Thursday, March 17, 2011

Expecting Love Not Dysfunction

Happy St. Patricks Day!

This article was inspired by my Darling Husband (DH), who if I haven't told you lately Love, you are an Amazing Husband and Daddy, and our Darling Daughter (DD) and I are Very Blessed to have you in our lives.

In regards to Toxic People and relationships we primarly talk about Toxic and Counterfeit Love, so I thought some might enjoy reading & talking about the difference between Toxic & Counterfeit Love and Healthy & Authentic Love.

My DH has to get up a little before my DD and myself to get ready for work and then leave for work. Right before he leaves for work he Kisses our Little Daughter, and tells her to wake up. As with little Children they resist waking up, and need A Lot of Encouragement. After she rubs & wipes the Morning Sleep from her eyes they instanteouly Light Up when she looks at her Daddy, and her Daddy just beams w/Joy back at her. The very first thing she sees in the Morning is Love looking back at her. Her Daddy tells her that he loves her and says, I hope you have a Great Day Today. They give each other another Kiss and Hug Good-Bye. Then he Kisses and Hugs me Good-Bye, and we each tell one another that I hope you have a Great Day too and I will miss ya very Very VERY much until I see you again.

My DD and I get ready, I finish putting on my War Paint (make-up), brush and fix my hair and pull it back in that Mommy Ponytail style, because my hair is naturally wild and needs a bit of taming in the morning. Once my DD and I are Ready, we have a Morning Ritual (IF she is ready on time) I pick her up and carry her down stairs. This is a Motivation for her to Stay Focused on getting ready in the Morning and not waste her time.

For those that have their own Rituals, especially Spiritual Rituals, have you ever wondered about the importance or the Purpose of the Ritual? Rituals are to Support the Relationship, as in the Morning Ritual my DD and I share. The Ritual adds to the Relationship, but it is not in any way designed to Replace the Intimate & Close Relationship.

Back to our Morning Ritual, I carry my DD downstairs and at the foot of the stairs my DD shouts out with Excitement, Look what Daddy did!

In the formal dinningroom on the floor (DD's playroom) there spelled out in Bright Yellow, Green, Red and Orange Sunbrust Building Pieces are Three Large Symbols. My DD and I walk over to the very large letters and she says with unreserved Extreme Joy, Look Daddy left me a Message! I asked her can you read the Message? Do you know what the Message says? She says with Extreme Enthusiasm and Confidence, Yes! She points to each Large Symbol, and she says the Daddy's Message to us is, I LOVE YOU! For the word Love my DH & Loving Daddy to our Daughter used the Open Heart Symbol to represent His Love. It was AMAZING to see a Little 4yr old Girl recognize that the Open Heart Symbol means Love. I have never taught her to write a Heart to symbolize Love. We always write out the word Love, so that she can practice her Spelling and Writing. So how did she know to recognize that the Heart Symbol meant Love when she was never taught that Symbolizim & Translation?

My DD was so Thrilled about her Daddy leaving her that HUGE I LOVE YOU Message. It is all she could talk about all morning long. It had a Huge Memorable Positive effect on her Morning. It was the same Joy she gets on Christmas Morning, hopping & skipping, and beaming with Joy from head to toe. As we were heading out the door, so I could take her to school, She told me, Mommy don't put away Daddy's Message. She was respectully adamant, Will you keep it right here, don't move it so I can see it when I come Home? I told her that I would keep it safe. She was over Joyed and could not wait to tell her Teacher and Friends at School about the Morning Love Message her Daddy left for her to Discover.

When I picked her up from School, after she hugged and kissed me, and got her backpack and jacket, and buckled up in the car, as we were heading home she asked me, Mommy is my Daddy's Message still there? Yes, Honey, Daddy's Message is still there and you will see it as soon as we get home. My DD shouts out, Then go Faster Mommy! I want to get home very Fast. I told her that we have got to go at just the right speed, and we will get there soon enough.

My DD was filled w/Excitement and Anticipation and could not wait to unbuckle her car seat restraints and run as fast as she could to the front door. I unlocked the front door for her, and let her open the door up for herself, and she screamed w/Excitement, Daddy's Message is Still there! As if maybe there was a tiny bit of doubt that her Daddy's Message would not be there when she got home. I explained to her that even when you were away and could not see Daddy's Message it stayed here in your home. It did not move & it did not go away.

All Day long and into the night my DD kept her Daddy's Message in tact. She added her own little part to it, but her Origninal Daddy's Message was not touched.

It still says what it was designed to say to her, I Love You. My DD asked her Daddy, Please Daddy don't take your Message Away, I want you to keep it there for me, I want to see it when I wake up in the Morning. Her Daddy said, I wont take away the Message I made for you that says I Love You it will stay there as long as You want. Her Daddy's Message of Love stayed contant throughout the Night.

This Morning I asked my DD, What did her own Message that she added right next to her Daddy's Message say? And she said with joy, It says Happy Valentines Day, and then she got sad and said, but I think it's too late. Realizing that Valentine's Day had come and gone, She said w/dissappointment, I think my Message is too late. I asked her do you know what Happy Valentines Day means, and she said Yes! It means I Love You. When we love someone we send them Valentines. So your Message is Another Way of telling someone you Love them, just like Daddy's Message, and she shouted with Joy, Yeah I have a Very Great Message too! Yes, Honey your message is Very Great Too, and Daddy is going to Love to see it.

The very next Morning, this Morning DD wakes up, and asks her Daddy, Are you going to leave me another Message? She litterally woke up Expecting another Message of Love. This is such a Stark Contrast to how I expected things & people to be in the Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN) that I was born and raised in. My DD's World and mine as a Child are Worlds apart. I was born and raised in the KoN, where Abuse was Normal, a regular occurance, and every morning I woke up expecting dysfuntion and abuse. In the morning I woke up expecting another Toxic Message of how I was Lesser Than, a Burden rather than a Blessing, and not Loved by my Parent. My Child lives in the LOL (Land of Love with Lots of Love). She wakes up every Morning Secure and Safe, and with the Calm Confidence & Peaceful Reassurance that her Mommy & Daddy will have a Message of Love for her. Both my Daughter's and my own Childhood have the Spirit of Expecting, but what we expected to receive from our Parents are Complete Opposites.

What are YOU Expecting to Receive Today from the People You Love?

Do they Love you in return, or do they give you Dysfunction, Abuse, Hurt & Pain?

I wish I had the tech. skills to add my DD's Love Message from her Daddy. Maybe my DH can figure it out for me. (as you can see the help of my Loving Husband &a Dear Friend I am now able to do something I couldn't do before).

PS My DH's said that his Love Message was for both his Beloved Wife and DD.