It's A Wonderful Life

The Holidays can be a roller coster of mixed emotions for those of us who are either in or have left The Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). The enemy, not the Narcissist (N), but the enemy, aka the devil, or dark force will stop at nothing to keep us from enjoying our life, and growing closer to Christ. The enemy's ultimate plan is to come between us and GOD, so that we can join him in hell. He sets out to deceive us into believing it is GOD's fault, and not his that the N is evil and harms us. The enemy wants us to blame GOD, to distance ourselves, and ultimately come between us. The enemy is envious of Christ, and the love we have for our Savior, and will do what he can to distract us from celebrating the birth of Christ.

One way the enemy does this is to deceive us into believing we have lost something by leaving the N and his/her KoN. The enemy brings in powerful FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) to either keep us in the KoN, or have us return to the KoN not for our sake, but "for the kids sake". The enemy preys upon our desire & desperation for a family, and out of desperation and deceptive definition or idea of Family many return to the KoN in hope that things have magically changed in regards to the N in charge, and the Army of Enablers. The Illusion of the KoN being a safe place eventually breaks with reality either on the Holiday, or soon after, and we once again come to the painful conclusion that it is best to stay away from the N and his/her KoN.

Over two years ago when I started this blog, Freedom from Toxic People, it was for three reasons. One to process what I was going through, "write it out to get it out". The second reason to connect with others who have N-countered a N and his/her KoN, and learn from them how they processed and more importantly how they have recovered from the harmful effects of the KoN. The third reason, is to share what the Holy Spirit has and continues to reveal to me about the nature of the N and his/her KoN; the best path to take during the Healing Journey; and most importantly Life after the KoN, are all things I desire to "Share It Forward" with others in hopes that others will not spend decades (like I did) trapped in the N's KoN, and the healing process will be shortened & their over-all life enjoyment lengthened by not constantly dealing with the potential long-term after effects of the KoN.

We are to enjoy Life by living forward, instead of being trapped in the pain of the past. The KoN is our BackStory, the best is yet to come, and if you can not see it right now it is because it is just beyond your Horizon Line. Just out of sight. Healing from the KoN is a walk of Faith. You won't make it, if you don't take it. Please heed this warning from someone who has spent over 4 decades dealing with Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths and their KoNs. I have seen others trapped in a Pit of Depression and Despair, because they blame GOD instead of the devil for the N and his/her KoN. I have noticed a distinct difference between those who have GOD as apart of their Healing Process, and those who do not. From my own professional & personal experience, only Christ can reach & heal the deepest of soul wounds created by the N. It is never too late to reach out to Jesus, and what we discover is that He has been waiting for us all along with Loving arms with a Heart of Compassion & Understanding. GOD does not seek a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. If you haven't yet begun, I encourage you to start your Relationship with Jesus today. I promise you that there is no condemnation in Christ. Anytime you return to the KoN, condemnation eventually follows. With Christ there is only Love. When you meet someone from Christ's Family, an Authentic Christ Follower, you will experience an Authentic Love that helps and does not harm.

If we never take that step of Faith, just like in the Holiday Movie, It's A Wonderful Life, we miss out on all that GOD has planned for us. As the main character in the movie played by the very talented Jimmy Stewart discovers that everyone was created for a purpose, and our life decisions can change the quality of life for ourself, others, many others, and for many generations to come. What kind of Legacy are we going to leave our Children? One of reoccurring chaos & toxic drama created by the N and his/her KoN, or the true Peace & Joy that only comes from a N-free Life out side of the KoN?

A Friend of mine who goes by BrashWorld, added her insight to a post that I wrote a little while ago back in Sept. of this year titled, Life in the KoN. I encourage you to check out her own insights about Life in the KoN on her blog post titled, On My Side???  BrashWorld further explains what I shared about the true nature & identity of the Enablers/Covert Ns. BrashWorld, like others who have survived the KoN, is a source of inspiration for me. After reading her post, about my post, I was then inspired to write this post, which originally started off as a posted Comment to her post, but quickly grew in length, and developed into another article.

