Life in the KoN

There are two types of People in the Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN), the Damaged and the Disordered, and there are 3 distinct roles, The Primary Abuser, aka the Overt Narcissist (N), the Enabler/s which can be either Damaged and/or Disordered People, such as an enabling spouse of the Primary Abuser, and the Golden Child who the Primary Abuser  never attacks or rarely attacks and when the Primary Abuser does attack the Golden Child it is less severe and thus "not as bad" as when the Primary Abuser attacks the Scapegoat or Target. The Scapegoat is the Primary Target of mainly the Primary Abuser, but also the Enablers. 


The Primary Abuser, the Overt N is obviously Toxic, Disordered, Pathological, and a Sociopath. It is not hard to identify his/her behavior & nature as harmful to others that is once Children of Narcissists become Adults and know that this is not Normal, because our World has expanded and we have met Normal Loving People and have formed Healthy Relationships, so now we can discern what is Healthy and what is Unhealthy, Toxic, and Harmful.

However the rest of the inhabitants in the KoN are not so easily identified. In fact to this very day I am wondering if my Siblings are Damaged or Disordered or both. Of course my prayer is that they are Damaged, because the Damaged can be Healed. They can Repair what was done to them, so that they don't continue to Repeat in any way what was done to them.

As a Momma of a 4 1/2 yr. old my Dear Husband (DH) & I am teaching our Dear Daughter (DD) Right from Wrong, and Kind People from Mean People. We are teaching her to develop her Gift of Discernment. The ability to Discern derives from the ability to detect or identify the Truth vs Lies. There are Many Lies in this World, and a misconception and Great Deception is that all lies come from Liars, unfortunately this is Not True. Lies are handed down throughout the generations that many believe that they are the Truth, because respectable People utter the lies time and time again.

For example, a common lie or Urban Legend is that "There is Good in Everyone" --This is False and This is a Lie. We must clarify that [being] Good is Not the same as [doing] Good. Just because a PersoN can appear to do Good, that person is not necessarily really authentically being Good. A Narcissist (N) can do Good, but the N's actual being is NOT Good due to his/her Pathology or Evil Nature. A N does Good Things for the Wrong Reasons, or the Right Thing for the Wrong Reason. When a N does a perceived Good Thing it is for his/her own Self-Interest, to create & maintain their False Public Image and/or to gain & maintain control over those they appear to be helping, due to the Toxic Strings that are attached creating an covert Obligation that now the other person owes the N something, and the N will always collect, and not always in an obvious way. Did that sentence seem long, complicated, or drawn out -- well that is what the KoN is like. 

It is only after some time has past, and there has been some disconnection between us and the N do we then realize, Oh that's why the N did that once perceived Good Thing, it wasn't because s/he really cared about me only to deceive, manipulate, and control me. Imagine the Overt N as the Puppet Master and we are the Puppet, but What or Who are the Strings? The Toxic Strings are what ties us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser. I always thought the Strings were Situations, such as the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that the Puppet Master/Overt N/Abuser creates to keep us trapped in his/her KoN. Now I have realized that the Toxic Strings that tie us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser is not only Situations, but rather People. Not just any People, but those who are the closet to us and those have been apart of us even since the very day we were born into the KoN. These Toxic Strings are our Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO) complied of Damaged and Disordered People. They are referred to as the Enablers.

In the past Enablers have been classified as fellow victims and helpless to end the Primary Abuser's/Overt N's Reign of Abuse.

Are they really as helpless as they want us to believe? Or . . .

Is their perceived helplessness yet another Grand Illusion in the KoN?

Just like the Primary Abuser, aka Overt & Obvious N,

Are Enablers not who they appear to be?

The Overt N rules at the center of the KoN making or forcing everything and everyone to revolve around him/her, but does this person rule alone, or is there a covert helper?

Do Ns have that much power to create & maintain the KoN all by themselves?

Can one person really control an entire Kingdom or do they have help?

Like with all Dictatorships the KoN must have its Army in order to keep things the way the Wicked Ruler wants them. The N signs everyone his/her duty or role. Some are Scapegoats and the Identified Target, others are the Golden Child, and then there are the Reinforcers. The Army of the KoN. Thing is with a Physical Army you can tell & identify who is in the Army and you can tell when your adversary or enemy is approaching, but in the KoN it is a Spiritual Army we are up against, and it is hard to detect who is Friend and who is Foe. Who you think is your Friend or your Family Member unexpectedly deserts, betrays and abandons you when you must battle the Overt N. When you are on the Battlefield you expect and anticipate direct or indirect attacks from the Overt N, but we are assaulted from the side from those who said they are standing with us against the Overt N's abuse.

The Army of the Enablers blindside us when we are most vulnerable. We trust them to have our back and devastated to find out that they have stabbed us in the back. The Enablers echo out our same Battle cry that the Overt N's abuse is wrong and must come to an end, but when we are holding the Overt N accountable the Covert attack of the Army of Enablers begins with either overt or covert bullying, harassment, guilt tripping tactics in order to recruit us to join their Enabling Army that Specializes in Cheap Premature Forgiveness and supports the Overt N ruling the KoN. 

The Enabling Army turns on us, and the focus is no longer the Overt N's Lack of Remorse and Desire to Hurt Others, but our Lack of Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Reconciliation with the Overt N. The Enabling Army say they have our best interest at heart while they are attacking our heart. We know the identity of the Overt N is pathological and evil, so we do not want any contact with the Overt N, but the Enabling Army can not and will not admit the Overt N is evil, because then what does that say about them? 

