The Web of Narcissism (WoN) has Changed & is Unsafe for Healing

First and Foremost I want to thank ALL who used their Voice in support of me Not being all the things that CZ is FALSELY accusing me of right now. Thank You for having Courage, Honor, and Integrity. Thank You for Trusting what you have Yourself Experienced with me, instead of the Lies you are hearing about me. Thank you for saying my Voice mattered to You, and that it greatly helped You (at the very best) and didn't offend you (at the least), and was needed to be heard at WoN. It takes Enormous Bravery to let Your Voice be heard when it is Not Popular, because there is the Overt, Covert, and Ambient Negative Ramifications that come from such a Brave Choice. I Highly Respect & Admire those who are concerned with doing the Right Thing, especially when it is Unpopular with the Leader of the Pack. Your Risk and Sacrifice has Not gone unnoticed. I noticed it, and was Deeply touched by it, not only by fellow Believers, but Non-Believers as well. You are & have risked much to keep me in a Positive Light. I DEEPLY appreciate what you have done and risked on my behalf and may GOD Greatly Bless you for that Gift you have given me. Believers, Different Believers, and Non-Believers have risked so very much for me, and I am so very thankful towards you. When the Voice you dare to disagree with goes against someone who has the perceived power to control your healing, and the access to your very needed Support Group, because let's face it, there are only few places that are filled with People who understand & know what we have experienced in the KoN, because they also have been there themselves -- to risk that in Any way is something I HIGHLY Admire, Respect, and Treasure.

Big Hugs of Gratitude & Love to each of You!

Due to recent Policy Changes which create the Atmosphere of any given Public or Communal Environment I can Not in Good Conscience recommend going to the Web of Narcissism (WoN) On-Line Support Group Forum. I want to make it Abundantly Clear that it has absolutely Nothing to do with the Amazing Members & Friends I met there, and is the result of CZ's (WoN's Creator) Sudden Change, thus her Forum has Changed, and Not for the better, but for the Worse.

Due to CZ's New Rule of Banning All Religious Expression, or reference to God, the Spiritual Voice at WoN has now become Silenced. I had fear that this would happen some day. I was Publicly assured by CZ on MORE than one occasion, AND verifiable in a Thread I created at WoN called Fear of being Me. I thought this Fear came from my Experience with the Narcissist in Sheep's Clothing from the Buyer Beware Unsafe Forum, but due to recent events I now see it had to do with much MORE than just that. I thought it had to due with the Momster's KoN, but due to recent events, in addition to the insight of others who know CZ, I Now see & understand it had to do with much MORE than just that as well. I beat myself up for Fearing to be Me at WoN. I thought at the time I made that Post that I was being a Paranoid Fool, and that there was no grounds for having this Fear. This Fear or Worry seemed so illogical & irrational, because at the time (and for over a year) I was encouraged by CZ to be Me and Speak in My Unique Voice which Everyone and Anyone who reads what I write knows that is a Spiritual Voice. I have Always spoken in my Spiritual/Christian Voice, and it has Always been present for over a year now. My Voice has Not Changed, but CZs has. Her Voice use to be about Inclusion not Exclusion, about Acceptance & Tolerance not Intolerance & Discrimination. I use to Highly Admire & Value her Voice and the Heart and Mind that it represented, but because Her Voice has changed demonstrating that her Heart & Mind has also changed I am shocked, hurt, confused, disappointed, angry, repulsed and disgusted by what is Now coming out of a Voice that was once Honorable & Righteous, because it was filled with Understanding & Love, or maybe I was deceived partly due to my own Projection and ignored some Red Flags. I didn't want to see the Red Flags, because I have been through this before, or at least something too close to this, and did not want it to happen again. CZ's covert attack was "not as bad" as what happened with me and Danu -- yet, but staying at a place that is "not as bad" is not good for me or anyone else. I am not going to stick around to wait for things to get worse. I know what it is to settle for "not as bad" and that isn't any good. I am not going to be in a place where My Voice is Silenced.

CZ and I have discussed the importance of allowing each Person to speak in his/her Unique Voice in order to facilitate & nurture the Healing Process. Since the Spiritual or Religious Voice has been Silenced due to Censorship, Healing at WoN will be hindered at the very least. Where healing is hindered I believe it is actually being prevented which creates a Ceiling Effect, because what one thinks is possible can not be achieved. It is so very Essential for People in Healing to speak from their Own Unique Voice.

Due to the insight that has been gained from a Former WoN Members, I do believe that a Conscious Fully Aware, Deliberate, Smear Campaign was created in order to Victim Blame and deflect CZ's Obvious Change. CZ and I greatly differ on Unconscious Ego Defenses. I do not support that Theory due to Lack of Evidence which I explain in Conscious or Unconscious Attacks/Abuse I do believe that when we hurt someone we are not in that very second or instant Always Fully Aware or Conscious of hurting someone, or is that my own Projection and Ego Defense talking? Seriously I can consider that in a specific given instant which is not prolonged over time (hours, days, weeks, months, years) the attack can be unconscious. How CZ has chosen to treat me as she says was "thought out", because she gave it "careful consideration". Her two recent emails to me were thought out & deliberate. Lies have been said by CZ and are most likely continuing to go on at one degree or another against me in order to justify her changed or finally revealed attitude towards me. She is doing her very best or should I say worst to Victim Blame in order to deflect from HER Obvious Change.

Many WoN Members share my feelings of being shocked, confused, hurt, disappointed, and angry to one degree or another. Some have let their Voice, Feelings, and Thoughts be heard and some have remained silent due to negative Repercussions & Consequences even in a covert and ambient way as in their Posts being ignored to being treated with less compassion, encouragement & validation. Everyone wants to be treated as Equals, and we all know that willNot happen, or a Great Possibility of that Not happening if you Support, Agree or Validate Letting Go (which was my Member Name at WoN). There is a Direct Correlation between the Level or Amount of Public Support one is willing to give to the Underdog or Scapegoat as to not have harsh, negative or indifferent replies to their Public Posts. No one wants to have what they say, no matter how valid, to be held against them not even in an Ambient (undetectable tomost) Way. It did happen to me at WoN. When I first arrived at WoN, CZ was compassionate, supporting, validating, etc, but that level did significantly decrease at a Ambient Level. I approached CZ and asked, Did I do something wrong? Wondering why is she ignoring my Posts? Am I just being too sensitive or too needy? And she said, because she concentrates on those who need her, the Newbies, the younger kids (which is understandable), and said she realized that she does need to remember to not ignore or neglect the "older kids". I told her that the older kids still need her. She has Not completely ignored all my Posts (and as we know Posts represent Self on a Forum), but there was an Ambient Lack of Equality that she gives to others who closer share her views. There was Favoritism which was Ambient (undetectable tomost). Sometimes she really did seem to validate what I was saying, but you might begin to notice that she does respond more compassionately to those closer to her way of thinking. Some say this in Natural, thus Acceptable. I disagree. I Accept, Respect, and Love everyone equally regardless if they share my same beliefs, and I give them equal if not more of my time, because different perspectives are interesting.

So what is a Remaining WoN Member to do? What are you to do when you are left with all of this confusion due to two very conflicting Perceptions of Reality? What I recommend to my Family, Friends, and Clients is to Take the Scientific Approach. Try to distance yourself and let go of all preconceived ideas about the two different Realities or People. Reserve Judgement. Do Not be compelled to make an immediate decision. Tell Self you are in a Process of Data Collecting. Our Natural tendency is to Collect Data with a biased opinion in order to support the conclusion we want, the Reality we want, and we need to keep reminding Self to Reserve Judgement. Reserve Judgement. and Reserve Judgement. Our Natural Tendency to search, collect, or accept Data or Information that supports the Reality that we favor is calledConfirmation Bias, and trained Researchers & Professionals such as Scientists, Counselors & Therapists make this very easy mistake, and that is one reason the N can N-chant even very experienced Professionals, their bias is that the N is not a N, because they know if the N were a N (a Mid to High Level N) their treatment/counseling/therapy will not be effective, thus making their goal unachievable, and that is hard for even a Trained Professional's Ego to take, because we are all Human and we want to achieve our goals of helping our Client.

First Question to ask in regards to what is happening between CZ and myself as well as in any relationship, Whose Behavior has Changed? Who is not who s/he Used to be? It is important to think about Cause and Effect. If our Behavior has changed, Is it in reaction to the N? My Posts regarding CZ's behavior change towards me and ALL Believers at WoN was greatly effective, but what caused that to happen?

