into cowering enablers who's self-protection counteracts & overpowers their need to protect the abused family member/friend. They think to themselves, if I stand up for the Truth, for the one holding up the mirror, then I too will suffer the same attacks. If these Enablers are in any way dependent on the Great Counterfeit either now, or for the future, they will remain silent. The Counterfeits know the Enablers weakness and can buy the Enabler's loyality through one way or another. The Enabler might privately come to you offering sympathy for the "harsh treatment" the Counterfeit has done to you, but they rarely side with you against the Counterfeit, especially out in public where there are other witnesses, and they will not go directly to the Counterfeit on your behalf, and it is extremely rare that they will go with you & support you while you confront the Counterfeit. When they go as support it usually back fires against you, because they down play the Counterfeit's attacks & hurtful behavior. Where the Counterfeit is concerned, Enablers are all talk and no action. The only way to expose the Great Counterfeit for the Narcissistic Vampire s/he truly is will be to refuse to be a target and go totally No Contact (NC). By going NC you first and foremost protect you & your own family from abuse, and secondly remove the personal target, so the Narcissistic Vampire must find a new target to get his/her narcissistic supply from.

If the Great Counterfeit is your supervisor and you have gone to HR (human resources), or whatever your company's policies are to resolve "issues" and nothing has been resolved, regardless of all the very detailed documented incidents of attacks of sabotage (date, time, place what happened) you presented that will ultimately harm the Company's Moral and Productivity, not to mention make them Libel for allowing a Hostile Environment to continue, and the Great Counterfeit/Narcissistic Vampire still continues his/her attacks, and you repeatedly go back to inform HR that the attacks of sabotage has not stopped, and once again nothing changes, then your last effort is to inform them that if they don't take appropriate actions, get rid of the Great Counterfeit, then you have a couple of choices. First to seek Legal Actions against all involved who are allowing a very hostile work environment to continue. Be prepared for the fight of your life. You must have your documents in order, names/titles, dates, times, witness, everything you can think of to build & prove your case. Prepare for the Company to side with the Great Counterfeit, transfer you to another department, or fire you or "down size" and your position is eliminated due to "budget cuts". If you are open to a transfer to another department/branch/store, then you might make that suggestion to HR during your First report of attacks from the Great Counterfeit. As long as the Great Counterfeit has direct or even indirect control over your position your job is in jeopardy. Even though the Counterfeit may no longer be your immediate supervisor, s/he can & will still sabotage you through the Smear Campaign to whomever will listen, new supervisor, company owner, other co-workers, etc. As long as there is a Great Counterfeit/Narcissistic Vampire in your mists you will never be safe or happy. You can hang in there and eventually one by one others will discover the true identity of the Great Counterfeit -- sometimes that works, but usually it doesn't. If you want to take a gamble with your career and happiness good luck with that! The other choice you have, like in the Family situation is to quit.

When new targets are identified and attacked, they will quickly remember what they saw when you held up the mirror. In fact, expect the call from them asking you to validate & confirm that the "second target" is not crazy by misinterpreting what they experienced. The second target may or may not go NC right away. It may take several more attacks from the Counterfeit to fully expose him/her for the evil Narcissistic Vampire s/he is. Since I was the first target to leave and it was after 40 years, then came my Aunt (Counterfeit Mom's second oldest friend of over 30 years), then Counterfeit Mom's longest friend of over 40 years. Were we the very first to see Counterfeit Mom's true evil Narcissistic Vampire nature -- no. Before we left, there was my maternal grandmother & aunt who "never seemed to get along" and I believe is on a NC status (at least my Aunt is while my grandmother is on extremely low almost NC). There are other relatives on Counterfeit Mom's side of the family that she "for some reason lost contact with". There are relatives from my Counterfeit Dad's side of the family that are in a NC status with her (yet, when I see them, they ask about her and tell me to send their love -- go figure -- until I told them about my NC status & they said they understood because "she was always so hard to get along with"). There were other long-term friends who one-by-one "took off for no reason" according to the Counterfeit Mom. From last I heard, Counterfeit Mom has ran out of friends and before her longest-known friends left she looked up an old colleague that she once worked with (hadn't talked to her for years), because she needed a place to stay & get her narcissistic supply from by playing the victim, which she does oh so well to the uninformed & unexperienced.