When we leave the KoN there is no denying the great life change that begin immediately to occurs as a result from perhaps the greatest life decision we will ever make, other than excepting Christ as our Lord & Savior. Leaving the KoN did not just begin two years ago when I decide to have No Contact (NC) with the Momster. Separating from the KoN has been a life process of various transitions. When I started NC a little over two years ago it was the beginning of a new transition and transformational process. Living in the KoN is about the process of discovering the hidden identity of the N, and his/her true nature. Leaving the KoN begins with leaving the toxic N, due to his/her true identity and desire to harm others, but then along our Journey of leaving the N it transitions to the Beauty of Discovering Self. The Self that was denied expression in the KoN, and the more we discover the suppressed aspects of Self (independent thought & desires, self expression, etc.) the more we discover the different aspects of Life, what it really is opposed to what the N deceives us into believing.

Life outside of the KoN is not a perfect life, but It's A Wonderful Life.

Holiday Tip

Do not let the N's contaminate Christmas. Consider fasting Ns this Holiday by having a temporary No Contact (NC) and discover the blessing of NC. If for some reason you can not fast the N, then ignore his/her triggering comments just like they never said it -- it is very hard I know! By ignoring the N's comments you send a strong message to them that they do not have the power to contaminate or ruin your Holidays or any day. By ignoring Ns we also send a message to the rest of the family, but most importantly we send a message to ourselves to focus on what is important this Holiday and what is not. This message is a reminder to self most of all, because I tend to give the N's stupid comments the power to contaminate by addressing them, but by ignoring them sends a strong message to others, but more importantly to self that these stupid statements are not important enough to even address.


If you can't avoid them, ignore them! -- this applies to the stupid Ns and their stupid covert statements.

Moderate to high level Ns are at their worst not their best during the Holidays, because they think their targets (us) are trapped in their KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), that the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) is too thick, so they can blast through our boundaries, and we will just take it to "keep the peace at any price". In these cases I recommend that the second the N starts on the covert attack if it is publicly, just say that was rude or that was mean. If you have established that you, and your spouse/family will not tolerate rude, disrespectful or mean behavior/comments, then everyone will know that the second covert or overt attack by the N will cause you and your family to leave, so the enablers have two choices to warn the N to knock it off before s/he once again ruins Christmas, or to enable the N & blame the victim for "being too sensitive". 


Depending on the level of pathology in the N, the N will adhere to your warning and modify his/her comments, or justify and victim blame by saying "I was only joking, and you are always just too sensitive, can't you take a joke." We can not explain reality to Ns, because they live in their own Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). Keep things very simple and repeat, that was not funny, and leave it at that. If the N continues, leave the room and give the enablers a chance to straighten the N out. If the N continues the attacks, leave the KoN if you are at someone else's house, or tell the N that it is time for the N to leave your home. 




Modifying lower level Ns behavior is about us having follow through, and getting up and leaving when the second covert attack comes or telling the N to leave if s/he is at your home, and not letting the other enablers guilt trip us into staying for more attacks.




The comments above is not meant to say to keep ignoring continued attacks by the N, only one stupid statement that is so covert that most don't even detect it (especially the enablers), such as N saying "the stuffing you made last year was really good" implying that this year's in not good or inferior, or "your sibling made a great dinner or I had a great time at your siblings house" (no compliment for you) covert slam. These are the stupid statements that I am suggesting you ignore, unless it is followed by another attack, then ask the N to leave if s/he is at your house, or you leave if you are at their's or another family member's. 


Do not get trapped into trying to explain things to enablers, they don't get it, because they don't get attacked and most enablers are covert lower levels Ns that don't care if you get attacked and just encourage us to shut up and put up, because they are happy that as long as you are getting attacked they are not. 


Just get up and leave the KoN.

Here is what I wrote last year about There is No N in Christmas, click here.

I hope you have a blessed Christmas.

Glimmers in the Dark by Luci Swindoll

I love Luci -- Luci Swindoll that is. In a recent Facebook post, Luci said,

"When you were a child holding a mirror in your hand, if you caught a glint of the sun, that mirror reflected a beam that could actually illumine a dark place. That was pretty exciting! You had the power to shine in the darkness. It was better than holding a flashlight because the reflection source was from above you, not from batteries in your hand. It was supernatural phenomena to every child.

Each of God’s children has the power to illumine the darkness. This light shows up in different forms: humor, kindness, peace, hope, grace—all characteristics that can come out of us when the light Source shines through us."

What Luci is talking about is what Andy Andrews (one of my favorite authors!) refers to as The Butterfly Effect. The power of just one person making a difference in others lives. When the little light of one is combined with others I refer to that as The Firefly Effect.