As I mentioned before, it is CZ's New Rule of Censorship and Silencing the Voice of ALL Believers. I do not support Censoring or Silencing Any One's Voice, and CZ is doing her very best to justify something that is Very Wrong. She says that just being a Christian or simply encouraging People by saying God loves you and has great plans for you and His plans does not include abuse is offensive, hurtful, divisive, etc. I know what it is like to be too easily offended by a statement of Love -- been there.

Due to all the abuse I suffered as a Child I once thought There is No God, if there is a God she or he does not care about me to allow this abuse to happen to me. As I have said I have suffered & endured ALL types & kinds of Abuse this World inflicts upon a Person. Having been there I can say in Good Conscience and without any bias that Someone telling us that God loves them is Not a mean and cruel thing due to the intent in the words. The intent is to Love us, not hurt us.

The Problem of being too easily offended by someone sharing Love with us is not their Problem or Issue, but ours that we need to work through as someone who has been hurt, abused, and is left damaged. It has been said to me that what if I don't believe in your God or even hate your God, Now do you see what you said as being hurtful? No. Because the intent was not to hurt, but to help. I can not control if someone is hurt or offended by an Expression of Love. What if someone said to me, Budda Loves you Letting Go, I would reply, Thank You & Jesus Loves you. I can except anyone's Expression of Love, because I know it was not intended to harm me. CZ knew that an Equal Comparison of a Different Believer expressing her Love or ideas would not hurt me, so she thinks of the Worst comparison she can to "prove her point" that what someone can say can hurt you. Therefore she compares my Nature, Passion, and "who" I am to a Person who believes the devil being in him is "who" he is. Some Members want to deny that CZ was not comparing me only by beliefs, but if you can look w/an unbiased eye you will see that what I told CZ that being a Christian is not what I believe in but "who" I am, so she was in fact comparing Me by making in her statement the Demon Possessed Person is "who" he is and because of that should be allowed to express "who" he is at WoN -- "What is a forum Manager to do?" I believe was the question. And I replied my 4yr old has Discernment and can identify Good from Evil, an adult should be able to do the same. Comparing "who" I am as a Christian to "who" the Devil Possessed Person is like comparing a Slave Master's viewpoints, desires, who he is to the Slave, or the Rapist or Murder to the Victim. The devil, the source of evil, is our enemy, so that was not an equal comparison in order to get her point across, it did LACK Empathy & Compassion as well as Wisdom. Some Members say that CZ's hurtful comparison is justifiable "to prove her point" which she can not, because as I mentioned above only an Equal Comparison is Logical. CZ's is trying to say, don't hold me accountable and responsible for what I said, because I was trying to prove a point by offending or hurting you, the Ends justify the Means -- however her comparison Lacks Validity & is totally illogical. I pray it does not take a background in Research to accept my point is valid and to notice that she is Justifying Purposely hurting someone to "try and prove her point" -- HUGE RED FLAG!

CZ claims that her offering to help me start my own Forum where I can be more comfortable or free to express who I am, etc and not offend others was to be taken as a kind solution. She wants people to believe that it was a form of compassion when it was about Segregation. How can I support such a claim? Keep reading.

* It was recently brought to my attention that I forgot to add this Very Important Part when I originally wrote this Article. After CZ offered her Solution to help me create another Forum for All Believers and declined her offer, I recommended that CZ created a place at WoN to that All Believers could talk about Narcissism from a Spiritual Perspective. Create a Sub-Forum on her Forum like she has with the Writing A Wrong sub-Forum. This way WoN Members have a place to freely talk about their experience in their Unique Voice. Those who want to hear or participate in a Spiritual Perspective on Nism could participate and those who don't want to can avoid the Spiritual Perspective Forum. CZ said she was Not going to do that. If she really cared about ALL of the WoN Members she would do her very best to provide a Place on her Forum where they could CONTINUE to speak in their own Unique Voice. This Clearly Proves CZ intends to Silence the Voice of ALL Believers.

As I told CZ I have neither the desire, skills, or time in order to create and maintain a Safe Forum. In order to save face she wants me and others to believe that she is offering me The Golden Apple, being a fairy God-Mother and making my Dream come true. However, her offer is not a Golden Apple, but rather a Shiny Carrot in order to get me to leave WoN without saying a word and holding her accountable and responsible forHow she is Completely Changing the Environment & Atmosphere at WoN due to herCensorship, Silencing All Believers, Creating a One-Way Tolerance for others and an Intolerance against Believers, thus also creating Discrimination and Religious Persecution. Not to mention the covert attempt at Character Defamation or Character Assassination throughFalse Accusations (aka Lies) that I violated confidentiality. Her attacks are aimed at me being both a Christian and a Professional Counselor in which I HIGHLY value and protect a Person's confidentiality. I know what it is like to be personally violated, so for CZ to Falsely Accuse me of doing something I did Not do (CZ is Fully aware that what she is saying are Lies) is very deceptive, insidious, pathological & cruel.

As a WoN Member it is up to you to ask yourself w/out any Bias is there Now Censorship at WoN? And if this fact is true, then all that follows is also painfully true no matter how much we don't want to believe it is so. Some People believe since they are not being Censored, then no one else is. If you Self-Censor for what ever reason that is Your Choice that was not forced upon you.

Golden Apple or Shiny Carrot? How do I know for sure and beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a Shiny Carrot in order to get me to leave w/out holding CZ accountable & responsible? Because it was Not made all by itself. It did Not stand alone as a Loving, Kind, Thoughtful, Considerate, Empathetic Gesture. It came with False Accusations (Lies), saying that I had violated my fellow WoN Members & Friends trust, safety, security, confidentiality, etc which is hurtful because it is False and Slanderous. CZ said I am doing something horrible by Cross-Posting which she has ALWAYS SUPPORTED and has been FULLY AWARE OF since I joined WoN. She FULLY Supported, Validated it and Encouraged me linking my Blog back to WoN. She is at the time of writing this Post a Follower of my Blog.

I want you to scan through my Blog and notice that ever since I joined WoN I have linked back to it. I even created a post like ad that CZ used on WoN about Discovering a Love one is a N, (on WoN I think it is at the top of the Forum). For Proof that CZ was FULLY AWARE, to read her actual Comment that she herself posted, Click Here. And I found another Article/Post that I have on my Blog that links back to WoN and proves CZ was Fully Aware, Click Here. CZ has ALWAYS known that I link back to WoN and it has NEVER been a problem until last week. Look at her posted Comment and noticethe date the URL address that was before I knew how to embedd on my Blog. Links have Alwaysbeen there. And CZ is FULLY aware of that fact. To try and imply or create the illusion other wise is Deceptive & Pathological.

There is Extreme Deception on her part by trying to make me and others believe I did something Horribly Wrong. I know this is going to hurt or offend some and that is NOT my intent, as we all know accepting a Painful Truth is very hard to do, we naturally want to avoid the pain, thus avoiding and denying the Truth, yet the Verifiable Facts speak for themselves. And given these Facts, whether or not accepting them is painful, the Facts prove her False Accusations (Lies) are a form of either overt, covert, or ambient Gaslighting, let your Conscience & Critical Thinking decide, and not unquestioning devotion. False Accusations (Lies) are a form of Gaslighting and is Another HUGE Red Flag.

CZ continues to lie and accuse me of things I am not doing, such as Triangulation, if I dare to explain things. Again use your Critical Thinking. This is again Slanderous, and is her continued attempt at a Character Defamation, so that she can deflect HER Obvious Change, her lies, her false accusations, and deceptive behavior. Another HUGE Red Flag.

It is a Lie that I have asked others to leave. I have publically said to NOT leave on My acount, do what You need to do that brings You Peace. Having Peace is a helpful tool for Discernment & Confirmation about making the Right Choice for each of us. Regarless if you decide to stay at WoN, the Facts I presented remain Valid. I understand some may have to deny these Facts in order to ease their Conscience and be comfortable at staying at WoN. I am Not telling you to leave WoN (that is a conclusion for You to make) only to know the Facts. Your decision to stay or go has to do with Your Conscience and is between You and God to decide not me, or anyone else. I only stated that in Good Conscience to have Peace within Myself I can not stay at WoN no matter how MUCH I am missing you all and will continue to miss you all and I am in a DeepGrieving Process, due to losing my WoN fellow Members & Friends.