These Counterfeits are very smart and plan ahead. They know that other relationships are in trouble and instead of taking the time and doing the work to fix them (accept responsibility & take accountability for their part) they replace, substitute and move on. I have told my siblings that since I have decided to escape the KoN, I do not want to talk about Counterfeit Mom and I do not want her to know anything about my Life either. In fact the next time she hurts you I will be sorry for your pain, but unless you are ready to leave the KoN in which we were born into and escape the clutches of the evil Narcissistic Vampire I can not help you. I have given my siblings the tools to break the illusion of the Counterfeit Mom which is to stop making excuses for her evil behavior "her metal illness made her do it & her bad upbringing made her do it" and accept the painful truth that Evil is as Evil does.

It is our choice each day to love or to hurt. It is our Free Will. Nobody & no thing forces us to behave a certain way. Did you know these Counterfeits actually have the ability to control their evil behavior? Ever have the Counterfeit immediately stop raging to answer the phone, or door, or distract them by changing the subject and boast their Ego and the rage turns off like a switch. Maybe the Counterfeit wasn't raging against you, but s/he was cunningly verbally/emotionally abusing you with condescending slams and these stop immediately & instantaneously as soon as a new uninformed/unexperienced witness enters the room in which the Counterfeit's true identity has never been exposed to and at best is only a "rumor" from you. In fact, not only do these attacks stop instantaneously, the Counterfeit puts on his/her famous act of the "perfect" loving spouse/parent/family member/friend/co-worker/etc. On the other hand, the witness could be an enabling family member, co-worker, or friend who has "no clue" or slightly suspects the Counterfeit's true nature and identity, but is afraid to face the Truth that they not only do abusive evil things -- they are actually abusive & evil.

Don't worry that friends & family members do not believe the evil Narcissistic Vampires transformation back into the Great Counterfeit--you know it happens and that is all that matters. You are Not imagining things. We who have held up the mirror have witnessed the same thing. You are not alone. Just have patience and the Truth will eventually come out. The older the evil Narcissistic Vampires get the heavier the Mask of Deception is for them to carry and the mask will eventually drop. One by one, family members and friends will "discover" or realize the truth--at least that is what I am praying for! The only thing that matters now is that you protect yourself and your own Family of Creation/Choice by leaving the KoN.

Don't worry about those left behind. It is not your responsibility to save them, if they are adults. It is different if those left behind are Children. With adult Enablers you did not leave them behind -- they choose/chose to stay. The same Truth that set you free is there for them too, if they want to accept it. In fact it is much easier for those that follow your escape, because the trail has been blazed & they have a support system on the other side which You started. The reason why they stay is because there is some sort of pay-off either financially or emotionally or both. Perhaps, by you leaving there is a family dynamic change in where one sibling/family member was a target, along with you, and is now the desired Golden Child. I know this is one of the reasons one of my sibling stays, because from time to time the Counterfeit has come to his/her rescue. Another reason my siblings stay is, like with all abused children, the KoN has been their Normal, and they know no better. They don't know that a whole New World awaits them just beyond their Horizon.

They have only heard rumors of this Land of Love (LOL) but for some reason are afraid to leave what they know and adventure out into the great unknown. Perhaps they believe the Lie from Hell, that what they will find out of side of the KoN will be worse than what they leave behind, or the lie that a bad parent/grand parent/spouse/friend/etc. is better than none at all. In my Family of Origin (FOO) all these excuses are exacerbated by the fact that our Counterfeit Dad's true identity of preying on children was exposed, so we are all in NC with him which leaves us with only one Counterfeit Parent. To give up the remaining last Counterfeit Parent would make us orphans. Yes, this Truth is very painful, but it is survivable. I know that with God all things are possible and He has pulled me out of a pit of extreme depression more than once. I also believe that the love and power of God can replace Counterfeit Parents/Spouses/Siblings/Friends/Co-workers with truly Loving People who really have your best interest at heart.

Although we want the best for our families and desire to help them clean up the toxic mess, they don't see it that way. When you shatter the Illusion you expose their nakedness and they much rather be Clothed in Delusion. For more information on that, check out The Alluring Dress of Denial. And another one you might find informative is Desparately Dancing with the Disorder.