They must admit that they were deceived and used by the Overt N which takes a big blow to their already damaged Self-Esteeem, or they have to admit that they enjoy serving the Evil Overt N and being in his/her Enabling Army.

Those who can admit that they have been deceived by the Overt N lies, and discover the Evil Nature of the Overt N will leave the Enabling Army, but those who refuse to admit that they have been deceived, and that the Overt N's nature is pathological & evil will remain a member of the Enabling Army. It is the Damaged People in the Enabling Army that resign their position and leave to seek Healing & Understanding that eventually a Bridge to Reconciliation can be built once they learn the tools to create a Healthy Relationship. 

And then there are those who remain in the Enabling Army, Covert Ns that view us as the Problem rather than the Overt N. Why can't they see how the Overt N has destroyed our Family through deception and division? Why don't they see the Overt N's words and behavior as toxic, hurtful, harmful, and evil? Why do they continue to make Excuses for the Abuses? Because these Enablers are not like us, but like the Overt N, because they are Covert Ns. They will not admit the Overt N is Evil, because they identify with the Overt N, have empathy for the Overt N and love the Overt N and if they admit the Overt N is Evil, then they will have to admit that they have love an Evil Being, and then what would that make them?

Every Damaged Person I have talked to has questioned whether or not s/he is a N like their Abuser. However, Disordered People deny who they really are, because they believe they are perfect just the way they are even when they have victimized others. Those in the Enabling Army who continue to Victim Blame in covert ways, even when the Overt N has been unmasked do so because they are Covert Ns. When they devalue deject, and deny the Nature of the Overt N and say that the N and his/her KoN is "not that bad" it is because to them they are not fellow victims like us, but rather Covert Ns and to them it is really is not that bad because they are like the Overt N, and therefore can stand to remain in the Enabling Army, and march on back to the Overt N and his/her KoN.

The Covert Illusion of the KoN is that the Enablers are fellow victims trapped in the N's KoN with lots of FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) preventing their escape. We project onto the Enablers that they would want to be rescued, but they don't because they are not captives looking to escape harm, but rather covert Ns who know the overt N needs a target and if it will not be us, then it will be them. Covert Ns are not like us, they are like the Overt Ns. Covert Ns do not want to escape the KoN, they don't want to leave Hell, but want us to return to Hell to serve their own self-interest of not being the Overt N's new target.

Covert Ns are the Strings the Puppet Master/Overt N pulls to get us to stay connected to his/her KoN. When we try to rescue those who do not truly want and desire to be Free, then we are making ourselves long-range Targets for the Overt N's attacks. It is the Covert Ns that give away our position to the Overt N, and while the Overt N can not make a direct assault s/he will indirectly attack us through the Covert N positioning in the Enabling Army. The Overt N's Illusion is demolished, so a direct attack can cause no serious harm just a sting from the Ugly Truth that a Person who should love us only wants to hurt us. 

It is the Covert N's Illusion that they are merely an Enabler, a helpless bystander, a fellow victim in the N's KoN that creates the devastation. We want to give the Covert N the Benefit of the Doubt that they are just confused & don't understand the role they are playing in the Overt N's KoN, but it is not the Covert N that is confused, but us. We don't want to accept a very painful truth that our loved one who was once also victimized by the Overt N is not only Damaged, but Disordered and that our Love One is not caught in the Middle, but has covertly chosen a side with the Overt N, Primary Abuser which makes them a Secondary Abuser aka The Phantom N. The Horrible Big Picture of the KoN is that the Covert N is not only serving in the Enabling Army, but also rules the KoN at the Overt N's side.

Let's look at Matthew 10:25, It is enough for students to be like their teachers, and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!

I know this is not easy to accept, because I still want to believe that my Sisters are merely Damaged by the Psycho Parents, that they can get healing & understanding and the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be obliterated and they will no longer be Captives in the KoN. I keep thinking if I only point out just one more time how the Psycho Parents enjoy hurting their Children my Sisters will see & accept the Truth about the Evil Nature of the Psycho Parents. 

How can I continue to explain the obvious to People who refuse to accept the obvious?

The last time my BIL (DH of Sister #2) gave my DH & I a "Surprise Visit" we explained to him that we are in GOD's will in regards to the Psycho Parents via Luke 17:3

“If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Since the Psycho Parents have not repent, continue to deny, deceive, and divide we must stay in GOD's will by continuing to rebuke the Psycho Parents & have no contact with them. 

How long do I unmask the Overt N to reveal his/her true evil nature to those who appear to be deceived? Is it they who are being deceived, or is it they who are deceiving us? If everyone else can see the Psycho Parent's evil nature, then why can't they, or why wont they? 

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

My BiL and Sister are blinded by the Psycho Parents deception. Nothing in this World break the Grand Illusion they are under and can restore their sight. It is time for serious spiritual warfare against the super natural forces that keep them blinded from the Truth. 


How do I know there is nothing more in this world and of this world I can do for them? How do I know that all my efforts and tools of this world will not work to set them free from the Grand Illusion they are under? How do I know that I should stop trying and trying and trying to reason with them and point out the obvious to them over and over and over again? How do I know it is time to transition from Physical Intercession to Spiritual Intercession? Continued Physical Intercession keeps you and your own family of creation connected to the KoN which brings at the min. unnecessary stress & distraction in your life. When we stop the Physical Intercession and switch to only Spiritual Intercession we become a very powerful force to be reckoned with against the enemy who uses are loved ones as his puppets. How do you know you have done all that you can do and it is time to release, let go, and move on so that you don't stay connected even indirectly to harmful people?


