Life in the KoN is about a Two-Way Projection

It has now been over a year of NC from the KoN (Kingdom of N) at least in regards to the N who controlled the KoN. The aftermath of breaking free from the Enablers took a little longer. The only slight connection I have w/the KoN is a very limited Hallmark relationship w/the lowest level N. The best advice I have ever received, and I have received a lot, while I was Escaping & Healing from the KoN was to be A Friend to Self. Sounds simple, but extremely hard for us who were born into the KoN where Nism was our normal, we lived to serve the Ns and our Self was denied by the Nparents and we did not know how to protect Self. Whether or not you choose NC to be a permanent Life Choice or just a temporary one until you can heal from the KoN it is definitely a necessary one to gain a healthy perspective and get out of the FOG of the KoN. Here is a great thread that can provide some insight to your KoN, it might help explain where all the confusion and FOG comes from. Click Here.

Another great piece of advice I received is accepting that Self-Care is Not being Self-Absorbed like the Ns. In the KoN our True Self is denied & a false Less-Than self is created by the N. Everything is hyper-focused on pleasing the Ns (which we all know is impossible due to their pathology, or evil nature) and denying Self (self-expression, protection, care, worth, esteem, etc). It is about supporting the Grand Illusion that the N is superior and we are inferior, because if we ever realized we were the N's Equal (or in Reality their Superior due to their lack of humanity), then we would Escape the KoN. And our Escape, our Freedom from the KoN is the N's greatest Fear. The fear of being left alone w/out a Victim, and w/out the supporting cast of the Enablers to support the Grand Illusion. However, Ns are on a constant hunt for replaceable Source, both Enablers and Victims to feed or be their NS. When Ns disclose their Fears of Being Alone, Rejected, or Abandoned we believe it is the same as our Fears of Being Alone, Rejected, or Abandoned, but it is Not. Our fear comes from not having someone to love and their fear comes from not having someone to abuse. Their fear is that the Grand Illusion will be obliterated and the entire World will discover the Truth, that they, not us, are a worthless piece of toxic crap. Does that sound a bit harsh? Then my friend your empathy is the N's hook that keeps you connected to their KoN (been there, done that). It is our projected humanity that keeps us from realizing the N's true evil nature & identity.

Escaping & Healing from the KoN begins w/focusing on and discovering your True Self. In the KoN our lives revolve around reacting to the Ns & their toxic behavior, instead of being proactive and focusing on what we need and want regardless of what N thinks about it. Does this feel a bit Selfish and N? If so, that is left over brainwashing, Projected Lies from the N that keep us from Escaping their KoN. Self-Care is Healthy and it is about Survival opposed to being Self-Absorbed and abusing others. There is a direct Cause & Effect in that the further you get away from the KoN the closer you get to Self. NC is not a decision you have to set in stone. The more you discover Self and that you have intrinsic value the more you can empower Self to make decisions on what you want to do in your life and what are clearly toxic to you and you want to avoid. Your decisions are based on Truth and not Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

One Myth I must dispel is that Ns (even NMs) don't believe what they say when they say something mean, devaluing, and objectifying -- they absolutely w/out a doubt believe what they say, because they detest us. They are envy of what we are and they are not, which is loving & caring human beings. Our mere existence is a constant reminder of what they can never achieve, having a loving soul & forming deep loving connections w/others. With Ns whatever they envy, whatever they covet they attack. In the KoN you must realize there are Two Mindsets, the Normal one (ours) and the Pathological one (theirs). The N mind is not normal, yet we normals expect the abnormal to act normal. It is very easy to call ourselves crazy for expecting abnormals to think and behave normally. We must keep in mind that their disguise is EXTREMELY deceptive. They look human, therefore we think they are human because we project our humanity onto them. (There is a Must See Tv show simply called V that demonstrates this point perfectly).

Life in the KoN is about Two-Way Projection. The Ns project their True Identity (horrible beings) onto us, so we feel worthless, when in fact they are the ones who are truly worthless. They use our strongest characteristic against us which is our Empathy. We actually feel sorry for them feeling worthless & Lesser-Than when they act like or play the victim, because we know what it is to actually be the victim and to feel worthless & Lesser-Than. We feel sorry for our abusers, poor pathologicals. Our Empathy is their hook & keeps us connected to the KoN.

Now our turn, we project our humanity onto them. When they appear to do something kind we think it is w/good intentions because we have good intentions. However, Ns are self-serving and do not have good intentions. Because you are a great Mama you remind the NM everything she is not & was not (same thing applies in regards to the Nspouse, or any other N). Their pathological, wicked mind will not allow them to reciprocate admiration, so instead they must create an Illusion of our inferiority. In reality we are not the one who is Inferior, rather they are. Like wise with our projection onto them, they are not kind, thoughtful, etc we are, their great characteristics are not theirs, they are ours that we project onto them and their terrible characteristics that they project onto us are not ours, but theirs that they project onto us. Make sense? I know it is a little confusing at first.

The KoN gets its power from the Dance of the Projection from both Predator & Prey. It is the Interaction of Projection that keeps the KoN alive.

The best way I found to escape the KoN is to break the Illusions. Some of the Illusions are created by the Ns and others are created by us (our projected humanity onto the Ns). And for me the toughest ones to break were the Illusions that Ns have No Control of their hurtful behavior when in fact They have Absolute Control. They do not really Choose to hurt us (it is only their illness, their pathology) when in fact They Do Choose to Hurt Us. They don't Intend to hurt us when in fact They Do Intend to hurt us. Their attacks are Very Intentional. They don't Realize what they are doing when in factThey Do Fully Realize They Attack And They Know What They Are Doing. And they don't really enjoy causing us pain when in fact They Really Do Enjoy Causing Pain. They Continue to Attack, because They Enjoy the Attack. They enjoy hurting their own child or loved one, and that is why Ns, Especially NMs, are a freak of nature.

One theory is that Ns are Emotional Retards and that is one that I believed for quite awhile. However, now that I have been NC I am considering another theory. The term "retard" implies that Ns have no control and just have to attack us, they can't help themselves, they can't stop themselves, and they don't understand what they are doing, as a Friend of mine says, "No Depth Perception". However, when I test that theory out I find there is No Evidence for that when the facts are that Ns only attack certainindividuals. They choose their Victim, they choose the Place for the attack, they choose When they will attack, and they choose How & they choose to What Extent they will attack. And they choose to continue to attack, because they enjoy attacking, they enjoy abusing those they should love, but don't. We can not teach them to love, because they have no desire to love, because if they did they wouldn't enjoy the attack. They love to attack.

Ever ask yourself Why do they attack? Click Here.

Here is another thread about Ns and NMs, CZ has an AMAZING Gift at explaining things, Click Here.

Do They Harm Us On Purpose?

There are theories that suggest that Toxic Pathological People, Narcissists (Ns)/Sociopaths/Psychopaths attack out of 'unconscious defenses'. That they are unaware of what they are doing when they attack, and they can't control or stop themselves from attacking others.

Where is the Empirical Data proving this Theory?

The evidence does not support the theory of 'unconscious defenses' because Ns target certain individuals. If the their defenses were truly unconscious, the attacks would not be Target/Victim Specific. Since Ns can not control themselves, and are not aware of what they are doing, then they would attack everyone and anyone -- but they don't! For example a Superior such as a Supervisor would elicit feelings of inferiority, jealousy, envy, insecurities, etc., and as stated in a previous article What They Covet They Attack, so as theory goes they should attack their Supervisors, but they don't.

When researchers test out their theory in the real world they are guilty of Confirmation Bias, finding evidence to support their theory, or twisting the interpretation of the evidence to support their theory instead of looking at the evidence that does not support and actually contradicts their theory.

Another reason I do not like the theory of 'unconscious defenses' is that it lacks responsibility & accountability and promotes further victimization, "poor pathologicals" can't help themselves, they are unaware of what they are doing. BS! They know exactly what they are doing, because they only attack certain people. EVERY Narcissist from the low level to the Super-Sized N/P attacks because they enjoy the attack (at least in the moment of attack, there is a payoff otherwise they wouldn't attack, it wouldn't be rewarding), lower levels 
will might verbalize regret & remorse, but very few actually mean it because very few actually stop attacking. They might be able to resist attacking a certain target for a certain duration, but the attacks eventually resume.

