Turn The Other Cheek. . . And. . .

Okay, are you ready for a revelation that will rock your religion?

All I ask is that you reserve judgement, until you have heard everything I have to share.

After hearing this message some may want to send a hate letter, and others a thank you letter.

Again, All I ask is that you reserve judgement, until you have heard everything I have to share.

If you are in a toxic reoccurring abusive harmful relationship, Turn The Other Cheek. . . And Run!

Run, run, run, as fast as you can away from danger, away from someone who continues to harm you.

Some of you may be thinking, What about Forgiveness?

Today I would like to dispel some religious myths.

(1) Forgiveness & Reconciliation are not the same thing.
It is possible to forgive an unrepentant person, and because s/he continues to be unsafe, not have a relationship with him/her.

(2) Repentance from the abuser/attacker/sinner must come first before Forgiveness & Reconciliation.

(3) GOD calls us to pray for others, but not be prey for others.

Now for the Biblical Foundation for these 3 Truths.

(1) Jeremiah 29:11 -- For I know the plans  I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans of peace and not of evil, plans to give you hope and a future.

GOD has great plans for you, and being in an unsafe harmful relationship is not one of them.

(2) Luke 17:3  -- Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.

Abuse of any kind crosses the line. GOD provides us with a Divine Boundary to keep us safe. A person who has caused harm must have a repentant heart that leads to repentant behavior -- no more abuse. A person must prove him/herself to be a safe person before there can be reconciliation. 

(3) Matthew 10:34-36 -- “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.

Being related to someone, married to someone, or even sharing the same DNA does not trap us in an unsafe environment/relationship. GOD has said to separate from those who wish to cause you harm, because they have not made Christ their Lord, if they truly had there would be Fruit of the Spirit (self-control, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, gentleness, patience, peace, joy, and love).

(4) Matthew 12:33 -- Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit.

Do you hear that soft voice saying, okay now stop going back and forth. It's time to make up your mind once and for all? This is what I heard. Sure nobody is perfect. But we are not talking about human mistakes. With toxic people it is their intent to harm, whether or not they admit to it, that sets them apart from us normal imperfect people. It is their lack of conscious that gives them the ability to hurt us in the first place and most importantly their lack of true remorse and repentance that keeps them re-offending. Their hurtful & harmful behavior is the Proverbial Toxic Bad Fruit.

(5) Repentance is Essential for Salvation of our soul and relationships.

Act 17:30 -- In the past GOD overlooked . . . ignorance, but now He commands all people everywhere to repent.

Luke 13:5 -- Unless you repent you will likewise perish.

Revelation 3:19 -- Those who I love I rebuke & discipline, So be earnest and repent.

Matthew 11:20 -- Then Jesus began to denounce the cities in which most of His Miracles had been performed, because they did not repent.

Matthew 3:8 -- Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

Actions speak louder than words. Repentance (think differently; change your mind, regretting your sins and changing your conduct) Repentance is evidence of allowing GOD to transform your life. A New Person in Christ.

Therefore, if an unsafe person refuses to repent, and continues to cause harm, Turn the Other Cheek. . .
And Run as fast as you can, for these of the words of GOD and not of man.

Imagine your freedom from abuse and into abundant life. I did. I read GOD's Holy Word, that spoke of how much He loves me, came to this earth, and died violently on the cross, so that I may have life free from harm and abuse. He was wounded, so that my wounds may heal. He calls me, His Beloved. He delights in little imperfect stumbling and fumbling me! And He feels the exact same way about you too! He loves you with an unfailing everlasting Love. His Love far exceeds that of man.

Where there is Love there is no abuse, and where there is abuse there is no love.
This is our Love Letter from above.

One last message for the unsafe unrepentant people, I'm gonna Turn the Other Cheek. . .

And Run Run Run as fast as I can, you can't catch me you toxic man!

-- this applies to toxic women too who are harmful to others.

I will not be trapped in misery, for my GOD has come to set me FREE!

Back to those who are escaping the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism). . . .

Above all Beloved, know that GOD loves you, and wants you to be safe, and longs for you to have an abundant life, which can not happen if you are in an unsafe relationship.

Our Awesome Christ says in John 10:10, "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that you my Beloved may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance.

Jeremiah 29:11 -- For I know the plans  I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans of peace and not of evil, plans to give you hope and a future.

We will never achieve the Abundance of Life that GOD plans for us and has for us staying in an abusive relationship.

Has GOD ever told anyone in the Bible to leave a harmful or potentially harmful relationship? Yes. Read Gensis 13: 3-8 and Gen 21: 8-13

Blessing to you Beloved. Above all know that GOD Loves you. Listen to the Holy Spirit in what you are to do in your own given relationship. Above all be safe that is the first step towards the Abundant Life that GOD has waiting for you.

Family -- redefine it to fine it!