The Firefly Effect

 

The Firefly Effect 
by
Anissa Stark

all copyrights reserved

Have you heard of The Butterfly Effect? 
The Butterfly Effect was scientifically established in 1963 by Edward Lorenz theorized that the single flap of the wings of a butterfly in one part of the world can create a hurricane in another part of the world.


Author Andy Andrew wrote a wonderful book based on this principle titled, The Butterfly Effect. Andy explains that the Butterfly Effect is one of GOD's Laws, like The Law of Gravity.
The Scientific name for the Butterfly Effect is The Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions. It is the power of one living matter or individual to set a change of reaction, so powerful that it changes the world and can save lives.

The Firefly Effect is the Butterfly multiplied to or cubed exponentially, like in algebra when a number is multiplied by the sum of itself. Recall in algebra if we start with a single number, so matter how many times you multiply it by the sum of itself, it remain the same. 
For example; 1 to the millionth degree still totals one.


It is only when two or more are multiplied more than one the total changes. 
For example; 2 cubed or 2 to the second power, 2 over 2, or 2 + 2 = 4, 
2 to the third power, 3 over 2  is  (3) 2s added in row 2  +  2  + 2 = 6
"For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
Matthew 18:20


The Firefly Effect is the combined, multiplied effect of The Butterfly Effect.

The little light in the darkness that when combined with other little lights changes lives for generations.

How does the Firefly Effect work?

Read on to find out!

Our Last Step

My friend Mulderfan is a source of inspiration for me. I don't know if she would consider me a Friend or a source of inspiration, maybe more like irritation (hopefully not), because that is exactly what I thought of others like myself who I met during a certain point in my journey. Mulderfan and I have much in common, both had Nparents, I refer to mine as the Demon Dad and Momster, because on a good day they are merely Narcissists and on a bad and evil day they are Psychopaths. Mulderfan and I both suffered deep soul wounds from our abusive parents. Both of us self-medicated with addictions, although our addictions took different forms, the reason for having them were the same.

If you are in the Recovery Process or know someone who is I recommend you check out her blogs. She has two blogs, Mulderfan and Elevator Broken, Take The 12 Steps.

Life in the KoN

There are two types of People in the Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN), the Damaged and the Disordered, and there are 3 distinct roles, The Primary Abuser, aka the Overt Narcissist (N), the Enabler/s which can be either Damaged and/or Disordered People, such as an enabling spouse of the Primary Abuser, and the Golden Child who the Primary Abuser  never attacks or rarely attacks and when the Primary Abuser does attack the Golden Child it is less severe and thus "not as bad" as when the Primary Abuser attacks the Scapegoat or Target. The Scapegoat is the Primary Target of mainly the Primary Abuser, but also the Enablers. 


The Primary Abuser, the Overt N is obviously Toxic, Disordered, Pathological, and a Sociopath. It is not hard to identify his/her behavior & nature as harmful to others that is once Children of Narcissists become Adults and know that this is not Normal, because our World has expanded and we have met Normal Loving People and have formed Healthy Relationships, so now we can discern what is Healthy and what is Unhealthy, Toxic, and Harmful.

However the rest of the inhabitants in the KoN are not so easily identified. In fact to this very day I am wondering if my Siblings are Damaged or Disordered or both. Of course my prayer is that they are Damaged, because the Damaged can be Healed. They can Repair what was done to them, so that they don't continue to Repeat in any way what was done to them.

As a Momma of a 4 1/2 yr. old my Dear Husband (DH) & I am teaching our Dear Daughter (DD) Right from Wrong, and Kind People from Mean People. We are teaching her to develop her Gift of Discernment. The ability to Discern derives from the ability to detect or identify the Truth vs Lies. There are Many Lies in this World, and a misconception and Great Deception is that all lies come from Liars, unfortunately this is Not True. Lies are handed down throughout the generations that many believe that they are the Truth, because respectable People utter the lies time and time again.