Theory states that the narcissist is unconsciously battling with him/herself internally to keep all unwanted and unacceptable aspects of the true self dormant and locked away, and when they attack their victim for mirroring back reality of their true self (their flawed self) they are really unconsciously attacking their self which they again unconsciously project on to us.

Since we can not read a Narcissist's mind theories are based on assumptions about the Narcissist (N). We assume that this is what is going on in their disordered mind when they select a victim. Again I believe we are guilty of Projection, because if we were the Disordered this is what we would be thinking or not thinking. 


In theory when Ns are attacking us (their projected self) they are really attacking themselves. I once accepted that reasoning and use to agree with that, because it made sense in theory. Seemed logical enough. But I don't think that is the complete picture. I believe they attack us, because they know we are less N-chanted w/their True Self, and because They Detest who we are which is a constant reminder of what they are not. If we go w/the theory of the N projecting his/her True Self onto us and that is who s/he is attacking, then we don't have to take their attacks personal. It's not really me that the N is attacking. The evidence does not support that theory, because the Ns attacks are Victim Specific. Rather the Alternative Theory, Reason or Explanation that the attacks are in fact personal and deliberate because They Detest who we are, not what we represent (the Ns projected self) is accurate & valid.

If their defenses are automatically/unconsciously elicited, then again why are their attacks Victim Specific. Why don't they project their lies onto the Golden Child, Friends, or their Boss and attack them? The Golden Children, Friends and the Bosses don't always mirror back to the N his/her ideal self, yet they are not attacked and we are. We Scapegoats/Targets are told that it is because we are a Broken Mirror and do not reflect back to the N their False Self, so the N attacks -- yet the Golden Child and the Boss do the same thing and they are not attacked. I use to think that the Golden Children only or predominately mirrored back to the N his/her Ideal Self/Masked Self/False Self and therefore saved themselves from being a target, but that is not the case. I have seen Golden Children not mirror back the False Self to the N, and in additionally actually be harsh and publicly shame the N, yet the N does not retaliate.

When we don't understand something, can not fully explain something, or do not want to consider an Alternative Reason (the N is evil with the intent to harm) we say that it is Unconscious. In the field of Psychology theories of behavior come from people who deny the concept of true evil. They prefer terms such as Mentally Ill, even psychopaths, instead of the simplified term of evil. However, I have noticed that in Self Help areas the term evil is more and more accepted and used to accurately describe N. I don't know if it has reached the Ivory Towers yet, but at least people are using a term that was once forbidden.

Here is a Blog Post from Cheshire about the N's Private & Public behavior in regards to how they threat others, Click Here.

Conscious or Unconscious Attacks/Abuse

I am very conflicted right now. Although I wrote about Life in the KoN is about a Two-Projection I am considering an alternative hypothesis to why Ns attack based on conflicting evidence to traditional theories.

There are theories that suggest that Ns attack out of 'unconscious defenses'. That they are unaware of what they are doing when they attack.

Where is the Empirical Data proving this Theory?

The evidence does not support the theory of 'unconscious defenses' because Ns target certain individuals. If the their defenses were truly unconscious, the attacks would not be Target/Victim Specific. For example a Superior such as a Supervisor would elicit feelings of inferiority, jealousy, envy, insecurities, etc., and as stated in a previous article What They Covet They Attack, so as theory goes they should attack their Supervisors, but they don't. Only the Stupid ones talk behind their bosses back to Co-Workers, but even the Stupid Ns learn through Trial & Error to correct their behavior and keep the Trash Talking of the Boss for their family and/or outside friends who will not report back to the Boss, so the Ns can avoid the Natural Consequence of getting fired.

When researchers test out their theory in the real world they are guilty of Confirmation Bias, finding evidence to support their theory, or twisting the interpretation of the evidence to support their theory instead of looking at the evidence that does not support and actually contradicts their theory.

Another reason I do not like the theory of 'unconscious defenses' is that it lacks responsibility & accountability and promotes further victimization, "poor pathologicals" can't help themselves, they are unaware of what they are doing. BS! They know exactly what they are doing, because they only attack certain people. EVERY N from the low level to the Super-Sized N/P attacks because they enjoy the attack (at least in the moment of attack, there is a payoff otherwise they wouldn't attack, it wouldn't be rewarding), lower levels will might verbalize regret & remorse, but very few actually mean it because very few actually stop attacking. They might be able to resist attacking a certain target for a certain duration, but the attacks eventually resume.

(The following happened, Nov. 29th Thanksgiving Weekend)

Let me take this moment to expose my sin, imperfection, or Shadow Self. I have never devalued my DD. I have never attacked her by calling her a name, or making her feel Lesser-Than. I wish I could say the same about my DH, but I can not. I have attacked him through name calling (in the past), attacked his role as Husband & Father (last night ). It was not so much what I said, but rather how I said it, and in the moment the intent was to hurt/shame/guilt, whatever name you want to give it, it was not done in a moment of Love w/the purest of intentions, otherwise I would have praised him and lift him up for all the great ways he is an Amazing Husband & Father and lovingly pointed out things he can work on (we can both work on). I would have implemented the Golden Rule, and instead I broke it by devaluing him and bringing him down. An attack is an attack whether or not we feel justified. Sure I can try to justify it by saying I felt like he betrayed me when he immediately didn't defend me against his NF, how dare him have weak boundaries (some Projection perhaps), and I was protecting Ego, Provoked by Pain, perhaps Transference was occurring for not being protected as a child, bad learned behaviors left over from the KoN, there are many excuses available to deflect the responsibility of the attacker/offender (me) etc. I had no right to attack him by attacking his boundaries & character & accuse him of not defending his family. This happened just last night. I could have gotten the same message across in a loving way, but I did not, I let it build up for an entire day, when we were both tired last night from sleep deprivation and dealing w/a sick child, extreme financial pressures, etc. I let it out. Sure I was "not nearly as bad as the Momster", but "not nearly as bad" is still not good enough. My Ego and my Pride would love to say it was all due to 'unconscious defenses'. But I would be lying to you and to myself to once again defend the Ego. I can not allow myself to play the Unconscious Card in order to make myself feel better for what I have done. The Holy Handbook says, be angry, but sin not. I let my anger, my pain get the worst of me. Now the difference, HUGE difference, between myself and a N is that I feel guilt, shame, regret, and remorse (which will motivate me to keep changing for the better) because I Authentically Love my DH and have empathy for what I did to him. Even in this very moment, as I am writing, I have to resist defending Ego and say there is a difference between the N's unprovoked attack and my provoked attack. Sure the difference is both in theory & reality, but in a Loving Relationship I can not rely on theory I need to be responsible & accountable for the bad choice I made last night.

Backstory:

Saturday we spent w/the Family Turkey's having our Thanksgiving w/DH's FOO. DH, DD and myself had our own Special Time on Thursday (we are creating our own Family Tradition), but it is also important to DH to have a Traditional Thanksgiving. There are two clear Ns in his FOO (the youngest Golden Child and the NF). During Dessert time DD was coughing, NF is a germaphobe. It was a very interesting case study of how Ns vs Non-Ns handle the same stressful situation of a child coughing at the Family Table. While everyone spoke the same basic words to DD, cover your mouth when you cough, cough into your arm, etc. the delivery in which the words were spoken were VERY different. The N's tones & non-verbal expressions were sharp, full of judgement and condescending while the Non-Ns my other Sis, my Bro, my MiL, my DH and myself used terms of affection "Baby girl, Sweetheart, Honey and in a respectable loving tone gave my DD the same message to cover her mouth when she coughed. Sure the situation was frustrating to all of us adults, but some spoke out of love and others out of anger. I consider how the Ns treated my DD as attacking w/ambient abuse. It is not what they said, but rather how they said it to her. Were the Ns concerned about helping my DD or worried about the potential germs getting on their Apple Pie, or how dare a 3 yr. old ruin their perfect image of the Family Table by coughing. Thing is they would NEVER treat other person who they valued in such a disrespecting way. I met the Golden Child when she was about the same age as my DD is now and nFIL did not ever talk to his Golden Child this way, nor did he talk to my other Sister's step child this way. Where was the compassion for a sick little 3 yr. old who just wanted to hang out w/her family? Oh yes, there were Ns at the table. As I told my DH last night, I am not so much mad at the Ns, because they are Ns and they are self-absorbed & attack when things are not to their standard and people are not behaving exactly as they want them to, what angers and pains me is that my DH and myself didn't address NF and ask him, Where would you like [daughter's name], and us to eat our pie since being here at the table w/you is frustrating you. It is not just my DH's responsibly to keep his boundaries strong, but mine as well. And this is what pizzes me off the most, we failed to protect our child from Ambient Attacks. The good news is that DH's is going to address this issue w/his parents. I pointed out that it is quite astonishing that with all the combined High IQ's sitting at that table no one had the common sense to suggest an alternative option, instead they choose to repeatedly attack a defenseless 3 yr old. Christmas Dinner is suppose to be at our home, so if there is a sniffle or a cough we will let everyone know and the Ns can make the choice to stay home. Thanks for Listening.