Titus 3 10-11:

10 Warn divisive people once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

GOD has placed it on my heart to pray that the Demon Dad's and Momster's stronghold over my BIL and Sister will be broken through spiritual discernment and to talk to my BIL and Sister one more time and show them the Demon Dad's last message to us to show them his Evil Nature to hurt us and that he is deceiving them with his Counterfeit Remorse, because a Person who has Authentic & True Remorse would not say such hurtful & antagonistic things. If they can not see he is deceiving them, and they refuse to see the Demon Dad's True Evil Nature, then there is nothing more we can do and will continue to pray that the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be broken through Spiritual Discernment. 


The Demon Dad's last wicked message included a statement about my BIL and Sister's Minds and Hearts being open to him, unlike ours that remain closed. The Demon Dad's words were meant to hurt, but instead revealed his deception over them, and time will only tell if what the Demon Dad has foretold will remain true. Are my BIL's & Sister's Hearts and Mind open to the Demon Dad? Are their minds warped? Is the reason they refuse to see the Demon Dad's Evil Nature because they are Damaged or Disordered? My BIL and Sister have changed since they have had contact with the Demon Dad. They have repeatedly betrayed my DH and I. Is their betrayal, their sin because they are being transformed or is their evil nature being revealed? 

They think they are going to change the Demon Dad, that they have the power to change pure Evil through their Cheap Premature Forgiveness, but they are not changing the Demon Dad to be more like them, but rather the Demon Dad is changing them to be more like him. They are truly being self-condemned.

Please pray that my BIL & Sister's Hearts and Minds will be closed to the Demon Dad and open to us or better yet to God so that they can see the Truth and the Truth will set them Free -- especially when it comes from God and they accept it. That GOD's Word will take root in their lives and set them free from the Psycho Parents KoNs. That healing can happen between my BIL & Sister and my DH and myself. Pray that we can reverse this curse. Thank You for your prayers.

May the Lord bless you were ever you are at on your Life Journey.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,

 Click Here.

If this chapter in my Life has made a positive impact or the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you, or any other chapters in the Journey of Letting Go has made a positive difference and you would like to also Share It Forward and Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. No donation is too small, and every bit helps. And the Lord will say to us, Thank You for giving me Hope and we will say to Him, Lord when were you without Hope? And the Lord will say when you restored hope by Giving Dreams Wings what you did for them, you did for Me. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

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Self-Care is like Riding a Bike

Imagine your entire life you were told by your Narcissistic parent (Nparent) that Bikes are only for selfish & lazy people, for conceited people who only care about themselves, being w/themselves, and don't care about others. They are self-absorbed and don't care about the feelings of others. In other words people who ride bikes are Narcissists (Ns). This is what Children who live in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) are taught, so that we stay trapped & dependent on the Nparent. Self-Care is like riding a bike, because it provides Freedom & Independence and when your surroundings are abusive it provides an much needed Escape.

As you grow up, your world expands, you meet new interesting people, and you discover that these fascinating people enjoy riding bikes. You notice while they are riding their bike that they are Happy and at Peace. They share with you how riding a bike is so very freeing for them, it provides both Health & Happiness. You share with them what you have been taught that riding a bike is for Selfish & Lazy People, and they show you all the Evidence in which this idea is wrong. You are intrigued and your Friend encourages you to join her on a bike ride. Although you are very hesitant you agree to join her. She gives you instructions on how to master riding a bike, warns you that it will be awkward at first, that you might lose your balance a few times, and take a few spills, but not to give up, because the rewards of learning how to ride a bike are worth it.

Your Friend is correct. Learning to ride a bike was a little bit of a challenge to find your Balance, but you did and you enjoyed your New Found Freedom of taking long bike rides w/your Friend. Your Friend encouraged, praised, and supported you as you Mastered your New Skills.

You are so very excited about your New Found Knowledge & Personal Experience that riding a bike is actually good for a person, and you want so desperately to share it with your Nparent so that s/he can experience the joys of riding a bike and join you on new adventures. Your Nparent shouts, Are you crazy? What have I taught you your entire life? Riding a bike is for very selfish & heartless people who do not care about others. Do you really want to be like those people? See how they just ride off and leave others behind? You share with your Nparent your first experience of riding a bike. S/he only hears how you lost your balance, crashed and scraped your knees and elbows. The Joy you had when you found your Balance, took off, and raced up to your Horizon into New Adventures, all the New & Exciting People you met and the Places you have been because you have Learned to Ride a Bike. . . were completely ignored, devalued, and rejected.