It has been almost 3 years that I have left the Momster's KoN, and my Journey to Healing has taken me to the LOL (Land of Love) high on a mountain top where I have an entire new view point and perspective on the KoN. It is about Family and how we define it and find it. When you are born and raised in the KoN, and make the decision to leave you do feel like you are standing alone on your own. Although it was our choice to leave the KoN, spiritually we were abandoned by the evil nature of the N. When we discover that the Enablers are more like the N (covert Ns either Damaged/Disordered/or Combo of both) we see ourselves as orphans with no family of origin. I would love to share with you one more very powerful & healing scripture found in Matthew 12: 46-50

46 While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. 47 Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

 48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

I do not believe this was a slam against Christ's Mother and Brothers, but rather a Love Message to His Disciples & Followers at that time, as well as us today. Our Lord is telling us that we are not only His Disciples & Followers -- we are His Family. Family is defined by Love, not Biology. Therefore, we are not alone. We are apart of a Great Team, a Great Family, our Family of Origin comes from a connection to Heaven, not earth. I am closer to my Spiritual Sisters, that I have known for a short time, than I ever was to my biological sisters who I have known all their life. We are not alone, we have each other, and we have our Holy Parent who embodies both a Loving Mother & Father, and provides us with Loving Sisters and Brothers. 

After a devastation The Enemy attacks us when we are down, by mocking us and pointing out what we do not have, so that he can steal our Victory of leaving the KoN. The Enemy does not want us to succeed, does not want us to walk in our Destiny which is away from the KoN, because if we do we walk out of Deception and Destruction and into GOD's Kingdom and Purpose for our lives. The Enemy will do everything he can to bring hell against us, so he deceives us into believing that by leaving the KoN we have lost something instead of gaining something. He wants us to be devastated & destroyed, and at the least deterred from our Destiny, so he creates a Pit of Depression & Despair to offer us. Shout to the devil, Hell No I Wont Go. When we keep our eyes & heart set on Christ we will not sink into the deep pit of Depression & Despair over what we do not have, because we see with Faith that Christ brings us Greater Things, a Loving Family to replace the toxic one.

Those who are going through this wilderness, this Transition & Transformation Time, nourish, heal, and strengthen your soul on GOD's Word and Faithful Constant Certainties. 

Take Every Thought Captive

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:5

"When something robs you of your peace of mind, ask yourself if it is worth the energy you are expending on it. If not, then put it out of your mind in an act of discipline. Every time the thought of "it" returns, refuse it." - Kay Arthur

"Take EVERY thought Captive. Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment. Is this thought Righteous or Rotten?" ~ Anissa Stark

It is important to understand the grieving process, and not let the enemy deceive us. The enemy encourages us to build a wall around our wounded heart while we are in a vulnerable position, and to keep others away. There is a time to build a wall, and a time to take it down. The more we know Christ the more we have the blessing of discernment to identify those who are trustworthy, and those who are not, "spiritual red flags". We have got to bring down the wall to receive the healing love that is brought to us through trustworthy people. 

We grieve not what we lost, but rather what we never had. As GOD tells us there is a season & time for everything, a time for morning and a time for rejoicing. 

There comes a time for all of us to make the choice, we can either get bitter about having been in a KoN, or we can get better after leaving the KoN -- Bitter or Better, the choice is up to us. As for me, the KoN has taken enough of my time. I choose to be Better by being thankful for the Blessings GOD has given me, a wonderful husband & child, great friends, and ever growing spiritual family, and most of all GOD says that for those of us who are parentless, GOD will be our Parent. Out of our great need, comes a Greater Blessing -- GOD as Parent.

Yes, the enemy will try and deceive us to be depressed, and to be trapped in a Pit of Despair by bringing thoughts of what we do not have, what we are missing out on, but we can hold that thought captive, determine that is rotten, and send it back to hell from where it came. We can allow the Holy Spirit to transform our test, trials, tribulations, and devastations into Testimonies to share with others, help others, and bring Glory & Joy to the Lord. We are GOD's Kids, we are not victims, we are Victorious. We have so much to Celebrate.

Growing in Wisdom (part 2)

(Read, Growing in Wisdom part 1 to put this event in proper context).  