Theory states that the narcissist is unconsciously battling with him/herself internally to keep all unwanted and unacceptable aspects of the true self dormant and locked away, and when they attack their victim for mirroring back reality of their true self (their flawed self) they are really unconsciously attacking their self which they again unconsciously project on to us.

Since we can not read a Ns mind theories are based on assumptions about the N. We assume that this is what is going on in their disordered mind when they select a victim. Again I believe we are guilty of Projection, because if we were the Disordered this is what we would be thinking or not thinking. In theory when Ns are attacking us (their projected self) they are really attacking themselves. I accepted that reasoning and use to agree with that, because it made sense in theory. Seemed logical enough. But I don't think that is the complete picture. I believe they attack us, because they know we are less N-chanted w/their True Self and because They Detest who we are which is a constant reminder of what they are not. If we go w/the theory of the N projecting his/her true self onto us and that is who s/he is attacking, then we don't have to take their attacks personal. It's not really me that the N is attacking. The evidence does not support that theory, because the Ns attacks are Victim Specific. Rather the Alternative Theory or Hypothesis that the attacks are personal because They Detest who we are, not what we represent in theory (the Ns projected self) is more accurate & valid.

If their defenses are automatically/unconsciously elicited, then again why are their attacks Victim Specific. Why don't they project their lies onto the Golden Child, Friends, or their Boss and attack them? The Golden Children, Friends and the Bosses don't always mirror back to the N his/her ideal self, yet they are not attacked and we are. We Scapegoats/Targets are told that it is because we are a broken mirror and do not reflect back to the N their False Self, so the N attacks (which I also believed & wrote about on my blog) -- yet the Golden Child and the Boss do the same thing and they are not attacked. I use to think that the Golden Children only or predominately mirrored back to the N his/her Ideal Self and therefore saved themselves from being a target, but that is not the case. I have seen Golden Children not mirror back the False Self to the N and actually be harsh and publicly shame the N, yet the N does not retaliate.

When we don't understand something, can not fully explain something, or do not want to consider an Alternative Reason (the N is evil, intent to harm) we say that it is Unconscious. In the field of Psychology where all theories of behavior come from people deny the concept of true evil. They prefer terms such as Mentally Ill, even psychopaths, instead of the simplified term of evil. However, I have noticed that in Self Help areas the term evil is more and more accepted and used to accurately describe N. I don't know if it has reached the Ivory Towers yet, but at least people are using a term that was once forbidden.

Here is a Blog Post from Cheshire about the N's Private & Public behavior in regards to how they threat others, Click Here.

Jealousy. . . Friend or Foe?

Great info on the difference between Envy and Jealousy.

http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/index.php/topic,7429.msg27521.html#msg27521

"Envy-prone people who experience goodness in another person feel the goodness to be painfully insufficient and resent both their own dependency upon the other and the other's control over the goodness. Envy is defined as hatred directed toward good objects. Compared to 'regular' hatred, in which the good object is protected [and] the bad object is attacked, in hatred with primitive envy another's goodness is experienced as a threat to the person's own grandiosity or idealized self-experience,and the goodness is destroyed. In other words, by attacking the good object, the person is trying to ward off feelings of pain, vulnerability, dependency, and defectiveness that are evoked by recognizing the threatening goodness in another person. Envy can destroy the possibility for hope and diminish capacity for enjoyment." ~Elsa Ronningstam, Understanding and Identifying the Narcissistic Personality

She also writes: "Malicious envy, which is followed by pain and feelings of inferiority, involves a wish to eliminate or destroy what one is not able to possess and destructive efforts can even be directed toward the other person's happiness, future accomplishments, and relationships."

In Drew Pinsky's book, The Mirror Effect, he writes: "In psychological terms, there is an important difference between envy and jealousy. Jealousy can be a mobilizing force: I want what you have and I'm going to figure out how to get it. Envy, on the other hand, involves direct aggression."

Let me repeat that last bit: "Envy, on the other hand, involves direct aggression: I want what you have, and it makes me feel bad. so I'm going to take it from you, or at least knock you down to my size. Envy, thus, is far more toxic than simple jealousy." ~Drew Pinsky, the Mirror Effect, page 160

I use to hate the Momster who tried to destroy my life, but now I pity her. Hate takes a tremendous amount of life energy to invest into someone who does not love you as Ns are simple not worth it. I would rather invest my energy into love because it yields greater returns. Hate just leaves one bankrupt if you over invest into it for an extended amount of time. It serves a purpose to protect you while you are in the KoN and motivate you to leave it. After you have discovered your LOL hate no longer has a purpose.

Ns are envious & jealous creatures. Ns are not jealous of everyone, only those who threaten their false Counterfeit image who they would like to be like, who they envy, thus their jealousy and attacks are personal. The Momster is jealous of a lot of people that is why she hurts many people, but there are those whom she is not jealous of and does not attack once again demonstrating that the attacks from Ns are personal. I know there are people who want to believe that these attacks are not personal, that the poor pathological Ns can not help themselves, they are emotionally retarded and we should have empathy for them. They are not cognitively retarded they are emotionally retard and the difference is choice and control. They do have a choice to attack or not and they precisely choose when and whom to attack, thus it is very personal.

http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/index.php/topic,7141.msg24410.html#msg24410

Many Ns thrive off of pathological competitiveness. When they feel that they can not compete & conquer then the resentment and contempt towards us take over. This is why if you take a N boss out on the golf course you have got to let him win, otherwise. . . you lose your job, account, promotion, etc.

Jealousy is to Envy as Resent is to Contempt.

What do you suppose fuels Jealousy and Envy What makes a N want the possessions &/or qualities of others?

Hint: it is found in the last Commandment, as in Thou Shall Not . . .
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/covet

"To covet is to have the strong desire for the possession of others' specific personal properties or relationships, going beyond simply admiring someone Else's possessions or thinking "I'd like to have one of those." Coveting includes envy - resenting the fact that others have what you don't."
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_the_Bible_mean_by_'thou_shall_not_covet_thy_neighbour's_wife'

I don't see Jealousy as a healthy trait or desire because it can and often does lead to Envy. Jealousy and Envy are about control and wanting to posses what someone Else has (i.e., covet) and something that is or perceived asunobtainable to Self. It is about a longing for something they can not achieve on their own. It is about a State of Neediness which Ns severely detest, because it opens them up to the potential of being rejected which is their greatest fear, aka Fear of Abandonment. Their motto is, Discard or be Discarded. They are on constant look out for back-up supply so that they never run out. As soon as the N experiences Jealousy the Devaluing Process/Stage begins, because you can not be jealous of someone who you don't value. The onset of the Devaluing indicates a better source has been found because they would never devalue someone whom they truly feel would abandon them and they can only be abandoned if they don't have a replacement source already lined up. For normal people, abandonment is person specific, in that someone of extreme importance (Spouse/Parent/Close Friend) has to reject us to feel abandoned. However, for a N they only feel abandoned if they run out of back-up Sources/Supply. This is the reason they are not heartbroken or devastated after a relationship ends and can walk away like nothing ever happened.