For example, a common lie or Urban Legend is that "There is Good in Everyone" --This is False and This is a Lie. We must clarify that [being] Good is Not the same as [doing] Good. Just because a PersoN can appear to do Good, that person is not necessarily really authentically being Good. A Narcissist (N) can do Good, but the N's actual being is NOT Good due to his/her Pathology or Evil Nature. A N does Good Things for the Wrong Reasons, or the Right Thing for the Wrong Reason. When a N does a perceived Good Thing it is for his/her own Self-Interest, to create & maintain their False Public Image and/or to gain & maintain control over those they appear to be helping, due to the Toxic Strings that are attached creating an covert Obligation that now the other person owes the N something, and the N will always collect, and not always in an obvious way. Did that sentence seem long, complicated, or drawn out -- well that is what the KoN is like. 

It is only after some time has past, and there has been some disconnection between us and the N do we then realize, Oh that's why the N did that once perceived Good Thing, it wasn't because s/he really cared about me only to deceive, manipulate, and control me. Imagine the Overt N as the Puppet Master and we are the Puppet, but What or Who are the Strings? The Toxic Strings are what ties us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser. I always thought the Strings were Situations, such as the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that the Puppet Master/Overt N/Abuser creates to keep us trapped in his/her KoN. Now I have realized that the Toxic Strings that tie us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser is not only Situations, but rather People. Not just any People, but those who are the closet to us and those have been apart of us even since the very day we were born into the KoN. These Toxic Strings are our Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO) complied of Damaged and Disordered People. They are referred to as the Enablers.

In the past Enablers have been classified as fellow victims and helpless to end the Primary Abuser's/Overt N's Reign of Abuse.

Are they really as helpless as they want us to believe? Or . . .

Is their perceived helplessness yet another Grand Illusion in the KoN?

Just like the Primary Abuser, aka Overt & Obvious N,

Are Enablers not who they appear to be?

The Overt N rules at the center of the KoN making or forcing everything and everyone to revolve around him/her, but does this person rule alone, or is there a covert helper?

Do Ns have that much power to create & maintain the KoN all by themselves?

Can one person really control an entire Kingdom or do they have help?

Like with all Dictatorships the KoN must have its Army in order to keep things the way the Wicked Ruler wants them. The N signs everyone his/her duty or role. Some are Scapegoats and the Identified Target, others are the Golden Child, and then there are the Reinforcers. The Army of the KoN. Thing is with a Physical Army you can tell & identify who is in the Army and you can tell when your adversary or enemy is approaching, but in the KoN it is a Spiritual Army we are up against, and it is hard to detect who is Friend and who is Foe. Who you think is your Friend or your Family Member unexpectedly deserts, betrays and abandons you when you must battle the Overt N. When you are on the Battlefield you expect and anticipate direct or indirect attacks from the Overt N, but we are assaulted from the side from those who said they are standing with us against the Overt N's abuse.

The Army of the Enablers blindside us when we are most vulnerable. We trust them to have our back and devastated to find out that they have stabbed us in the back. The Enablers echo out our same Battle cry that the Overt N's abuse is wrong and must come to an end, but when we are holding the Overt N accountable the Covert attack of the Army of Enablers begins with either overt or covert bullying, harassment, guilt tripping tactics in order to recruit us to join their Enabling Army that Specializes in Cheap Premature Forgiveness and supports the Overt N ruling the KoN. 

The Enabling Army turns on us, and the focus is no longer the Overt N's Lack of Remorse and Desire to Hurt Others, but our Lack of Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Reconciliation with the Overt N. The Enabling Army say they have our best interest at heart while they are attacking our heart. We know the identity of the Overt N is pathological and evil, so we do not want any contact with the Overt N, but the Enabling Army can not and will not admit the Overt N is evil, because then what does that say about them? 

They must admit that they were deceived and used by the Overt N which takes a big blow to their already damaged Self-Esteeem, or they have to admit that they enjoy serving the Evil Overt N and being in his/her Enabling Army.

Those who can admit that they have been deceived by the Overt N lies, and discover the Evil Nature of the Overt N will leave the Enabling Army, but those who refuse to admit that they have been deceived, and that the Overt N's nature is pathological & evil will remain a member of the Enabling Army. It is the Damaged People in the Enabling Army that resign their position and leave to seek Healing & Understanding that eventually a Bridge to Reconciliation can be built once they learn the tools to create a Healthy Relationship. 

And then there are those who remain in the Enabling Army, Covert Ns that view us as the Problem rather than the Overt N. Why can't they see how the Overt N has destroyed our Family through deception and division? Why don't they see the Overt N's words and behavior as toxic, hurtful, harmful, and evil? Why do they continue to make Excuses for the Abuses? Because these Enablers are not like us, but like the Overt N, because they are Covert Ns. They will not admit the Overt N is Evil, because they identify with the Overt N, have empathy for the Overt N and love the Overt N and if they admit the Overt N is Evil, then they will have to admit that they have love an Evil Being, and then what would that make them?