As we were coming back from dance class, I was pulling into the driveway, and began to roll up all the electric windows. Carissa was in her car seat in the backseat, and she decided she was going to go against what her parent was doing, be disobedient and defiant, and roll down her window. I responded by proceeding to roll her window up, and she decided she was going to stop what her parent was doing, be contrary, and place her hand on top of her window to prevent it from being rolled up. I did not know she was doing that, until from the backseat I hear a loud cry for help. I jump out of my seat, and run to her rescue to find her cradling her damaged finger. My only concern was to comfort her, to releave her pain as much as possible, and to check out the damage. I cried out to Jesus, Lord heal my daughter's wound. We rushed into our home, and I placed a bag of frozen vegetables on her hand. While she laid flat out on the couch with the bag of frozen veggies on her hand, deeply crying in agonizing pain, I had to make the emotionally painful choice to take the phone into another room with me, so I could hear the the doctor's receptionist. Unfortunately they were booked, and I had to go to the ER. While we were driving to the ER, Carissa says, "Momma I forgive you." I asked her, What are you forgiving me for? And she said with a slightly disturbed attitude, "for hurting my hand." I asked her, Was that really my fault? I did not do that on purpose. I did not know your hand was on the window. Who was being naughty, disobeying & defying her parent by putting her hand on top of the window, and tried to stop Momma from what she was doing? Carissa said, " Oh, I did, but I got hurt." I could see how this was going to be a teachable moment for Carissa & I. This was a time for Carissa to grow in wisdom. Sometimes it is painful to grow in wisdom. I lovingly explained to my child that her naughty, disobedient, defiant behavior of not listening and obeying is what caused her to get hurt, and now she is suffering in pain, for her bad choice. I explained to her that bad choices not only hurt others, but hurt ourselves too. While we sat in the ER, I got to take the time to explain to my beautiful daughter the difference between being disobedient and being defiant. If Momma or Daddy tell you to roll up the window and you refuse, that is being disobedient, because you are not doing what we asked you to do, you are not obeying. Now when you rolled down your window, and did the complete opposite of what Momma & Daddy are telling you to do you are being defiant & contrary, then when you placed your hand on top of the window to prevent it from going up you were . . . and then I was lost for words, so Carissa finished by saying Dumb and Stupid (words we do not use, but certain classmates have used these words to tease one another). I asked Carissa if she knew the meaning of Dumb and Stupid, and she said no, so I explained to her that it means to be very foolish, to not use good judgement, and to go against what we are taught by our parents and GOD. Carissa said, so being dumb, stupid, and foolish is a sin? I replied to her, yes honey when we are being dumb, stupid, and foolish we are sinning against GOD. It is what we refer to as a Contrary Spirit which causes us to go against GOD. Carissa said pleading with pain & confusion, "But Momma I didn't know that was going to happen!" (referring to her hand getting hurt & damaged in the car window) I told her I know, that is why you must always trust, obey, and know that your loving parent knows best, especially when you don't understand, and don't want to do something your parent's way, and insist on doing it your way which caused you to really get hurt. You could have gotten hurt a lot worse. It could have gotten broken so bad that the doctors could not repair it back to normal. We praise you Jesus that you are right now in the process of healing Carissa's finger, and is not broken. While we waited in the ER room for over an hour Christ was healing Carissa's finger. Carissa was able to fully bend it as if it never got hurt. We told the receptionist that Carissa did not need to be examined by the triage nurse, and the receptionist said since the triage nurse has not seen you, you wont be charged. 

Carissa's learning experience got me thinking, Isn't that how we often are with our Holy Parent GOD? GOD is doing something in our life, then we put our hand to it, trying to interfere or prevent what GOD is doing, because we don't understand, and all we know is what we want. Then when we get hurt, by interfering & trying to stop GOD's Way, our foolish sinful pride cries out in pain -- It's Your fault! You did this to me! I don't understand. Why would You hurt me? It is only when we sacrifice our foolish & sinful pride in the Holy Fire of Truth, that we understand that it was our choice, our responsibility, and our fault for being disobedient & defiant thinking we knew better than our Holy Parent, and put our hand in the middle of something that it didn't belong, and we are to blame for getting crushed, not our Holy Parent. Our society tells us it is not right to find fault. However, if we had a faulty window that did not work right, we would have to investigate the cause in order to fix the problem. It is very important to know when it is our fault and when it is not. Praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit Who is our Helper that lovingly & compassionately convicts us when it is in fact our fault. With a humble & repentant heart, we realize it is not GOD that needs to be forgiven, but us. Is there anything that you are still blaming GOD for, when it was your bad choice? Dear Lord I ask that you forgive me for blaming you when it was my fault.

It really is about trusting that our parent knows best even when we don't understand, or don't want to do what we have been told. We need to just remind ourself, my parent knows best. We praise You Lord for those teachable moments in life, no matter how painful they are to learn.Here are some Great Scriptures on the importance of growing in wisdom. The Bible teaches us that even Christ grew in Wisdom. Luke 2:52

Proverbs 2:6, Proverbs 4:5, Psalm 90:12,  Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 16:16, Proverbs 19:8, Romans 11:33, Colossians 1:9, Colossians 4:5, 1 Corinthians 3:19, Psalm 104:24, Psalm 136:5James 1:5, Psalm 119:34, Psalm 51:6: 1 James 3:17, 1 Corinthians 1:24, Job 12:12-13, Proverbs 28:26, Proverbs 23:4, Colossians 2:3, Ephesians 3:10Revelation 5:12, Jeremiah 10:12, Proverbs 3:19, Proverbs 21:30, 

Growing in Wisdom (part 1)

1/26/12
Just picked up Carissa from Kindergarten, and Carissa said, "Momma my friend Savannah didn't have a drink for lunch, and I listened to GOD and He told me to give her my drink, so I did, and GOD blessed me, because another friend Emmalynn was having a birthday and brought cupcakes and drinks, so GOD made sure I had a drink too." Carissa just experienced the character of Christ, JEHOVAH-JIREH (meaning The LORD GOD my Provider).