When I see someone who has a talent/skill that I have not acquired and highly value I am inspired by them and I am motivated to learn more to improve my abilities. I admire and appreciate the talents of others. Jealousy leads to devaluing and degrading the skills of others. Ns lack the ability to admire others because that would mean they would have to be humble & comfortable with the reality of someone else being better than them at a particular thing. Being better means having more power in the mind of a N and more power means more control. Thus, Ns are grandiose because they can not give up that sense of control & power over others.

When we are jealous of others are we not devaluing ourselves and the taking for granted the blessings we have in our own lives?

For me it is very important to identify things helpful (good) or hurtful (bad) because that is the only way I was able to accept reality about the Momster, the NFOO and escape the KoN.

Quote

Lots of times we 'are' reacting to unconscious, unclaimed feelings and we don't even know it!~CZ

Totally get that 100%.
I understand the tendency to label something bad can lead some to avoidance where I look for the evidence. I look at emotions/desires as messengers. Some are friendly and some are not, but I listen to what they have to say. I don't know if I would consider Jealousy as a friend and ask her to sit down to tea (do appreciate the concept of not denying her existence), but I would definitely hear what she has to say to me and see if there is any validity. To me I have not found Jealousy to be very friendly, reliable, trustworthy, respectful, nor are her intentions honorable because she often, or usually lies. For example Jealousy says, Did you see that physically fit woman, look how great she looks, remember when you use to look that great? No that's right because when you where physically fit you never thought you looked great, too bad you didn't know then what you know now, you never felt beautiful, well now it's too late, that trained left the station and its going to take along time to come back. Yes, Jealousy likes to point out what you value and that you don't have it and makes you deal w/the loss. Jealousy then asks, Do you want to play my favorite game called Comparison? And when Jealousy is around I have been known to play her game and I use to lose every time. Over the years I have learned how to beat Jealousy at her own game some of the times. What I have learned is best not to play w/her because she cheats too! She reminds me what our society deems as Attractive & Sexy and I don't measure up, too short. Then she asks do you want to take another turn? Sure, my butts too big, that part too, and I hear Jealousy cheering me on, You're on a roll keep going! and I do until Jealousy holds all the cards and just when I think Game Over I have nothing more to lose, Jealousy says. . . let me introduce my Big Sister to ya, LettingGo meet Envy.
Then Jealousy whispers in my ear, oh by the way your H has that look in his eye tonight and wants to be romantic, Doesn't he know that you are hanging out w/us tonight? Just tell him you have a headache.

Yes, I know Jealousy all to well. I know the games she likes to play with me and how she cheats and lies to win. I do not like her, Sam I am. I do not like her here nor there, I do not like her any where. However, I do like her very distant cousin called Inspire who introduces me to Encourage, Desire, and Motivation which says take a dance class and have amazing sex w/your H tonight. Both Jealousy and Inspire bring the same message, but Jealousy's intentions are not Authentic, they are Counterfeit and Toxic. Jealousy offers destruction where Inspire offers improvement through empowerment.

It's nice to know that Jealousy even visits CZ and I know that even though you offer her some tea, you don't give her the guest bedroom. Wouldn't it be great if we could put arsenic in Jealousy's tea? Jealousy will not allow you to fully enjoy your Sis's summer peaches, but will remain quite and not say anything to Sis where as Envy will say to your Sis, last years crop was much sweeter. CZ I hope I can meet you IRL some day and we can have some delicious tea and fresh summer peach pie or cobbler ala mode of course!

Jealousy and Envy I know these b*tches. The Momster introduced them to me and they were my extended family members in the KoN. When they want to come for a visit I send them packing. Jealousy is known to sneak in from time to time. It is great when you have a best friend who can help you be on the look out for Jealousy and can help kick her to the curve.

CZ perhaps you and I know a different Jealousy or maybe I am not as far along this Healing Journey as you are so I can not appreciate her. To me she has been nothing but mean.

The Journey out of Nothingness

This is more than a Blog Post or Article. It is a Chapter in my Life that I would like to share with you.

God has blessed me with a New Friend, more like a Sister, I always needed, always dreamt about and never had until now. Her name is Amanda and she is an Amazing & Gifted Author. Amanda is that Unique Diamond in the Rough World. I just finished reading her powerful Book, Warrior Women Arise, and It definitely has the WOW Factor. Amanda's Book Inspires, Encourages, and Empowers all Women to better discover their Worth. There is another Unexpected Blessing in store for readers, but I will not spoil it for you and let you discover that yourself.

In Amazing Amanda's Book there is a Chapter called, Facing Your Giants. These Giants are our faceless Enemies that hold us back from discovering our Purpose. Perhaps you have battled some of theses Demons that go by the name of Anxiety, Stress, Confusion, Depression, Rejection, Abandonment, Worthlessness, Fear, Self-Loathing, Despair, and many others who Project so many Lies at us that we get covered in their Deception and lose our own Identity and all sense of Direction. We become Disoriented because we don't know who we are or where we are suppose to be going, only that we need to Battle these Creatures, so that they don't destroy us. We get caught or trapped in the daily Battle of trying to survive their Relentless Attacks.

Have you ever wondered why these Unseen Entities attack us? Other then they are fueled by a Dark energy or source, what is their Primary Goal? They are determined to cause our destruction, but why? Their Primary Goal is to prevent us from Experiencing Amazing & Holy Love. The devil knows from personal experience how awesome God's Love is for us. The devil is envious that we have something available to us that he never experienced. Not even when the devil was a Beautiful Angel in Heaven was he able to experience the Amazing Sanctified Love that is only for us, God's kids. Like w/all Ns the enemy covets the things he envies and can not have, thus he seeks to prevent us from having what has been denied to him. The enemy sends the Unseen Nemesis to battle us and keep us distracted and hopefully wound us so deeply that we don't reach out to God.

During the Battle or after the Battle, we find ourselves in Survivor Mode which is progress from being a Victim, but Is there more than just being a Survivor? Most of us don't even have time to ask ourselves this question because we are so weary from the Battle. In fact we get so very weary from the relentless Battle that we Build an impenetrable "Fortress of Fear" surrounded by various barriers and walls which prevents anything from getting in or out. It shields us from the Pain of Life. Sure we don't feel the full impact of the Pain, but this protection comes at a very high Price, because we also don't feel the full impact or presence of Peace, Joy, Passion, Serenity, or Tranquility. Medicating our Wounds & having a Fortress is to be used for a Season, not a Life-Time. Relying on such things creates a ceiling effect to our Healing Journey. GOD is our Healer and our Fortress and that is how we break the ceiling to our Healing, that is why many refer it to as a Break Through.

Side Note. This is not in any way a slam against medical assistance. When we are deeply wounded we require medical intervention, whether it be a temporary cane or even a crutch, just make sure it does not become a permanent wheelchair, a constant fixture in our Life. I have seen how that can happen and people self-medicate and become addicted to prescription meds that were designed for a temporary use.

Being born and raised in the KoN I had a very limited definition of Love. I thought Love was the absence of Abuse. If Abuse was not present then Love must be, now I know this is Not True. The things we try to rationalize for ourselves in order to protect ourselves from a very painful Reality. The great lengths we go through in order to avoid accepting that someone we Love does not Love us in return. In regards to Toxic, Abusive, and Dysfunctional Relationships, We so desperately want to believe that if there is no Abuse (for awhile or for that day) there is Love. But there is so much more to Love than what we have experienced in our Past. What my personal Relationship with Jesus has taught me is that, Where There is Love There is No Abuse, and Where There is Abuse There is No Love.

Peace & Pain or Peace & Suffering work the same way. Peace is not just the absence of Pain or Suffering, it is so much MORE than that. Where There is Peace There is No Pain or Suffering, and Where There is Pain & Suffering There is No Peace. Without a doubt, when we leave the Abuser there is a noticeable change within and around us. Compared to the very Toxic Environment we were in with the Abuser, the place we are in without the Abuser is very Peaceful. As good as this is, and it is Very Good, as great as this feels, and it feels pretty Great, there is even MORE available to us. There is an even Higher Level to Love & Peace.