Every Damaged Person I have talked to has questioned whether or not s/he is a N like their Abuser. However, Disordered People deny who they really are, because they believe they are perfect just the way they are even when they have victimized others. Those in the Enabling Army who continue to Victim Blame in covert ways, even when the Overt N has been unmasked do so because they are Covert Ns. When they devalue deject, and deny the Nature of the Overt N and say that the N and his/her KoN is "not that bad" it is because to them they are not fellow victims like us, but rather Covert Ns and to them it is really is not that bad because they are like the Overt N, and therefore can stand to remain in the Enabling Army, and march on back to the Overt N and his/her KoN.

The Covert Illusion of the KoN is that the Enablers are fellow victims trapped in the N's KoN with lots of FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) preventing their escape. We project onto the Enablers that they would want to be rescued, but they don't because they are not captives looking to escape harm, but rather covert Ns who know the overt N needs a target and if it will not be us, then it will be them. Covert Ns are not like us, they are like the Overt Ns. Covert Ns do not want to escape the KoN, they don't want to leave Hell, but want us to return to Hell to serve their own self-interest of not being the Overt N's new target.

Covert Ns are the Strings the Puppet Master/Overt N pulls to get us to stay connected to his/her KoN. When we try to rescue those who do not truly want and desire to be Free, then we are making ourselves long-range Targets for the Overt N's attacks. It is the Covert Ns that give away our position to the Overt N, and while the Overt N can not make a direct assault s/he will indirectly attack us through the Covert N positioning in the Enabling Army. The Overt N's Illusion is demolished, so a direct attack can cause no serious harm just a sting from the Ugly Truth that a Person who should love us only wants to hurt us. 

It is the Covert N's Illusion that they are merely an Enabler, a helpless bystander, a fellow victim in the N's KoN that creates the devastation. We want to give the Covert N the Benefit of the Doubt that they are just confused & don't understand the role they are playing in the Overt N's KoN, but it is not the Covert N that is confused, but us. We don't want to accept a very painful truth that our loved one who was once also victimized by the Overt N is not only Damaged, but Disordered and that our Love One is not caught in the Middle, but has covertly chosen a side with the Overt N, Primary Abuser which makes them a Secondary Abuser aka The Phantom N. The Horrible Big Picture of the KoN is that the Covert N is not only serving in the Enabling Army, but also rules the KoN at the Overt N's side.

Let's look at Matthew 10:25, It is enough for students to be like their teachers, and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!

I know this is not easy to accept, because I still want to believe that my Sisters are merely Damaged by the Psycho Parents, that they can get healing & understanding and the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be obliterated and they will no longer be Captives in the KoN. I keep thinking if I only point out just one more time how the Psycho Parents enjoy hurting their Children my Sisters will see & accept the Truth about the Evil Nature of the Psycho Parents. 

How can I continue to explain the obvious to People who refuse to accept the obvious?

The last time my BIL (DH of Sister #2) gave my DH & I a "Surprise Visit" we explained to him that we are in GOD's will in regards to the Psycho Parents via Luke 17:3

“If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Since the Psycho Parents have not repent, continue to deny, deceive, and divide we must stay in GOD's will by continuing to rebuke the Psycho Parents & have no contact with them. 

How long do I unmask the Overt N to reveal his/her true evil nature to those who appear to be deceived? Is it they who are being deceived, or is it they who are deceiving us? If everyone else can see the Psycho Parent's evil nature, then why can't they, or why wont they? 

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

My BiL and Sister are blinded by the Psycho Parents deception. Nothing in this World break the Grand Illusion they are under and can restore their sight. It is time for serious spiritual warfare against the super natural forces that keep them blinded from the Truth. 


How do I know there is nothing more in this world and of this world I can do for them? How do I know that all my efforts and tools of this world will not work to set them free from the Grand Illusion they are under? How do I know that I should stop trying and trying and trying to reason with them and point out the obvious to them over and over and over again? How do I know it is time to transition from Physical Intercession to Spiritual Intercession? Continued Physical Intercession keeps you and your own family of creation connected to the KoN which brings at the min. unnecessary stress & distraction in your life. When we stop the Physical Intercession and switch to only Spiritual Intercession we become a very powerful force to be reckoned with against the enemy who uses are loved ones as his puppets. How do you know you have done all that you can do and it is time to release, let go, and move on so that you don't stay connected even indirectly to harmful people?