Yesterday we were shopping for shoes, and Payless Shoe Store had the BOGO sale (buy one get one 1/2 off). Carissa found these attractive blue-jean style wedge shoes with bows at the toes, and a little wedge heal, and she wanted them sooo much. She actually pleaded for these shoes. I wasn't sure about them for 3 reasons; one they were more than I wanted to spend, secondly I didn't know if she was mature enough for a shoe with a little heal, and thirdly, because they would be only for church, and dressing up to go somewhere, which means they are not a "practical shoe" that she would wear every day at school running around at recess. GOD pressed it upon my heart, and said, "It's okay, go ahead and buy Carissa those shoes", so I did. GOD knew Yesterday that today Carissa would sacrifice her drink for a friend in need, that her loving sacrifice would bless three people, her friend, her Momma, and her Jesus. GOD is truly Amazing. I am so very blessed to have such an awesome little daughter who cares so much for others. Happy tears are a flowin, because she is knowin her Jesus! If you couldn't tell, I now have total Peace & Joy about those little blue shoes.

It's A Wonderful Life

The Holidays can be a roller coster of mixed emotions for those of us who are either in or have left The Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). The enemy, not the Narcissist (N), but the enemy, aka the devil, or dark force will stop at nothing to keep us from enjoying our life, and growing closer to Christ. The enemy's ultimate plan is to come between us and GOD, so that we can join him in hell. He sets out to deceive us into believing it is GOD's fault, and not his that the N is evil and harms us. The enemy wants us to blame GOD, to distance ourselves, and ultimately come between us. The enemy is envious of Christ, and the love we have for our Savior, and will do what he can to distract us from celebrating the birth of Christ.

One way the enemy does this is to deceive us into believing we have lost something by leaving the N and his/her KoN. The enemy brings in powerful FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) to either keep us in the KoN, or have us return to the KoN not for our sake, but "for the kids sake". The enemy preys upon our desire & desperation for a family, and out of desperation and deceptive definition or idea of Family many return to the KoN in hope that things have magically changed in regards to the N in charge, and the Army of Enablers. The Illusion of the KoN being a safe place eventually breaks with reality either on the Holiday, or soon after, and we once again come to the painful conclusion that it is best to stay away from the N and his/her KoN.

Over two years ago when I started this blog, Freedom from Toxic People, it was for three reasons. One to process what I was going through, "write it out to get it out". The second reason to connect with others who have N-countered a N and his/her KoN, and learn from them how they processed and more importantly how they have recovered from the harmful effects of the KoN. The third reason, is to share what the Holy Spirit has and continues to reveal to me about the nature of the N and his/her KoN; the best path to take during the Healing Journey; and most importantly Life after the KoN, are all things I desire to "Share It Forward" with others in hopes that others will not spend decades (like I did) trapped in the N's KoN, and the healing process will be shortened & their over-all life enjoyment lengthened by not constantly dealing with the potential long-term after effects of the KoN.

We are to enjoy Life by living forward, instead of being trapped in the pain of the past. The KoN is our BackStory, the best is yet to come, and if you can not see it right now it is because it is just beyond your Horizon Line. Just out of sight. Healing from the KoN is a walk of Faith. You won't make it, if you don't take it. Please heed this warning from someone who has spent over 4 decades dealing with Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths and their KoNs. I have seen others trapped in a Pit of Depression and Despair, because they blame GOD instead of the devil for the N and his/her KoN. I have noticed a distinct difference between those who have GOD as apart of their Healing Process, and those who do not. From my own professional & personal experience, only Christ can reach & heal the deepest of soul wounds created by the N. It is never too late to reach out to Jesus, and what we discover is that He has been waiting for us all along with Loving arms with a Heart of Compassion & Understanding. GOD does not seek a Religion from us, but a Relationship with us. If you haven't yet begun, I encourage you to start your Relationship with Jesus today. I promise you that there is no condemnation in Christ. Anytime you return to the KoN, condemnation eventually follows. With Christ there is only Love. When you meet someone from Christ's Family, an Authentic Christ Follower, you will experience an Authentic Love that helps and does not harm.

If we never take that step of Faith, just like in the Holiday Movie, It's A Wonderful Life, we miss out on all that GOD has planned for us. As the main character in the movie played by the very talented Jimmy Stewart discovers that everyone was created for a purpose, and our life decisions can change the quality of life for ourself, others, many others, and for many generations to come. What kind of Legacy are we going to leave our Children? One of reoccurring chaos & toxic drama created by the N and his/her KoN, or the true Peace & Joy that only comes from a N-free Life out side of the KoN?

A Friend of mine who goes by BrashWorld, added her insight to a post that I wrote a little while ago back in Sept. of this year titled, Life in the KoN. I encourage you to check out her own insights about Life in the KoN on her blog post titled, On My Side???  BrashWorld further explains what I shared about the true nature & identity of the Enablers/Covert Ns. BrashWorld, like others who have survived the KoN, is a source of inspiration for me. After reading her post, about my post, I was then inspired to write this post, which originally started off as a posted Comment to her post, but quickly grew in length, and developed into another article.

When we leave the KoN there is no denying the great life change that begin immediately to occurs as a result from perhaps the greatest life decision we will ever make, other than excepting Christ as our Lord & Savior. Leaving the KoN did not just begin two years ago when I decide to have No Contact (NC) with the Momster. Separating from the KoN has been a life process of various transitions. When I started NC a little over two years ago it was the beginning of a new transition and transformational process. Living in the KoN is about the process of discovering the hidden identity of the N, and his/her true nature. Leaving the KoN begins with leaving the toxic N, due to his/her true identity and desire to harm others, but then along our Journey of leaving the N it transitions to the Beauty of Discovering Self. The Self that was denied expression in the KoN, and the more we discover the suppressed aspects of Self (independent thought & desires, self expression, etc.) the more we discover the different aspects of Life, what it really is opposed to what the N deceives us into believing.