I know you feel it in your Spirit as I did in mine. A longing for MORE. But out of Fear we won't even Consider the Possibility, and we deny the Probability of experiencing such an Amazing Level of Love and Peace. We think to ourselves, that Kind or Level of Love & Peace does not exist. It is just not Natural and those that have claimed to experience it, well they are just delusional. We are afraid to risk it, because we know how very painful it becomes when we believed that the N loved us and it turned out that s/he did not. We remember how our own delusion about the N loving us deceived us. The N's deception was cruel, but our own Self-Deception or Delusion about the N loving us was even worse. That Deception devastated us, so much so that we do not want to risk experiencing that again. I do not want to risk being deceived or delusional again. I can not afford to go through something like that again, so I will be content where I am at and tell myself this is as Good as It gets, so that I can quiet or deny the longing and not feel like I am missing out on something Amazing. -- been there & done that!

Happiness is Situational. It is determined by our circumstances and is often dependent upon others to achieve. Can we achieve Happiness on our own? Most definitely. Happiness is a Natural Experience and we can achieve it within our own Strength. However, Joy, Peace, Tranquility, Serenity, Hope, and Faith are not a Natural or Common state of existence. The Natural World is in direct opposition to these. We can not automatically achieve these things within our own Natural State or Strength. These are Spiritual in Nature, thus making them SuperNatural. Just the term alone, SuperNatural use to freak me out.

Our Culture and Society gives SuperNatural a negative and scary connotation, that there is something inherently evil about it -- but that is only part of what SuperNatural is. There are two different kinds of SuperNatural, an evil one that is glorified on TV and in the Movies and a Holy one. The Holy SuperNatural is pure and the complete absence of any evil. In trying to define what Holy is I found that trying to find just one word is inaccurate & incomplete. Holiness is Completeness, thus Holy Love is Complete Love. The Jews have the best description of Holy which is Shalom. Shalom means, nothing missing, longing, needing or wanting, thus a Holy Love is Completeness, nothing missing, longing, needing, or wanting. There is nothing like Holy Love, and those who have experienced it know that the only thing you long for is More of it, and to stay in it. Holy Love is not only something that you can be around, but most importantly something that you must be in to fully experience it. There is literally nothing on Earth quite like it, and that is why the enemy does everything in its power to prevent us from experiencing it. The enemy sends in our greatest Fear to deter and for some to prevent them from ever experiencing such an Amazing Sanctified & Holy Love.

How Amazing is this Love? So Amazing that the devil, and one third of the Angels in Heaven envied it. The devil and all his demons know just how Powerful this Amazing Holy Love is and the greatest attack they have against it is to get us to Believe it doesn't exist. Pure Evil exists, many of us have experienced being attacked by it in the form of Ns and Sociopaths. Therefore if there is Pure Evil, then the Law of Physics tells us that for every action there is a Opposite Reaction. But so that I do not confuse anyone the order is God then Devil then Jesus. God existed first, the devil at first was a Beautiful Angel in Heaven (the Angel of Light and Worship), the devil became envious of God, then God kicked him and 1/3 of His posse (his Enablers) out of Heaven, the devil knew that he made the worst decision of his existence, but his Wicked Pride or Pathology prevents him from admitting he was wrong (sound like anyoNe you know), so since the devil can not return to Heaven he sets out to deceive People into joining him in Hell. Heaven is Holy we can not get there on our own merit, thus we need a Savior. We need Jesus. When you experience Amazing Love from Jesus, you won't even give hell a second thought. God's love is so Amazing that God made a way and took the form of Man to show us the way to the source of Amazing Sanctified & Holy Love. John 3:16 For God so Loved the Word. . .

There is no fear in Holy Amazing Love. Perfect Love casts out all Fear, because fear has to do with punishment, or torture from the enemy. Unjustified, unwarranted, unhealthy, and unholy fear that is caused by the enemy contaminates Holy Love. John 4:18 Fear prevents us from discovering Holy Love. Does that mean we have to be fearless, without any hesitation, trepidation, or doubt to seek this Amazing Holy Love? Absolutely Not. It is the Gift of Amazing Grace that knows & understands our fears, comforts us, has compassion and draws us near in our Time of Fear. In any relationship it takes two. We must be willing to go forth, and not turn back in fear. Fear and doubt does not prevent God from loving us, but it does interfere with feeling God's Love for, around and in us.

Fear is one of the enemy's favorite weapons. This is the Unseen Nemesis that I battle the most. It prevents us not only from the Fullness of Life, but also our Destiny which is the Abundance of Life. The Abundance comes from having a SuperNatural and Spiritual Existence that contains

Peace, Joy, Passion, Serenity, Tranquility, Completeness, and Holiness.

When we leave the KoN we get a good portion, or piece of Peace & Joy, and it is very satisfying. We often ask ourselves, Why did I wait so long? Look at all we were missing out on by staying in the KoN. Surviving, Escaping, and Healing from the KoN brings more and more Peace & Joy each step we make -- and there is much MORE available. Even though you might not be aware of it, your Spirit longs for it.

Complete Peace & Joy comes from the reward of Facing, Conquering, and Obliterating these Demonic Giants, aka the Unseen Nemesis.

Our existence in this World means that there is a constant Battle being raged against us by the Unseen Nemesis. There is a warfare taking place in the SuperNatural on our behalf. The Greatest Deception of all is that this war does not exist, that GOD does not exist, the devil doesn't exist, and it is only a figment of our imagination. Turning our back on this very real war places us in a deadly position. We have got to face our Nemesis, not turn our back on it. You can not experience the SuperNatual World w/your Natural senses. It does take that 6th sense. Most people have the ability to achieve a 6th sense. It is a Unique Gift from God, some deny it, some don't know where to find it, don't realize that they have it, and when they discover they got it, don't know how to use it. I am only just learning how to use it myself. For most of my life I either doubted, or denied that it even existed -- but it does! Life is so Amazing when we discover such Extraordinary things!

We can not see the SuperNatural with our Natural senses, but we most certainly can feel its attacks, witness and experience the destruction it leaves behind. We might not be aware of just who we are fighting, but we do know when we are in a Battle. Our Body, Soul, and Spirit know when we are under attack. Do you know the name of your Nemesis? Or perhaps I should say, What is the name of the Nemesis you battle? After all no one wants to own a Nemesis.

Does it go by the name of Not Good Enough, Lesser Than, Anxiety, Stress, Confusion, Depression, Rejection, Abandonment, Inferiority, Worthlessness, Fear, Self-Loathing, Despair, or something else?

When the war rages against us All our Physical Energy, All the Strength we have in us is spent on just Surviving the Day. We focus on getting through one Battle at a time. It seems like an Impossible Achievement to get beyond this point of constant Struggle, because these Demonic Giants have a firm grip on us. We can not shake them loose and run, because where ever we go they will follow us to continue this Battle. We must face these Evil Giants head on by identifying each one of them, and by doing so they loose their grip on us, and we get a firm grip on them.

We are no longer their Prey, but become their Predator.

Talk about a time for Change and Switching it up!

After we get a tight grasp on them, Now what? What do we do Now? There are many weapons of this World that we can use to damage these wicked Creatures. Some of these weapons require Physical, Cognitive, and Psychological Strength to yield them successfully against our Enemy, but as powerful as they are they do not completely obliterate these Unseen Creatures. These tools can definitely cut these Giants down a few sizes to "make them more manageable", but to eradicate them completely from our Lives requires attacking the root, or source of their power.

Part of who I am is Artistic and Creative, but there is also a very Practical side of me. I know the Artistic and Practical, or Scientific World are seen as complete opposites, in direct contrast of one other, but it is only when I have equally valued both of these Great Gifts that I am able to achieve an Equilibrium or Balance in my Soul. It is only recently that I am feeling completely Free to explore the Artistic side of myself, which has revealed a Passion for Writing which I never knew I had in me. I also have an Analytical and Scientific Mind, and don't take things at face value. I need to fully Research and Investigate, and of course given my Backstory of Childhood Abuse I don't easily trust People, Concepts or Processes.

In College I was trained and became skilled utilizing & conducting Empirical & Quantitative Research & the Scientific Method. I assure you Science is a Religion all onto itself. And with any Religion there are Limitations. The Greatest Limitation is trying to Test & Measure Intangible Objects, or Beings such as these Unseen Giants. As Scientists we can Measure their Destruction (their Effects), because these Horrible Creatures leave behind very Visible, Physical, and Measurable Devastation, but Science has yet to find the Cause or Source that powers The Unseen Nemesis. Sure in some cases there are Chemical Causes, but even in these cases a chemical imbalance is not the sole cause. Chemical Imbalances are certainly Not the case for every Situation, and in every Battle. And of course there are Situational Causes when we are in Toxic Relationships or have just ended a Toxic Relationship, but if the Source of these Unseen Giants where strictly Caused by a certain Toxic Situation, then once the Toxic Person is gone, and the Toxic Relationship/Situation no longer exists then the Unseen Giants should fail to exist as well -- but these Unseen Giants become even Stronger because we do not see a Reason for their Existence.