Instead of explaining just how wonderful riding a bike is you decide the best way to convince your Nparent is to show her, so you bring out your New Bike, all along your Nparent is giving you very discouraging words, trying to convince you that you can't do it, it's not for you, you wont be any good at it and you are stupid for even trying. You are shaking inside, you wonder if your Nparents statements are true. Who do you think you are to show someone else to ride a bike when you are still very awkward at it? All these thoughts & questions are creating doubt & trying to hold your Mind captive and prevent you from getting back on your Bike, but you remember the Joy you felt when you were riding with your Friend, so you ignore all the negative toxic talk from your Nparent and you precede to show him/her just how to ride a bike. Your mind is spinning, you feel like you are going to throw up, you are shaky, but you get on your bike and ride. You go a few feet, but because you are so unsure of yourself, you lose your balance and fall. Your Nparent laughs & ridicules your efforts, calls over the rest of your family, so they too can laugh at your expense. The Nparent takes this opportunity while you are wounded on the ground to declare victory that s/he was Right and you were obviously Wrong, and makes an example of you to the rest of the family just how crazy you are for even thinking that you can ride a bike, and that riding a bike could actually be good for you. Discouraged you lock up your bike and don't get back on.

Your Friend calls to ask how did it go with showing your family how to ride a bike and you explain to her that riding a bike is not for you, that you are just not strong enough, and secretly you feel, yet never express to your Friend that your Nparent was right only lazy & selfish people ride bikes. Your Friend invites you to leave your family for a short time and join her on Vacation and you join her. While on Vacation you see how other people are enjoying riding their bikes and you remember how good it felt when you were riding a bike. After much encouragement, your Friend says let's take a ride. You tell her about your concerns for falling and she tells you everyone falls when they are first learning, but it is not in the falling, but the Getting Back Up and Going Forward that is Important. You worry that you are not strong enough, but your Friend has Compassion & Love and says, don't worry I will be with you and I will not leave you. The two of you enjoy the entire day riding your bike, the next day you can't wait to go riding with your Friend again and each day you meet New People and discover New Places together. You spend your entire Vacation building your skills, riding at night, riding when the wind is at your back, riding when the wind is right in front when the resistance is the strongest, riding when the wind comes from the side so unexpectedly that it knocks you off balance, but there is No Longer Fear in Falling, because you know how to get back up and you know that this is only part of the Learning Process and it is in & through your challenges that you become stronger. Your Riding Skills become so strong that others encourage you to go on a marathon, you don't think you are ready for such a long duration, but your Friend prepares you and you Master one Marathon after another. You discover that you also enjoy riding up hill when all the pressure is against you preventing you from moving forward, but you Do Not Fear Adversity. True you have to work harder at riding your bike during this very challenging time, and sometimes it takes every ounce of Strength you have and then Some to reach the top, but the Reward in getting to the Apex, the completly New Viewpoint is Spectacular and Life Changing.

When you visit your family, they notice something is very different about you. You are not the same person that they once knew. You know how they feel about bike riding, so you do not want to share with them what has happened to you, but you are not a person who hides the Truth, so you tell them, if you really want to know what has brought me so much Joy, I will show you. As you go to pull out the bike, you are once again attacked w/verbal and emotional abuse. You are accused of being a heartless person for betraying your family. You tell your family look I have spent all my resources in acquiring a bike for each one of you, so that you too can share in the Joy of this New Life of Riding a Bike. You explain to them all the Possibilities & Blessings that await them if they would only give it a try. You are ridiculed and you are shunned and told that if you want to be apart of the family you must give up bike riding forever. You consider riding your bike in secret when your family is not around, but that is not who you are because you vowed to yourself that you are going to live an Authentic Life and be True to Self. You can not sacrifice yourself for someone else's happiness, so that they can feel good about themselves and you will feel bad about yourself. You can not return to a life of Lesser Than where people do not value you. You have received & experienced Authentic & Healthy Love from your Best Friend and when the choice is return to a life without bike riding, to sadness, hopelessness, and pain or to leave that all behind and ride into your New Life of Authentic Love and leave what you have known your entire life behind, then It's Time to Ride. There is no guilt in leaving those toxic people behind you, because you have equipped them w/the resources they need to change their life. It is their choice to remain in darkness, it is time for you to leave, it is time for you to take off, It is Time to Ride.

You get on your bike, and you feel the warmth of the Sun, the companionship and love of your Best Friend and you notice the more you go forward, the more distance you place between you and the past. When you first left it all behind you could hear the very loud voices of your Family of Origin, clouding your mind and discouraging you, preventing you from reaching what is waiting, but you know that their lies hold no validity, and you focus on What Is instead of what was. As you travel you notice their voices become WEAKER, Weaker and weaker until one day you realize that the Echos of the Past no longer haunt your Mind. You never knew that learning how to ride a bike would set you Free, you never realized how Captive you were until you found your Freedom.

People have asked me, Will you ever go back? And I have thought about it. I have thought what is waiting me if I return opposed to what is waiting for me that I have not yet Discovered. There is so much more to Discover moving Forward, that I am choosing to venture on further into my New Life of Riding a Bike.

Escaping the KoN was a Journey of Self-Discovery which began with Self-Care. Like Riding a Bike, it was very awkward at first and I had to over come the lies I was programmed to once believe that held my Mind and my Life captive. My Moving Forward has to do with what I call the Mind Mouth Move Method -- which is MMMM Good! wink. What the Mind thinks, the Mouth will say and Self will Move in that Direction. It is very important to recognize what Direction we are moving in or towards. Are we moving in the Direction of Captivity or Abundance. Captivity meaning the Death of Self and Abundance meaning simply the Life we are created to have. Jesus tells us that He came so that we may have an Abundant Life, some Bible versions say, have a Full Life. Shalom refers to achieving the Peace of God, nothing missing or wanting.