Life outside of the KoN is not a perfect life, but It's A Wonderful Life.

Holiday Tip

Do not let the N's contaminate Christmas. Consider fasting Ns this Holiday by having a temporary No Contact (NC) and discover the blessing of NC. If for some reason you can not fast the N, then ignore his/her triggering comments just like they never said it -- it is very hard I know! By ignoring the N's comments you send a strong message to them that they do not have the power to contaminate or ruin your Holidays or any day. By ignoring Ns we also send a message to the rest of the family, but most importantly we send a message to ourselves to focus on what is important this Holiday and what is not. This message is a reminder to self most of all, because I tend to give the N's stupid comments the power to contaminate by addressing them, but by ignoring them sends a strong message to others, but more importantly to self that these stupid statements are not important enough to even address.


If you can't avoid them, ignore them! -- this applies to the stupid Ns and their stupid covert statements.

Moderate to high level Ns are at their worst not their best during the Holidays, because they think their targets (us) are trapped in their KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism), that the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) is too thick, so they can blast through our boundaries, and we will just take it to "keep the peace at any price". In these cases I recommend that the second the N starts on the covert attack if it is publicly, just say that was rude or that was mean. If you have established that you, and your spouse/family will not tolerate rude, disrespectful or mean behavior/comments, then everyone will know that the second covert or overt attack by the N will cause you and your family to leave, so the enablers have two choices to warn the N to knock it off before s/he once again ruins Christmas, or to enable the N & blame the victim for "being too sensitive". 


Depending on the level of pathology in the N, the N will adhere to your warning and modify his/her comments, or justify and victim blame by saying "I was only joking, and you are always just too sensitive, can't you take a joke." We can not explain reality to Ns, because they live in their own Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN). Keep things very simple and repeat, that was not funny, and leave it at that. If the N continues, leave the room and give the enablers a chance to straighten the N out. If the N continues the attacks, leave the KoN if you are at someone else's house, or tell the N that it is time for the N to leave your home. 




Modifying lower level Ns behavior is about us having follow through, and getting up and leaving when the second covert attack comes or telling the N to leave if s/he is at your home, and not letting the other enablers guilt trip us into staying for more attacks.




The comments above is not meant to say to keep ignoring continued attacks by the N, only one stupid statement that is so covert that most don't even detect it (especially the enablers), such as N saying "the stuffing you made last year was really good" implying that this year's in not good or inferior, or "your sibling made a great dinner or I had a great time at your siblings house" (no compliment for you) covert slam. These are the stupid statements that I am suggesting you ignore, unless it is followed by another attack, then ask the N to leave if s/he is at your house, or you leave if you are at their's or another family member's. 


Do not get trapped into trying to explain things to enablers, they don't get it, because they don't get attacked and most enablers are covert lower levels Ns that don't care if you get attacked and just encourage us to shut up and put up, because they are happy that as long as you are getting attacked they are not. 


Just get up and leave the KoN.

Here is what I wrote last year about There is No N in Christmas, click here.

I hope you have a blessed Christmas.

Glimmers in the Dark by Luci Swindoll

I love Luci -- Luci Swindoll that is. In a recent Facebook post, Luci said,

"When you were a child holding a mirror in your hand, if you caught a glint of the sun, that mirror reflected a beam that could actually illumine a dark place. That was pretty exciting! You had the power to shine in the darkness. It was better than holding a flashlight because the reflection source was from above you, not from batteries in your hand. It was supernatural phenomena to every child.

Each of God’s children has the power to illumine the darkness. This light shows up in different forms: humor, kindness, peace, hope, grace—all characteristics that can come out of us when the light Source shines through us."

What Luci is talking about is what Andy Andrews (one of my favorite authors!) refers to as The Butterfly Effect. The power of just one person making a difference in others lives. When the little light of one is combined with others I refer to that as The Firefly Effect.

The Firefly Effect

 

The Firefly Effect 
by
Anissa Stark

all copyrights reserved

Have you heard of The Butterfly Effect? 
The Butterfly Effect was scientifically established in 1963 by Edward Lorenz theorized that the single flap of the wings of a butterfly in one part of the world can create a hurricane in another part of the world.


Author Andy Andrew wrote a wonderful book based on this principle titled, The Butterfly Effect. Andy explains that the Butterfly Effect is one of GOD's Laws, like The Law of Gravity.
The Scientific name for the Butterfly Effect is The Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions. It is the power of one living matter or individual to set a change of reaction, so powerful that it changes the world and can save lives.

The Firefly Effect is the Butterfly multiplied to or cubed exponentially, like in algebra when a number is multiplied by the sum of itself. Recall in algebra if we start with a single number, so matter how many times you multiply it by the sum of itself, it remain the same. 
For example; 1 to the millionth degree still totals one.