How is that we can be attacked and tortured by something that doesn't even Exist, is Unseen, and there is no Cause insight?

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil despotism's and authorities of the unseen world. Ephesians 6:12 They wage a Spiritual War against us that seeks to kill, steal, and destroy our Life in any way possible. They are very Deceptive and the most brilliant Minds of this World have fallen Victim to them, because the Experts claim if I can't see it, hear it or touch it, or measure it w/any of my 5 senses, then it does not exist. Let's take an objective look at that type of reasoning and examine where it is flawed. First, it is a bit Egocentric, Egosyntonic, or Narcissistic in that if "I" can not measure or detect it then it doesn't exist. Secondly along the Narcissistic reasoning, if the Scientist is limited by his/her own 5 senses then s/he does not value another Person who has an added sense, ability, or tool that s/he does not have. Acknowledging & Valuing someone else's additional Ability in is direct conflict to the Scientist's own Ego and Ideal Self-Image.

Recall, in the article, Ns are Worse than Spoiled Rotten Children, the N covets what s/he can not have, and thus is determined to devalue, damage and destroy another Person's Unique Gift. The N's pathology will not allow him/her to value something that someone else has and s/he does not. If they acknowledge the Gift that the other person has and s/he does not the N feels limited, inferior and lacking in ability, so the N denies the other Person's Gift and Ability, thus eliminating his/her feeling of Inadequacy & Inferiority, and in turn maintains his/her False Sense of Superiority by saying the other Person with the Unique Gift is crazy, or delusional for believing she has something that the N denies exists.

Let's remember that our Scientific Leaders & Experts once denied the World of Microbiology where there are Unseen Diseases/Nemesis that attack, damage and destroy our Body.

The Unseen Giant Creatures which I mentioned earlier do in fact create Physical, Psychological & thus Measurable Devastation, which proves these Unseen Demonic Creatures do exist & are a deadly threat to our Lives. I have spent my entire Life observing how these Unseen Enemies damage and destroy Lives (both indirectly through the N or Sociopath and directly by themselves when a N or Sociopath is no where to be found). They are completely Merciless and will attack defenseless Children and Babies, the Elderly, and those whose Physical, Psychological, and Cognitive Capacities are very limited. These Unseen Heinous Creatures do not care who they destroy. All they long to do is damage, devastate, or destroy a Life and it does not matter whose it is.

It is very hard to understand something you are not, thus it is very hard to understand evil unless you have had repeat exposures to it via Ns & Sociopaths. I have studied it, and know how it operates. I have spent my entire Life being its Victim or Survivor, now it is time for me to be its Conquer. When we go to Battle these Giants we must go fully equipped to not only Survive the Battle, but to Obliterate our Enemy and win this war. Within each of us there is a Mighty Warrior. To win this War we can Not solely rely on the weapons that are given to us in this World we must arm ourselves with weapons given to us by GOD. We must go to a Storefront that specializes in Weapons designed to destroy the Unseen Nemesis.

We are not destined to be Survivors, we were created to be Conquers.

We are Mighty Warriors of Worth.

This Article, or Chapter in my Life is inspired by All the Warriors of Worth who share the same Battlefield in the KoN and the Path to Healing. Your wounds and your scars are Beautiful to me, because they Inspire Me. Your Friendship & Companionship has taught me to Value & Appreciate my own wounds & scars. Warriors of Worth you Inspire, Encourage, and Empower me to Discover my Purpose & my Destiny which has only recently just begun to appear on my Horizon. Never underestimate the importance of Your own Intrinsic Value to others. Your Life, no matter how horrible it has been has Meaning to Others. You are of Great Value & Worth and Very Much Needed. Even if you have never contacted me or left a Comment or Message, I feel the Energy of Your Presence, of Your Unique Spirit and the evidence comes via how many views from Readers. Your Support has not gone unnoticed by me. I do not take your Support for granted. I am very Grateful for your Support and I Appreciate & Value it. I am truly Blessed to walk this Healing Path with each of you & I thank you for your Support & Companionship along the way.

It is because of each one of you that I feel in regards to my Life that GOD is transforming Nothing into Something.

Those Horrible Giants mentioned before, Not Good Enough, Lesser Than, Anniexty, Stress, Confusion, Depression, Rejection, Abandonment, Worthlessness, Fear, Self-Loathing and Despair, I have battled them too as well as many others. The Largest of the Demons that I have had to battle is a Terrifing Faceless and Nameless one. It's identity eluded me for many years, yet it had the ability to deeply wound me like no other Creature before it. This Demon is called "The Nothingness".

"The Nothingness" is what the Ns create both around us and within us. And The Nothingness follows us and remains with us as long as we stay connected physically, psychologically, or even spiritually to the KoN. The Nothingness is not constrained by the Boundaries of the KoN. Even when we have no more contact w/the Ns and their KoN The Nothingness follows us, tracking us, every step we make away from the KoN. It lurks in the Shadows waiting until we are vulnerable, alone & defenseless to make its attack. Then it goes in for the kill. And it does not stop until we are its Prized Kill and can drag our Lifeless body back to the KoN as a Throphy & Threat to others reminding them what happens to a person if s/he wants to Escape the KoN.

In the last article, Ns are Worse than Spoiled Rotten Children, I talked about how Ns covet what we have and they do not. Their own jealously and envy fuels them to damage and destroy our Unique Gifts. Mulderfan's comment really resonated and inspired me.

My "loving parents" also happen to be the Ns in my life. They never gave me any gifts and if I happened to find or develop some for myself they took them away and convinced me I didn't deserve them. When I tried to defend my gifts they told me I was crazy and punished me with emotional abandonment. Good news is, I didn't have to worry about losing their love because I never truly had it in the 1st place! ~ Mulderfan

I completely understand & know how Mulderfan feels. Perhaps others have also felt the same way about the Ns they have N-countered in their lives. Maybe the N others N-countered were a Spouse, Sibling, Family Member, Friend, or even your own Child and we all have had to experience the very Painful Process of accepting the Reality that their love was never something we ever truly had in the first place. It is the Loss of Nothing.

How do we Grieve an Illusion? How do we get over a loss of something we never had from the N? How do we Grieve Nothing? How do we Grieve the Void? How do we Grieve the Void of Nothing?

To say that this has been very Challenging for me seems like a HUGE understatement. It is analogous to going on the Battlefield to fight an Enemy that is Cloaked in Invisibility. It keeps hitting us out of nowhere. Its attacks are relentless & merciless. When it knocks us down and wounds us, that is not enough, it goes in for the kill. It is not satisfied until we are rendered immobile and unable to move, and It gains Gratification from our Devastation & Distruction. Its nature is pure Evil.

Because we can not see it, and it is not tangible, we struggle to get a grasp on it. We can not go into an Offensive Position, because we have no idea (where) The Nothingness is located. We don't know how to attack it, because we can not see it, yet it sees us and knows when we are vulnerable and goes in for the attack. Our strategy is to Defend by constantly being in a state of Reaction. We can't avoid it. Not sure where it is to destroy it. When we ask others about how to defeat The Nothingness some are clueless because they haven't had to battle it, and with those that have had past experience there is not much they can do, because they haven't seen it either, so not much is known how to fight it.

Where is the source of its power? How do we prevent The Nothingness from hurting us?

I am not sure I have all the answers to these questions. I am a fellow Warrior of Worth still on the Battlefield. From experience all I know is that fighting it (the Absence of Authentic Love from Nparents, and Nsiblings & any other N, the Realization that they don't Love us, the deep Void that Reality creates & strengthens The Nothingness) makes it larger, Stronger, and more Powerful. We must Grieve the Loss of Nothing. In time, the Pain from suffering from "Nothing" becomes quite Something -- doesn't it. And that is okay. It is okay to Grieve and Morn "The Nothing". The deeper the relationship, the deeper the pain, and the deeper the weeping must be in the Healing Process. The process of deep weeping is called Travail. Women who Travail are respected and highly revered in other cultures. Deep Soul Wounds require Deep Weeping.