Titus 3 10-11:

10 Warn divisive people once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

GOD has placed it on my heart to pray that the Demon Dad's and Momster's stronghold over my BIL and Sister will be broken through spiritual discernment and to talk to my BIL and Sister one more time and show them the Demon Dad's last message to us to show them his Evil Nature to hurt us and that he is deceiving them with his Counterfeit Remorse, because a Person who has Authentic & True Remorse would not say such hurtful & antagonistic things. If they can not see he is deceiving them, and they refuse to see the Demon Dad's True Evil Nature, then there is nothing more we can do and will continue to pray that the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be broken through Spiritual Discernment. 


The Demon Dad's last wicked message included a statement about my BIL and Sister's Minds and Hearts being open to him, unlike ours that remain closed. The Demon Dad's words were meant to hurt, but instead revealed his deception over them, and time will only tell if what the Demon Dad has foretold will remain true. Are my BIL's & Sister's Hearts and Mind open to the Demon Dad? Are their minds warped? Is the reason they refuse to see the Demon Dad's Evil Nature because they are Damaged or Disordered? My BIL and Sister have changed since they have had contact with the Demon Dad. They have repeatedly betrayed my DH and I. Is their betrayal, their sin because they are being transformed or is their evil nature being revealed? 

They think they are going to change the Demon Dad, that they have the power to change pure Evil through their Cheap Premature Forgiveness, but they are not changing the Demon Dad to be more like them, but rather the Demon Dad is changing them to be more like him. They are truly being self-condemned.

Please pray that my BIL & Sister's Hearts and Minds will be closed to the Demon Dad and open to us or better yet to God so that they can see the Truth and the Truth will set them Free -- especially when it comes from God and they accept it. That GOD's Word will take root in their lives and set them free from the Psycho Parents KoNs. That healing can happen between my BIL & Sister and my DH and myself. Pray that we can reverse this curse. Thank You for your prayers.

May the Lord bless you were ever you are at on your Life Journey.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,

 Click Here.

If this chapter in my Life has made a positive impact or the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you, or any other chapters in the Journey of Letting Go has made a positive difference and you would like to also Share It Forward and Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. No donation is too small, and every bit helps. And the Lord will say to us, Thank You for giving me Hope and we will say to Him, Lord when were you without Hope? And the Lord will say when you restored hope by Giving Dreams Wings what you did for them, you did for Me. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

(you can donate at the top of the blog in the upper right hand corner)

Please pray for  Giving Dreams Wings and [SHARE] our Facebook page with your Friends & Family and encourage them to do the same, and we can all help Restore Hope by Giving Dreams Wings.

Self-Care is like Riding a Bike

Imagine your entire life you were told by your Narcissistic parent (Nparent) that Bikes are only for selfish & lazy people, for conceited people who only care about themselves, being w/themselves, and don't care about others. They are self-absorbed and don't care about the feelings of others. In other words people who ride bikes are Narcissists (Ns). This is what Children who live in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) are taught, so that we stay trapped & dependent on the Nparent. Self-Care is like riding a bike, because it provides Freedom & Independence and when your surroundings are abusive it provides an much needed Escape.

As you grow up, your world expands, you meet new interesting people, and you discover that these fascinating people enjoy riding bikes. You notice while they are riding their bike that they are Happy and at Peace. They share with you how riding a bike is so very freeing for them, it provides both Health & Happiness. You share with them what you have been taught that riding a bike is for Selfish & Lazy People, and they show you all the Evidence in which this idea is wrong. You are intrigued and your Friend encourages you to join her on a bike ride. Although you are very hesitant you agree to join her. She gives you instructions on how to master riding a bike, warns you that it will be awkward at first, that you might lose your balance a few times, and take a few spills, but not to give up, because the rewards of learning how to ride a bike are worth it.

Your Friend is correct. Learning to ride a bike was a little bit of a challenge to find your Balance, but you did and you enjoyed your New Found Freedom of taking long bike rides w/your Friend. Your Friend encouraged, praised, and supported you as you Mastered your New Skills.

