Friday, July 23, 2010

Closure. . . redefine it to find it!

Do you struggle finding Closure? Is Closure something you are still searching, or reaching for in regards to a certain person or situation?

Is Closure something we need get from someone else, or is it possible that Closure can be achieved in another way?  

Which got me thinking,
Maybe we need to redefine what Closure means to our Self rather than to let others define it for us, and then get stuck w/not being able to fulfill the defined requirements.

What does Closure mean to you?

What do you need to find

How do
you define it for your Self?

As children our families & society teach us their concepts & definitions of Love, 
Acceptance & Forgiveness,
and Closure as well as other important aspects of life, and this has a tremendous impact on how one views Self in this world. Perhaps Finding Self is about taking a critical look at how we define these aspects of life for

Thanks to my Wonderful Friends that the Lord placed in my life during my Healing Journey, I have recently been enlightened on
why I was having difficulty finding Closure w/the Momster and the NFOO.

For me, Closure, the destination of going through all the Stages of the Recovery Process follows the last two Stages of Acceptance & Forgiveness and was contingent upon the Momster having Remorse which would give me Validation that what I experienced, endured, and survived was abuse, it was wrong, and in no way did I cause it, or deserve it. It is about calling a Wrong a Wrong. And I so despirately wanted the Momster to do that, because she was the one who was doing all the wrong, evil things. I was relying on the Momster to bring Closure, which was not going to happen, and would leave my Self feeling incomplete -- unless I redefined Closure for my Self

As long as Closure depended on someone else giving me what I needed I would never have it. Let's face it, the one thing toxic pathological people do well is figure what you want or need from them, and then don't give it to you. Never expect others to do for you what you can do for yourself. You will never find personal power if you depend on others to make you strong. Thanks to Susy's thread about NC being the Closure & the Validation to & for Self. Validation, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Closure are interactive. The constant theme to all of this is that we can not rely, or depend on others to define aspects of our life and most importantly, others can not define our life, they can not define Self. Because if we give our power away to allow someone else to define our life, or even aspects of our life, then we are allowing someone else to control our life. We become a mere spectator to our own life.

We must learn that we are the main character in our own life, and we can not let anyone else write our script. If we have been given a toxic script, because we were born into the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), then we need to find Authentic Help from Wise Consultants to rewrite our own Script. We have all been given a Great Helper, a very Skilled Personal Consultant to rewrite our script, and that is the Holy Spirit. 

GOD is our Divine Director, our life a stage, and we each have a choice to see how this is going to be played out. Where we begin does not have to be where we end. 

Read Jeremiah 29:11, if you are not enjoying the fulness of life, trapped in chaos and confusion, things do not have to be this way. Things are not suppose to be this way. However, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. While we do not have the power, nor control to make others change, we do have the power, the control to make a choice to change what sort of people and things remain in our life. 

We can not go into the past, and change the past, but from this moment on we can decide what will remain in our life.

We must objectively critique our scripts, and delete things that are not true to our Character, and are deadly to Self. If Concepts like Marriage, Family, Relationships, Friendship, Love, Career, Religion, etc. play a huge role in our Life Script, then we have to see how each of these interact w/Self. We can not rely on someone else's interpretation of these important Characters in our Life, we need to carefully examine them for our Self. In The End the only one responsible for the way this all Played out is the Main Character, Self.

The following is from my friend Susy, a WoNder/ful Woman
That is all part of the devastating discard. The message is: you are not worth giving closure to. As far as I know, no one gets closure from a N relationship. Closure is for 'normal' relationships when both parties have hearts and empathy.

I love this quote:
"We want closure which is never going to come in a way that we want but we can find closure by No Contact. We want to be heard, want them to know the pain they've caused but they are never going to listen and if they do, they don't hear the words. What we often miss is the beauty of "No Contact." You are finally saying No More. It is your voice without the words but they hear it loud and clear as if you screamed from the top of your lungs - "Go to the Devil." No Contact is your pure and sweet rejection. It is empowering. It is your last word. It is your closure. It is one of the most hurtful narcissistic injuries you could inflict. They have finally come to understand you know just who and what they are. They know the tricks do not work anymore. They know you are no longer prey or a pawn in their game. It is your last word."

"No contact is so essential. Your pride and dignity are riding on it."

From this article:

How do you define ClosureIs Closure something we need get from someone else, or is Closure a Gift we get from ourselves to ourselves?

At this point in my life Closure is a Gift from GOD. Closure is Freedom from knowing that the past has no power to hold me captive. Closure is Peace from a knowing that all things (the good, the bad, the ugly, and the horrific) are transformed by GOD for my good to bless me, and to bless others through me. That out of the ashes of a painful past rises Unique Divine Purpose. 

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