Whether your Destiny involves a Full or Abundant Life is up to You. I have found that the difference between the two is a matter of Perception. From my NFOO's point-of-view, in the Serpent's Pit they would say that my Life is lacking, but where I live in the LOL (Land of Love building the Legacy of Love) my cup is very Full and very often it is Overflowing. At times, when I was dealing with the past, spending too much time focusing on what I didn't have (a loving FOO) instead of what I do have (Loving Family & Friends), my cup seemed lacking. What I realized is that Abundance does not depend on quantity, but rather Quality. I would rather have one Awesome Friend who can reciprocate Authentic Love, than 10 or 100 Counterfeits who can only provide the Illusion of Love.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10 (New King James Version)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10 (New International Version, ©2010)

http://www.biblegateway.com

What I have learned through the Journey of Letting Go is that Family is defined by Love not Biology. And Jesus Christ is our Savior not just for Salvation, but for Transformation. Jesus was wounded, so our wounds could completely heal through His Amazing Love. There is no wound too deep that Christ can't heal -- I am proof of that! Only the scars of the Pain of the Past remain as a Testimony of what Amazing Love can do by Changing Wounds into Wings.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,
 Click Here.

Please [LIKE] the Giving Dreams Wings Page so we can better promote our Programs. One of the Programs we are building is Bikes of Hope. Bikes are a Blessing, because they are a therapeutic tool that not only bring physical balance, but cognitive & psychological balance too. As a Child who lived in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) where Abuse surrounded me on all sides, my bike was my friend & my hero that provided a Great Escape if only for a short temporary time. When I learned how to ride, I received the Gift of Accomplishment through Achievement. This Accomplishment led to Independence and Adventures out of the KoN where I discovered Life is Different and Abuse is not Normal. My Bike was my Resource of Hope. My Life can be Different and will be Different when I Escape the KoN.

If the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you and you feel inspired to Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

Please pray for  Giving Dreams Wings and [SHARE] our Facebook page with your Friends & Family and encourage them to do the same, and we can all help Restore Hope by Giving Dreams Wings.

How do you handle Toxic Re-Runs?

Today I just finished reading a FANTASTIC post by a very talented fellow blogger Mulderfan who posted an article by Paulo Coelho. Click Here to read her Great Post.

"Stop being who you were and change into who you are." ~ Paulo Coelho

"Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away." ~ Paulo Coelho

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. ~ Paulo Coelho

These 3 Statements resonate so deeply with me. They are such a Powerful Healing Annointment for the deep Soul Wounds, especially inflicted by Nparents.

Paulo's statements has that WOW Factor because it inspires, encourages, and empowers us. It reminds me to fully enjoy Today, the Person I am Today and the People I am with Today instead of revisiting the Toxic Re-Runs of a Painful Past. Toxic Re-Runs is a Great Analogy.

What do we do when a Bad Re-Run comes on TV? We turn it off, or switch the channel. I know applying that strategy to Memories of the N and his/her KoN is much More difficult, but it is POSSIBLE. Notice the amount of difficulty is smaller than the POSSIBILITY. Often the Best Things in Life are difficult, but the end result is MORE than worth the struggle to achieve it.

May I share what has worked with me and what has not? I have two very Damaged Sisters who out of their Desperation are Delusional about the Psycho Parents changing when the Psyo Parents continued hurtful behavior proves otherwise. I thought I could have at least a Hallmark Relationship with the Damaged Sister. Although we currently have very little in common except a biological connection and a Painful Past, I do have have Empathy being a fellow Damaged Child and I understand the struggle inward and outward in achieving and maintaining Healthy Relationships. I have wanted to help them by sharing what has worked for me to heal & repair what was done to us. I thought we could have at least a low level Hallmark Relationship even though I had NC w/the Psycho Parents.

This does not work. Because the Sisters are the ones who then switch on the Toxic Re-Runs no matter how much I say I don't want to hear about the Psycho Parents, that we will have to agree to disagree about needing to have a relationship with Toxic Psycho Parents, and what Forgiveness is and what it is not (like not having to have a relationship with Toxic People). If they want to be involved with all that Toxic Mess that is their choice, just like it is my choice not to. I wont try to change their mind, and I they don't need to try and change mine, because we both know where each other stands on the topic of Psycho Parents. If they want to be connected to all that Poisonous Stuff that is their choice, but for me & my Family it is too Toxic, and we are not interested. They say they will respect our choice not to get involved with the Psycho Parents directly or indirectly through them. They say we don't have to Re-Run our disagreement over the Nature of our Psycho Parents, or revisit the Toxic Re-Runs, but they will change the channel, and switch the Healthy Program back to the Toxic Re-Run, and try to convince, us or themselves that the Toxic Re-Run is "not that bad".

I have spent years playing Change the Channel Wars w/my Siblings. They wont accept that I am not interested in replaying the same dysfunctional patterns & conversations.They try to manipulate me into accepting what they are interested in (having a relationship w/Psychos Evil Beings) is a Good Thing if you are a Good Christian. What I have painfully learned is that in order to "Stop being who you were, and change into who you are" means cutting ALL Toxic Ties. Trying to have even a Hallmark Relationship w/my Siblings who have a direct relationship with Evil Beings and Toxic Re-Runs means that I will indirectly have a Relationship w/these Evil Beings and be caught up in the Toxic Re-Runs, and that will prevent me from moving forward and fully enjoy who I am Today. Cutting Ties and getting rid of Poisonous Mementos & Reminders would fall under the Turning the Toxic Re-Runs Off.