You are so very excited about your New Found Knowledge & Personal Experience that riding a bike is actually good for a person, and you want so desperately to share it with your Nparent so that s/he can experience the joys of riding a bike and join you on new adventures. Your Nparent shouts, Are you crazy? What have I taught you your entire life? Riding a bike is for very selfish & heartless people who do not care about others. Do you really want to be like those people? See how they just ride off and leave others behind? You share with your Nparent your first experience of riding a bike. S/he only hears how you lost your balance, crashed and scraped your knees and elbows. The Joy you had when you found your Balance, took off, and raced up to your Horizon into New Adventures, all the New & Exciting People you met and the Places you have been because you have Learned to Ride a Bike. . . were completely ignored, devalued, and rejected.

Instead of explaining just how wonderful riding a bike is you decide the best way to convince your Nparent is to show her, so you bring out your New Bike, all along your Nparent is giving you very discouraging words, trying to convince you that you can't do it, it's not for you, you wont be any good at it and you are stupid for even trying. You are shaking inside, you wonder if your Nparents statements are true. Who do you think you are to show someone else to ride a bike when you are still very awkward at it? All these thoughts & questions are creating doubt & trying to hold your Mind captive and prevent you from getting back on your Bike, but you remember the Joy you felt when you were riding with your Friend, so you ignore all the negative toxic talk from your Nparent and you precede to show him/her just how to ride a bike. Your mind is spinning, you feel like you are going to throw up, you are shaky, but you get on your bike and ride. You go a few feet, but because you are so unsure of yourself, you lose your balance and fall. Your Nparent laughs & ridicules your efforts, calls over the rest of your family, so they too can laugh at your expense. The Nparent takes this opportunity while you are wounded on the ground to declare victory that s/he was Right and you were obviously Wrong, and makes an example of you to the rest of the family just how crazy you are for even thinking that you can ride a bike, and that riding a bike could actually be good for you. Discouraged you lock up your bike and don't get back on.

Your Friend calls to ask how did it go with showing your family how to ride a bike and you explain to her that riding a bike is not for you, that you are just not strong enough, and secretly you feel, yet never express to your Friend that your Nparent was right only lazy & selfish people ride bikes. Your Friend invites you to leave your family for a short time and join her on Vacation and you join her. While on Vacation you see how other people are enjoying riding their bikes and you remember how good it felt when you were riding a bike. After much encouragement, your Friend says let's take a ride. You tell her about your concerns for falling and she tells you everyone falls when they are first learning, but it is not in the falling, but the Getting Back Up and Going Forward that is Important. You worry that you are not strong enough, but your Friend has Compassion & Love and says, don't worry I will be with you and I will not leave you. The two of you enjoy the entire day riding your bike, the next day you can't wait to go riding with your Friend again and each day you meet New People and discover New Places together. You spend your entire Vacation building your skills, riding at night, riding when the wind is at your back, riding when the wind is right in front when the resistance is the strongest, riding when the wind comes from the side so unexpectedly that it knocks you off balance, but there is No Longer Fear in Falling, because you know how to get back up and you know that this is only part of the Learning Process and it is in & through your challenges that you become stronger. Your Riding Skills become so strong that others encourage you to go on a marathon, you don't think you are ready for such a long duration, but your Friend prepares you and you Master one Marathon after another. You discover that you also enjoy riding up hill when all the pressure is against you preventing you from moving forward, but you Do Not Fear Adversity. True you have to work harder at riding your bike during this very challenging time, and sometimes it takes every ounce of Strength you have and then Some to reach the top, but the Reward in getting to the Apex, the completly New Viewpoint is Spectacular and Life Changing.