I have recently read CZ's Post on What is Cross-Posting? This seems like a Smear Campaign to me as well as others who have been contacting me saying how confused, shocked, hurt, and disappointed they are at CZ's Sudden Behavioral Change. I HIGHLY value the Wisdom from other Members on WoN (their shared Wisdom are Gems to me that I Treasure) and when A Member who I have formed a Friendship with has said something that pertains to a Topic I have written about I ALWAYS ask them permission FIRST before I quote their statement on my Blog using their WoN Screen Name as to Maintain Confidentiality & Protect their Identity even when I know their Real Name. I am a Professional Counselor and I know the Importance of Not violating Anyone's Confidentiality.

Susy, aka Wonder Woman has a quote of mine in her tag line, and she put it on a Silver Bracelet. That is honorable, a complement, and I take NO offense in that what-so-ever. Look out Wonder Woman someone is after your Silver Bracelets -- and it aint me! I completely trust WW and she has quoted me on her tag line, and on her website as I have quoted her, and we both have given each other credit.

Past Members who are no longer at WoN are quoted on my Blog, because I FIRST asked permission.

CZ has Publically said on her forum that ALL statements (including Members own statements and my own statements) belong to her because WoN belongs to her. Other WoN Members have disclosed to me that CZ has tried to steal their statements and claim them as her own. CZ has been told by previous WoN Members to stop Plagiarizing. CZ has said that although I gotpermission from the Members themselves to quote what they had said on my Blog according to CZ I am in violation of breaking Her rule. I know this is shocking and I can't believe she would say that in order to justify her false accusations (lies). Another HUGE Red Flag. This is why I told Susy, aka Wonder Woman look out someone is after your silver bracelets and it aint me! CZ believes she owns Everyone's words that are shared on "HER FORUM". CZ you did Notcreate Other People's words, thus you have No Legal, Moral, nor Ethical right to them. You can not own something someone else created.

My quotes and My concepts that I expressed and shared on WoN do Not in ANY way belong to anyone, except Me. And you don't own other WoN Members words either. This is ExtremeGrandious Thinking. STOP trying to claim what rightfully belongs to me, AND what rightfully belongs to others, as your own. I thought you were Smarter & Healthier than that.

This is a Huge Red Flag.

I am completely honored when someone uses My Concepts, Terminology, Slogans, Mottos, Statements, etc. and quotes me. The Kingdom of Narcissism (the KoN) and ALL the others Icame up with belong to ME not CZ. You and everyone else are welcome to continue to use them as they always have been, because the KoN perfectly describes what we all have been though w/these Ns we have each N-countered, but CZ do NOT say or imply in any way that they belong to you.

ANY time I quote from a Friend I ask permission, Liberty and all the rest can testify to that and I pray they will due to their Good Conscience.

Anyone who has decided Due to Recent Events to change their mind about being quoted on my Blog just let me know and I will remove it as soon as I find it, unless you have the link, then you can post it in the Comment Section (there is a Safety Protection on posting the Comments and Comments do NOT get immediately posted) and I will remove your quote. I completely understand if you feel like you now need to change your mind. I have sent emails out to Members who I have their personal email stating the same thing and Not One Person has changed her mind.

I would also appreciate confirmation from those Members who have given me permission to quote them.

Not that I need to explain my actions because MY Voice has ALWAYS been the same, I have notchanged who I am, I have always been who I presented myself to be, and I have not changed, nor revealed anything different, but CZ has and that is WHY she created a Smear Campiagn with one lie after another.

The Facts are what they are, and like I said my Posts & my History at WoN stand on their own.

WoN is a Totally Open Publicly Accessed Forum/Group. A Private Support Group means that there is No Public access what so ever, only open to registered Members, this applies to Cyberspace as well as in person. Anyone can surf on over to WoN and read ALL of the Posts 24/7. I did that for weeks maybe a couple of months before I joined in order to Post. SINCE WoN is Totally Open for Public viewing I did Not violate confidentuality by placing a link on my Blog back to WoN because anyone can view that Thread/Post at any time. PLUS as you see in the link listed above CZ has ALWAYS been AWARE of the links. AND I have posted at WoN how I link back to WoN from my Blog, so for her to TRY to create the Appearance that she was totally unaware of this fact is so VERY Deceptive & Cruel.

Furthermore I have Always linked from WoN to my Blog when I posted at WoN, and it has Neverbeen a problem until NOW.

The other Slandeous Claim is that I multi-linked excessivly. Never been told that before. The Thread I wrote on How to bring the KoN to The End is the ONLY Post were I had more than "a normal amount of links" back to my Blog because it was a SUMMARY of the KoN, thus REQUIRING more links than Normal -- I guess common sense is no longer common even with Forum Creators. I have NEVER been told not to link back until last week, nor have I been told how many links I can have in one post. If it was only one I would have kept it to one. If it were 2 then I would have kept it to 2.

Use your Discernment, as long as you have known me I have ALWAYS spoken w/my Spiritual Christian Voice I am not the one who has SUDDENLY changed.

Remember the Thread, Fear of Being Me. Re-read it (if it is still at WoN) and see how I was ASSURED it was okay to speak in my Voice and be me. I have ALWAYS spoke in my Christian Voice because that is Who I am and I was assured, supported, and encouraged by CZ to notstop. I know it is unpopular to be a Christian on a "Secular Forum" that is suppose to have Recipocated Tolerance.

CZ you are creating the impression that I stole Member's quotes, posted them on my blog w/out getting permission from them. This is slanderous, offensive, and divisive.

My writing speaks for itself. I am accused of not having communication w/Members, and just copy/pasting one reply for another. Look at the Members Post that say I have been Very Helpful to them -- How could I do that if I was not relating with them? I am offened by the False Implications & False Accusations that are being made.

CZ says there is to be no mention of Faith on "HER FORUM", yet, What does She do the Firstchance she gets -- Slams Catholics. What I refer to as Toxic Teasing. Another HUGE Red Flag

How about a Thread on Recipocated Tolerance or Practice What You Preach?

Before you type something ask yourself is this going to offend and hurt someone? I am not a Catholic, the church I attend is Non-Denomination. The covert, snarky attack or slam against Catholics -- Is that HEALING to a Catholic? Was that Compassionate? Shouldn't Healing, Empathy, and Compassion be the focus of a Support Group?

I have Never made light or put down anyone's Religion or lack there of and there are Members on WoN who are Not Christians who have posted that NOTHING I have said constitutes as being offensive. CZ justifies her actions by saying she makes fun of New Age Beliefs -- okay so when did being an Equal Offender become a positive trait for a Person to have, not to mention a Forum Creator or Leader of a Support Group that is suppose to be focused on Healing? What CZ has said about other's Faith is very offensive. I have never put down another Person's Faith, Healing Tools, or anything else.

Another recommendation. Someone start a Thread on What defines being Offensive? Just because you don't like, agree or object to a statement does NOT make it offensive. HOWEVER, doing Toxic Teasing as CZ has done is in Fact VERY offensive and a Forum Creator and Leader should be able to tell the difference between what qualifies as being offensive and what does not. Telling someone that God Loves them, has great plans for them and abuse is not apart of it, is Not offensive as CZ claims, HOWEVER, slamming someone's Faith, and Healing Tools is VERY Offensive which is CZ admits to doing on "HER FORUM".

The Verifiable & Undeniable Facts, not opinions, speak for themselves. Base your decision on FACT Not Opinon. Use critical, unbiased and objective thinking and not unquestionable loyality to CZ, me or anyone other human being. When we do so we turn a Person into a God, and that is a VERY Dangerous thing.

CZ made a hurtful comparison with me to a person possesed by the devil "in order to prove her point" and has no idea why I am offended and she was offended that I would compare her to Danu, aka The N is Sheep's Clothing, YET both of them have Censored & Discriminated againstALL Believers which is at least covert Religious Presecution. Both have used False Accusations (Lies) against me in order to Defame & Assassinate my Character & Reputation. CZ does haveseveral things in common with Danu.

What I have learned from Both CZ and Danu is BEFORE you join a Forum:

(1) When someone says "Secular" they are being Deceptive, because that term impliesTolerance & Equality, but what they really mean is that we accept everyone EXCEPT Believers.