In Amanda's book Warrior Women Arise, there is a great Chapter called The Weeping Warrior, in that powerful chapter Amanda redefines the Traditional or Media Concept of a Mighty Warrior Women.

A Weeping Warrior Women being a symbol of strength is very new to me. I was taught by the Momster that only Weak Women Weep. There was only a hand full of times that I ever shared my thoughts and feelings with the Momster. There was no compassion, only condemnation from the Momster, "Stop Now. Just get over it. That's nothing to cry or get upset about. You need to be stronger than that. You should know better than that. I taught you better than that. I didn't raise you to be so weak. Why do you have such low self-esteem & a poor image of yourself? You should be better than that. Strong Women don't weep or cry, especially over such trivial things that are not important. Just get over it." At the age of 16 I remember recalling that I hadn't cried over anything or anyone for over 3 years. I learned not to express my emotions & especially my tears, to supress and deny them expression. It is not safe to be vulnerable when there is a Momster in the House.

That was then and this is Now. What I have learned is to fully internalize, accept, appreciate, and highly value the Truth that Mighty Warrior Women Weep. This Revelation has set me Free and inspires, encourages, and empowers me. I no longer feel ashamed, or weak for weeping. I no longer have the urge to suppress, or deny the need to cry, or the flow of tears. If I had a chance to talk with Oprah I would say, Fear Not the Expression of the "Ugly Cry", because the Ugly Cry is very Beautiful & Powerful in the eyes of God. Amanda writes,"Tears have a cleansing function, not only removing impurities by their actual presence, but also serving to purify our souls. The American poet John Vance Cheney wrote in his poem about tears: 'The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.' I love this image, as it symbolizes the hope that can come after a time of weeping and how the faithfulness and beauty of God can arise out of great suffering. A God who is acquainted with suffering Himself could never despise this expression. God stores our tears as an outward symbol of their value to Him, and through that act, He affirms that the substance they represent is worthy of capturing." -- this is just a taste of what is in store for you in this powerful book.

I want to share with you a Revelation I had as I was reading this Chapter. I had taken a short break and was watching something on TV with my DD, and it was sad, she began to weep and she turned to me and said, "Momma I don't see you cry. Are you sad?" I told her I was sad and expressed my emotions with hers. My DD opened my eyes to show me that it was okay for me, her Momma, to cry in front of her and with her. I resist doing so because I don't want her to get scared, but it is necessary to show her that it is more than okay to cry & weep. She is only 4 yrs. old, so I don't think she is ready for witnessing the full blown deep weeping of Travailing. However crying & weeping is a very good thing for our Children to witness and experience their Parents doing, especially in the privacy and saftey of our own home where Ns and Sociopaths are not around to attack us when we are vulnerable. The Bible tells us that Jesus wept. John 11:35 For some interesting Wikipedia, Free Encyclopidia info. on the shortest, yet one of the most powerful verses in the Bible, Click Here. What the World may deem as weakness, God turns it into Strength.

It is a Great Loss not to have the Love of a N, especially a NParent, I can think of no Greater Loss except the Loss of a Child, the death of our own Child is the Greatest Loss of all. In a way, not having the Love of your Parent kills the Child within. We never out grow the need for the Love of our Parent, so What do we do when it is impossible to have Authentic Love from a Nparent?

When I fully realized, completely internalized, and was litterally transformed by the Truth, that Before I was the Nparent's Child I was God's Child, and in that very Moment the Child within who was destroyed by The Nothingness Arose from the Ashes. God entrusted the Biological Parents to take care of me, but when they failed me, they also failed God. When they hurt me, they also hurt the One who created me. Just like if someone attacks my Daughter, it will be an attack against me. My Daughter is my Love, and People will be sorry if they even try to attack the one I Love. Someone can not attack my Beloved Child without experiencing her Parent's Wrath.

Just a little side Note. The consequence for a Reprobate, an unremorseful, unrepentant N who has hurt one of God's Kids is Eternal Hell. I know It doesn't feel fair right now (lack of Lighting Bolts or even very Painful Warts for the N), and I assure you that is just what the N is going to say at the end of his/her days when they transition from this Life into the Eternal Life of Hell -- That isn't fair! The N put us through temporary hell, but s/he will have Neverending Hell. They thought they were the All Powerful Devil, well they are in for a shock of their wicked Life when they come face to face with the Source of all Evil. It is a Great Exchange Rate if you ask me, our temporary hell for their Eternal Hell. We experienced their hell for part of our Lifetime, but they will have Hell for an Enternal Life time. They, without a doubt, will reap what they sow. They will reap a Neverending Harvest of Hell. They might not believe in Hell or think they deserve to be there, but that will not prevent them from going & staying there. There is no Son-Proof for them, because they lack True Remorse & Repentance.

Back to Nparents and the result of having to have No Contact, and being left without any Parents. Our Biological Parents are our Care Takers, but God is our Creator and thus is our Parent. Therefore, we do have a Parent's Love because we have God's Love -- and that is definitely NOT Nothing. In fact it is quite AMAZING & POWERFUL. We are Not orphans that must live the rest of our lives without feeling the Love of a Parent, because we have God's Love. We are God's Child. And God will fill the Void, "The Nothingness" with Authentic & Amazing Love from Himself, and from other Loving People that He brings into our Lives. God doesn't bring these Loving People to our doorstep adorned with a Big Red Bow on top. God gives us the chance to choose from an entire World of People. Learning All of the Relationship Red Flags is a Smart thing to do, applying the Knowledge is a Wise thing to do. We are not all alone in this process. Jesus sends us a Helper, I call it the Great Holy Spirit. God created in each one of us an ability to interact with the Great Holy Spirit. This Ability, This Gift is called the Gut Instinct or Institution. It is the Knowing without Knowing. It is beyound Reasoning, and it takes strengthening our 6th Sense. A key concept I can share with you is, If a Person's Empathy is limited, then so is my Relationship with them. Empathy is a Qualification for any Relationship. The Stronger the Empathy the Stronger the Relationship. I am filling the void with Fantastic Friends who have Empathy, Compassion and Love for me, my DD, and my DH, as well as the others in our Family of Creation & Choice.

God transforms The Nothingness both around us and within us.

I am still in the Transformation Process. "The Nothingness" is no longer this HUGE unseen Enemy that I am powerless to defeat, but a pesky fly that comes around occasionally to irritate & bug me. Sometimes it can leave a sting. Sometimes it is a yappy dog that comes to attack me as I step forward, especially if I am stepping into New Territory. These Unseen Creatures rarely attack on their own. They like to hunt in packs. If one can't take you down, they all come in for the kill. However, the closer I draw to Jesus the smaller they get. And when I am with Christ they flee. Being a Christian is a Fascinating Duality. We are between two Worlds, the Physical and the Spiritual. The Physical gets our focus off of Christ even for just a short moment. When this happens these demon dogs sniff out any unhealed wounds or weakness, or just come around to see if we know we have been Healed and know how Strong we are Now. These Unseen Creatures are not nearly as HUGE as they use to be. They have shrunk in size and are nipping at my heals, but that is okay, because that is only a teeny tiny wound, and it heals Much Faster than before when the The Nothingness attacked with razor sharp claws & enormous venomous fangs.