So what about Switching the Channel? It is important to Repair what was done, so that we don't Repeat what was done as Cheshire recommends, but we also must Replace the Old with the New, the Unhealthy & Toxic with the Healthy & Productive. For me this is about finding my Passion and Purpose, not only as a Wife, Mom, and Friend, but to have a Dream that is bigger than me, something to look forward to and strive for. Supporting my DH's, DD's and now my Passion keeps me very busy, and when the Re-Runs try to pop up, I multitask by continuing to do what I am Passionate about and without out changing my focus Turn Off the Toxic Re-Run, because I simply don't have the time for it, not interested in it, because I know it is No Good, and I already no how those Toxic Re-Runs End.

Paulo states, "Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off". The only thing MORE Dangerous is not Fully accepting Authentic LOVE Relationships that are existing & current Today in our Life. Being caught between the Past & the Present is like trying to watch two programs at the same time. We can do it, but are we fully enjoying it? Are we fully taking things in, or are we missing something very important? Our Loved Ones deserve our FULL undivided attention, because they are MORE important than any thing else, or any Toxic Person. We can not multitask the Past with the Present because the Past contaminates the Present.

Turning the Toxic Re-Runs Off & Switching the Channel is a Process. Life is about Progression not Perfection. This is a very important step or realization in our Healing Journey. If we have a Healthy Standard & Goal, then we have something to work towards to stay focus on, so we don't get distracted w/the temptations of the Toxic Re-Runs.

Turning Off the Toxic Re-Runs is not easy, is very difficult and painful, but it is very necessary as Paulo says in order to "Stop being who you were, and change into who you are." It is essential that we challenge ourselves to not be Pulled into the Past of Toxic Relationships, and stay in the Present Healthy Loving Relationships. As the saying goes, Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a Gift that is why it is called the Present. The Present is a Gift our Love Ones give us to replace the Toxic Trash from the Past. I often wonder what message does that send those who give us a Present when we are holding onto the Toxic Trash from the Past?

What if Situations were reversed? What if our Loved One had a Painful Past and they were the one holding on to Toxic Trash? What if we were the ones giving our Love One a Beautiful Present, and even though they enjoy it they still hold onto the Toxic Trash from the Past. How would that make us feel? Personally I would have mixed emotions consisting of being confused, hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and angry. If I am giving you a Wonderful Present, Why would you waste your time holding onto Toxic Trash? Do you not value the Fantastic Present? Do you not clearly see how much better the Present I give you is compared to the Toxic Trash from the Painful Past that others gave you? It would make me doubt the quality of the Present I am giving, Maybe the Present isn't as Good as I think it is? Maybe I am not offering a Good Enough Present in order to replace the Toxic Trash of the Past? Maybe I'm Not Good Enough for my Love One? And now the Toxic Past has contaminated the Present, and if we are not careful it will Damage and Destroy our Present.

When we lived in the N's KoN we felt Not Good Enough, and now that Toxic Legacy has continued and hurt our Loved Ones and our Loved Ones being hurt then hurts us.

The Ns have damaged, or destroyed our Past, Are we going to allow them to contaminate or ruin our Present too? Are we going to do our best to protect our precious gift? Will the Ns steal our Present and Future too? When will the Ns damage stop?

We have got to fight for our happiness. We can not just stop with cutting the physical ties, we have to cut the soul ties too, and this of course is so much harder to do, I know. Souvenirs from a Toxic Romantic Relationship, or Toxic Friendship no reason to keep, not for sentimental reasons and not for monetary reasons. I have thrown away or given away many things. It does not matter how these items go, just make sure they go far away from you. Don't give them to a Friend or Family Member as a Re-Gift and then be reminded every time you see that item. Send it far way or destroy it. Destroying an item from a Toxic Relationship is very cathartic and healing. Whether or not the items were from Toxic Relationships or Healthy Relationships we should get rid of them, because they tie to the Past instead of the Present and just clutters up our home. Think of it is Psychologically and Spiritually de-cluttering our lives.

Giving away items from Healthy Relationships might seem a bit harsh, like we no longer care about that person, but that is not the true. We don't have to hold on to all the items to hold on to the memories. My In-Laws have hoarding issues and they have passed that down to my DH. What I have recommended is to take a picture of the item that holds Good Memories and put in a scrapbook, because it is not the item itself that holds the Memory. It is our Heart and Mind that holds the Memory and a picture of a Treasured Memento. Giving away the item does not mean giving away the Memory.

When we look over our Mementos, especially for those of us who have things from our Childhood of living in the KoN, it is hard to distinguish which is Trash vs. Treasure. If something triggers Miserable Memories that would fall under the Trash Category. What if it is something we made as a Child? I have a box of Childhood items that I am not sure what to do with. I will have to keep in mind the advise I give others to take pictures of the items I wish to keep and put them in a Scrapbook. Items that are Safe and don't trigger painful memories.

Maintaining a Toxic-Free Zone calls for Preventive Measures by Turning Off the Toxic Re-Runs, Changing the Channel, Cutting Off ALL Toxic Ties, and de-KoNing our Home by removing ALL Toxic Trash from the Past, so it doesn't contaminate, damage or destroy our Present that is a True Treasure.