Secular = Censorship & Discrimination for ALL Believers of various Faiths.

HUGE Red Flag

(2) Look for Trained Professionals (those who have Earned their Degrees at an Authentic College) who are experienced and trained to actually run a Support Group. Unprofessional Forum Leaders lack the Ethics & Accountability to resolve any differences in a Respectful & Healthy Manner. Simply put Untrained Professionals lack the tact to Respectfully ask someone to leave their Forum, because protecting their Public Image is more imprortant than doing the Moral & Ethical thing.

HUGE Red Flag

(3) Ask the Forum Creator how many of your Advisors/Leaders have left and for what reasons? Not that they would tell you the Truth, and since there is no way to Fact Check we would have to just take their word. Both CZ and Danu have had their Long-Term Advisors Leave.

HUGE Red Flag

When CZ's Former Long-Term Advisor Eyes-Up left abruptly w/out saying Good Bye that left Forum Members shocked, confused, and hurt. It was NOT like Eye-Up to take off without informing others, especially due to the important role of Advisor she had at WoN & the great impact she had on other's lives. That was not like her at all, yet CZ implied that Eyes-Up did not care about others, because she left w/out saying Good-Bye. I Now have a much better understanding how that happened and I know Eyes-Up is NOT responsible, and she did the right thing given how CZ twists the Truth to protect her own False Public Image. Whether or not CZ is a N each person must decide, but at the very least she is a Counterfeit and NOT who she appears to be to others, and that is based on the combined experiences of others. I now understand why Former WoN Member would just vanish w/out saying a word.

Who in the Word would want to stick around for a overt or covert Smear Campaign? Who wants to get into a Battle of She said vs She said, w/CZ having the Home Court Advantage, because she created the court and others need access to her court to receive validation, confirmation, and healing from her and/or more importantly other Members.

I must say in spirt of what CZ did to me w/her False Accusations, False Allegations & Smear Campaign, Members had the chance to Publicly say how they Disagree with how CZ is portraying me to the rest of the Forum Members and they got to thank me for helping them, so that was definitely worth going through CZ's Smear Campaign & battling all the lies she is saying.

I have presented the Facts for People to make their own assessment about whether or not they want to join WoN, to stay at WoN, or Leave WoN.

For my Personal & Professional Assessment & Recommendation.

I have consulted with my Friends & Collgues who have the Highest degrees possible. They know due to my Personal & Professional History that I am very accurate in presenting the Facts as best as any human can because they know I am accountable to God and I take that EXTREMELY Important. They are not basing their Assessment on my opinions, althougth they trust them, they are basing it SOLEY on Verifiable Facts from what CZ has done to me as well as others. As to making a Formal Dx. without actually talking with CZ we are all in agreement that saying CZ has a Personality Disorder Could be inaccurate. Whether or not she is Damaged or Disordered like Danu, the N is Sheep's Clothing, time will only tell or reveal. At the very least she is a Counterfeit and not who she appears to be. It is unanimous that in CZ's Current Mental & Emotional State; Lack of Insight, Accountability, Integrity, Morals, Ethics, Empathy & Remorse; her Smear Campaign, Deceptive Lies, and Pathological Thinking which has led to an Abuse of Power, Character Defamation, Censorship, Intolerance, Discrimination, Religious Persecution we must conclude at this time CZ is Not fit to run the WoN Forum or Any Support Group. CZ needs some time off from being a Forum Leader and needs to find a great Counselor or Therapist to deal with the areas that still Need healing. Maybe in time, after the assistance of a Trained Professional, and perhaps when the time is right, AFTER CZ's own healing has been Complete, a Trained Professional can advise CZ to take Counseling Classes, build the Professional Skills that are Required and Essential for being a Forum Creator, Leader and/or Advisor. A Trained Professional Must be on the Advisory Board, an active Supervisor, so that the Forum Creator/Leaders/Advisors can be Accountable to the Members they serve and be reminded that the Goal is First & Foremost To Do No Harm -- CZ is Clearly in Violation of this Rule or Oath that we Professionals take Very Seriously & is at the very Corner Stone of what we believe and how we conduct ourselves. Without Strong Personal Integrity & Accountability Damaged & Disordered People such as CZ & Danu become a Serious Danger to Others.

As I have explained in a Post at WoN, when Eyes-Up (a former very active WoN Advisor) left w/out saying Good Bye, that staying in a Peer-based Support Group for an extended amount of time reaches an Optimal Level for either Peers or Leaders (that moment in time varies for each individual) and the extended amount of time over the Optimal Level (which is different for each person) becomes a detriment to Self. Think of it as Too Much of a Good Thing. This is a Reason for Compassion Fatigue. It is also the reason Counselors and Therapists have the Second Highest Burnout, Depression, and at the worst case suicide based on Professions, because their Clients move on they do not. Professionals go through one crisis after another w/their Clients. They are stuck dealing with the same painful, depressing, and devastating issues. I can write a separate Article on this alone. I want to conclude by saying CZ's Assessment to be a Healthy, Safe, & Productive Forum Creator/Leader was not meant to harm her, but to help her gain insight to the harm she is causing others. I know I am not the first to point out these things, so I pray that CZ is not a N and will be able to see how she is hurting others.

The Landlord

Imagine you are looking for a place to rent. What is your First Priority in finding a place to rent? A place that is Safe? A place that is Secure? A place free of ANY Attacks? A place where you are surround by Great Neighbors. How about a Preference to live in a very Diverse Neighborhood where People are not exactly like you, yet respect your Uniqueness as you respect theirs?

You know how very important it is to do your research to find the right place for you, because the very first place you shared with your Parents and your Siblings your Parents burned the place down with you & your Siblings in it, but the kids escaped with 5 degree burns. You decided to get Professional help over the years, but your Siblings believe they can heal on their own without any assistance. You try your best to explain over the years, how due to our very deep wounds we need help, but your Siblings refuse to listen, so you get help on your own. The Professional Help you have received has helped to heal your wounds and you want to share that experience w/your Siblings, so that they to can heal and have a better quality of Life where their wounds do not have a negative impact on their Life, but they deny they have any wounds although they never took the time to get Professional Help and Reality shows that their wounds are still there being a detriment to how they live.

You explain all the benefits to getting Professional Help, you show them, see that same wound that I have in the same area that you have, do you see how it is being healed, and they say they are happy for you, but they deny their wounds. Their wounds are so deep and have gotten infected due to the lack of healing and now their wounds carry a contagious disease. Although you are stronger because your wounds are almost healed, you are still susceptible from catching their diseases. Because you love your Siblings, you try your very best to help them get over their disease, so that they can be strong and their wounds can be free from disease and start healing. There has been a few times where you have caught a common cold from their disease, but you recovered. You know what is like to be Damaged and needing to be healed, so you have empathy and understanding, so much Grace is given when your Deeply Wounded Siblings do or say something to hurt you.

Over the years you also tried to get your Parents help too, so that they will stop burning down homes, but they are Pyromaniacs who enjoy starting fires and burning down homes with People inside. Your Pyromaniac Father said that he had Miraculously Changed due to the Great Counselor's help, he said that the Sister he tied up set on fire & scorched has Forgiven him, so you forgave him too although you had a bad feeling that he was lying and had not changed. He acted as if he was a changed person, kind to others, and others spoke well of him, how he had helped them out with repairs to their own home, so you felt bad for doubting him, I guess I am being crazy and paranoid and there is nothing to fear. Then one day while you are in your home w/your Loving Husband preparing for a 4th of July Celebration Party you get a phone call from your Father's new wife, and she eventually reveals that your Father took his little daughter, tied her up while she was in the bathroom and set the place on fire while she was in it. Your heart broke for the little 4 yr old who suffered 5 degree burns and now has very deep wounds to heal from due to the Pyromaniac Father. He had not changed. He is still a Pryro. And to this day your Mother takes lit candle sticks and goes around burning People for fun, so she too remains to be a Pryo. Your Siblings say she is "not that bad". You know that you are in danger, so you refuse to have any contact with the Pryo Parents.

One last time you ask your Siblings to get Professional Help to get rid of their disease and so their deep wounds can start to heal, but they say they don't need any help when it is painfully evident that they really do. Your contact with them due to their disease jeopardizes your safety and the safety of your Spouse and Child, so as much as it deeply pains you to have no more contact with your Damaged Siblings, you must in order to keep you and your family safe.

