Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Alluring Dress of Denial or Shopping for Truth

The Alluring Dress
In the Alluring Dress Shopping for Truth
Dress of Denial

It is so hard trying to figure out what the right choice is

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Inspired by my Friend Overwhelmed and Dedicated to all the Warrior Women of Worth, who like me, have struggled trying to figure out the Right Choice when the Truth was so very hard & impossible to find in the KoN.

Speaking of Despirately Dancing with the Disordered, you know how when two people are dancing and it is very intense and the Partner has a firm grip, tightly holding the other person's hand and body and he never once breaks contact and does that very dramatic Push & Pull, repeatedly over and over again, forceably Pushing the Partner away and Pulling her back again, yet never letting his Partner go & breaking contact. It is like that feeling you have after you decide to stop Despirately Dance with the Disordered, there is that I hate the dance, I miss the dance, I want the dance, okay just one more dance, I hate the dance, I am never going to dance again. I hate being with N and I hate being without N, okay just one more time w/N, I am never going to be with N again. That is the Aftermath or Adversive Side Effects of the Intermittant Abuse & Toxic Love. It is the Painful Withdraws and Detoxing from the Illusion of N and his/her KoN.

When we assess the overall relationship & Dance with the N it is Good & Bad, Great & kind of Bad, Sort of Good & Horrible, Kind of Good and Horrendous, etc., various, conflicting, and confusing Perceptions of Reality. In the KoN the Disordered Dance is surrounded by FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt), and lit by Gaslighting, and usually without us knowing it we are no longer in Truth but wearing a Dress of Denial, so that we become desensitized to the Abuse and think, "it's not that bad" when the Truth is it is "bad enough". 

The Absence of Abuse, is not the presence of Love, it is only the absence of abuse. Love that contains abuse is not Authentic Love, it is Counterfeit Love, or Contaminated Love. It is an Illusion of what we want, need, and long for, and the reason we can not achieve it and maintain it with an N is because it does not exist. 

The N doesn't really love us, only loves what s/he can get out of us. Even when they "do the right thing" or "do a good thing" it is always for the wrong reasons. It is always what they can get out of it. 

Will the N ever give till it hurts? No. Ns will never give away something that is not replaceable to them. It is only until we completely leave the KoN that things begin to become clear.

When we stop wearing that Alluring Dress of Denial, no matter how good we think we look in it while we are in the KoN, we are ready to Discover the Truth.

Once we step out of the dark deception of the KoN, and into enlightenment we see the Dress of Denial is not at all attractive, much like the N who bought it for us. The N and all his/her Enablers keep telling us that the Dress of Denial looks Beautiful, was made just for us, and after all the N and the Enablers went though all this trouble finding it for us. Of course if we get tired of wearing the same old Dress of Denial, there are a lot more we can choose from, and try on until we find another that we like.

Then a very Loving Friend comes along and encourages us to try on a New Outfit called Truth which is available in the Shop called Reality, and the Great News is that it comes in Everyone's size. The only thing we need to do is look for it, and try it on. 

Sure at first it might seem a little uncomfortable, somewhat restricting, and we might be tempted to put on the Dress of Denial, but just wait a bit, it truly will get better. Change takes a bit to get use to. 

At first the image of us in Truth might not look that good, very different from what we have become accustomed & use to wearing. We have doubts that we look good in Truth, but our Friend encourages us to keep it on, that it takes a little time to get use to what we are seeing ourself in, but go head and take another look. 

When we take a good long, and honest look in the Mirror we enjoy what is being reflected back to us. We ask our Friend who is experienced in wearing Truth, just how much is this Truth going to cost me? Our Friend replies, it depends on how much ya got. No matter the Cost it must be a Price you are willing to pay.

Just when you have made up your mind to keep on Truth, the Sales Lady says, I have a New Dress of Denial, that just arrived today, it is gorgeous, and it is just your size; it is a whole lot cheaper than Truth. Would you like to try it on? 

You look at your Friend, and she shakes her head and you agree, and tell the Sales Lady, that is a very tempting offer, but I am going to take home Truth.

The Sales Lady asks, Would you like to put back on the Dress of Denial that you came in wearing, and have me pack up the Truth for you? No Way! I like the way Truth looks on me and I'm going to keep it on. 

The Sales Lady says, okay I will pack up the Dress of Denial, so you can take it back home with you, and put it back on when you want to. As you head home you say, No I don't need that Dress of Denial, it no longer suits me.

Special side note to my Friend Overwhelmed. In case you don't know, or have forgotten, or haven't bee told recently, I just want to let you know that you are a GREAT INSPIRATION! You truly are to me, and the other Warrior Women of Worth.


  1. Fabulous description of the tight grip Ns have on their victims (ie. dance partners paragraph). CREEPY how well your words describe the sickly hypnotic relationship I had with my N parents for 50 years!! Given the choice, I wouldn't have "danced" with them *at all*!! I'm No Contact since Sep. 2009.

    Thanks for taking the time to craft this amazing post and for sharing it with us. I just know I'll revisit the scene you painted in my mind *often* in the future, and when I do, it will remind me... I'm NOT to blame for the mess my N parents created. NO child would choose to be in a sick dance with their parents. Thank you, Soaring Dove, you've been a big help to me today:D

  2. Thank you Jasmine for giving me feedback and letting me know that visual I was trying to create came across in my writting. I was thinking for a name for that Disordered Dance that the N creates, How does the Toxic Tango sound?