It is only when two or more are multiplied more than one the total changes. 
For example; 2 cubed or 2 to the second power, 2 over 2, or 2 + 2 = 4, 
2 to the third power, 3 over 2  is  (3) 2s added in row 2  +  2  + 2 = 6
"For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
Matthew 18:20


The Firefly Effect is the combined, multiplied effect of The Butterfly Effect.

The little light in the darkness that when combined with other little lights changes lives for generations.

How does the Firefly Effect work?

Read on to find out!

Our Last Step

My friend Mulderfan is a source of inspiration for me. I don't know if she would consider me a Friend or a source of inspiration, maybe more like irritation (hopefully not), because that is exactly what I thought of others like myself who I met during a certain point in my journey. Mulderfan and I have much in common, both had Nparents, I refer to mine as the Demon Dad and Momster, because on a good day they are merely Narcissists and on a bad and evil day they are Psychopaths. Mulderfan and I both suffered deep soul wounds from our abusive parents. Both of us self-medicated with addictions, although our addictions took different forms, the reason for having them were the same.

If you are in the Recovery Process or know someone who is I recommend you check out her blogs. She has two blogs, Mulderfan and Elevator Broken, Take The 12 Steps.

Life in the KoN

There are two types of People in the Kingdom of Narcissism (KoN), the Damaged and the Disordered, and there are 3 distinct roles, The Primary Abuser, aka the Overt Narcissist (N), the Enabler/s which can be either Damaged and/or Disordered People, such as an enabling spouse of the Primary Abuser, and the Golden Child who the Primary Abuser  never attacks or rarely attacks and when the Primary Abuser does attack the Golden Child it is less severe and thus "not as bad" as when the Primary Abuser attacks the Scapegoat or Target. The Scapegoat is the Primary Target of mainly the Primary Abuser, but also the Enablers. 


The Primary Abuser, the Overt N is obviously Toxic, Disordered, Pathological, and a Sociopath. It is not hard to identify his/her behavior & nature as harmful to others that is once Children of Narcissists become Adults and know that this is not Normal, because our World has expanded and we have met Normal Loving People and have formed Healthy Relationships, so now we can discern what is Healthy and what is Unhealthy, Toxic, and Harmful.

However the rest of the inhabitants in the KoN are not so easily identified. In fact to this very day I am wondering if my Siblings are Damaged or Disordered or both. Of course my prayer is that they are Damaged, because the Damaged can be Healed. They can Repair what was done to them, so that they don't continue to Repeat in any way what was done to them.

As a Momma of a 4 1/2 yr. old my Dear Husband (DH) & I am teaching our Dear Daughter (DD) Right from Wrong, and Kind People from Mean People. We are teaching her to develop her Gift of Discernment. The ability to Discern derives from the ability to detect or identify the Truth vs Lies. There are Many Lies in this World, and a misconception and Great Deception is that all lies come from Liars, unfortunately this is Not True. Lies are handed down throughout the generations that many believe that they are the Truth, because respectable People utter the lies time and time again.

For example, a common lie or Urban Legend is that "There is Good in Everyone" --This is False and This is a Lie. We must clarify that [being] Good is Not the same as [doing] Good. Just because a PersoN can appear to do Good, that person is not necessarily really authentically being Good. A Narcissist (N) can do Good, but the N's actual being is NOT Good due to his/her Pathology or Evil Nature. A N does Good Things for the Wrong Reasons, or the Right Thing for the Wrong Reason. When a N does a perceived Good Thing it is for his/her own Self-Interest, to create & maintain their False Public Image and/or to gain & maintain control over those they appear to be helping, due to the Toxic Strings that are attached creating an covert Obligation that now the other person owes the N something, and the N will always collect, and not always in an obvious way. Did that sentence seem long, complicated, or drawn out -- well that is what the KoN is like. 

It is only after some time has past, and there has been some disconnection between us and the N do we then realize, Oh that's why the N did that once perceived Good Thing, it wasn't because s/he really cared about me only to deceive, manipulate, and control me. Imagine the Overt N as the Puppet Master and we are the Puppet, but What or Who are the Strings? The Toxic Strings are what ties us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser. I always thought the Strings were Situations, such as the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that the Puppet Master/Overt N/Abuser creates to keep us trapped in his/her KoN. Now I have realized that the Toxic Strings that tie us to the Puppet Master/Overt N/Primary Abuser is not only Situations, but rather People. Not just any People, but those who are the closet to us and those have been apart of us even since the very day we were born into the KoN. These Toxic Strings are our Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO) complied of Damaged and Disordered People. They are referred to as the Enablers.

In the past Enablers have been classified as fellow victims and helpless to end the Primary Abuser's/Overt N's Reign of Abuse.

Are they really as helpless as they want us to believe? Or . . .

Is their perceived helplessness yet another Grand Illusion in the KoN?

Just like the Primary Abuser, aka Overt & Obvious N,

Are Enablers not who they appear to be?

The Overt N rules at the center of the KoN making or forcing everything and everyone to revolve around him/her, but does this person rule alone, or is there a covert helper?

Do Ns have that much power to create & maintain the KoN all by themselves?

Can one person really control an entire Kingdom or do they have help?