Due to the great Professional Help you received, you decide to become a Professional too, and while you are studying to become a doctor you continue to get help to heal your wounds, so that you can become the best doctor you can be. Due to your Childhood and your healing & the skills you have developed as a Professional you want to share them with others. Plus at this time you just recently decided to have no contact w/your Pryro Mom and Damaged Siblings, so you are still healing from that loss.

You look for a place to rent. You have your criteria as mentioned above you want it to be Safe, have great Structure and in a Diverse Neighborhood. The first place you choose to rent appeared Safe, looked like it had great Structure, and was located in a Diverse Neighborhood. So you decide to rent the Space. You create your own Place to Process your Healing Journey and you share it with the Landlord and your Neighbors. Things go very well for a few months. However, it turns out the Landlord was a Pryo and tried to burn the Palace you rented from her down with you in it, so that her and some of her Sick Friends who also helped could see you get burned. You received a second degree burn, it hurt, but you have suffered, endured, and healed from much worse, so you know that this too will heal.

Due to your experience you decide I am not going to rent out that kind of Place again. However, you still have this desire to share what you are going through with the recent no contact with Pryro Mom and Damaged or Diseased Siblings, and there is so much you have learned on your Healing Journey that you would like to share with others, so you look for another Space to rent. Eventually you find another Place that appears Safe, great structure, and in a Diverse Neighborhood that looks like it is filled with very loving & supporting People. You do have fear about committing to renting Space again due to what happened not so long ago, so you watch the Neighborhood for awhile to see how they treat each other. Everything looks really good due to how they are compassionate towards one another, so although you still have some fear you venture forward to rent the Space that is available.

As you move into the New Place you tell the Landlord and those living in the Neighborhood that you are a Gardener and you love to plant things and watch them grow. You ask the Landlord and your Neighbors, Are Gardeners accepted here? These are the things I enjoy planting, so does anyone have a problem with what I choose to plant? I was told that although the Neighborhood was diverse, Some are also Gardeners and plant what you like planting, some are other types of Gardeners and choose to plant other things, and although some hate to Garden your choice to be a Gardener and to plant is respected here. Be prepared that some People will not like what you plant. I understood that and rented the Space out in the Safe Diverse Neighborhood. Things were going great for over a year. Some Neighbors enjoyed watching me Plant and I shared what grew from my Garden with them. Some accepted what I had to offer and some refused, and that was okay to me, because that is their choice not to like what I have to offer. Things had been going great, then about a month ago, I had Fear about being a Gardener, and maybe my Neighbors would complain to the Landlord and ask me to leave, or the Landlord herself would ask me to leave. I thought I was being paranoid, because I had been gardening the same way for over a year and no one had told me to stop gardening and others told me they enjoyed my gardening, and being a different type of Gardener that they haven't met before. Some told me that they once did not want to be Gardeners anymore, but saw my love for Gardening that they are thinking about becoming Gardeners too. Still the Neighborhood was diverse and I knew there were people who did not like Gardeners.

To make things clear, I posted a Public Letter to the Landlord and Neighbors saying I had Fear of being Me, but the Landlord assured me, along with other Neighbors that it is still Safe to Garden, nothing to fear, there is nothing that I planted that was offensive, or harmful to others. Sure some People did not like Gardeners, or what they planted, but that is their choice to not be Gardeners, and they could avoid coming over to my Place, and they could ignore how I & others enjoy Gardening. Recently the Landlord tells me and others in the Neighborhood, although I have been Gardening for over a year, others Gardeners have been gardening longer than that, some less then that, never the less the Landlord is NOW making it Illegal to Garden.

The Landlord sends me Two Private Letters. I have given her permission to make them public, so that People can see for themselves the FALSE ACCUSATIONS & CHARACTER ASSASSINATION from the Landlord. I have nothing to hide. But the Landlord only made her first letter public to the People. In these emails the Landlord claims my Garden that is at my own Home (my Blog), (NOT the place I am renting from her in her Neighborhood) is "in violation". She claims that even though I got some seeds from other Neighbors in HER NEIGHBORHOOD (some Gardeners and some are not) and I planted their seeds with Their Permission in MY Home Garden (Blog), the Landlord says, the seeds that Others gave me belong to her and I am in violation and need to pull all of the plants that grew from the seeds of others out of the my Home Garden (Blog). I pointed out to the Landlord that the seeds my Friends gave me in your Neighborhood are NOT owned by you, but my Friends. This angered the Landlord, because I refuse to remove the plants from the seeds that others have given to me to use in my own Garden in MY own home (Blog).

The Landlord offers a Solution, you can continue to rent Space in "HER" Neighborhood that she created and runs, but from here on out you must STOP being a Gardener, and the Landlord will instruct me on how to build my own Neighborhood (Forum) where People will be allowed to Garden freely without offending anyone by being a Gardner and planting things and sharing with others what grows from our Garden. I tell the Landlord that I would love to create a Safe and Diverse Neighborhood, or even a Neighborhood only for Gardners, so they have a place to plant, but I don't have the skills, time, and right now I don't have the desire to become a LandLord. And most important, I Believe in a Diverse Community Not Segregation. Segregation is NOT a Solution. The Landlord's Solution is about Intolerance, Discrimination & Segregation towards ALL Gardeners (aka Believers).

The Landlord believes that her Solution was kind and helpful, but I don't see it that way due to her False Accusations that I am in violation because others gave me their seeds from their own Garden to plant at my OWN Home Garden (Blog) that I built before I even rented out the Space in the Landlord's Neighborhood. Others gave me their Permission to share their Wisdom on my Blog, yet the Landlord believes that she owns their wisdom and can tell me to remove their quotes from my Blog. The Landlord's true identity is one of a Slave Master. It is Extremely Pathological & Dangerous. The Landlord does Not own what other People say, and their wisdom, their quotes belong to them, not the Landlord or Slave Master, even if others choose to share their wisdom on the Landlord's (Slave Master's) internet property, she does Not own what they say, and can Not control others by saying who they can and can not share their wisdom, insight, advice, and experiences with.

The Landlord says that I am also in violation and hurting others by making contact from my own Home Garden (my Blog) to the Place I rent from the Landlord in her own Neighborhood (Forum). These are the links from my Blog to her Totally Open Publicly Accessed Forum. The Landlord says I am in violation and never admits to knowing about the links from my Blog to her Forum, although there is PUBLIC PROOF that she knew and was FULLY aware and supported that connection DUE TO HER COMMENT she posted on my Home Garden (Blog). To read her own Comments and see that she was fully aware that I was linking to WoN, Click Here. Plus she has been a Follower of my Blog. And I found another Article/Post that I have on my Blog that links back to WoN and proves CZ was Fully Aware, Click Here.

What she should have done was simply said, I have changed my mind and I don't want you to have the links from your Blog to "HER Forum". She has the right to change her mind. But to say I am in violation when she was FULLY Aware and Supportive is a Cruel Lie. In addition, by LAW not the Landlords own rules, but the ACTUAL LAW says I am NOT in violation and I broke no confidentiality which is a Slanderous & False Claim from the Landlord.

The Landlord lacks Accountability & Responsibility in this issue. If she wants to deny Public Access, she has the skills to quickly turn her Totally Open Publicly Accessible Forum into a Gaited Locked Closed Community where only Members w/a password can access the Neighborhood. Although I did Nothing wrong, and am NOT in any violation of the ACTUAL LAW, since the Landlord lacks accountability, honor, integrity, empathy & remorse (based on my experience & other Members), and has changed her Neighborhood to a place of Censorship, Intolerance & Discrimination, I will be deleting all contact from my Blog to her Forum.

All she had to do was Respectfully ask me to not have links on my Blog to "HER FORUM", as she puts it, and NOT do a Character Assassination of False Accusations. She has the right to change her mind about not wanting anymore connection from my Blog to her Totally Open Publicly Accessible Forum, just be ACCOUNTABLE & RESPONSIBLE for changing her mind and STOP Victim Blaming to deflect from the Landlord changing her mind and just say so, and out of respect for the Landlord and for the Friends at her Forum in her Neighborhood I would have no problem doing that. All the Landlord had to do was RESPECTFULLY ask to make some changes, and NOT MAKE FALSE ACCUSATIONS which is a deceptive attempt at CHARACTER DEFAMATION & ASSASSINATION and anyone would have a problem with that.