Take a look around, Is there any Toxic Trash from ANYONE from any KoN you have been in? By anyone I mean ANYONE, including the Army of Enablers, what Sister Renee from Luke 17:3 Ministries refer to as The Silent Majority, which are a group of either Damaged or Disordered individuals who are the Toxic Ties, or Strings that the Covert N, Primary Abuser, or Puppet Master pulls in order to keep us as one of his/her Puppets indirectly manipulating & contaminating our lives even when we have NC with the Puppet Master and they are miles, states, or countries away. These Spiritual Ties are hard to cut. Nparents & other dead Ns who are literally rottening in their graves are known to have the power to haunt those they have victimized, because of the Toxic Ties they leave behind. ALL Toxic Ties must be cut. This is a Painful Process, but a Necessary One.

Just a couple of months ago my youngest Sister #2 left a message saying, "Well I guess Letting Go is cutting us off like she did the rest of her Family". This was painful to hear, because my youngest Sister was sort of like a Daughter to me, because I was more like the Loving Mom she never had, taking care of her, and trying my best to protect her from the attacks of the Momster. Due to both of my Sisters continued betrayals, lack of empathy and remorse and contact with the Psycho Parents it is clear that it is not Healthy for me to try and even have a Hallmark Relationship with them. When my Sister #2 made that comment I immediately felt like the Bad Person, that I was doing something Wrong when in Reality it is she who is doing many things Wrong by her Covert Bullying, Harassment, and Guilt Tripping that I am not being a Good Christian, that I am not doing all that GOD asks of me by Forgiving the Psycho Parents who (1) Continue cause Deception & Division (2) Continue to hurt others (3) Lack Empathy & Remorse and (4) Have Not Changed/Repent

As Luke 17:3 teaches us, if someone has hurt us we are to have nothing to do with them, until they have remorse & their behavior shows they have changed. And Forgiveness does not mean a continued or reconciled relationship. My Sister #2 own Desperation has made her Delusional, and she clearly lives in the Land of Denial, and wants others to move there as well, and when I refuse she says that she is in GOD's Will, which means that I am not. She is surrounded by FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt), and she can not see the Psycho Parents for who they really are and desperately wants to believe their Illusion of who they pretend to be at least as far as the Demon Dad goes, the Momster is clearly a mean & toxic person who has destroyed EVERY Relationship she has ever had with anyone who cared about her (excluding the two Damaged, Desperate & Delusional Sisters).

I honestly don't know if my Sisters are Damaged or Disordered or both. It is 6 of one and half a dozen of another which results in the same Toxic Mess, and makes them Unhealthy to be around. Whether or not they are Damaged, Disordered or a combination of both, who they currently are is not Healthy for me or my Family. They don't understand that when you have a Relationship with Evil Beings, you don't change the Wicked Ones, they change you. The very nature of Relationships is identifying and relating to one another, finding things in common, thus sustaining a desire to maintain the relationship. For years I have told my Sisters there I have NOTHING in common with the Momster other than a biological connection and that alone does not a Healthy Relationship make. There is no Reason to have a Relationship with the Momster. She repulses me and I can not stand to be around her. If she was not related to me I would have no contact with her. Two years ago this August I discovered that Family is defined by Love not Biology that along with my Freedom Scriptures, Blessing & Recommendations or Directives from GOD I was able to let the Momster go & release my connection to her.

Whether my Sisters are Changing for the Worst, or their True Nature is being revealed to me I don't know, and I have had to Let that Go too. I don't need to know which one it is because it is not my job to Save them from themselves -- they have a Savior and it is not me! I will continue to pray for them. I will continue to pray for the Truth to be revealed, that Evil Spiritual Strongholds will be broken, and that they will be set free from the Psycho Parents KoNs. I am praying for wisdom and discernment and the right time to show my BIL and my Sister #2 the Demon Dad's last message to us thanks to BIL betraying us by giving the Demon Dad my DH's cell phone number. If proving to them that the Demon Dad is about Deception and Division and hurting others via the message he left us, then my BIL's betrayal can be Forgiven. However if they refuse to accept the Truth about the the Demon Dad, then there is nothing left to say to them, but Good Bye. We can not and will not have a Relationship with People who have a Relationship with Evil Beings. It is not Safe, Healthy, and is against what GOD wants for us.

It is so hard Letting Go -- wink! ;) I do not want to have NC with my Sisters. I would prefer to have a Healthy Loving Relationship, or at least a Hallmark Relationship with them, but that is not possible when they have relationships with Evil Beings who they see as "Normal People with Problems". The Psycho Parents Problem is being Evil. It is not a Personality Conflict. It is about Evil Beings enjoying hurting others. In regards to my Damaged Sisters, and all others who march in the Enabling Army of the KoN, People will not see what they don't want to see no matter what you do or say or show them how it is breaking your heart and destroying your relationship with them. Bottom line is that they care more about the Ns, the Evil Beings than us.

What just occurred to me is that it is easier for Enablers to have a Relationship with Ns then it is with us because we expect others to have Empathy & Remorse, to be accountable and responsible and to them, from their Pathological Perspective we are in fact expecting too much. In Healthy Love reciprocated Relationships that we have with others we are not expecting too much because they expect the same from us. It is only in Toxic Relationships with Toxic People that we are accused of expecting too much from others. We want Toxic People to be Healthy Empathetic Love Reciprocating People, to be something Toxic People don't want to be, or are incapable of being. Enablers (some are covert Ns) and Ns reciprocate Cheap Forgiveness towards one another and to others and expect us to do the same. By Cheap Forgiveness in that they may Request Change, but they don't Require Change. This use to confuse me. My would you Request Change from an Abuser, but not Require Change?