Like with all Dictatorships the KoN must have its Army in order to keep things the way the Wicked Ruler wants them. The N signs everyone his/her duty or role. Some are Scapegoats and the Identified Target, others are the Golden Child, and then there are the Reinforcers. The Army of the KoN. Thing is with a Physical Army you can tell & identify who is in the Army and you can tell when your adversary or enemy is approaching, but in the KoN it is a Spiritual Army we are up against, and it is hard to detect who is Friend and who is Foe. Who you think is your Friend or your Family Member unexpectedly deserts, betrays and abandons you when you must battle the Overt N. When you are on the Battlefield you expect and anticipate direct or indirect attacks from the Overt N, but we are assaulted from the side from those who said they are standing with us against the Overt N's abuse.

The Army of the Enablers blindside us when we are most vulnerable. We trust them to have our back and devastated to find out that they have stabbed us in the back. The Enablers echo out our same Battle cry that the Overt N's abuse is wrong and must come to an end, but when we are holding the Overt N accountable the Covert attack of the Army of Enablers begins with either overt or covert bullying, harassment, guilt tripping tactics in order to recruit us to join their Enabling Army that Specializes in Cheap Premature Forgiveness and supports the Overt N ruling the KoN. 

The Enabling Army turns on us, and the focus is no longer the Overt N's Lack of Remorse and Desire to Hurt Others, but our Lack of Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Reconciliation with the Overt N. The Enabling Army say they have our best interest at heart while they are attacking our heart. We know the identity of the Overt N is pathological and evil, so we do not want any contact with the Overt N, but the Enabling Army can not and will not admit the Overt N is evil, because then what does that say about them? 

They must admit that they were deceived and used by the Overt N which takes a big blow to their already damaged Self-Esteeem, or they have to admit that they enjoy serving the Evil Overt N and being in his/her Enabling Army.

Those who can admit that they have been deceived by the Overt N lies, and discover the Evil Nature of the Overt N will leave the Enabling Army, but those who refuse to admit that they have been deceived, and that the Overt N's nature is pathological & evil will remain a member of the Enabling Army. It is the Damaged People in the Enabling Army that resign their position and leave to seek Healing & Understanding that eventually a Bridge to Reconciliation can be built once they learn the tools to create a Healthy Relationship. 

And then there are those who remain in the Enabling Army, Covert Ns that view us as the Problem rather than the Overt N. Why can't they see how the Overt N has destroyed our Family through deception and division? Why don't they see the Overt N's words and behavior as toxic, hurtful, harmful, and evil? Why do they continue to make Excuses for the Abuses? Because these Enablers are not like us, but like the Overt N, because they are Covert Ns. They will not admit the Overt N is Evil, because they identify with the Overt N, have empathy for the Overt N and love the Overt N and if they admit the Overt N is Evil, then they will have to admit that they have love an Evil Being, and then what would that make them?

Every Damaged Person I have talked to has questioned whether or not s/he is a N like their Abuser. However, Disordered People deny who they really are, because they believe they are perfect just the way they are even when they have victimized others. Those in the Enabling Army who continue to Victim Blame in covert ways, even when the Overt N has been unmasked do so because they are Covert Ns. When they devalue deject, and deny the Nature of the Overt N and say that the N and his/her KoN is "not that bad" it is because to them they are not fellow victims like us, but rather Covert Ns and to them it is really is not that bad because they are like the Overt N, and therefore can stand to remain in the Enabling Army, and march on back to the Overt N and his/her KoN.

The Covert Illusion of the KoN is that the Enablers are fellow victims trapped in the N's KoN with lots of FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) preventing their escape. We project onto the Enablers that they would want to be rescued, but they don't because they are not captives looking to escape harm, but rather covert Ns who know the overt N needs a target and if it will not be us, then it will be them. Covert Ns are not like us, they are like the Overt Ns. Covert Ns do not want to escape the KoN, they don't want to leave Hell, but want us to return to Hell to serve their own self-interest of not being the Overt N's new target.

Covert Ns are the Strings the Puppet Master/Overt N pulls to get us to stay connected to his/her KoN. When we try to rescue those who do not truly want and desire to be Free, then we are making ourselves long-range Targets for the Overt N's attacks. It is the Covert Ns that give away our position to the Overt N, and while the Overt N can not make a direct assault s/he will indirectly attack us through the Covert N positioning in the Enabling Army. The Overt N's Illusion is demolished, so a direct attack can cause no serious harm just a sting from the Ugly Truth that a Person who should love us only wants to hurt us. 

It is the Covert N's Illusion that they are merely an Enabler, a helpless bystander, a fellow victim in the N's KoN that creates the devastation. We want to give the Covert N the Benefit of the Doubt that they are just confused & don't understand the role they are playing in the Overt N's KoN, but it is not the Covert N that is confused, but us. We don't want to accept a very painful truth that our loved one who was once also victimized by the Overt N is not only Damaged, but Disordered and that our Love One is not caught in the Middle, but has covertly chosen a side with the Overt N, Primary Abuser which makes them a Secondary Abuser aka The Phantom N. The Horrible Big Picture of the KoN is that the Covert N is not only serving in the Enabling Army, but also rules the KoN at the Overt N's side.

Let's look at Matthew 10:25, It is enough for students to be like their teachers, and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household!