The Landlord says I make too many links from my Posts in "HER FORUM" to my Blog, and again I am "in violation". Again, like the previous False Accusation, she has NEVER pointed that out to me. Never told me just how many links we can & can not make in a Post, MOST IMPORTANTLY she was Fully Aware, Supported, & Encouraged me to make links in my post on "HER FORUM". All the honest Members on her Forum can confirm that I have Always done that and it was NEVER a problem before. The Landlord says I am in "violation of promoting my Blog" on "HER FORUM". Again, this is Additional Deceptive Attempts at CHARACTER ASSASSINATION. Those who know me and know my Character know that the ACCUSATION of Blog Promotion or Self-Promotion is COMPLETELY FALSE. People who know me know that I COULDN'T CARELESS about Self-Promotion, and all the negative connotations that comes with that Lie. It has ALWAYS been about sharing my Journey with others to maybe in some way help bring insight to their situation and help them heal from the KoN.

Those who know me know that if I am guilty of anything it is NOT having strong enough Self-Care, feelings of being Lesser-Than, not Good Enough, and putting Other's Interest well Above my own. My Professional Colleagues can testify that I took some time off from being a Professional Counselor, because I did not feel I could perform my job at my optimal level. I take Helping others EXTREMELY important, especially in the areas of Healing. My Colleagues have said I have been too hard on myself and no one is at their very best all the time. They recommended that I NOT take the time off or at least not as long as I have done. I have been Blogging my Journey since the end of the Summer of 2009, and it was only until this January 2011 that I saw the Stats button and was interested to find out what that was about and was Totally surprised at how many People visit my Blog each Month. I have Never cared about my own Stats, only processing my Journey and sharing it with others.

The Landlord made a comparison to me that lacked, insight, respect, and empathy by comparing me to the worst thing she could think of which was a Satanic Person. I said that being a Christian is not something I believe in, but who I am (thus I can not remain in a place that Now believes in Censorship). The Landlord is saying being a Christian is offensive to others like a Satanic Person. And if she continues to allow me to not be Censored and be me, then she has to agree to do the same for the Satanic Person because they believe "the Devil is their advocate. The devil is 'who they are' and they found their voice because of the devil." She did that "to prove her point" to show how others could be offended and hurt by another person for "just being who they are", because I explained being a Christian is who I am, and that fact use to be supported & encouraged by the Landlord. The Landlord feels that she made a logical & accurate comparison & by "hurting me to prove her point", the End justifies the Means. It justifies the Landlord being Mean.

These are only words right. Why am I hurt by just words? Because the Landlord, someone who I once thought was a Safe Person & who I thought respected & cared about me would Not hurt me "just to prove a point". I thought she had Empathy & was a Wise Person who knew how to communicate well with others. It is painfully clear that none of that is true, because the Landlord is not dumb, she could have made an equal comparison by using a Different Believer or even a Non-Believer who is very different (some would say complete opposite in regards to a Spiritual Perspective). The Landlord knowingly hurt me to prove her point, but she did NOT prove her point at all. Her comparison is illogical, disproportionate, and hurtful not because of who she compared me to, because I know there is No Validity in her statement due to the fact that I am NOT a harmful Person with the intent to hurt, so the comparison in and of its self did not hurt only that the Landlord who I once trusted did that to purposely hurt me to "prove her point".

To my Friends & Neighbors who still rent out space in the Landlord's Neighborhood, please use Critical Thinking & Discernment in this matter regarding the Landlord and I and Not Unquestionable loyalty to the Landlord. Please dare to ask yourself, Whose Behavior has Changed Recently and Whose has remained the same? If the Landlord was any other person, a fellow Neighbor, Would her behavior & treatment towards me be Appropriate or Respectable?

All the Landlord had to do was show compassion, or at the very least respect, have ownership of Changing HER mind about said mentioned things and KINDLY point out how these are the Changes she would like me to do and NOT FALSELY ACCUSE ME OF BEING IN VIOLATION which is an attempt at CHARACTER ASSASSINATION and is a Smear Campaign.

If the Landlord treated You this very same way, How would YOU feel? The Landlord is only a Person. She can be kind, compassionate, supportive, etc., but when she has done something Clearly Wrong it is harmful to her Mental Health to have Zero Accountability and allow a Smear Campaign and Victim Blaming whether be overt or covert to continue at "HER FORUM".

I am not a Perfect Person and only one Member at the Landlord's Forum said I had offended her and no one else has ever told me & in fact other Members said that I am NOT offensive, and I have publicly as well as privately checked with other Members. This Member publicly explained how she was offended. And I publicly took ownership, because I did make a mistake, and the Member had such Great Integrity and Accountability that she Publicly stated she had "Over Reacted" about me offending. I did No Personal Attack, or anything that would be considered abusive. Still I did make a small mistake and I was VERY sorry for hurting her. Those who truly know me know that I have "ENORMOUS Empathy" and deep concern for others, and it pains me greatly if I hurt others even in a small way. My mistake was due to human error, not personally attacking someone w/vicious lies like the Landlord as done.

I am asking that Members do NOT have unquestionable & blind loyalty to the Landlord in this matter, or any other matter that may arise in "HER FORUM", because that is not mentally healthy for her and detrimental at the very least and potentially VERY harmful and dangerous for You as well as others, if left unchecked. She is the Landlord and she does very helpful things, but she Also Harms, and right now has shown No Regret & No Remorse after I both privately & publicly informed her that what she has done is hurtful. I would rather have No Apology than a Counterfeit one. Although the Landlord can help with your healing, she is Not The Lord, only a Landlord and does not deserve your Unquestionable Loyality where she can go on thinking that she has done nothing wrong to me, or anyone else. No human being, no matter how kind in the past deserves Unquestionable Loyality after they have hurt someone. Unfortunately this is not an isolated situation. Just like with the other Landlord, Danu, in time, more People will come forward to share what this Landlord, CZ, as done to hurt others.

A Leader who is currently having a problem with Introspection, Accountability, Responsibility, Morals, Ethics, Honor, Integrity, Sensitivity, Compassion, Empathy, & Remorse is a Serious Issue -- especially in a Support Group where her focus should be on helping not hurting others "to prove her point". It is one thing to treat People with Respect & Empathy when you get along with them & they think exactly the way you do, but a True Test of one's Character and Leadership skills & ability is to have Respect & Empathy for those you disagree with and don't see eye to eye all the time.

Due to HOW I was treated by the Landlord it is understandable that, although I value the Members at WoN and all the support they have given me, the great support they can offer others, and the Landlord's great help she has given me in the past, I can no longer be a Member at WoN, nor in Good Conscience can I continue to recommend it as a Safe Place to be due to the CHARACTER ASSASSINATION & the Landlord's current Lack of Accountability believing she has done nothing wrong to hurt me & others, and has yet to apologize and she has had PLENTY of time to reflect back upon HOW she has treated me & others.

I did not respond at my best when the Landlord started her CHARACTER ASSASSINATION, I am sorry for that, due to the explained situation those who have Empathy will understand and Forgive.

Up and until the recent attacks from the Landlord, I enjoyed my time at WoN & the Fantastic Women I met there. My hopes & prayers for All my Former Neighbors & Friends to have Complete Healing from the KoN, have the Fulness of Life, Inner Peace, Joy, Passion, Purpose, and be Greatly Blessed.

Love,

Letting Go

The Gift of Discernment

This Post was inspired by my Friends at WON and all the People who battle their way out of the KoN, heal from the KoN, discover we are a Person of Worth, that our Life has value, and that we deserve better than what any N can dish out.

