Friday, May 14, 2010

Defying Gravity

If you, like me, were born into the Land of Narcissism, or married into the Land of Narcissism, or stopped by to date, be friends with, or be employed by a toxic person then you know first hand how these Counterfeit people can suck in a very narcissistic way.

People have trouble admitting that demons walk this earth, let alone the demon being somebody's Family Member, Friend, Sibling, Spouse, or Parent who is suppose to love & protect, but they do exist and we have lived it haven't we? We have lived this nightmare that others have only seen in the movies or on tv. Well, last year I was ready for a role change, and since you are taking the time to read this blog you are ready for a role change too, or at least considering it, if you haven't done it already it if I am correct?

As a child surviving in the Land of Narcissism I know what it is like to look for a hero to save you from this horrible nightmare and none was to be found. There was nothing but enablers who chose to look the other way. I discovered that I must be my own hero and rescue my self (self-esteem, self-worth, etc). I had to learn that self-care & self-love is
not selfish & self-absorbed like the NVamps from our Family Of Origin (FOO). I know what it feels like to put your trust in others and have them drop you out of the sky, devalue & discard you (D&D) when you are no longer any use to them.

I have recently been D&D, by two siblings (one who I thought I could trust especially in a time of emergency). In my time of great need the carpet was pulled away right from under my feet. I was abandoned and treated like an inconvenience instead of a Sister in need of support during two very scary times in my life. In the past I had always been there for her when she asked me, no matter how big or how small the event, it didn't matter, she needed me and I was there. And now that I asked her to be with me she was just too busy and did not want to change her plans and miss out on an event that she was so looking forward to attending that day. The only time I ever asked her to do something for me in my entire life and she couldn't even help out her Sister who has always been there for her.

When I realized that my Sibling did not want to be there for me, this broke my heart. Instead of falling into a pit of depression this time, like I did when I accepted that NVampM doesn't love me, I defied gravity. Sure I was hurt by her cold-hearted abandonment, but I was not going to over-value or over-estimate her role in my life and give her the power to crush me. Realizing that your egg donor and Counterfeit Sisters will not return the loyalty and love you have shown them throughout the years is too painful to ignore -- that painful truth was hard to survive -- but I did! Their inability or unwillingness to return love is their problem not mine.

The following songs are dedicated to those Counterfeits who choose to hurt instead of love.

I am, like the famous song says, going to try Defying Gravity this time. If you haven't heard it, here's it is. Music helps to sooth the soul,

These words really spoke to me & maybe you can relate

Something has changed within me, Something is not the same.
When you realize that you deserve to be loved, appreciated, and valued, that the Counterfeits, the toxic N's can or will not change, but you, you can change, you can discover your true self, and not the one that you have been sacrificing to the NVamps to fulfill their selfish & wicked agendas.

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Toxic Narcissistic Counterfeits lack a heart & a conscious. They never take responsibility for anything and you can never make them happy because they lack a soul. Their rules constantly change and make no sense. It is a game of Supply & Demand. They demand that you supply them w/your self-worth, and they thrive off of your hurt & pain.

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep.
Once you have discovered this toxic person is a Counterfeit and their mask of deception has fallen and their true nature of a Narcissistic Vampire has been exposed, there is no going back into denial, back to sleep, the fog has lifted.

It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap.
These Narcissistic Vampires are devious, dangerous, life-sucking ticks. You must trust your instinct to leave them behind, and imagine a life that is filled with love & respect. Maybe you don't know where this Land of Love is, and you don't know how to find it, but you will never know how great it feels unless you leave to find it .

It's time to try defying gravity, and you wont bring me down.
This is most likely not the first time the toxic Counterfeit in your life has devalued & discarded you and hurt you w/no remorse. The first time hurt so very bad it opened your eyes to the truth, and the pain was so much that it caused you to be depressed, but this time, this time is going to be different. This time they wont bring us down. No more tears will I waste over them. This time I will not end up in depression. This time I found my freedom to soar!

Kiss me good bye, I'm defying gravity and you wont bring me down.
No they wont bring us down, we are defying gravity. We are soaring.

I'm through excepting limits because someone says there so
This toxic person will always be this way, that's just who they are, so you have to accept that, and be doomed to a life of misery w/this person. Forgive & Forget, put up & shut up, keep the peace at any cost is not for me.
God hates divorce, God says you must Honor your parents, but God says He hates abuse more. God says to rebuke, turn away, and leave evil. God says to separate.

Some things I can not change, but until I try I'll never know
Toxic Counterfeits wont change, but we can change ourselves. We can change our situation and leave. Staying hasn't changed anything, but leaving definitely will -- it wont change them, but it will transform us.

Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I lost
Well if that is love it comes at much to high a cost.

These last two lines sums it up. Being afraid of losing a love that we
never really had, and if that is love it comes at much to high a cost.

Toxic Counterfeit People are dream killers and soul stealers.

If you were born in the Land of Narcissism, married into the Land of Narcissism, or accidently came by for a visit and have been used & abused you are not alone. There are others who can relate @ We are not alone. Let me say, that although we were born in the Land of Narcissism we really came from Heaven, so we are
really His kids and not the NvampParents. Such an angel!

As you all know I am NC w/ both of the Nparents and one NSibling (not originally my choice because she D&D us recently). At this point in my life I am so done w/dealing w/N's. They have stolen so much from me that I don't want them to steal a minute more of my happiness. I just don't have the mental nor physical energy to run around making sure that everyone is protected from the N attacks by creating boundaries that they are just going to blast right through anyway. I just don't want to waste my time doing this anymore and having regrets that I didn't listen to my intuition/instinct screaming at me, "
Don't Do it, You know you are going to live to regret it!" I would rather never see the N's again, then to let them back into my life so that they can once again demonstrate/prove that they still don't love me and break my heart. I don't want to revisit that nightmare.

As long as you see these Counterfeits possessing something you need or want they will
always have the ammo to destroy you, because you are sticking your neck out so they can jab their wicked fangs into you to suck the NS from you by watching you hurt. However, you can stop playing their game and see where life takes you.

Give yourself a Time Out of the Land of Narcissism and discover who
you are and what you want out of life.

Think of it this way, you are beginning a New Adventure of self-discovery and along the way you are going to meet people who are going to value you for who you are & have your best interest at heart. Once you have put some distance between you and the Land of Narcissism, and take a long extended holiday/vacation from the life you once knew, when you are
fully rested, healed, and empowered, you can look back from a new advantage point way up on the Mountain Top and ask yourself -- do I want to go back? Or should I stay on the Mountain Top and encourage people (others being used & abused by the N) to leave the Land of Narcissism. Right now I am climbing that mountain. It hasn't been an easy climb, but it is so rewarding and I can finally think clearly and see circumstances & people clearly now that I am not taking in the toxic fumes from those in the Land of Narcissism. You can be no good to others, until you are good to yourself. Please take care of yourself.

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