By not Requiring Change from the Abusers, by allowing the Abusers to be Worse than the Enablers, the Enablers (some are covert Ns) can rationalize their Cheap Forgiveness as being "the Better Person" and as we know Ns must ALWAYS feel like they are Better than others. My Sisters giving the Psycho Parents Cheap Forgiveness, thus making them "the Better Person" feeds into their own Narcissism, because they perceive themselves on a higher level. Thus they are not in search of a Healthy Loving Relationship based on equality where everyone is on the same level as one another, because the Enablers get NS (a pay off) for being "the Better Person".

Any one else having a AHA or WOW Moment? I am gaining a deeper understanding of the mind of the Enabler (covert N). Those who know me, know that I am a very Forgiving Person, I give Mercy and Grace, because I have have been given Mercy and Grace. Mercy & Grace was never meant to turn us into doormats and moving targets for Ns. We are not to become a Ns Personal Punching Bag, physically and/or psychologically. That is why we were given Luke 17:3 and other great Scriptures that tell us to rebuke unrepentant abusers/offenders/sinners. When the Overt N and/or his/her Enablers (covert Ns) say "come on just be the Better Person" by giving Cheap Forgiveness by not requiring change they are really telling us, "come on just be a Better Target for the Overt N" that way the Enabler doesn't have to be the Target. Ever turn the tables on the Enablers, after the Overt N has hurt the Enabler have you ever echoed back the same rederick, "come on just be the Better Person" -- they don't like it do they? Why? Because it invalidates them and allows the N to be unaccountable by giving the N Cheap Forgiveness without requiring change which means the N got away w/hurting the Enabler. Notice how the Enabler has an easier time telling you to "be the Better Person" and expects us to just get over it. The Enabler has no problem with the N getting way with hurting us, but when the N does the exact same thing to the Enabler then there the N is a Bad Person. So how do Enablers get over the N not being accountable and continuing to be an Person who lacks remorse, a Bad Person, how do they get over this faster than us? Because they enjoy being "the Better Person" they enjoy seeing themselves as "the Better Person" and if they can't get authentic love from the N then they can get a sense of Superiority of being "the Better Person" and the N will continue to get away with hurting others as long as others keep fooling themselves that they are being the Better Person. We are not being a Better Person only a Better Target.

Ns (Overt Ns) and Enablers (Covert Ns) actually enjoy the Teeter-Totter Relationship of I'm on Top, Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top, -- Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top -- Oh No You're Not, I'm on Top, etc. I will talk about Toxic Tetter-Totters in the next Chapter in the Journey of Letting Go. I know in this Topic on How do you handle Toxic Re-Runs one thing led to another. I guess both People & Items can cause or trigger Toxic Re-Runs and in regards to both we need to process and discern what is healthy to keep and what is toxic and we should let go.

On the topic of items, Mementos of the Past, What is Trash and what is Treasure?

Can I ask you all for some feedback? A couple of years ago before I went NC with the Momster she gave me a box of my Childhood things, old Report Cards she had saved, pictures I had made as a Child. My Childhood was a Dark Nightmare the majority of the time. Whether the majority is 51% or 95% is much debate between my Sisters and myself. To quote the Momster, "It's not like I beat you every day". I understand how my Sisters and my Perception is very different. They only got beat half as much as I did, because I did my best to intercept the Monsters attacks, thus receiving the beatings myself so my percentage of beatings would be higher than theirs, so I guess from their Damaged Perspective, and their lack of Empathy their Childhood was "not that bad". However due to my Empathy, when they got abused it hurt me, so from my perspective our Childhood was closer to the 95% Horrible.

Well enough about the NFOO. When I was looking through the box of my Childhood, I came across this picture I had made when I was a Child of a Daddy Elephant and a baby Elephant with the writing, I am nuts about you.

It is beyond sad to see a Little Girl wanting the love from her Father. Trying desperately to create a love reciprocating relationship. The Demon Dad for those that do not know is a Serial Child Molester, and it is only recently that I have had resurfacing memories that I was also one of his Victims.

I don't know what to do with things from my Childhood. While they are about me and my talents they do keep me connected to these Evil Beings, yet mainly, for the most part in a technical way. Because I can see these items not being about the Ns, but rather about what I created as a Child. My DD saw this picture on a shelf in my bedroom and asked me, Momma did you draw this? -- How in the world would she know to ask that? Maybe because she is a only Child and she knows she didn't draw it, great deduction for a 4.5 yr. old. I told her yes I did draw it when I was little and she said, OH Momma that is soooo Beautiful. This Little Angel has a way of Super Naturally healing the Little Girl within me who drew that picture and reminding me that the picture is not about the Ns, but me, or me as a little girl who drew an Adorable Picture. As a Little Child not much older than my Daughter now I created something Beautiful out of Love and my Little Daughter got to see how her Mommy made something when she was little. She enjoyed seeing what I created when I was Little. We had a tough, yet informative conversation about how I loved my Daddy, but he was a Mean Person, and we don't have to be around Mean People, and we don't have to love Mean People if we don't want to. We don't have to hate them or want to hurt them just not be around them or let them in our Life, because they will just keeping hurting us because that is what Mean People like to do, they like to hurt others. Therefore, we don't have to be around Mean People who want to hurt us.

Don't know what to do with the items I created, Trash or Treasure?