The first step is to identify and accept the N's actions are toxic, harmful, dangereous, and eventually we realize that they are evil. Was this hurtful event a one time occurance, or is it a repeat pattern or habit? Has it happened more than once? If it has happened more than once, there is a lack of Empathy. If someone Truly cared about us, then would not reoffend, because they highly value us & the Relationship with us and the N would not want to hurt or destroy and lose the Relationship, the N would not want to lose us. Does the N treat others better? Does the N attack his/her Boss or Co-workers, Friends, Neigbors, other Family Members the way s/he attacks me? Why not? The N has complete awareness & control of who s/he attacks. The N's attacks are Victim Specific. For more about that, Click Here. When we are in a Toxic Relationship there are many things to discover. Some have to do with the N, but other things have to do with us. The greatest one for me was the Fear of Finding the Truth vs the Comfort of staying in Denial about the N and our Toxic Relationship. I spent the last 20 years Despirately Dancing with the Disordered. Do you feel like Alice in Wonderland who is looking into the Rabbit Hole, wondering whether or not you should venture in and hesistant, reluctant, or even a bit fearful of what you might find? Do you have internal conflict between staying where you are or venturing forward & wanting to find out more, yet you are worried about what you might find? Still there is this desire to find out more. If this is you I say Jump Alice Jump! Perhaps you are feeling more like Neo from the Movie, The Mattrix, you have just became aware that things don't seem to be what they appear, something is wrong, something is unsettling, something is off, but you are not quite sure what it is and why your relationship is not enjoyable, not working out, there is conflict & choas, mistrust, lack of Security & Peace, yet there are times were things are Good and you are Happy, so there is confusion. Is this a Healthy or Toxic Relationship, Good or Bad Relationship? Which is it? How do I decide? How do I know which choice to make? This is what I referred to as My Mattrix Moment, Click Here. You do not have to make a final decision right now. I would recommend keeping a Journal to record the AHA & WOW Moments, and any Revelationships you have about the N, yourself, and your Relationship. A Huge Giant I Battled along my Journey was Cognitive Dissonance, just a psychology term for Confusion due to two competing ideas, basically is the N Toxic or Not. And if the N is Toxic can the N be helped and Change and be come Healthy?

The two questions to ask, Is the N Healthy or Toxic to me? It does not matter if others think the N is a Good Person, maybe the N is Good to them, that is possible. Is the N Healthy or Toxic to you and/or your Children if you have any? Maybe the N is not harmful to you as much as someone you love, your Children, your Siblings, or your Parent, or your Friend. Then you must ask yourself, is witnessing the N hurt others Toxic to me?

Have you ever wondered, How are these hurtful & evil actions created? It comes from an toxic, twisted, pathological, evil Mind & Heart. What we think & feel we do. Being mean, hurtful, and evil makes Ns feel good. I know this sounds like Science Fiction, and this can't possibly be True. Check out:

Why Do They Hurt People?

Why Do They Keep Attacking & Hurting People?

Is your N a Mass Murderer or Serial Murderer? Well not in the Physical Sense, but definately in the Spiritual Sense. These Ns are Mass Serial Soul Murderers. What is the Penalty of a Soul Murder? What is the punishment for the N or P who damages or destroys their Victim's Quality of Life? What punishment do they get for destroying the person their Victims were created to be? Our Society has no punishment for these crimes. They get away with a Soul Murder. Even if a N or P serves time, it does not make up for what they have done to their Victims. They can not replace of give back what was stolen or destroyed. They can not heal the damage they caused, but God can. God can heal us through Trained Professionals, Friends, and most importantly through a personal relationship w/Jesus. Complete Healing can take place where only the henious memory of what the Ns or Ps have done remain. And these Memories no longer have the devasting power to haunt us. The pain of the past can become our BackStory. It does not define who we areToday.

Many People wonder if Ns and Ps are really truely Evil? I guess that depends on how you personally define Evil. What or Who are you comparing the N you N-countered to? Are you comparing the N against the worst Evil Being you ever heard of and then the N is "not at all that bad" or are you comparing the N to the Best Person you know and in that comparison the N is Harmful, Dangerous, Horrible & Evil. We can not compare Evil to Evil, because then we can easily come to the Wrong Conclusion, that "the N is not all that bad". We have to remind ourselves that we were created to have the Fulness of Life and even an Abundant Life filled with Joy, Hope, Peace, Passion, Safty, Security, etc and we are not to settle for anything else that would contaminate, damage, or destroy our Quality of Life. It is only when we begin to value Life and value our Life that anyone who seeks out to contaminate, damage or destroy it is a person who can be identified as Evil as an Enemy to our Self. My Quality of Life is directly related to how well I can identity Healthy vs Toxic, Helpful vs. Harmful, Normal vs. Narcissistic and Good vs Evil. Again it is how we establish what is Toxic, Harmul, Dangeous, and Evil, by what Standard we have of Heathly, Helpful, and Good. If you were born and raised in a KoN whether it was as severe as the one I was in or "not that bad" and People hurt you without lifting a finger, but the result in both KoN is that we grew up to be People who did not know our Value and Worth and therefore we settled, because we didn't realize there was Better or that we didn't deserve Better. Part of our Journey then included educating ourselves about Toxic & Counterfeit Love vs Healthy & Authentic Love. How do you know which kind you have in your Relationship? Here is some information to check out;

Counterfeit Love vs. Authentic Love

Exposing the Narcissist (humorous & helpful videos)

Poisonous People & Zombie Relationships

The Relationship Red Flags & Deal Breakers

How to a Narcissistic Vampire

When we lower our Standard, then we get hurt, and we wonder why we keepgetting hurt? The Truth is our Standards are too Low. We settle. We compromise. And we pay the price. We compare the N to greater Evil, perhaps an Evil we grew up with, or one that we heard of and our thought processes go as followed; the N is (Not Nearly) that bad, (Not at All) that bad, the N is Good in comparison (to something worse), and I have something real good with the N (again compared to the Person that is much worse) . Do you see how our own Mind can deceive us andturn something Bad into something Good? We have come to the Wrong Conclusion about the N. Another Reason this Deception occurs is because we Belive the N is a Normal Person, and a Popular Social Cocept or Precept that we are taught is that Normal People are neither Good nor Bad. That we can not classify People into two Cateogories, we can not be Judgemental, and since we are not Perfect we have no right to identify someone as Good or Bad, which deters and even prevent us from discerning or determining whether or not someone is Healthy or Toxic. If we dear show any discernment we are told we are Hypocrits because we are not Perfect and we are being Judgemental. It is just not Politically Correct anymore to have discernment. I can understand how Society can send the Wrong Message to People, but what use to shock me and still deeply concerns me is how the Christians believe this as well when it goes against everything GOD teaches us.

This happened to me just last week. I was talking about how I am in the Process of trying to determine whether or not my Nsis #2 is Damaged or Disordered and whether or not there is Hope to Build a Bridge of Reconcilation. Does she have the desire or materials to build her side. I had spent all of 2 minutes to try explain a 20 year process of discernment and a fellow Chrisitan had said, he had concern that I was making a snap discission like he use to do and judging people and puting them in a box like he use to do. In the process of explaining the difference between what he was doing by making snap decissions and the process of discernment that I was going through for the last 20 years, another Christian berptly interrupted me and she said, that is the same thing, you are judging (implying I am judgemental and not being a Good Christian). Interesting that they would snap to judgment and accuse me of judging when in fact that is EXACTLY what they did to me. Had they took the time to listen they may have realized that my circumstance that has been going on for the past 20 years is not the same as their judgmental situation and "snapping to a conclusion" about someone. Needless to say this created a great divide and I will see if we can build a bridge through understanding & enlightenment or not. If not, I am not sticking around to be further judged by them for having discernment, because that is what GOD teaches us. Christ actually came to bring Separation between the Healthy vs. Toxic People. Are we suppose to have Discernment? Here are some things to check out. I am betting that might surprise you;

Christ Brings Division -- WOW!

Are They Good or Bad?

They Get Worse Not Better With Time

By Their Fruits You Will Know Them

In order to have Healthy & Accurate Discernment we must be aware How we are comparing Situations, Relationships, a Person's Behavior & core Personality or Nature, aka Their True Identity. It is a Mind Manipulation that the Advertising World uses to give more value to something than it is actually worth. For example, if they want to sell a product, lets call that item Product (N) and make it stand out in a Good Way from the other choices, then they take the Product (N) and set it withLesser Quality Products, let's call those Lesser Quality Items Products (D-) and (F) making their Product (N) look real good by comparison, their item takes on a positive value (N+). However, if we take that very same Product (N) and have other Superior Quality Products around it, let's call those Superior Quality Items Products (A) and (B+) making their Product (N-) look real bad by comparison, then the costumer will not select the Product (N-) and see thatsame Product (N) as Inferior to the rest. The Customer will reject the inferior, Product (N) when s/he can see other superior choices (A) and (B+) available or at least exsist. Same Product (N) it doesn't change only what wecompare it to changes the Value of the product in our eyes. Discernment is effected by Association. What is the Quality of our Association. Basically what is the Percentage of Quality People we associate or interact with? Are there more (A) and (B+) or (D-) and (F) People. If you are in the Relationship with a N and your Friends have Ns and D- and F People that the N doesn't seem "As Bad" and seems "Real Good" in comparison. However, if you and N start hanging out with A and B+ People N True Quality & Value is revealed. Of course it all depends upon how you define an A Person. For me it is very basic, Where there is Love there is no abuse and Where there is Abuse there is No Love. A People are Abuse Free People, They can Recipocate Amazing Love, because they have empathy. They are not Perfect People, they make Normal Mistakes, do not cause abuse, and when they make mistakes & error they have Remorse and they don't do that again. They have changed behavior, they are repentant, because their desire is to love not hurt you.

