Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Don't walk in their shoes!

I was inspired by TroubleReflector's thread, Three strikes but I'm not out, on webofnarcissism.com


What great metaphors (KON and LOL). It's true. An N-oculation works to immunize the body rather than weaken it. I think the problem in my case is that my N detector may be working overtime and can sometimes imagine Ns dominating everywhere when not everyone is like that. I think healing will help me to balance this in the future.--TR

You know we do live in a very N-word, and I do believe we are experiencing a global pandemic. However, w/groups like WoN we can hand out the N-oculations to those who are interested & boosters for those who are in need of an added supplement (like myself!). Healing does bring balance. Instead of loud blaring alarms going off in your head, you will have a
gently waving in the breeze and you know to stay clear of the N. Kind of like walking down the side walk and you come across a big pile of recently dumped disgustingly stinky dog pooh, you don't let it distract you or interrupt your walk, you just make a mental note and walk around it and avoid stepping right into it.

(I apologize for using the s-word, I only do it when I talk about the Kingdom of Narcissism (KON) because no other word seems to fit ).
Problem is when you're born into the KON the toxic sh*t surrounds you on all sides, it is unavoidable that the first steps you take land you right in it, you carry that stench everywhere you go and you think it is you that stinks, but then you realize it is someone else's sh*t that you have been carrying around w/you. Healing is cleaning off all the toxic sh*t in our lives. If you don't take the time to clean it off, you leave it for the next generation who walks in your shoes and travels your same path. There are those people who pass down shoes full of sh*t to their children, some of their children will complain about the terrible shoes that they inherited, while others will remain quite. Those who speak up will be told to shut up and just ignore the stench like everyone else, and when they refuse they will be told, Who do you think you are to ask for anything better? It was good enough for us & our parents and their parents before them, so it will be good enough for you and your children and for generations to come. Some will choose to take off the sh*tty shoes, hand them back, and go barefoot and risk the possibility of stepping into other people's sh*t. Some will realize the advantages & freedom in going barefoot.

I actually got married in my bare feet. The new shoes that I bought for my wedding day were too constraining & uncomfortable and I realized I didn't need them, so I took them off.

Some will realize that their family of origin is not the only source of shoes and will find a different healthy supplier and put on another completely new pair of shoes & discover a perfect fit. Anyone who has ever cleaned off sh*t before knows that the longer you leave it on the harder it is to remove. The sh*t gets into the small cracks of your life and you will need a special tool to dig deep to clean out all the decaying residue. You have to do it very carefully w/exact precision, focus and strength so that it doesn't fly up at you and hit you smack in the face. Then to make sure that there is no hidden germs left behind, you'll have to wash them in bleach & expose your soles to the warmth & purifying light from the Sun, so that they will be completely clean, dry, and as good as new.

Metaphorically speaking, what kind of shoes are you wearing right now?

Last year when I went NC w/the NVampMother I noticed I had on a pair of running shoes to help me escape the Kingdom of Narcissism (KON). The KON is a vast territory, or at least it seemed that way when I first started my Journey. I began my Healing Journey w/the realization that I needed to run away from the KON, but somewhere along the Adventure I realized that I was no longer running away to escape the KON, but rather running towards the hope & promise of the Land of Love (LOL). Eventually I realized that I would have to put on my hiking boots and grab my machete of Truth to cut through all the lies and travel out of the very rough terrane to continue my Healing Journey. Along this Adventure to Freedom I encountered many enablers who tried to impede my progress and encourage me to return to the KON. My machete had to turn into the Sword of Truth, so that I could protect and defend my position until the enemies learned that they will not impede my determination to reach freedom in the LOL.

When I reached the clearing, I noticed that my new destination, the Land of Love (LOL) was located towards the apex of a mountain, so I had to put on climbing boots. I tried to tether my Sibs to me so that we could all escape the KON together, but I realized that they missed the KON to much, they were pulling me back, hindering my escape, sabotaging all my efforts, becoming dead weight and risking my own life as well as the life of my own child and my H who is climbing right beside me. I had to make the hard & very painful, but extremely necessary decision to cut these toxic ties to my NSibs, so that I could be free to climb. It broke my heart to let them go on their own. I realized that I can not climb for them, they must do their
own work, so that when they reach the LOL the rewards & blessings will be their own. Right now, I think there is enough distance between me and the KON that I am ready to take a break, take in the clean fresh air, enjoy the new beautiful surroundings and put on my dancing shoes.

It has been awhile since I had the desire to dance, but I do
now. Perhaps this is one of the first signs of entering into the territory of the LOL.

No comments:

Post a Comment