When dealing w/Enablers, keep your statements to them
very simple: It is your choice to stay, because you believe that is the best for you and your family, just as it is my choice to leave and that is best for me and my family. I will not judge your decision to stay and you don't judge mine to leave.




made in imitation so as to be passed off fraudulently or deceptively as genuine; not genuine; forged: counterfeit dollar bills.
pretended; unreal: counterfeit grief.
an imitation intended to be passed off fraudulently or deceptively as genuine; forgery.
Archaic. a copy.
Archaic. a close likeness; portrait.
Obsolete. impostor; pretender.
–verb (used with object)
to make a counterfeit of; imitate fraudulently; forge.
to resemble.
to simulate.
–verb (used without object)
to make counterfeits, as of money.
to feign; dissemble.

1. spurious, bogus. See false. 2. sham, feigned, simulated, fraudulent; mock, fake, ersatz. 3. falsification, sham. 7. copy; falsify.

May the Lord bless you were ever you are at on your Life Journey.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,

If this chapter in my Life has made a positive impact or the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you, or any other chapters in the Journey of Letting Go has made a positive difference and you would like to also Share It Forward and Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. No donation is too small, and every bit helps. And the Lord will say to us, Thank You for giving me Hope and we will say to Him, Lord when were you without Hope? And the Lord will say when you restored hope by Giving Dreams Wings what you did for them, you did for Me. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

(you can donate at the top of the blog in the upper right hand corner)
Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

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  1. Great article! I just added you to my reading list.


  2. Thank you upsi. My goal in writing a blog was that maybe someone else will be helped by what I have learned and in return they will help someone else too. We all have survived a very painful truth, and we are not alone, there is a way out of the Land of Narcissism!

  3. I'm a Third Grade teacher and we read "The Emperor with No Clothes." It's a fitting analogy. Everyone's afraid to speak up for fear they'll be seen as stupid. They're all unwitting enablers. How perfect that it's a small child that eventually announces, "He's got no clothes!" At least in that story the emperor himself says nothing for fear of appearing stupid himself.

    I'm afraid the narcissist, on the other hand, is aware to some extent that he's emotionally naked in the world, but he keeps up the ruse.

    It's always painful for me to read about people raised by NPD parents. My sister-in-law has an ex NPD husband and his lack of interest (genuine or even feigned) for his eight children is astounding. Keep writing. The truth will set you free.

    Ultimately, I told my NPD friend that I'd figured out exactly what he was - it was like sunlight hitting a vampire. He collapsed and eventually disappeared. They can't bear the truth, cause it messes with their fairy tale.

  4. Jan I agree w/you Ns do know that they are emotionally naked due to their missing soul and evil core that's what fuels their envy & jealousy and it is why they attack others. You are right, the Truth is like sunlight exposing the evil Vampire and they do explode don't they. When we refuse to be a source for NS we starve the Vamps and they will disappear, sure they are notorious for reappearing and trying to reN-chant, but when that does not work they will find another source. Too bad we can't brand their foreheads w/a huge letter N so others can be warned of the danger.

  5. WOW! What an absolutely GREAT read!! You have written this blog so very detailed....everything I have been wanting to say (about my own particular situation) I can so relate to your situation & know exactly what you are going through. The only difference is, the one sibling we want in our lives is too scared to "rebel" against her narcissistic mother & sister. I too pray that one day all these blind people will wake up to the reality & see what conterfeits these narcissists/fakes/toxic people really are!
    I am the one who was responsible for shattering the shiny, glowing illusion & exposing both my husband's mother & his middle sister to reveal their "nakedness", if you will! Now I have been labeled the bad one! The smear campaign against me has begun because I held up the mirror to these 2 psychopaths to reveal what they truly are! I am trying to just have patience now for when the truth eventually comes out. I am waiting so ever patiently for their 2 masks of deception to drop! I yearn for that day! I am hoping that it will be one day soon for you & me both! Thanks again for such a fantastic article!

