Friday, September 2, 2011

Self-Care is like Riding a Bike

Imagine your entire life you were told by your Narcissistic parent (Nparent) that Bikes are only for selfish & lazy people, for conceited people who only care about themselves, being w/themselves, and don't care about others. They are self-absorbed and don't care about the feelings of others. In other words people who ride bikes are Narcissists (Ns). This is what Children who live in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) are taught, so that we stay trapped & dependent on the Nparent. Self-Care is like riding a bike, because it provides Freedom & Independence and when your surroundings are abusive it provides an much needed Escape.

As you grow up, your world expands, you meet new interesting people, and you discover that these fascinating people enjoy riding bikes. You notice while they are riding their bike that they are Happy and at Peace. They share with you how riding a bike is so very freeing for them, it provides both Health & Happiness. You share with them what you have been taught that riding a bike is for Selfish & Lazy People, and they show you all the Evidence in which this idea is wrong. You are intrigued and your Friend encourages you to join her on a bike ride. Although you are very hesitant you agree to join her. She gives you instructions on how to master riding a bike, warns you that it will be awkward at first, that you might lose your balance a few times, and take a few spills, but not to give up, because the rewards of learning how to ride a bike are worth it.

Your Friend is correct. Learning to ride a bike was a little bit of a challenge to find your Balance, but you did and you enjoyed your New Found Freedom of taking long bike rides w/your Friend. Your Friend encouraged, praised, and supported you as you Mastered your New Skills.

You are so very excited about your New Found Knowledge & Personal Experience that riding a bike is actually good for a person, and you want so desperately to share it with your Nparent so that s/he can experience the joys of riding a bike and join you on new adventures. Your Nparent shouts, Are you crazy? What have I taught you your entire life? Riding a bike is for very selfish & heartless people who do not care about others. Do you really want to be like those people? See how they just ride off and leave others behind? You share with your Nparent your first experience of riding a bike. S/he only hears how you lost your balance, crashed and scraped your knees and elbows. The Joy you had when you found your Balance, took off, and raced up to your Horizon into New Adventures, all the New & Exciting People you met and the Places you have been because you have Learned to Ride a Bike. . . were completely ignored, devalued, and rejected.

Instead of explaining just how wonderful riding a bike is you decide the best way to convince your Nparent is to show her, so you bring out your New Bike, all along your Nparent is giving you very discouraging words, trying to convince you that you can't do it, it's not for you, you wont be any good at it and you are stupid for even trying. You are shaking inside, you wonder if your Nparents statements are true. Who do you think you are to show someone else to ride a bike when you are still very awkward at it? All these thoughts & questions are creating doubt & trying to hold your Mind captive and prevent you from getting back on your Bike, but you remember the Joy you felt when you were riding with your Friend, so you ignore all the negative toxic talk from your Nparent and you precede to show him/her just how to ride a bike. Your mind is spinning, you feel like you are going to throw up, you are shaky, but you get on your bike and ride. You go a few feet, but because you are so unsure of yourself, you lose your balance and fall. Your Nparent laughs & ridicules your efforts, calls over the rest of your family, so they too can laugh at your expense. The Nparent takes this opportunity while you are wounded on the ground to declare victory that s/he was Right and you were obviously Wrong, and makes an example of you to the rest of the family just how crazy you are for even thinking that you can ride a bike, and that riding a bike could actually be good for you. Discouraged you lock up your bike and don't get back on.

Your Friend calls to ask how did it go with showing your family how to ride a bike and you explain to her that riding a bike is not for you, that you are just not strong enough, and secretly you feel, yet never express to your Friend that your Nparent was right only lazy & selfish people ride bikes. Your Friend invites you to leave your family for a short time and join her on Vacation and you join her. While on Vacation you see how other people are enjoying riding their bikes and you remember how good it felt when you were riding a bike. After much encouragement, your Friend says let's take a ride. You tell her about your concerns for falling and she tells you everyone falls when they are first learning, but it is not in the falling, but the Getting Back Up and Going Forward that is Important. You worry that you are not strong enough, but your Friend has Compassion & Love and says, don't worry I will be with you and I will not leave you. The two of you enjoy the entire day riding your bike, the next day you can't wait to go riding with your Friend again and each day you meet New People and discover New Places together. You spend your entire Vacation building your skills, riding at night, riding when the wind is at your back, riding when the wind is right in front when the resistance is the strongest, riding when the wind comes from the side so unexpectedly that it knocks you off balance, but there is No Longer Fear in Falling, because you know how to get back up and you know that this is only part of the Learning Process and it is in & through your challenges that you become stronger. Your Riding Skills become so strong that others encourage you to go on a marathon, you don't think you are ready for such a long duration, but your Friend prepares you and you Master one Marathon after another. You discover that you also enjoy riding up hill when all the pressure is against you preventing you from moving forward, but you Do Not Fear Adversity. True you have to work harder at riding your bike during this very challenging time, and sometimes it takes every ounce of Strength you have and then Some to reach the top, but the Reward in getting to the Apex, the completly New Viewpoint is Spectacular and Life Changing.