Another example, you and your Siblings are at the reading of your Parent's Last Will and Testiment. All your life you have dreamt about taking a Cruise to your favorite destination, mine would be Hawaii or Italy, but I am not picky, if someone wants to gift me with a Trip, I will enjoy wherever it may be. So imagine, in the Will your Parent knows just how much you have wanted to go to your very favorite destination, let's say Hawaii, and leaves you with funds to fulfill this dream. How awesome is that right! Then you find out that your Sibling was been left his/her Private Island -- now your Trip to Hawaii fails in comparison. This is the reason People why some Nparents will put in their Will that Recipients are informed of what they are given separately. A trip to Hawaii has great value, but when you know that you could have had something more, and should have had something more, and deserved to have something more, what you have you no longer want.

It is how we attribute Value to something. People are not Products. We each have Intrinsic Value. The thing is the N Value is Harmful, Toxic, and Terrible, thus by their True Nature their Value is Nullified, Worth Nothing. This is the Reason why Ns Project. The N Projects his/her Nullified Value onto us, so that we think we have No Value and are Worthless, so that we appreciate the N when it is really that the N is Lesser-Than. The N's KoN gets its power from a Two-Way Projection. The N Projects his/her inferior qualities onto us, and we project our good & great qualities onto the N. The KoN is about Displaced Value & Worth. Check out how Life in the KoN is about a Two-Way Projection.

When we take the N and compare him/her to Loving, Trustworthy, Safe, Honorable, Kind, Empathetic, Healthy, Good People we see the N's true value, just how Harmful, Bad and Evil the N really is stands out. Again our Discernment is based on how we Compare and Contrast the N to others. The Greater the Contrast is achieve by the Quality of People you compare the N to. When the N is with other inferior quality the N either blends in or seems Good in comparison, and we come to the Wrong Conclusion about the N. It is about achieving the Accurate Perspective of the N. People from the KoN say, I never knew HOW bad the N was until I left. It wasn't until we started comparing the N to the Best of what we have Experienced that we realized that the N is the Worst, or at least one of the Worst we have ever personally experienced. It is only when we compare the N to the Best can we discover they are the Worst. Until then we deceive ourselves into thinking, "the N is not that Bad", and is Good, when the N is Terrible and Horrible enough whether or not the N is the Worst, or one of the Worst, or part of the Worst and hanging out on the Worst Team.

The Momster, the Demon Dad, or the Monster who attacked me when I was a Child, They may not be the Worst Ever in the World, but they are Worst Enough, they are Toxic Enough, and they are Evil Enough for me not to want to have anything to do with them. They are the Worst I ever experienced and I deserve better. I do not have to settle for someone from the Worst Team when I havemany to choose from the Best Team. The Best is not Perfect, because that is impossible, the Best is the Best Humans can be.

Who are you selecting your Friends from, your Spouse from or Family Members from -- Are you picking the Best from the Worst or the Best from the Best? Maybe you don't think it can get any Better, or you can not get any better, because you grew up with the Worst, and this is the Best that there is, or the Best you can find, or the Best that is available to you, because you think you don't qualify or that you don't deserve any Better, so you settle for one of the Worst, I have been there and felt that same way. I have felt like the Best Selection, or at least one of the Best from the Best Team in Life is only a Fairy Tale, or for the very Lucky who have won the Lotto of Life, but I was wrong. All it takes is (1) educating Self about the Best Qualities (2) training Self to select from the Best instead of the Worst.

Ns are Deceivers and pretend to be the Best, so as soon as they take off their Letterman jacket, that they stole from the Best Team, and reveal the real team that they are playing for, we got to kick them off our Team and tell them to go hang out w/their own kind. We have got to tell the Ns to go back to the Worst Team, because they don't have what it takes to be on the Best Team, the Healthy and Loving Team. This is a Life-Long Process of selecting the Best from the Best. We have to change us not the N, in that we have to change our Selection Process.

We have to change our Game Plan our Patterns and Stop saying "the N is not thatBad" and Realize that the N is Not any Good, or how about Not Good Enough. Even the "Good" things the N does is Bad because s/he does them with the Wrong Intentions & has a Hidden Agenda to manipulate and control by doing PerceivableGood Things. If we had a Healthy Standard to compare the N to we would discover the N does not have what it takes to be on the Best Team. That is what the N does not want us to do, so the N spends all his/her energy making sure we don't feel Good Enough. If we feel that we are not Good Enough, that we don't measure up, then we feel like we have something to prove to be accepted, to be Good Enough and we don't realize that it is Not us that does not qualify, but the N. That is the agenda of the N's KoN when the Truth is The N is Not Good Enough, and in many cases is not Good at all.

When we read Self-Help Books that ask us Am I Good Enough, or Will I Ever Be Good Enough I understand it is helpful to see it from the N's point of view that No we will never be Good Enough for the N, but that thought process is from a person who is stuck in Reactive Mode, the pattern we get into from being in the KoN. We need to become Proactive and ask, Will the N Ever Be Good Enough and much more important, Is the N Good Enough right now, AS IS, because w/Ns the odds are they are going to get worse not better with time, and they are not going to ever Change and ever be Good Enough, because they have No Desire to be what they are not and they deeply despise anyone who tries to help them become what they do not want to become -- which is a Truly Loving Person. Ns don't value Truly Loving People, because they know that by being a N they can use and abuse Loving People. They love the control, power, and manipulation over others too much to give that up and really be an Authentic Loving Person -- they might be able to put on a believeable Act for awhile, but they can not sustain it. Being Good comes Natural to Naturally Good People. It is not something that has to be forced upon us, we just do it. Sure not always perfect, but we desire to be Helpful where Ns desire to be harmful by using and abusing others. Ns are like Toxic Fruit, no matter how hard you try to get those deadly pesticides off, some harmful residue still remains.

The question is not are Ns Harmful, Dangerous, Toxic or Evil the question is, Are they Harmful, Dangerous, Toxic or Evil enough for You? My Nsisters do not see the Momster as Evil, and they do not think she would actually murder a person. To them their defintion of real Evil is limited to a Parent burring his/her Child in the backyard or killing you and dumping you in the ocean or the dumpster. To them the Momster has to actually try or succeed in killing them. As long as the Momster bakes them a Birthday cake she is not evil -- even if she uses rotten eggs. For a interesting illustration go to, They can dish it out, but wont take it.

My Journey of Self Discovery led me to understand that Discernment is a Gift. I am a Discerning Person and because I know who I am which is a Woman of Worth who has intrinsic value and power to cast down any all projected lies that tell me I am Lesser-Than or I am Judgmental because I dare to protect myself from the use and abuse of Ns. Having Discernment is a Great Gift from GOD do not let Ns tell you otherwise. Ns are Worse than Spoiled Rotten Children and they want us to devalue & discard our Gift of Discernment. Do not let them do that to you.

When trying to discover the Momster's True Nature or any N's True Nature I had to research two questions.

(1) Is the N Toxic Enough for me? And (2) Is the N Healthy/Good Enough for me?

The answer as you know if you have read my Blog is No and that is why the Momster is no longer in my Life. This August will be Two Years of NC and I have not regret my decision once. Do I want a Mom? Yes. Do I want that Toxic one? No.

Only you can decide the True Nature of the N in your Life and whether or not the N is Too Toxic and you need to have No Contact or Less Toxic and Low Contact, Highly Toxic and you need to have a Hallmark Relationship.

I wish you Peace and Happiness on your Journey and in Life. May the Fulness & Abundance of Life be yours.

Love,

Letting Go