I know this is not easy to accept, because I still want to believe that my Sisters are merely Damaged by the Psycho Parents, that they can get healing & understanding and the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be obliterated and they will no longer be Captives in the KoN. I keep thinking if I only point out just one more time how the Psycho Parents enjoy hurting their Children my Sisters will see & accept the Truth about the Evil Nature of the Psycho Parents. 

How can I continue to explain the obvious to People who refuse to accept the obvious?

The last time my BIL (DH of Sister #2) gave my DH & I a "Surprise Visit" we explained to him that we are in GOD's will in regards to the Psycho Parents via Luke 17:3

“If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Since the Psycho Parents have not repent, continue to deny, deceive, and divide we must stay in GOD's will by continuing to rebuke the Psycho Parents & have no contact with them. 

How long do I unmask the Overt N to reveal his/her true evil nature to those who appear to be deceived? Is it they who are being deceived, or is it they who are deceiving us? If everyone else can see the Psycho Parent's evil nature, then why can't they, or why wont they? 

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

My BiL and Sister are blinded by the Psycho Parents deception. Nothing in this World break the Grand Illusion they are under and can restore their sight. It is time for serious spiritual warfare against the super natural forces that keep them blinded from the Truth. 


How do I know there is nothing more in this world and of this world I can do for them? How do I know that all my efforts and tools of this world will not work to set them free from the Grand Illusion they are under? How do I know that I should stop trying and trying and trying to reason with them and point out the obvious to them over and over and over again? How do I know it is time to transition from Physical Intercession to Spiritual Intercession? Continued Physical Intercession keeps you and your own family of creation connected to the KoN which brings at the min. unnecessary stress & distraction in your life. When we stop the Physical Intercession and switch to only Spiritual Intercession we become a very powerful force to be reckoned with against the enemy who uses are loved ones as his puppets. How do you know you have done all that you can do and it is time to release, let go, and move on so that you don't stay connected even indirectly to harmful people?


Titus 3 10-11:

10 Warn divisive people once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. ¹¹ You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.

GOD has placed it on my heart to pray that the Demon Dad's and Momster's stronghold over my BIL and Sister will be broken through spiritual discernment and to talk to my BIL and Sister one more time and show them the Demon Dad's last message to us to show them his Evil Nature to hurt us and that he is deceiving them with his Counterfeit Remorse, because a Person who has Authentic & True Remorse would not say such hurtful & antagonistic things. If they can not see he is deceiving them, and they refuse to see the Demon Dad's True Evil Nature, then there is nothing more we can do and will continue to pray that the Psycho Parents Grand Illusion will be broken through Spiritual Discernment. 


The Demon Dad's last wicked message included a statement about my BIL and Sister's Minds and Hearts being open to him, unlike ours that remain closed. The Demon Dad's words were meant to hurt, but instead revealed his deception over them, and time will only tell if what the Demon Dad has foretold will remain true. Are my BIL's & Sister's Hearts and Mind open to the Demon Dad? Are their minds warped? Is the reason they refuse to see the Demon Dad's Evil Nature because they are Damaged or Disordered? My BIL and Sister have changed since they have had contact with the Demon Dad. They have repeatedly betrayed my DH and I. Is their betrayal, their sin because they are being transformed or is their evil nature being revealed? 

They think they are going to change the Demon Dad, that they have the power to change pure Evil through their Cheap Premature Forgiveness, but they are not changing the Demon Dad to be more like them, but rather the Demon Dad is changing them to be more like him. They are truly being self-condemned.

Please pray that my BIL & Sister's Hearts and Minds will be closed to the Demon Dad and open to us or better yet to God so that they can see the Truth and the Truth will set them Free -- especially when it comes from God and they accept it. That GOD's Word will take root in their lives and set them free from the Psycho Parents KoNs. That healing can happen between my BIL & Sister and my DH and myself. Pray that we can reverse this curse. Thank You for your prayers.

May the Lord bless you were ever you are at on your Life Journey.

There comes a time in our Healing Journey to Move On from the Pain of the Past. Moving On is a Process too that begins with little steps or small movements from a Crawl to a Walk to a Run. We will all reach this point in our own time in our own way. For me it is about having a Future that is Larger, Greater, and more Powerful than the Past. It is about having a Vision, a Mission, and a Dream much Much MUCH Bigger than myself. Here is my Small Movement focusing on Restoring Hope by Giving Dreams Wings,

 Click Here.

If this chapter in my Life has made a positive impact or the Story of Self-Care is like Riding a Bike has blessed you, or any other chapters in the Journey of Letting Go has made a positive difference and you would like to also Share It Forward and Help bring Hope any donation will help to change one Life at a time. No donation is too small, and every bit helps. And the Lord will say to us, Thank You for giving me Hope and we will say to Him, Lord when were you without Hope? And the Lord will say when you restored hope by Giving Dreams Wings what you did for them, you did for Me. Thank You & GOD bless your Compassionate Heart, Generous Soul, and Loving Spirit.

Our Dream List includes raising funds for a Giving Dreams Wings website to better promote our Programs, Find Sponsors & Partners, and Share how Restoring Hope is Transforming Lives, which is the Vision & Mission of Giving Dreams Wings.

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