When you visit your family, they notice something is very different about you. You are not the same person that they once knew. You know how they feel about bike riding, so you do not want to share with them what has happened to you, but you are not a person who hides the Truth, so you tell them, if you really want to know what has brought me so much Joy, I will show you. As you go to pull out the bike, you are once again attacked w/verbal and emotional abuse. You are accused of being a heartless person for betraying your family. You tell your family look I have spent all my resources in acquiring a bike for each one of you, so that you too can share in the Joy of this New Life of Riding a Bike. You explain to them all the Possibilities & Blessings that await them if they would only give it a try. You are ridiculed and you are shunned and told that if you want to be apart of the family you must give up bike riding forever. You consider riding your bike in secret when your family is not around, but that is not who you are because you vowed to yourself that you are going to live an Authentic Life and be True to Self. You can not sacrifice yourself for someone else's happiness, so that they can feel good about themselves and you will feel bad about yourself. You can not return to a life of Lesser Than where people do not value you. You have received & experienced Authentic & Healthy Love from your Best Friend and when the choice is return to a life without bike riding, to sadness, hopelessness, and pain or to leave that all behind and ride into your New Life of Authentic Love and leave what you have known your entire life behind, then It's Time to Ride. There is no guilt in leaving those toxic people behind you, because you have equipped them w/the resources they need to change their life. It is their choice to remain in darkness, it is time for you to leave, it is time for you to take off, It is Time to Ride.

You get on your bike, and you feel the warmth of the Sun, the companionship and love of your Best Friend and you notice the more you go forward, the more distance you place between you and the past. When you first left it all behind you could hear the very loud voices of your Family of Origin, clouding your mind and discouraging you, preventing you from reaching what is waiting, but you know that their lies hold no validity, and you focus on What Is instead of what was. As you travel you notice their voices become WEAKER, Weaker and weaker until one day you realize that the Echos of the Past no longer haunt your Mind. You never knew that learning how to ride a bike would set you Free, you never realized how Captive you were until you found your Freedom.

People have asked me, Will you ever go back? And I have thought about it. I have thought what is waiting me if I return opposed to what is waiting for me that I have not yet Discovered. There is so much more to Discover moving Forward, that I am choosing to venture on further into my New Life of Riding a Bike.

Escaping the KoN was a Journey of Self-Discovery which began with Self-Care. Like Riding a Bike, it was very awkward at first and I had to over come the lies I was programmed to once believe that held my Mind and my Life captive. My Moving Forward has to do with what I call the Mind Mouth Move Method -- which is MMMM Good! wink. What the Mind thinks, the Mouth will say and Self will Move in that Direction. It is very important to recognize what Direction we are moving in or towards. Are we moving in the Direction of Captivity or Abundance. Captivity meaning the Death of Self and Abundance meaning simply the Life we are created to have. Jesus tells us that He came so that we may have an Abundant Life, some Bible versions say, have a Full Life. Shalom refers to achieving the Peace of God, nothing missing or wanting.

Whether your Destiny involves a Full or Abundant Life is up to You. I have found that the difference between the two is a matter of Perception. From my NFOO's point-of-view, in the Serpent's Pit they would say that my Life is lacking, but where I live in the LOL (Land of Love building the Legacy of Love) my cup is very Full and very often it is Overflowing. At times, when I was dealing with the past, spending too much time focusing on what I didn't have (a loving FOO) instead of what I do have (Loving Family & Friends), my cup seemed lacking. What I realized is that Abundance does not depend on quantity, but rather Quality. I would rather have one Awesome Friend who can reciprocate Authentic Love, than 10 or 100 Counterfeits who can only provide the Illusion of Love.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10 (New King James Version)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10 (New International Version, ©2010)

What I have learned through the Journey of Letting Go is that Family is defined by Love not Biology. And Jesus Christ is our Savior not just for Salvation, but for Transformation. Jesus was wounded, so our wounds could completely heal through His Amazing Love. There is no wound too deep that Christ can't heal -- I am proof of that! Only the scars of the Pain of the Past remain as a Testimony of what Amazing Love can do by Changing Wounds into Wings.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,
 Click Here.

Please [LIKE] the Giving Dreams Wings Page so we can better promote our Programs. One of the Programs we are building is Bikes of Hope. Bikes are a Blessing, because they are a therapeutic tool that not only bring physical balance, but cognitive & psychological balance too. As a Child who lived in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) where Abuse surrounded me on all sides, my bike was my friend & my hero that provided a Great Escape if only for a short temporary time. When I learned how to ride, I received the Gift of Accomplishment through Achievement. This Accomplishment led to Independence and Adventures out of the KoN where I discovered Life is Different and Abuse is not Normal. My Bike was my Resource of Hope. My Life can be Different and will be Different when I Escape the KoN.

If the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you and you feel inspired to Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

Please pray for  Giving Dreams Wings and [SHARE] our Facebook page with your Friends & Family and encourage them to do the same, and we can all help Restore Hope by Giving Dreams Wings.

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