Eventually our deep wounds heal, the suffering and the pain ends and only the ugly scars of "The Nothingness" remain. I have noticed that some of the scars must be fading, because others are completely unware that they are there. The Scars from our Soul Wounds are a reminder of what we have been through in order to bring New Life. It is like the C-section scar I have on my belly. The pain is all gone and most of the time I forget that the scar is there, until someone asks, or I look for it. I pray my scars never go away. That is definitely not a Natural thing to say! Especially in a World that has a warped sense of what Beauty is and is not. This Word thinks scars are ugly, a sign of Damaged Goods, but Jesus says they are Beautiful to Him and now that I am learning to see them through His Loving eyes I can see their Beauty. The scars will be a Great Testimony to the Healing Power of God's Amazing Love. Jesus was wounded so that our wounds could heal. Christ suffered, so that our suffering will have an End. Jesus gave His Life, so that we can have a New One after we Rise Up from the Ashes of the KoN. Beauty for Ashes is what God gives the Kids from the KoN. We are Kids from the KoN, but we are not Kids of the KoN. We are not like the Ns who used & abused us. Our Childhood was destroyed in the KoN, but New Life can Rise Up from the Ashes of our Painful Past. It is an Amazing Gift from God if we are open to receive and accept it. Our Family of Orgin (FOO) is not found on Earth, but in Heaven. God's Amazing and Transforming Love gives us the Power to Create a New and Better Life for ourselves. The Power & Freedom to have a Family of Creation and Choice (FOC). Family is defined by Love not Biology. Those who have the ability to recipocate Authentic Love can join our Family -- for me that is the only requirement and nothing else. I do not put limits on Authentic Love, I treasure it where ever and whom ever I find it in.

Those of us who were or are The Walking Wounded, who have deep wounds and scars, we are God's Child and therefore we are (((All))) Precious in His Sight -- wounds and all -- we are Very Beautiful to God.

It is my Prayer that we All feel our Heavenly Parent's Loving Spirit around us and drawing us closer. Through God's Love we are Healed.

Every chapter in Amanda's Book is powerful. She even has Unique Chapters specifically written for the Single, Married, and Widowed Warriors. One of these Chapters will be a Blessing to you and the other two will bless those you know. One of my Favorite Chapters is The Reluctant Warrior part of me is reluctant to be the Mighty Warrior Woman. I do not see myself as someone who is Mighty. Surely there is someone much more qualified than I that God would give this Vision & Mission to and could do a much better job than I. Surely there is a person much more suited than I. How am I to accomplish the things that God has shown me? I do not come from Great Wealth or a Great Christian Lineage, or from an Ivy League College, or Bible College or Siminary, not a Seasoned and/or Professional Writer, and can not write a single thing without the use of Spellcheck. I did not major in Business, or English, and the thought of Public Speaking terrifies me -- anything but that! In College for our Prerequisites we had to take Speach Class which was in the Huge Lecture Hall that seated at least 100 People, or we had to take something else. Hey what ever that something else was, sign me up! Anything to avoid Public Speaking. The biggest event I ever put on was my Daughter's birthday parties. Well I did do a Charity Event in College, but I had some help. I am stepping into New & Unfamiliar Territory and I am most definitely Reluctant. However, I am excited to see what is going to happen next!

Right now I want to share with Others some very powerful tools that have empowered me in the Battle against the Unseen Nemesis. If the tools you are using aren't fully doing the job, then it is time to try something new. Not a replacement, but a supplement.

Amanda has authorized me to sell her book Warrior Women Arise (see details below). I HIGLY recommend it. It will equipt you in this battle against the Unseen Nemesis. You can purchase it here. This is a Fund Raising Event in order to support us in building a Women of Worth (WOW) Organization. We have several goals we are working on at this time. Our First Goal is to create and maintain the Website. Our Second Goal is to create an In-Person and On-Line WOW Celebration. Our Target Time in this Fall.

Next Month, in May we will begin our First Event which will be an On-Line BookClub which Amanda is looking forward to participating in with us. This is going to be tons of fun, and will bless you in ways you can't even imagine right now, so don't miss out. I promise you that it will be so Worth it. Membership or Friendship to the WOW BookClub is Free. Right now you can join on FaceBook under Womenof Worth. Hope to see ya there!

(To Join Click Here)

I know for some there is hesitation and intripidation due to past experiences, and you might think that this is "just not your cup of tea", but I assure you that this is a different Flavor & this cup of tea will not burn you. I can not control what others pour out, I can lovingly, but firmly tell them they need to change their service, or I can kick them out if they are not respectful. The WOW Connection is not about a Religion, but a Relationship, A Spiritual Sisterhood supporting one another.

Are you intrigued by the Book, but feel that because you are not a Christian this book is not for you? Maybe your faith is the size of a tiny mustard seed (I know how that feels), and you don't think you are ready just yet. Whether your faith is the size of a Mustard Seed or a Mountain this Book will Bless you. You are God's Daughter thus, this book was written for You.

This is a Special Message that the enemy tried two times to prevent. When it happened not once, but twice I had to believe my eyes, and the message my Spirit was sending, and that the second attack was confirmation that I was in warfare w/the Enemy. I know talk of SuperNatural Attacks freak some folks out -- I use to be one of them. I will write about that in an up coming Post.

If you were abused by a person who called him/herself a Christian, and said that they knew Jesus -- I assure you that this was the Greatest Deception and lie that they ever told. At best they might have heard about Jesus, I doubt that they ever personally met Jesus in the SuperNatural, because when you truly meet Jesus you are Transformed by His Holy Love, When you follow Jesus you turn away from evil, and the closer you walk with Jesus, then evil is no where to be found, so when Jesus is in you and you are in Jesus you can do no evil. And Abuse is the Manifestation of Evil. So the Counterfeit Christian lied about being an Authentic or True Christian. There is a book called the Christian Atheist that is on my reading list that talks about those who say they Believe in God but live as if they don't. Just because a PersoN calls him/herself something doesn't automatically make it so, look at the fruit of the Behavior they are producing to reveal their True Nature.

I was once wrong about Jesus. It is perfectly okay to change your mind. In fact, there is nothing I can recommend more, because it Transforms your Life, like nothing else. Jesus does not want a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. For a little while, just for a moment, quite your Mind and your restless Soul and Listen to your Spirit. Your Spirit, like mine, longs to reconnect with the one who sacrafied His all to Love us and be with us again.

All paths lead to Heaven, but not all paths can take you into Heaven, only Jesus can do that. Jesus is the Truth, the Light, and the Way. Do you feel lost? Is your way not fully working for ya? Be completely honest with yourself, do you have the Fulness or Abundance of Life? Do you feel not quite fulfilled and complete in your faith or the lack there of, and do you long for something more -- even just a little more? Is there something missing? Jesus is that missing piece that I never knew, never fully realized I needed, and now can not live without. Do not let any one person represent Jesus for you, not me or anyone else. At our very best we can be Christ like, but there is no substitute for the Real thing.

We all know what it is liked to be deceived, and to love a Counterfeit, and settle for something less than Authentic Love. We do not have to settle when it comes to experiencing & enjoying Amazing Love.

Does the Pain of the Past still haunt you? Are you covered in the Ashes of the Devastation the N has caused? Are you ready to Rise Up from these Ashes? Well Jesus wants to give you Beauty for Ashes. Christ wants to Exchange your Wounds for Wings. You were created to Soar. God will give you the Spirit to Soar. Just say, Great & Holy Spirit I open my heart & mind to you, teach me about your Love, show me your Love.

Perhaps you have healed from the Past, yet still long for something More?

Where ever you are on your Journey the Great Spirit wants to take you to the next Level and wants to bring you even closer, but God needs your help. Don't be afraid. Fear Not. Just say, Great & Holy Spirit I open my heart & mind to you, teach me about your Love, show me your Love.

Maybe you got Lost on your Journey, came back, left again, or have you gone back and forth so many times that you have lost count and are afraid to come back, and fear that you won't be accepted, that you ran out of chances and that God will reject you or be very angry at you. This is Not true. Our Holy Parent has Endless Love for us, it is Unconditional. You do not have to sacrafice anything for God's Love, because God sacraficed everything for Yours. Jesus Christ is God's Holy Sacrafice. Salvation is very easy, there is only one condition, Jesus. Jesus does not want to make you His Slave like the N did, but Jesus wants & longs for You to be His Friend. Salvation is about letting Jesus love you & having a Personal Relationship with Him.

Great & Holy Spirit I open my heart & mind to you, teach me about your Love, show me your Love.

The only regret I have about the KoN is that I didn't leave it sooner, the only regret I have about my Relationship w/Jesus is that I was not open to it sooner. Our Life with the N, we never know how Great it gets until we leave it, and our Life with Jesus we never know how Awesome it gets until we receive it.

Sending Hope & Love to you.

Here is the Warrior Women Arise Trailer & Book

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Price includes, book, tax, and Priority s/h.)

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