When you visit your family, they notice something is very different about you. You are not the same person that they once knew. You know how they feel about bike riding, so you do not want to share with them what has happened to you, but you are not a person who hides the Truth, so you tell them, if you really want to know what has brought me so much Joy, I will show you. As you go to pull out the bike, you are once again attacked w/verbal and emotional abuse. You are accused of being a heartless person for betraying your family. You tell your family look I have spent all my resources in acquiring a bike for each one of you, so that you too can share in the Joy of this New Life of Riding a Bike. You explain to them all the Possibilities & Blessings that await them if they would only give it a try. You are ridiculed and you are shunned and told that if you want to be apart of the family you must give up bike riding forever. You consider riding your bike in secret when your family is not around, but that is not who you are because you vowed to yourself that you are going to live an Authentic Life and be True to Self. You can not sacrifice yourself for someone else's happiness, so that they can feel good about themselves and you will feel bad about yourself. You can not return to a life of Lesser Than where people do not value you. You have received & experienced Authentic & Healthy Love from your Best Friend and when the choice is return to a life without bike riding, to sadness, hopelessness, and pain or to leave that all behind and ride into your New Life of Authentic Love and leave what you have known your entire life behind, then It's Time to Ride. There is no guilt in leaving those toxic people behind you, because you have equipped them w/the resources they need to change their life. It is their choice to remain in darkness, it is time for you to leave, it is time for you to take off, It is Time to Ride.

You get on your bike, and you feel the warmth of the Sun, the companionship and love of your Best Friend and you notice the more you go forward, the more distance you place between you and the past. When you first left it all behind you could hear the very loud voices of your Family of Origin, clouding your mind and discouraging you, preventing you from reaching what is waiting, but you know that their lies hold no validity, and you focus on What Is instead of what was. As you travel you notice their voices become WEAKER, Weaker and weaker until one day you realize that the Echos of the Past no longer haunt your Mind. You never knew that learning how to ride a bike would set you Free, you never realized how Captive you were until you found your Freedom.

People have asked me, Will you ever go back? And I have thought about it. I have thought what is waiting me if I return opposed to what is waiting for me that I have not yet Discovered. There is so much more to Discover moving Forward, that I am choosing to venture on further into my New Life of Riding a Bike.

Escaping the KoN was a Journey of Self-Discovery which began with Self-Care. Like Riding a Bike, it was very awkward at first and I had to over come the lies I was programmed to once believe that held my Mind and my Life captive. My Moving Forward has to do with what I call the Mind Mouth Move Method -- which is MMMM Good! wink. What the Mind thinks, the Mouth will say and Self will Move in that Direction. It is very important to recognize what Direction we are moving in or towards. Are we moving in the Direction of Captivity or Abundance. Captivity meaning the Death of Self and Abundance meaning simply the Life we are created to have. Jesus tells us that He came so that we may have an Abundant Life, some Bible versions say, have a Full Life. Shalom refers to achieving the Peace of God, nothing missing or wanting.

Whether your Destiny involves a Full or Abundant Life is up to You. I have found that the difference between the two is a matter of Perception. From my NFOO's point-of-view, in the Serpent's Pit they would say that my Life is lacking, but where I live in the LOL (Land of Love building the Legacy of Love) my cup is very Full and very often it is Overflowing. At times, when I was dealing with the past, spending too much time focusing on what I didn't have (a loving FOO) instead of what I do have (Loving Family & Friends), my cup seemed lacking. What I realized is that Abundance does not depend on quantity, but rather Quality. I would rather have one Awesome Friend who can reciprocate Authentic Love, than 10 or 100 Counterfeits who can only provide the Illusion of Love.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10 (New King James Version)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10 (New International Version, ©2010)

http://www.biblegateway.com

What I have learned through the Journey of Letting Go is that Family is defined by Love not Biology. And Jesus Christ is our Savior not just for Salvation, but for Transformation. Jesus was wounded, so our wounds could completely heal through His Amazing Love. There is no wound too deep that Christ can't heal -- I am proof of that! Only the scars of the Pain of the Past remain as a Testimony of what Amazing Love can do by Changing Wounds into Wings.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,
 Click Here.

Please [LIKE] the Giving Dreams Wings Page so we can better promote our Programs. One of the Programs we are building is Bikes of Hope. Bikes are a Blessing, because they are a therapeutic tool that not only bring physical balance, but cognitive & psychological balance too. As a Child who lived in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism) where Abuse surrounded me on all sides, my bike was my friend & my hero that provided a Great Escape if only for a short temporary time. When I learned how to ride, I received the Gift of Accomplishment through Achievement. This Accomplishment led to Independence and Adventures out of the KoN where I discovered Life is Different and Abuse is not Normal. My Bike was my Resource of Hope. My Life can be Different and will be Different when I Escape the KoN.

If the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you and you feel inspired to Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

Please pray for  Giving Dreams Wings and [SHARE] our Facebook page with your Friends & Family and encourage them to do the same, and we can all help Restore Hope by Giving Dreams Wings.