  6. Thank you beckster for you kind words. If the one sib that you are waiting for is the Golden Child in the KoN or was even favored over your H, then her perception of the Counterfeits is going to be different because her preferential treatment was very different. From her point of view the psychopaths were not that bad because they were not that bad to her. I don't know how long it has been since you & your H have left the KoN, but the thing about psychos is that they need a victim to target and the thrill of trash talking you will no longer fulfill their evil desire for NS, so you can count on the fact that they will start to attack others and when they do you will get the call from their latest victim. It may not be from the Sib you want it to be. It may be from someone who gave you the least support, yet is now going to want your validation & support. Pray for the strength to resist the temptation to be spiteful and shout out I told you so! It is hard, I know. Any time the Momster turned on the enabling Nsisters and they would call me for support I would have to give a quick private shout out to Jesus to give me empathy & validate their pain and ask them what have they learned from this situation. I guess they have to learn the hard way that no amount of Love will change a Momster. The last time the lower level Nsis called to talk about the Momster we talked about the importance of repentance. I pray some seeds were planted & are taking root. We also talked about how Forgiveness does not mean that you have to have a relationship w/the offender.

  7. You write well about what I have endured, being a survivor of a narcissistic mother and enabling father (no siblings, just me). She made Mommie Dearest look like Shirley Temple, with her fits of rage, lack of caring, manipulation, no empathy, blah, blah, blah. Dad worked all the time to avoid it. She pretended to be a caring mother but was anything but.

    As a middle aged adult, I LOVE having a quiet, peaceful home of my own, a drama-free zone. I have put up large boundaries so my Nmom cannot continue her hysterical, angry and mean behavior. If she violates it, she (and dad by default) are alienated from my life. It works for me. It's hard being a survivor at times, since I want to love her but reality and past experience tell me that getting too close will most definitely get me burned..and scapegoated (I was the scapegoat of the family as a kid). Life goes on. Sure, I get labeled as "grumpy" and "angry" by her to her friends (she loves to tell her friends about me in a derogatory way but in a charming way, of make herself look "good"). Who cares. It's my life now and she cannot control it. Only I can do that :) Bravo, love your blog!

  8. Thanks so much for the excellent post. I share your pain, but at the same time it made me laugh at how utterly ridiculous their Kingdom is. I identified with

    "A land of Group Sabotage & Self-Sabotage is encouraged, so that no one can do better than the Narcissist"

    My NDad did everything he could to make sure he sabotaged any dreams or ambitions I had. I'm lucky I succeeded in spite of him. I went No Contact with both my NParents almost nine months ago and I will never look back although the smear campaign against me has started.

    1. Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

      Hello Doug. It brings me great joy to know that you are laughing at the fools in the KoN, because it is a sign that your soul is healing, and that is something to celebrate!

      Loving parents sacrifice for their children in order that their children may make great strides in this life, and go further than they have both in regards to material and spiritual blessings.

      However, Nparents are evil and envious of their children, and spend their lives making sure we feel "lesser than" "not good enough" thus no one would ever suspect they would be envious of a person who feels worthless. Nparents detest us because they are envious of us, because we have what they do not -- a loving, compassionate, spirit which others will be drawn to and they can not stand that, because they will no longer be the center of attention. They truly feel superior and others should live to do as they want, a robot created to think and act like them, and when we don't because they are clearly in the wrong they give us hell.

      Doug you succeeded and will continue to succeed in spite of a Nparent, because that is GOD's Great Plan for you. Jeremiah 29:11 You will not be left as an orphan, but your Holy Parent is looking out for you. Not that life will be perfect, or free from life storms, but with GOD all things work together for our good.

      About that smear campaign, as painful as it is, it too is a blessing because it will reveal who if for you and who is against you.

      Have you read these posts?
      Enablers are Secondary Abusers

      Life in the KoN

      These two posts take a closer look at the enablers, are they really innocent people deceived & caught in the N's KoN, or is there more to it?

      In about 3 months you will have 1 year free from the KoN, and I hope you will celebrate your Independence Day.

      Blessings to you

  9. funny that I have only begun in recent weeks to untangle the myriad of my 43 years that had prior only been a lifelong WRONGNESS and segments of that being describable without feeling like some permanently stained nice jacket that had shit (can I say that?) all over it...anyway 2 days ago I found these forums with born-ininsitis (insideus), and began to write a chronology. Well, My NS was not the King or Queen, instead the Firstborn and Heir...except dad adopted her, and second, 3rd...and I was the biological. Anyway, in my story I called it the Kindom of the rules under the my father always would say "yer gonna live under my roof, you'll obey my rules" of course appointing the eldest to the rank of chief officer in charge when they would go out only gave her enemy less perspective when she decided to usurp the villagers.